My horoscope today from Daily Om . . . as usual, on target . . .
"You may feel emotionally unsettled today, which could cause you to struggle with feelings of frustration and instability. You may find it helpful to spend some time alone, working through your feelings and adopting a more balanced state of mind. Simply find a quiet place to be alone and get into a relaxed state. Release all worries and doubts, and focus on the calm serenity of your spiritual center. Once you feel calmer, you can begin to explore your emotions and determine what caused you to feel unbalanced today. You can then choose to embrace positive thoughts and keep the feelings of peace strong in your heart, which will result in more balance and stability with your emotions.
We can lend a greater sense of balance and harmony to our lives by choosing to keep our thoughts positive and our emotions calm. Our emotions have the ability to affect our state of mind, which has an effect on every aspect of our lives. By choosing to consciously embrace more positive thoughts, we will feel empowered about working through any emotional upsets that may plague us. This helps us create a more balanced mind-set and an optimistic outlook, which will lend positive energy to our emotional state and create more harmony in every situation. We can then face any obstacles or upsets with a serene, stable focus and reduce the likelihood of becoming unbalanced again. By working through your emotions and embracing a harmonious state of mind today, you will automatically create more peace and stability in your life."
As I sat outside this morning, trying to find that quiet place and relaxed state of mind, it occurred to me that I have simply lost my patience.
It has been almost a year since we were displaced from our home by Hurricane Irma and sometimes it is difficult to find even a glimmer of optimistic feelings. One obstacle after another can wear the most positive person down.
I'm seriously homesick, just want to go home and put this awful phase of my life behind me.
The idea of patience being wisdom in waiting has totally escaped me and I need it back. The advise of this morning's horoscope is awesome, but it really feels like a harmonious state of mind is an impossible dream at the moment.
My goal for today is to make an honest attempt to follow the advise and come up with the plan to do it. I just had to put my feelings in writing today.
This too shall pass . . . I know it will.
It has been a while, but I recall writing about my frying pan moments.
When we experience loss in our lives, what is left are memories. Sometimes an object with no monetary value holds a precious memory of a moment in time.
"I don't want to move a thing . . . it might change my memory . . . " lyrics from the song Here With Me by Dido has been haunting me the past few weeks.
Since Hurricane Irma dropped a tree on our house back in September of last year, I have not been back home. The house is being repaired and the amount of time it is taking has been quite annoying, but the house will be ready sometime soon. It was such a happy house with so many wonderful memories.
I'm so scared that my memories have changed . . . I really don't know. I wonder how it will affect me if I can't feel those happy memories anymore in the newly repaired house.
There have been times since JR passed away that are perfectly depicted with those lyrics. There were things that I didn't move for a really long time. Some things were never moved. They are just things many will say until that time presents itself in their lives and then they will understand the importance of changing memories.
Moments in time are so precious and some stay with us our whole life. Those things associated with that time are so very special. You can pick it up, touch it, feel the memory . . . relive it and for a moment, you were there again.
JR and I loved going to the flea market on the weekends. Those silly little trinkets that we picked up, such as kitchen items like a glass dip bowl that take me back to that moment in time when it was purchased. I could pick up that bowl and it would give me the exact moment when I first picked it up and it takes me back. I could even recall the smell that musty little shop where it was purchased.
You may think what I am describing is a bit dramatic, but when that little bowl was dropped, I was devastated. The magic and memories of that moment in time will never be the same. It is difficult to explain!
Today I am talking about a whole house. That tree which caused so much destruction had so much to do with why we fell in love with that house to begin with. The huge oak tree is now gone, large pieces of it taken off the house and what was left of it was cut down to the ground and taken away like trash. It will never be here with me again, just like JR never will be here with me. And that is just one thing . . .
Grief can really twist us inside out with the emotions it takes us through!
The time is near for me to return to clean up the inside mess and once again make it a home and I am scared to death . . .
Where do I direct these frying pan moments? I haven't figured that one out yet and it takes me to some strange places in my mind. This too shall pass . . .
