Things don't go wrong and
break your heart so you
can become bitter and give up.
They happen to break you down
and build you up so you can be
all that you were intended to be.
(Charles "Tremendous" Jones)
I guess this means that I'm going through
another time of building my character!
In times of uncomfortable life challenges, I always try to remember that there are so many others in this world who wish they could trade places with me. This week marked the anniversary of Sandy, the super storm, and the news media was taking a look back at her victims and where they are today. Many have not finished rebuilding and others lost everything. Imagine, a year later!
My sweetie is teaching me about perspective and how the way one perceives a situation can change the way you feel about it and get through it with less anxiety. There is hope for me after all . . .
break your heart so you
can become bitter and give up.
They happen to break you down
and build you up so you can be
all that you were intended to be.
(Charles "Tremendous" Jones)
I guess this means that I'm going through
another time of building my character!
In times of uncomfortable life challenges, I always try to remember that there are so many others in this world who wish they could trade places with me. This week marked the anniversary of Sandy, the super storm, and the news media was taking a look back at her victims and where they are today. Many have not finished rebuilding and others lost everything. Imagine, a year later!
My sweetie is teaching me about perspective and how the way one perceives a situation can change the way you feel about it and get through it with less anxiety. There is hope for me after all . . .
Comments from my original Yahoo 360 entry
(33 total)I hope you can work through your fears and loneliness. Therapy and medication can help but it sometimes takes a while to find the therapist and medication that is right for you.
I'm glad we can be here for you. Hugs.
And you obviously have many wonderful friends here to help you move forward now.
my prayers are with you
I also wanted to let you guys know how much I appreciate you and what your friendship means to me. I'm no longer lonely . . . thank you!!
My Dad died 23 years ago and my Mom still talks sometimes of how things changed for her socially and how she had to get used to her new status as a widow and "re-invent" herself in thst role so to speak. I think what you are dealing with is a very normal part of what has happened to you and agrophobia is a strong word. I think is about coming to terms with how you now have to see yourself as well as how your friends now see you. Hopefully in time things will settle. It is a very scary world out there and you are very brave to deal with it the way you are. I take my hat off to you. I watched my Mom go through similar when I was 17 and she was 46 and it is NOT easy. You are one brave lady!
You are very lucky to have found love again . . . congratulations!!! I have not lost hope and never will . . .
Gin . . . fear of failure paralyzes me . . . I think moreso than the agoraphobia, or maybe that is the root cause of it, as far as going back to work goes.
Shirley, Terri, GG, Carolyn, Dave, NS . . . I'm just so grateful to have friends that are here for me, unlike the ones in real life who just got so weird with me. Just laughing and crying with you guys, sharing the good and the bad is special to me. Thanks for being there.
Also very true what you said about beeing a widow and finding out about friends; my mom experienced some pretty hurtful things after my father passed away.
Keep your head up, Gina, and keep doing what you are doing :)
Katja, I'm beginning to think that a widow is seen as some kind of a threat to society . . . like I said before . . . as if what happened to you will happen to them . . . a generic fear that no one realizes they have within themselves until confronted it with a friend it has happened to. And they run . . .
I was thinking about what seanymph said . . . and I also think that the state of crime in our society has a lot to do with it too. Myself, I am petrified of even the parking lot at the grocery store and the mall parking lot terrifies me because of the regularity of women getting abducted. I try to run all my errands once a week with my mom so neither of us has to do it alone.
This is an awesome discussion!
In some ways getting divorced and becoming single is similar to the changes you experience with losing your spouse. The change from having someone to go see movies with, dinners etc isn't the same anymore. The married couples look at you askance and wonder if their marriage is going to be the next one to crumble or if their spouse is looking at you differently since you're single again and the list can go on and on. I had one woman friend tell me she didn't want me around anymore because she was afraid that I would steal her husband. The irony of that is she lost him to her then best friend. She was looking in the wrong direction. Live and Learn thats all we can do.I hope you find the solace, answers and peace you need in order to move forward in your life. You know whats best for you, not everyone else.
Minx, depression can manifest itself for many reasons (and sometimes for no apparent reason) and those around us, as well as ourselves determines how we work our way out of that dark place. You are so right about doing things in your own time. My mom and I were having a really bad time a couple weeks ago and some of it was about a total lack of understanding, the "get over it" attitude. Sometimes you just can't get over something or able to handle something because the time is not right for you, no matter how the situation looks to someone else looking in. Of course, one must continually try to work your way out of struggles . . . continual improvement at a natural pace will provide the lasting solution, in my opinion.
Thanks loveangel . . . one can never have enough prayers!! I am ok once I am out, you would never guess I have a problem if you met me while I'm out. It is getting myself out the door, I really have to go into a motivational thing and plan for my outings.
I've even tried to play tricks with myself. Don't laugh ya'll . . . I love my coffee and I usually drink it day and night . . . but I must have the flavored coffee cream, I got used to drinking it that way and I am now spoiled. Sometimes when I am in my "brave mode" and go to the grocery store, I will just buy one or two bottles so I will have to leave the house again to buy the coffee creamer. Well, in my bad days, not even doing without coffee will get me out of the house to buy more creamer. I just switch over to hot tea. Now I make sure I have lots of everything I need just in case I have a panic attack and can't leave.
It is like preparing for a hurricane . . .
Emotional pain is emotional pain no matter what circumstance brought any of us to the point of that pain . . . and I cried with you as you told your story. We all have our demons . . . some of us have more than others in differing degrees.
Losing anything important and close to our heart and soul takes something from us as a result of being a part of us . . . whether it be a mom, dad, spouse, child, family member, friend, pet . . . and the other forms of loss . . . divorce, loss of a job and personal failures, whether they are real or perceived . . . it doesn't matter what it is. I've determined it breaks our spirit and to what degree depends on the person and the circumstance.
I'm so sorry about your dad and equally as sorry about the jackass you have feelings for that is an insensitive jerk, his timing sucks.
I remember the picture you posted and I'm almost positive it was the first time I met you. The picture of your mom and dad so touched me and for some reason made me think of every family member who was so close to my heart who is now gone . . . there are many of them since both my grandparents had many brothers and sisters . . . we were a very close, italian family.
The grief you are dealing with is like an open wound, raw emotions that is sometimes very difficult to deal with since you are still adjusting to it. I don't know why, but dealing with those feelings will bring up every little thing that feels like loss from the past and you have to deal with them all over again. If you read my post about grief, I talked about the cycles of grief and how they come in waves over and over again. My grandmother who was more like my mom passed away when I was a young adult and it is still as if it was yesterday. The pain never goes away . . .
You tell the same story that I tell of continuously picking yourself up in spite of the obstacles that are thrown at you. Each time does make you stronger although at the time it feels like you just don't want to get up again. I think that is my great fear . . . staying there and not picking myself up anymore, but I know better. So do you!! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Thank you for sharing your story Ms. T . . . I love ya too . . .
Hugs