Who is in control?

"If you're always in a hurry, always trying to get ahead of the other guy, or someone else's performance is what motivates you, then that person is in control of you."

Wayne Dyer

Most of us have role models or those people we admire . . . some of us have even had the awesome experience of having a mentor.  However, there is a fine line between admiration and competition.

True happiness comes from being your authentic self . . . being true to yourself . . . just my opinion.  If you are too busy trying to achieve all that the guy next door has and you can't afford it or attain that level of success, you aren't truly living your life.  It is a set up for failure.  I'm not talking about just settling for whatever comes around . . . go after YOUR dreams, not someone else's dream or reality.

Why can't we just be happy with what we have been blessed with and do the best we can do . . . not worrying about what the other guy has or doesn't have?

Ambition for the right reasons keeps our true dreams and desires alive that will ultimately bring happiness resulting from achievement . . . however, misguided ambitions driven by mere competition can leave us feeling disappointed and empty if it is not a true desire.

One of life's lessons since becoming a widow that absolutely changed the philosophy of my life is to realize that what I do in my life should be done because it is a real desire of my heart, along with the opinion of other people not driving my decisions.  It is my life . . .

We will ultimately be judged by society and our peers no matter what we do . . . don't give them control over your heart's desires.

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An eye for an eye

"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." 

Martin Luther King Jr.

I must admit that I am feeling some guilt for my delight at another human being's death, no matter how evil Osama Bin Laden was.  Of course he deserved to die . . . and yes, I am so proud of our awesome military forces.  It just makes me feel creepy to be so happy about death . . . it was a great day for America and the world in general.

When I started thinking about this, my thoughts went back to 9-11-01 and how outraged I was at the celebrations in the streets of some countries.  They were delighting in the death of innocents who were going on with their everyday lives . . . not knowing they were about to take their place in history.  

It made me ponder the philosophy of "an eye for an eye" in everyday life.  

In general, I walk away from controversy since I am generally a peaceful person.  However, back me into a corner and I will fight back like an alley cat with no remorse or second thoughts of regret.  

When it comes to world events . . . I am hawkish . . . the "eye for an eye" philosophy seems perfectly reasonable to me.  

Events like 9-11 are like poking a stick in a hornet's nest.  You don't poke it unless you expect to be poked back in return . . . it is nature's way.

I'm still feeling guilty over doing the "happy dance" with the crowds celebrating in the United States.  Having had a day or so of thinking about this, it reminds me of the song "ding dong the witch is dead . . ." and feeling a little creepy and have thought about the quote by Martin Luther King . . . still doing the happy dance.  I truly believe justice has been served, just as I believe in the death penalty for those who deserve it. 

Just had to think out loud since I am feeling a bit hypocritical at the moment.

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Time stood still

Feeling grateful towards someone or something in your

life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate

and value into your life. 

Christiane Northrup

We often experience life's bumps in the road and last week was one of those times for me.  

It is so difficult when someone you love has a health issue emerge that could have serious implications.  While I'm already grateful for all that I have been blessed with, I'm feeling extra grateful.  Good news was received as far as Diamond Lil's tests are concerned.  

Extreme relief would be an understatement.

As she underwent a surgical procedure last week, it felt like time stood still.  What was expected to be a short recovery time turned into hours with no idea of what was going on.  There was only one other time in my life that I experienced the sensation of everything going in slow motion. 

Her smiling face was a welcome sight when we received the call to go back to the recovery area.  I was never so grateful for her sparkling smile that released the helpless feeling that had consumed me.  Mommy smiles can be magical . . .

The remnant of grief from losing many friends and family members is the fear of more death.  Of course it is silly to think that life and death won't continue to happen, but confronting it is way out of the comfort zone and teeters on the edge of the panic zone.

I'm grateful for passing that bump in the road!


Have you ever felt that sensation of everything going in slow motion and time standing still?

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Happiness Never Forgets You

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, 

never completely forget about it. 

Jacques Prévert 

A new blogging friend's post made me think about those times of grief, depression, anxiety and restlessness from way too many deaths of family and friends in a short period of time.  They were awful times when happiness was a distant memory, but something that was craved and prayed for. Life happens . . . we will all have to deal with grief at times in our lives. 

The focus of today's post is grief and the happiness and peace of mind it takes, sapping the energy out like the blood has been drained out of your body.  We all deal with it differently, but it sure can knock the wind out of even the strongest person.

This year will mark the ninth year of suddenly becoming a widow and I can say that I have finally moved on with my life and have found the happiness I was searching for.  I've learned how to be grateful for the beautiful life we shared, but it is not always easy.  Even now, so many years later, I experience those sad days when I miss the awesome friendship we shared.  

The usual trigger days are rough, like birthdays, anniversaries and holidays . . . the sadness of the loss creeps in, but as time goes on, happiness of my present life has shortened the sad time.  However, time does not heal, it merely allows us to cope more effectively.  At least that has been my experience.

The depression and anxiety that grief triggers is unlike anything else and so difficult to explain.  Unless you have gone through it, there is no way to understand the hell that the survivor feels trapped in.  Back in the day, I lost many friends who didn't care enough to understand what I was going through.  It felt as though I was a echo in a canyon . . . absolutely lost, not knowing where to turn . . . with a handful of friends and family who really understood.  

Depression itself holds a certain societal stigma, with outsiders thinking that the person going through it should "just get over it" . . . making the depressed person feel like even less of a person, like a freak of nature, not worthy of happiness and peace of mind.  It is a vicious cycle.  If you are one of those people . . . do the depressed person a favor . . . just don't say anything if you can't be a truly supportive, positive influence on them.  My grandmother had a saying about these type of people . . . they will kick a dead dog when he's down.

Based on my experience, there are a few things I'd like to add . . . get professional help if you are willing to accept the help.  It may sound crude, but rid yourself of those negative people who lack compassion for your situation in life . . . they will only make you feel like a freak . . . and you are not a freak, you are simply a human being going through a rough time in your life, having a difficult time coping.  

Love yourself . . . is so important to know that you are worthy of happiness again . . . give yourself permission to understand what is going on deep inside and analyze how to get yourself out of it.  Figure out what it is that will make you truly happy.  Journaling and writing about it helped me tremendously . . . I learned the questions to ask myself from my therapist, who essentially saved my life.

Having gone through all the stages and phases of grief, depression, anxiety, restlessness, anger and a judgmental society, I can honestly say that you can get through it and find happiness again.  It is attainable . . . really it is.  

Happiness may elude you for a season of time . . . but never lose hope that it will never return, it does.

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The Door to Satisfaction

"All the peace and happiness of the whole globe,

the peace and happiness of societies,

the peace and happiness of family,

the peace and happiness in the individual persons' life,

and the peace and happiness of even the animals and so forth,

all depends on having loving kindness toward each other.

When you cherish others, all your wishes are fulfilled

Living your life for others, cherishing them with loving kindness

and compassion is the door to happiness, the door to enlightenment."

~ Lama Zopa Rinpoche ~

The Door to Satisfaction

"The springs of life are all from within."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

One of the keys to happiness and peace is mutual respect. 

Everyone has their belief system which personally belongs to them, just as yours belongs to you.  Mutual respect commands compassion for others, their feelings and the understanding associated with tolerance of beliefs that are not our own.  The world is full of people with varying opinions whether it be religion, politics or how to deal with life in general.

The door to enlightenment leads to peace within through tolerance and understanding . . . along with the practice of mutual respect.

 Peace in the world is elusive as a butterfly . . . I doubt that I will see peace in the world in my lifetime and is beyond any one person's control.

Peace in your soul comes from within and in your power.

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Balance bad behavior

People who irritate us the most sometimes exhibit the same qualities we possess ourselves.  Perhaps it is the perfect opportunity for self-exploration and understanding ourselves on a deeper level in order to explore options of behavior modification and change those irritating traits.

However, we must be willing to change and become brutally honest with ourselves as it relates to bad behavior.

On the other hand, enhancing those positive behaviors we possess can influence another person to imitate the behavior . . . and it works the other way around.  Allow others in your life to influence you to be the best person you can be.

Checks and balances allow ourselves and those closest to us to continually improve ourselves and positively enhance our behavior modification awareness, ultimately improving those relationships through a willingness to change.

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Buried dreams or fulfilled visions?

It is important to have a vision

of what we want in life.

More important is to take action

toward getting what we want.

Do you have a dream or a vision for your life?

Do you want fulfilled visions or buried dreams?

As with any journey, you need a map to your destination and a way to get there.  Otherwise you will probably get lost or find yourself stranded along the way, burying  your dream as a result.

It is never too late to dig up those buried dreams . . . take action toward making it happen.  No matter what it is, come up with an action plan and move on it.  It takes one step at a time . . . no matter how small the steps are.

Fuel the way to get to your goal like you put gas in your vehicle to get somewhere.  Just do it . . . put your well thought-out plan into action and make your buried dream a fulfilled vision.

We only have one journey of life . . . live it the way you dream it.

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