Relationship Red Flags

We all have our "frying pan moments" . . . some more than others.  No two people get along so perfectly as to never have them.

In my opinion, a great open and honest discussion over issues we don't agree on is healthy.  After all, how else would you really know how that person you are sharing your life with is feeling about issues important to you?  

When the great discussion turns into a full blown frying pan moment, a lack of communication can make the difference and result in not so pleasant consequences, the silent treatment or a routine happy day.  

That brings me to the purpose of this post, which was inspired by an article in Psychology Today on the topic of relationship red flags.  The following list is from that article with some excerpts.

1. Lack of communication . . . be open and honest!
2. Irresponsible, immature, and unpredictable. Some people have trouble mastering basic life skills and may still be working on growing up. In other words, it may be hard to rely on them for almost anything.
3. Lack of trust. 
4. Significant family and friends don’t like your partner. 
5. Controlling behavior. 
6. Feeling insecure in the relationship. You may often feel that you don’t know where you stand in a relationship.  Follow your gut instinct with this one!  A good relationship should not make you have these feelings.
7. A dark or secretive past.
8. Non-resolution of past relationships. 
9. The relationship is built on the need to feel needed. If this dynamic is the focal point of a relationship, however, there may be little room for real growth, individually or as a couple.
10. Abusive behavior. Verbal, emotional, psychological, and certainly physical—is not just a red flag but a huge banner telling you to get out immediately and never look back.

A red flag is a good intuitive image to help you process what you’re really feeling. At the end of a difficult relationship, people often say, “He (or she) told me who he (or she) was at the very beginning, but I just didn’t listen.”

Learn to trust what you feel. Your hunch is probably right.

Click here to read the complete article.

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The Waves of Grief

It hasn't been a good time.  Sometimes life will throw some unpleasant stuff our way.  At times we go through it with flying colors, unscathed emotionally. Other times it stops us in our tracks and just doing normal, routine things are a big chore.

The other night everything got to me in a big way and I had a bit of a melt down.

A conversation with my mom started the whole thing.  She was feeling a little depressed, missing my dad, the way things were, not wanting to even sit in her back yard because it brought back good memories of times that were gone.  She cried and cried.  And it got to me.  She talked about living on borrowed time since she is getting older.  

Don't we all go through that scenario whether we want to admit it or not?

That conversation brought me to thoughts of my past and those who have passed away and left such a void in my life.  There are times I think of those special people individually, but this time, it was all of them at one time.  It was too much to handle, along with the thought of my mom's mortality . . . and mine.

I don't have many true friends.  My nature is to not trust anyone enough to let them close.  Friends have hurt me deeply in my life, so there are only a few that I trust.  Two of them have passed away since JR died.

Rose was my best friend going all the way back to junior high school.  We were silly pre-teens when we met.  She and I went through all those silly things we go through in our teen years going into our adult years. We remained best friends until she passed away a few years ago.  She was the sister I never had and my only best friend to not hurt me through all those years.  That is special.  You would not believe how many times I want to pick up the phone to share something with her . . . and I realized she has vanished from my life like a puff of smoke.  It tears me up . . .

Nolan was my neighbor of like 20 something years or so.  He had always been there to lend JR a helping hand with projects around the house, was a frequent visitor and became my angel from God after JR passed away.  His death was sudden and extra painful.  When he bought his motorcycle, I got a bad feeling. He assured me not to worry since he was the most careful driver with a respect for the motorcycle.  Well, to avoid hitting a dog on the highway, he went out of control and hit a tree.  He died instantly.  He was here one moment and the next he's gone.  I remember hearing him leave on the motorcycle that morning and his sense of adventure put a smile on my face . . . only to break my heart at the end of the day.

I started thinking about them . . . and my godfather, my aunt's mother, my biological father, my brother's mother-in-law and brother-in-law,  my nano and especially my nana who was like my mother.  All those thoughts at one time was way too much for me to handle.  

Always on my mind is JR . . . the person I committed my life to until death do we part, but I still can't get over him being gone.  I miss him and the life we shared.

Those of us who have experienced the death of someone special will go through these times.  The good and bad feelings come and go, leaving us to go on with life as usual.  Some waves of grief are rougher than others . . .

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When joy is gone

Joy is gone from our hearts; 
our dancing has turned to mourning.

Lamentations 5:15

I will banish from them the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, the sound of millstones and the light of the lamp.

Jeremiah 25:10

"When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, 

peace of mind is waiting there."

  

George Harrison

Joy lies dormant deep within me . . . it is there, I know it is.  A mysterious stranger did not creep in and steal it.  Life is delicate and confusing at times. 

When did the joy leave me?  Was there a moment in time that was particularly bothersome?  I don't know . . .

The stress of life itself can sometimes sap the joy of life out of us.  It can pile up so high that it buries you, making it seem impossible to get out and suffocates you to the point of giving up.  It is not always depression.  Sometimes it is just life!

Do you just ignore it and hope it will go away?   

NO!!!!!

Everyone has a method of finding joy in their lives . . . if you don't, you should. I start with surrounding myself with those things that make me happy . . . or have the potential of bringing a smile to my face.  The sparkle in my dog Kiki's eyes, her wagging tale and her sweet little smile can make a horrendous day tolerable and momentarily puts a smile on my face.  A favorite song can work miracles!

There are some days I just want to run away and hide from the world.  In many ways, I do.  The last thing I want to do is talk to someone on the phone or answer a knock on the door.  Being social is the very last thing on my mind.  For me, there is a great deal of peace in becoming a hermit until I crawl my way out of it.

I haven't written much in a while.  In a sense I have become a blogging hermit! What I forget is that blogging about these feelings and emotions are key to the solution and hopefully a blessing for someone else going through the same thing.  My journey is a quest for peace, love and happiness, however, the journey is never a smooth one.  

God gives us free will to choose the wrong fork in the road, but he also provides the strength and courage to get ourselves back into the world of peace, love and happiness.

The stress of life has bombarded me and my sensitive nature makes it difficult to deal with it effectively, although I keep trying!

This too shall pass and tomorrow may find me laughing out loud again . . . something I love to do.  I've heard that laughter provides a longer life.

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Opportunity

Sometimes opportunity doesn't knock,
it just taps lightly — listen.

An opportunity is defined as a situation in which it is possible for you to do something that you want to do.

Opportunity doesn't always knock, it all depends on luck, fate, and destiny.

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Shifting Roles in a Relationship

Many of us will go through this in

 the course of our relationships 

. . . it isn't always easy!

Throughout the course of a successful marriage or long-term commitment, the two people in the relationship may shift in and out of various roles. For example, one person in the couple may support the other person going back to school. In order to do this, he or she steps into a supporting role, setting aside certain goals or aspirations in order to provide a stable base from which his or her partner can launch in a new direction. There are many gifts of learning inherent in this role—from having the opportunity to embody a nurturing stance to feeling the pleasure of seeing a loved one thrive. When our partner expands his or her horizons, ours expand, too, and we gain access to a world that would otherwise remain closed to us. 

However, there is also much to be said for having a turn to be the one stepping outside the box, perhaps taking time to attend to our personal healing, spiritual pursuits, or other interests. In order to maintain balance within our relationships, it’s important that we address these issues each time one person steps into a supporting role so the other can try something new. When we are conscious about acknowledging that one person is bearing a bit more of a burden so that the other can grow, we stand a better chance of making sure the ebb and flow in the relationship remains fair and equal. 

The most important part of this process is open communication in which each person has a chance to express how they feel and come to an understanding about the roles they have agreed to play and when they expect them to shift. Each time a dynamic shift occurs, a ceremony of acknowledgment can lend an air of distinction to the moment. This can be a simple dinner date or an elaborate ritual, depending upon what works best for us at the time. Perhaps the most important thing is expressing gratitude to the person in the supporting role and encouragement to the person moving in a new direction. When the flow of feeling and communication is open, a healthy closeness develops that allows each person in the relationship to have a turn at each of these important roles. 

Source: The Daily Om

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Love Talk

A humorous way to look at 'love' . . .

"People use the word 'love' a lot of different ways. Take me, for instance. I am often heard saying that I love my mom and dad. I am also often heard saying that I love pizza. 

What am I saying when I say I love my mom and dad? 

I'm saying that I care about them. I'm saying that I love spending time with them and that I talk to them every chance I get. I'm saying that if they needed me, I would do every humanly possible to help them. I'm saying that I always want what's best for them. 

What am I saying when I say I love pizza? Am I saying that I care deeply about pizza? Am I saying that I have a relationship with pizza? Am I saying that if pizza had a problem, I would be there for the pizza?  Of course not. 

When I say I love pizza, I'm just saying that I enjoy eating pizza until I don't want any more pizza. Once I'm tired of the pizza, I don't care what happens to the rest of it. I'll throw it away. I'll feed it to the dog. I'll stick it in the back of the refrigerator. It doesn't matter to me anymore. 

These are two very different definitions of the word 'love'. It gets confusing when people start talking about love, and especially about loving you. 

Which way do these people love you? Do they want what is best for you, or do they just want you around because it is good for them, and they don't really care what happens to you? 

Next time someone looks deeply into your eyes and says 'I love you', look very deeply right back and say, 'Would that be pizza love, or the real thing?"

~ Mary Beth Bonacci ~

Source:  The Daily Love

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Sending cupid's love

What would Valentine’s Day be without that cute little character, Cupid, the winged boy armed with his bow and arrow?

Cupid with his bow and arrow signifies desires and emotions of love . . . when Cupid’s arrow hits those he aims for, they fall deeply in love.

Who is this boy anyway? Did you ever wonder where he came from?

Cupid, known as the Roman god of love and the counterpart of the Greek god Eros was the youngest of the gods, the offspring of Venus, the goddess of love, and Mars, the god of war. He was born with the attributes of his parents, love and war.

Cupid just happens to be a part of one of the great love stories from Classical Mythology . . . his own.

There once was a beautiful princess who was adored by everyone . . . her name was Psyche. The beautiful princess was so captivating that the people began to forget about Venus. The goddess of love grew very jealous of Psyche and plotted revenge against her . . . but what could she do?

She decided to send her son Cupid on a mission of deceipt, armed with his magical arrow . . . he was to make Psyche fall in love with the ugliest man ever.

However, Cupid was equally captivated and obsessed with her beauty! He was so overcome by his obsession that he dropped his magical arrow on his foot.

It was love at first sight for Cupid and the couple became lovers . . . but there was one condition . . . Psyche was forbidden to look at Cupid. Psyche’s human frailties consumed her and one night, as Cupid slept, she took a peek . . . and he quickly awoke and caught her looking at him. As quickly as he was taken by love, he was now consumed with the fear of his mother’s wrath and ran away.

After years of searching the world, Psyche, heartbroken and determined to find her lover was finally granted immortality by Jupiter.

They lived happily ever after . . . shouldn’t all lovers?

Happy Valentine’s Day

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