Can you relate to Grumpy Cat when it comes to the holidays?
I've been enjoying the Christmas movie marathon on the Hallmark Channel that started last week. Major progress for me and the holidays in general. My holiday Grumpy Cat days are over . . . thank God!
Since JR died, even though I have moved on with my life and remarried, I still don't have the festive urge to put up a Christmas tree. The Captain and I have gone through the boxes of stuff so he could experience my past Christmas memories through the massive amount of ornaments that would fill the Christmas trees . . . that is all I have been able to handle.
Those times reminiscing and sharing memories with The Captain are very special for me. In past years, we have celebrated the holidays . . . watched the holiday specials and movies . . . gone to dinners and parties, but the most special are the times we make our favorite holiday meals and share memories. However, no evidence seen in the home decor that the holidays have arrived.
I've noticed a popular theme in Christmas movies is the dread of the holidays for those who have experienced some type of loss in their lives that can make the holidays unbearable. I tend to really like those movies since they don't make me feel like such a freak of nature. Most of the stories have happy endings and as a viewer, I can quickly experience how they progress through their healing to being "normal" again.
At least I can now watch those Christmas movies without cringing at the approaching holidays . . . I'm slowly getting back to enjoying the holidays and the festivities associated with them. Will I ever consider myself "normal" again as far as the holidays are concerned? Honestly . . . I don't know!
It is no reflection on how I feel about The Captain. In fact, his past holiday seasons were none too festive either and I really believe he has no festive attachment to them as well. At least he doesn't make me feel like a freak! One day, I'm sure we will develop our own holiday traditions when the time is right, but for now we have a good time when we join in the holiday festivities with friends and family.
When I think back on holidays past shortly after JR died, this is definite progress! I really wanted the holidays to go away and absolutely hated joining in family holiday festivities. Not because I don't love my family . . . I just didn't want to feel like a freak in the midst of normalcy.
Don't feel like a freak if you don't enjoy or even dread the holidays . . . not everyone enjoys them for "whatever" reason . . . especially for those who are still healing from the open wounds of "whatever."
Everything happens in its own time!