Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Little steps

~ Heal The Pain | George Michael/Paul McCartney ~

Those who would climb to a lofty height
 must go by steps, not leaps.

St. Gregory the Great
from a letter to Augustine of Canterbury

Baby steps is what is needed when a change in life circumstances reverts back to what is considered "normal" . . . normal being the perception of what it should be by the person making the changes.

The date of the following post was in October of 2007 and I still don't consider my life as "normal" even though I have moved on and have remarried.  Having said that, many of my goals have been met and I have moved closer to what I have considered normal even though I'm not there yet.

It has taken little changes . . . I call them incremental changes.  Changes so small that you barely feel them happening.  Sometimes that is all we can handle.  As stated in the quote, change cannot happen with leaps.  Leaps lead to overwhelm, feeling like a failure and giving up.

As I look back to the time the post was written, so many changes have taken place, however, the changes were so little at a time that it almost seems impossible that so much progress has been made on my journey to a "normal" life.  

I did try doing the leaps, but they led to me falling down and failing, making the progress move a step backward.

To recap some changes . . . I'm no longer agoraphobic (not able to leave the house),  I'M NOT A HERMIT ANYMORE!, I can drive again, I entered the workplace, I trusted another person to love again . . . enough to marry him.  I can be in a vehicle again as a passenger and not have panic attacks as I did in the beginning, although I still have a problem with it (and still working on it).

This post originally published on

It is turning out to be one of those days that aren't quite so positive.  Memories of when my life was happy and I had someone to share happy times with are haunting me. Now I'm alone in miserable times. Sometimes I wonder why bad things happen to good people. I'm fighting a pity party this morning and I can't go there, so I thought I would write about how I'm feeling.

What is bothering me can't be fixed over night . . . I want what I had before. I miss my husband, I want my life as it was before he died. Why did he have to die? Having to deal with this was the last thing on my list of worries, which is always a very long list since I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and worry about everything.

It isn't the loneliness since I keep myself busy. It is being alone . . . this is the first time in my life that I am alone and I hate it with a passion. Sometimes like this morning, it just gets to me. My mom is on her way over and we are gonna go shopping to keep my mind occupied. It helps momentarily.

I'm not always positive about life, sometimes life just sucks, but I try to deal with it optimistically.


Catherine said...

Dear Gina, One of my favorite movies is "What About Bob" with Bill Murry as Bob.
I really relate to Bob in many ways. I take my life in baby steps.
I am sure that is how you are approaching your life too; one step at a time.
My circumstances were different; though yet similar. To be "thrown into the ocean" and you must learn to swim in not easy.
My son has said, "today is better than yesterday" and it is.
I hold that thought daily.
Blessings dear Gina,

Catherine xo

Gina Alfani said...

I've never seen that movie Catherine! Guess I should be looking for it on cable . . .

Yes I am . . . baby steps that sometimes take me leaps backwards, but I get back up and keep going.

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