Riding the merry-go-round

The carousel horse is stuck, bobbing up and down in a cycle of co-dependence. You waved frantically the first time, but after recycling regret multiple times, it’s time to get off the whirligig of wasted time. Bolt like a carousel horse gaining its freedom. Break the cycle and live like the free person you are.

Photo and Quote Source:  Soulseeds

The image of the carousel horses gaining their freedom immediately took me to the John Lennon song, Watching The Wheels.

"No longer riding on the merry-go-round 

. . . I just had to let it go."

There are times in life when we feel stuck in a rut . . . I've referred to the merry-go-round and the roller coaster that never stops many times.  Don't we all go through that at one time or another?

Sometimes it means painful changes, doing what you have to do to remain true to yourself . . . good or bad, depending on how you look at it.

I've done it many times in my life.  The latest was leaving a job that I loved so much, but it was the best thing for me.

For John Lennon, it meant leaving The Beatles and embarking on a solo career. We mourned the breakup of The Beatles, for the fans, it was a bad thing. However, it was the best thing for John Lennon personally . . . for whatever reason(s).

In retrospect, after getting off the merry-go-round, he was able to live the rest of his short life the way he wanted to.

We do have choices in life . . . problems have solutions!  Be true to yourself!

Can you relate to being stuck

 on the merry-go-round?

Watching the Wheels | Lyrics Words and Music by John Lennon
People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin
When I say that I'm o.k. well they look at me kind of strange
Surely you're not happy now you no longer play the game 

People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me
When I tell them that I'm doing fine watching shadows on the wall
Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball 

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go 

Ah, people asking questions lost in confusion
Well I tell them there's no problem, only solutions
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind
I tell them there's no hurry
I'm just sitting here doing time 

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go 

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Love yourself

"We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are."

 -- Don Miguel Ruiz

No one is perfect . . . 

love yourself for the person you are!

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Reevaluating the path

Since there are usually many paths to the same goal, we would benefit by engaging in periodic reviews of our plans and goals to determine whether we are still proceeding in the best way to accomplish our objectives. This review might provide an insight or idea that we wouldn’t have considered before, and help us to achieve our goals in less time. Reevaluating the path to your goals today can help direct your motivated attitude in the right direction to achieve success. 

Source:  Daily OM

My apologies for the depressing post the other day . . . but it is how I was feeling at the time and I'm committed to being true to myself.  It also means that I won't delete posts that are dark.  Life itself is the good, the bad and the ugly!

It is ironic that I received my Daily OM Newsletter that discussed reevaluating the path the same day. I've thought about it at great length since.

Like anything in life, if the present approach isn't working, try another one. The business management theory of incremental change is one that advocates continual improvement, constantly changing the process.  It is a mindset that I adopted many years ago, applying it to life circumstances.

If you don't succeed at first, try and try again.  Giving up is failure . . . getting up and starting over again if necessary, is not.

When I go into reevaluation mode, I go back to the beginning, back to my first days of becoming a widow.  I was truly lost and thought I had nowhere to go. The journey I've gone through has taken many forks in the road.  Many wrong turns were made!  However, striving toward continual improvement has made the difference.

I'm a proud survivor!

 

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Unresolved issues

My intention was to get back into full swing with blogging again, but I'm still lacking focus and concentration due to all that has gone on with The Captain's surgery, his recovery and life in general.  

Best way I can describe it . . . 

I'm feeling numb.

There are so many unresolved issues buzzing around in my thoughts that I need to sort out and I haven't been able to deal with them.  

Since I quit working, I've not been able to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life professionally.  What would make me happy?  I honestly don't know . . . however, doing nothing has left a void within me that can't be filled by merely being a housewife.  

I'm a doer who hasn't been doing

 and feeling a little lost!

It really isn't about money, except that I have a need to feel like I'm contributing to the household financially.  My dad did a good job drilling the financial contribution thing in my head when I was very young.  He would be disappointed in me . . .

Today would have been my wedding anniversary with JR . . . it is one of those grief trigger days that makes me sad.  It is so ironic to feel this way in the midst of one of my happiest times since The Captain came into my life.  

I'm really happy and other than these emotional issues, my life is as near perfect as I have ever imagined.  

So . . . what's the problem?  

I'm constantly asking myself!

There are so many people out there

 in this world with REAL problems

 and that realization makes

 me feel so guilty!

Needless to say, high anxiety has continued

 to plague me and it feels like depression

 has started to set in again.  

There is a fine line between anxiety and depression . . . sometimes it is difficult to know when one filters into the other.

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