Coming out of a fog

 

It’s not life’s job to make me happy. It’s my job to find the joy in life by observing and appreciating the small wonders and everyday miracles that are all around me, everywhere, every minute of my life.

Paul Cotter

Beautiful words to live by.

The thought that it is my job to find joy in life was not realized until I started living the Simple Abundant life.  That book opened a whole new world for me.  I've written about it many times.

After The Captain and Kiki passed away, it is as if the world around me didn't exist anymore.  Although I still lived my life with gratitude, it did not bring me joy.

The new grief phase made me realize that it was the world that I knew and lived everyday was gone and I knew I would have to create a new life for myself.

Joy would mean something different.  Everything in my life is somewhat different, but I have finally realized this is my new normal and new joys in life would be experienced if only I would open my eyes to see them.

Now I appreciate the little things again like hearing the neighborhood roosters crow or hearing the sweet voices of the cardinals wondering if God brings them to me to experience joy again in my life.  They have been here all this time.

Today was a sad day for some reason . . . they just hit me like a ton of bricks.  It could be the holidays happening without them.  Of course that is going to make me sad because I miss them terribly.  But having gone through another day that slaps me in the face, I realize the miracle of having found joy again in little things in life that happen every day.  And that brought me joy to know I have entered the grief phase of acceptance even though the sadness remains.  Awesome memories keep them alive.

I have survived the awful grief phases . . . and that has become my everyday miracle.

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Agree to love

 

"To love, my brothers and sisters, does not mean we have to agree. But maybe agreeing to love is the greatest agreement. And the only one that ultimately matters, because it makes a future possible."

Bishop Michael B. Curry These words are so true. Disagreements have affected relationships in my life.  What happened to the days when we disagreed and did not talk about it.  Just drop it.  You believe what you believe and I believe what I believe. It used to be - don't talk about religion or politics. Everyone is all of a sudden so sensitive. What has happened to our society?

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Positive anything and everything

 

Positive anything is better than negative nothing.

Elbert Hubbard

The world around you looks so much better when you think positively.  Recently my life changed drastically because of the way I have changed my way of thinking.The saying "don't worry about what you can't change" describes another change I've made in my thinking.  Of course that is within reason.  There are reasonable things we will always worry about.There have been times in my life when I was thinking that everything was negative which led to a great deal of unhappiness.  In general, my negativity changed nothing and I could have thought positively and experience happiness.  It is all a mindset. We may not be able to control outcomes, but we can somewhat control how we feel.My grief has entered a new phase.  Good and happy memories are what I think about and it brings on smiles instead of tears.Negativity causes pain and I choose not to go there.

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Live For The Moment

 

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life. Omar Khayyam The Captain lived for the moment and lived it to the fullest.  I can say with confidence he had no regrets.  He did what he wanted to do, what made him happy. It allowed him to live a very happy life, finding humor in just about everything and always tried to make everyone around him laugh. You would never know that he also lived with PTSD from his military life that brought him nightmares that never left him.  He saw lots of death around him yet he survived and it could be why he chose to live for the moment. Living for the moment is not how I lived my life before I met him.  His attitude was that God was leading his way, so he should not worry about anything.  I worried about everything even though I have strong faith in God.  But I worry anyway, although not as much and I am getting so much better as time goes on, getting stronger by the day. For that, I am so grateful he was a part of my life for the time he was with me.  He taught me many lessons.  Grief hit me hard and I didn't realize a lot of things until recently. When you think about it, the moment is all we have since the future is not promised.  So you must live it with gusto and be grateful for the moments you experience. That quote really made me think and I will continue to ponder the concept of living for the moment in honor of The Captain.  May he rest in peace.

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Blessed beyond the chaos

 

“Every day, I try to remember all the ways I am blessed, beyond the chaos and bad things that happen. I take inventory and remember the wonderful people who love me.”
 

Ariana Madix

It amazed me when I came across the quote because it is the mindset I have had lately.  I have practiced the Simple Abundance lifestyle of gratitude for a long time, but my current emphasis has been on all the wonderful people who have touched my life and how their presence in my life have blessed me in different ways.  The love is what makes grief so horrible for me when they are gone, but the memories touch me deeply.  And I am so very grateful for those awesome memories.

Not everyone is meant to be in our life forever.  Sometimes God's plan for their presence in our lives is for a specific lesson and time.  I'm strongly realizing everything that has happened to me is a lesson.  The good and the bad.  

We choose to not like what has happened at the time, but there is always something there to learn when we seriously think about it.  In time I am almost always grateful for the lesson.

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Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart

 

It seems like yesterday that I watched the ball come down in Times Square.  Time has flown by as I prayed it would to better days that weren't so emotionally painful.  I can now feel joy in simple things again, a smile appears on my face for some of those simple things and it occurs to me I've reached the place in time I had asked God to stay close to me and surround me with his angels as I get there.  Another dreaded holiday has crept up on me and I'm fine.  The trigger days aren't as painful as they once were.  Thank God, I'm so grateful.

While I have no desire to put up a tree or decorate for Christmas since JR passed away over two decades ago, I don't hate the festivities anymore.  I can feel the joy of Christmas again and that makes me happy.

Today I'm realizing the beautiful world I remember is still here, it is within me even though the real world seems to be falling apart.  The strength within me will continue to take me to those better days I have prayed would come.

Proverbs 3:5-6:  

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

 and do not lean on your own understanding.

  In all your ways acknowledge him,

 and he will make straight your paths."

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