Comfort Zones

A soft place to land is the term used by The Daily Om, describing the comfort zone as the place to "provide us with a safe and comforting refuge in which we can decompress and recover from the day’s stresses."

My little piece of paradise in Florida is my comfort zone . . . outdoor spaces for me are therapeutic.  Our outdoor dining area provides that comfy, cozy spot to unwind, de-stress, take a timeout . . . or just relax.

I've always found that gazing at the sky provides that comforting feeling. There is something about watching the clouds pass by, observing the sun dissolve into the horizon, admiring a full moon with all its magic and twinkling stars on a clear night or experiencing night transforming into day.

My "Happy Place" is in the arms of The Captain, where I feel loved and safe from everything.  It reminds me of the saying "home is where the heart is."

Comfort zones change as our life circumstances change . . .

When I first became a widow, my comfy bedroom recliner in the candlelit room with music playing in the background was my comfort zone, where I could grieve, come to terms with the swift manner in which my life had changed and figure out how to deal with it.

In my working days, the outdoors was my "escape" . . . away from the job stresses and office politics.  As time went on, that comfort zone made it tolerable to stay at the job and not go completely insane.

A bad habit I'm happy to say I've conquered is finding the comfort zone in a rum and coke or a bottle of wine . . . not a happy place!

It is important to know when to retreat to the comfort zone to momentarily shift from the outside world back to the needs of our inner self.

What are some of your comfort zones?

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Conscious direction into this moment

"Today, be aware of the power of your mind. Give it your focus and consciously direct it. It will run away on its own, of course, but your goal is simply to redirect it back to the ways you wish to think and be… Today, your goal is to pull yourself back into now, over and over, whenever you find your mind drifting to thoughts of the past or worries or daydreams of the future; come back into now, this very moment, and once here, focus on the most important things that you need to accomplish, do and be right now… Every moment of every day, bring yourself back into now, erase any feelings of victimization, fear or doubt, and come into a peaceful center, a place where you can fully shine and be. And in this place, consciously choose how to act." (Quado through Carrie Hart)

Maybe it is the heat of the humid Florida weather or it could be the calm after the storm of life circumstances that have come at me like a fast moving freight train.  I have run out of energy, my concentration levels and focus is all but gone and I just crave rest and relaxation.  Throw in a little anxiety and depression I'm attributing to guilt for all those things needing to be done that I have not been doing.  I'm straight up tired and absolutely cannot motivate myself to do anything!

We all have those times, don't we?

As I was cleaning out my email box today, I came across my featured quote for the day.  It got me thinking about what I need to accomplish at this very moment.  The conclusion I came to as I let my mind drift . . . I need to chill out . . . just flat out DO NOTHING, relax and let my mind continue to drift to those peaceful places it wants to go.

Honestly, our minds and bodies tell us what we need when we need it . . . we just have to listen.  Sometimes it is necessary to DO NOTHING, chill out and just be.  In my working days, they were called "mental health days" when I would call in sick and stay in bed all day.  It is like giving yourself a little vacation from everything that is bothering you.  

All of life's pesky little things will still be there waiting for you when you get back.  The difference is that you can deal with those things more effectively with a rested mind and body.

Go ahead . . . do nothing!

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Positive influences

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed." 

Carl Gustav Jong

In our everyday life we are surrounded by a variety of people. Some of the people we deal with on a daily basis are a joy to be with, and their loving presence nurtures and encourages us. Others may have the opposite effect, draining us of our energy, making us feel tired and exhausted. Our well-being can be easily influenced by those around us, and if we can keep this in mind, we will have greater insights into the quality of our social interactions and their energetic effect on us.

Once we think more deeply about the people we interact with, it becomes easier for us to work toward filling our lives with people who help us cultivate healthy and positive relationships. Even though it might not always seem like we have much control over who we are with, we do. The power to step back from toxicity lies within us. All we have to do is take a few moments to reflect on how another person makes you feel. Assessing the people we spend the most time with allows us to see if they add something constructive to, or subtract from, our lives. Should a friend sap our strength, for example, we can simply set the intention to tell them how we feel or simply spend less time with them.

We will find that the moment we are honest with ourselves about our own feelings, the more candid we can be with others about how they make us feel. While this may involve some drastic changes to our social life it can bring about a personal transformation that will truly empower us, since ! the decision to live our truth will infuse our lives with greater happiness.

When we surround ourselves with positive people, we clear away the negativity that exists around us and create more room to welcome nurturing energy. Doing this not only enriches our lives but also envelopes us in a supportive and healing space that fosters greater growth, understanding, and love of ourselves as well as those we care about. 

Daily Om

Tommy Rosen's philosophy . . . "If you want to develop as a person, it is helpful to be around other people who carry the consciousness you want to move toward.  When you identify these people, hang around them and catch the goodness they are putting out so that you can be uplifted and in turn pass it on." 

Our surroundings can influence us either positively or negatively.  I know that when I watch too much of my favorite cable television news channel, it can bring on a terrible feeling of hopelessness, resulting in uncontrollable restlessness that brings me down further as time goes on.  Changing the channel or turning off the television completely and enjoying the outdoors can immediately change the feeling.  It is knowing when to turn it off that works for me and prevents that sinking feeling from further intensifying.

Waking up to a messy kitchen in the morning immediately brings me down . . . the solution is making sure the kitchen is picked up before going to bed.  Sometimes it can be the smallest of things that can influence us positively or negatively.

The good news is that we can
 choose our surroundings ~ 

choose those with positive influences!

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When our world falls apart

People are like stained glass windows: 

They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, 

but when the darkness sets in their true 

beauty is revealed only if there is a light within.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Clinging to the Core

When Our World Falls Apart

When it feels as if your world is falling apart,  know at your core that you are a strong being of light.

There are times when our whole world seems to be falling apart around us, and we are not sure what to hold onto anymore. Sometimes our relationships crumble and sometimes it’s our physical environment. At other times, we can’t put our finger on it, but we feel as if all the walls have fallen down around us and we are standing with nothing to lean on, exposed and vulnerable. These are the times in our lives when we are given an opportunity to see where we have established our sense of identity, safety, and well-being. And while it is perfectly natural and part of our process to locate our sense of self in externals, any time those external factors shift, we have an opportunity to rediscover and move closer to our core, which is the only truly safe place to call home.

The core of our being is not affected by the shifting winds of circumstance or subject to the cycles of change that govern physical reality. It is as steady and consistent as the sun, which is why the great mystics and mystical poets often reference the sun in their odes to the self. Like the sun, there are times when our core seems to be inaccessible to us, but this is just a misperception. We know that when the sun goes behind a cloud or sets for the night, it has not disappeared but is simply temporarily out of sight. In the same way, we can trust that our inner core is always shining brightly, even when we cannot quite see it.

We can cling to this core when things around us are falling apart, knowing that an inexhaustible light shines from within ourselves. Times of external darkness can be a great gift in that they provide an opportunity to remember this inner light that shines regardless of the circumstances of our lives. When our external lives begin to come back together, we are able to lean a bit more lightly on the structures we used to call home, knowing more clearly than ever that our true home is that bright sun shining in our core.

Source: Daily OM

"Step on onto the ledge with faith in your heart and you will see that hidden beneath your fear are a fresh pair of wings waiting for you to take flight!" 

- Mastin Kipp, founder of TDL

Source: The Daily Love

It doesn't matter who you are, what your status is in life, how much or how little money you may have . . . there will be times in everyone's life when it feels as our world is falling apart.

The news of the past few weeks have put me in a very anxious state . . . it is the helpless feeling when it comes to world affairs and natural disasters.

Perhaps there is a family matter that seems to be spiraling out of control . . . or maybe it is a health issue that doesn't want to go away no matter how much you would like to "wish it away" . . . it just is and it must be dealt with.

In these times, I personally find it difficult to keep the faith.  However, that faith is what keeps me together and gives me hope that everything will be as it is supposed to be.  I'm a strong believer in fate and destiny . . . so why do I fret over those things I have no control over?  Like world affairs . . .

Hope and faith work together to keep that inner light shining when surrounded by darkness.  It is in those times of darkness that being grateful for those little things that bring joy and happiness is so important.  Being grateful and aware of everything that is good and positive is the fuel that fires hope and faith.

It is so important to not fall 

apart when our world falls apart.

How do you cope with difficult times?

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Coming out of a fog

When we experience those hazy days, unsure of which way to turn, feeling unfocused and running into things hidden in the mist that seem to surround us, we are said to be "in a fog" . . . visibility is limited and slows us down, just as when driving through a fog.  When driving, it is usually best to pull over and wait for the mist to clear . . . it is unwise to move quickly.

Sometimes in life, we may need to slow down . . . the fog could be a gift.  While most of us would prefer to not encounter life obstacles, being in a fog gets our attention and allows us to stop, do nothing . . . be still in that moment and get to the source of the haziness.  It could be an emotional issue that needs attention . . . looking within ourselves can teach important lessons in order to safely proceed.  Perhaps the fog is a reminder to simply slow down.

The fog is unpredictable, not knowing when it will creep up and when it will lift.  Slow down and wait for guidance that may come from within or the lights followed to get out of that fog . . . allow it to lift naturally, like a gentle breeze or the sun that burns it away.  The fog can lift as fast as it creeps up . . . a certainty is that the fog will lift, making it possible to move forward with clarity and inner wisdom.

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Faith and challenging times

Coping with bad times, whether it be challenges in the workplace, a personal relationship or financial difficulties requires faith to get through it. Faith in God, faith in yourself, faith in other people . . . it is so important to keep your head straight in order to make rational decisions.
Some decisions take greater leaps of faith than others.
We only have one life . . . live it with faith and optimism that what will be, will be . . . que sera sera. No matter what your spiritual belief is, there is a higher power in control. My belief is that everything in life happens for a reason.
The following poem, Footprints in the Sand, is one of my favorite sagas when reaching deep within myself for the strength and faith needed in times of uncertainty.

One night I dreamed I was walking along
the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that
during the low periods of my life, when I was
suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during the most
trying periods of my life there have only been
one set of footprints in the sand.

"Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

Love this one . . . it is for the one who
has put footprints on my heart!

"Be the kind of person you would like to be with.
Some people come into our lives,
make footprints on our hearts and we are never the same.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."

- Joseph F. Newton

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Worry, paranoia and intuition

Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever. (Isak Dinesen)

Worry is one of those emotions I could do without. It has been brought to my attention that worry is nothing but waiting for something bad to happen in the midst of good times.

Ironically, sometimes the self-fulfilling prophecy leads to not being happy unless the thing I worry about happens. Otherwise what I perceive as "intuition" is wrong. In my world, there is a fine line between worry and intuition. It is a lose/lose concept of thinking.

I'm starting to realize the concept of the above quote . . . life is way too short to worry about something that may not even be an issue to worry about . . . so why worry about it?

There is also a fine line between worry and paranoia . . .

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Learning detachment

Watching the stream of our emotions helps us become less attached to their effects on us. We can become overwhelmed by our feelings when we feel despondent. If we learn to let our feelings glide by us, however, we realize that our feelings are never permanent. While they may seem important at the time, they do not define our lives. We may even begin to notice that sadness often is a signal for us to take a rest from the outside world and find peace within ourselves. Learning to see the changing nature of your feelings today will give you the means to cope with any uncomfortable situation that arises.

Source: The Daily Om

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Sentimental Lady

The following entry was originally  posted on December 4, 2007.  It remains my favorite post ever. December . . . the magical time of year is  upon us . . . yet in contrast, brings us the  longest and darkest nights of the year . . . perhaps delivering the  mystical powers of the moon. Isn't it all an illusion anyway . . .  how we perceive our lives? Where we are in life . . .  happy time, sad time, time of transition? The magical season is believed by many to hold miracles . . . Santa Claus and fairy tales. Miracles don't always come in pretty boxes wrapped up with beautiful bows . . . sometimes they don't come at all. What deems one person worthy of a miracle and the other not? Was it the degree of naughty or nice? I don't know and I'm trying to figure it out . . . who holds that magic wand? As I weave my tapestry of contentment for this magical season, joy comes in the form of memories of Christmas past filled with love and laughter in my heart. I miss JR so much that I STILL scream into a pillow to let the sadness out. It does help . . . but the withdrawals for a person that you loved and lost can't be compared to anything else in life. Every year as the pumpkins are decorated and set out in the night with candlelight to illuminate the darkness, the dread creeps up on me . . . the witching hour has arrived and it is time to be reminded that I should be joyous and happy. But I'm not . . . my fairy tale ended. The one who holds the magic wand is nowhere to be found . . . the only pumpkins I see light the night . . . at least it is not total darkness. I'm blessed and grateful for contentment of survival during my life's transitions . . . I have everything I need, even if not what I want. What I want lives in my memories and this season reminds me of what I lost . . . yet in this magical time I know miracles happen at their appropriate time when least expected. My real life fairy tale began on a Christmas night long ago when I thought the one holding the magic wand had forgotten about me another year. I met JR on Christmas night in a club that played country music, where a pop music princess and a rock & roll music freak would normally never be found . . . but there we were, both in an unlikely place on an unlikely night . . . the miracle of destiny awaited us and lasted a lifetime. Yes, I still believe in miracles and never lose hope that I will find that joy and happiness again when destiny calls me again. While this is a sad time of year for me, I have my family and it is getting easier as the years go by. Although I struggle with it, I am fairly well adjusted and can handle it. However, there are people in this world who have no one . . . this is the time of year suicides are on the rise . . . the joyous season is also the lonely season to many who have experienced some type of loss or hardship in their life. Reach out to someone you know who is not as fortunate as yourself this time of year . . . it could make such a difference in their life . . . I hope rather than bringing you down, I made you think about how fragile life is and to be so grateful for and appreciate those you love. Love like there is no tomorrow . . . Happy holidays my friends . . . peace, love and happiness . . . Sentimental Lady | Bob Welch Lyrics You are here and warm But I could look away and you'd be gone Cause we live in a time When meaning falls in splinters from our lives And that's why I've travelled far Cause I come so together where you are And all of the things that I said that I wanted Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you 14 joys and a will to be merry And all of the things that we say are very Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Now you are here today But easily you might just go away Cause we live in a time When paintings have no color, words don't rhyme And that's why I've travelled far Cause I come so together where you are And all of the things that I said that I wanted Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you 14 joys and a will to be merry And all of the things that we say are very Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one You are here and warm But I could look away and you'd be gone Cause we live in a time When meaning falls in splinters from our lives And that's why I've travelled far Cause I come so together where you are Yes and all of the things that I said that I wanted Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you 14 joys and a will to be merry And all of the things that we say are very Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Well sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one

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Don't take anything for granted

When we are supported by others, expressing gratitude tells the universe that we appreciate our good fortune. When we take the time to reflect upon the countless miracles that happen to assist us, we may notice that the change in our level of awareness will change the quality of our life for the better.

So often in life we tend to take things for granted. We may feel that we haven’t been given everything that we deserve. Reflecting upon the abundance of life, however, helps us develop a keener sense of awareness of our gifts. Thank the universe for its support today, and you will be able to gratefully accept everything that life has to offer you.

Source: Daily Om

I'm happy to be in survival mode . . . and surviving . . .

life could be better, but it could also be much worse.

 I'm grateful! 

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Changing consciousness

Why should we care about raising our consciousness? 

When we set an intention to change and grow, we begin a journey in which we move from coping, to learning and finally, to the enjoyment of living.

Here are some of the shifts we move through:

From dependence on the clock, to charting a direction, to moment-to-moment guidance from intuition.

From doing things right, to doing the right things, to being your true self.

From lack of self discipline to having personal willpower to serving divine will.

From being out of control, to being in control, to trusting and letting go of the need to control.

With each step, we experience greater freedom, fulfillment and joy. Worth going for, don’t you think?

“Every human has four endowments - self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom . . . The power to choose, to respond, to change.” 

Stephen R. Covey

Source: Higher Awareness

Change is never easy, whether it is good or bad, whether we are self-motivated to become the best person we can be . . . for any reason.

Having faith and trust in yourself through the changes helps with any life transition is the greatest way I have found to cope with change.

Although becoming a widow after a long and happy marriage was the most devastating event of my life, the lessons I have since learned about life in general . . . and myself . . . are proving to be invaluable lessons for the rest of my life.

The ultimate freedom in life is being able to roll with the changes and use whatever the situation is for greater good in the future. Life lessons can bring awesome change for the better if we only have faith and trust within ourselves to make good things happen.

Everything happens for a reason!

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TROUBLE

Trouble creates a capacity to handle it,
meet it as a friend,
for you'll see a lot of it and had
better be on speaking terms with it.

Oliver Wendell Holmes


We don't always see the opportunity for personal growth when life's troubles appear and seem to produce anything but stress and negativity.

Today I'm grateful to feel grief and loss on the anniversary of my husband's death, otherwise I would have never had the pleasure of his company in my life. Rather than continuing to feel negative, I'm choosing to ponder my personal growth since he's been gone . . . and realize that I have so much personal progress to be grateful for . . . as well as having the rest of my life to look forward to.

Today is the first day
of the rest of my life

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Courage

Courage is the greatest of all the virtues.
Because if you haven’t courage, you may not
have an opportunity to use any of the others.

Samuel Johnson

There have been days when getting out of bed took courage. In my greatest depths of depression, my energy was totally sapped . . . it will do that to you.

Have you ever been through
one of those phases of life?

Dealing with death does that to me . . . the grief saps me of all energy to keep going. In my opinion, grief is a form of depression . . . I recognized the signs when one of my best friends died recently . . . that feeling of no energy consumed me and felt so familiar.

Going through the motions of putting one foot in front of the other to walk is a monumental task in these times. Many think that some of these symptoms that are felt is merely the “depressed” person being lazy.

The misconceptions associated with mental health are cruel and lack compassion . . . this is the attitude that keeps a depressed person in the depths of depression when the emotional support that is so needed is not there, especially if they are made to feel like they are “worthless,” leaving them feeling even more helpless with lower self-esteem. It is a vicious cycle.

It is not a conscious effort to physically do nothing, but the emotional state of the depressed person almost makes the simplest things in life impossible. I have referred to “getting up when I fall down” in previous posts . . . that one thing is the most difficult to do when physically and emotionally, there is no energy in order to get up.

What it takes to overcome the depths of depression is inner strength and courage to go against that energy, fight it with everything within you, get up and keep going. As time goes by, I have learned the longer you stay down, the harder it becomes to get back up. At least that is how I see it, having been through it several times in my life.

Life changes, losses and bad circumstances will take you to that dark place, not just grief. There are all types of losses that feel like death . . . for example, divorce or loss of a job. It is the disruption of a lifestyle.

We are living in times of trouble and should exercise compassion with those close to us going through a difficult time . . . emotions are very fragile in those times of lifestyle changes.

I’ll close with these words . . . never say “get over it” to someone having a difficult time.

How have you dealt with a
difficult situation in life?

What are your coping mechanisms?

How do you maintain peace and
contentment in bad times?

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An abundance of enthusiasm

What do you do with your worries, problems, fears . . . and an abundance of enthusiasm?

For the past two nights I have not been able to sleep because of worries, problems and fears crammed into my thoughts that don’t want to shut down, holding on to every little detail of every concern and project that I have going on that I am way too excited about. My poor brain is on overload!

Sleep problems run in cycles for me and I know the major problem is the lack of a routine and way too much enthusiasm . . . have I mentioned that I’ve always been a workaholic?

As time goes on I am learning to let things go that are out of my control, pray about it and release it, like putting it in a little box that sits high up on a shelf in my closet that I can’t see. However, if I have control over the thing . . . I will make myself crazy over it.

The other day I wrote an article on the race of life and how we need to slow down and enjoy life. However, it occurs to me that a person with workaholic tendencies can’t slow down because they are enjoying what they do a little too much . . . at least I do.

Still . . . I’m grateful for way too much enthusiasm . . . the alternative is giving up in a time that I can’t find a real job.

How do you find balance in your life? What works for you?

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Nothing is impossible

Faith and a positive mental attitude work hand in hand in making things happen. A recurring theme of my blog is maintaining positive vibes and staying stress-free no matter what is going on in your life.

It took me along time to realize that I was making myself crazy over things that were out of my control . . . so much that I could not focus on those things that were in my control that could make a difference.

In my quest to turn my attitude toward life around, I have learned that our brains are subconsciously programmed. Our behaviors are guided by reactions determined through our thoughts. Unfortunately, for some of us, unpleasant events trigger those deeply rooted negative thought patterns.

With faith and a positive mental attitude, nothing is impossible. Every day I make a conscious effort to put my faith into action by the words I speak, determined by what I put into my inner being.

The good news is that I am learning how to reprogram my subconscious thoughts so I react differently when problems arise, making it so much easier to cope with life when times get rough.

Life is so much more pleasant with a smile on my face instead of crying and wearing an ugly frown.

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