Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever.(Isak Dinesen)
Worry is one of those emotions I could do without. It has been brought to my attention that worry is nothing but waiting for something bad to happen in the midst of good times.
Ironically, sometimes the self-fulfilling prophecy leads to not being happy unless the thing I worry about happens. Otherwise what I perceive as "intuition" is wrong. In my world, there is a fine line between worry and intuition. It is a lose/lose concept of thinking.
I'm starting to realize the concept of the above quote . . . life is way too short to worry about something that may not even be an issue to worry about . . . so why worry about it?
There is also a fine line between worry and paranoia . . .
The cause of suffering is desire. So taught the Buddha 2500 years ago. This was his second Noble Truth called samudaya, meaning arising. It is desire and associated feelings that arise within us as a response or reaction to our affliction, challenges or suffering. As long as we are alive we will always respond to what we experience. The initial responses are automatic reactions. These reactions need to be acknowledged, accepted and understood before any conscious decisions can be made regarding action. Everyone has needs and feelings. An enlightened person too has needs and feelings. So don’t think that if you eliminate needs and feelings you will be enlightened. You, in fact, would be deluded. Desire is necessary to help us grasp life in order to experience it more fully. The purpose of desire is to take us to the need, but usually our desire is a longing for things to be other than what they are. When desire is not used as an indicator to reveal and fulfill need, it will cause suffering, because we are using it for something other than what its purpose is. Desires are of two types: cravings and aversions, both of which lead to suffering. It is through these opposite attachments that we lose ourselves and lose the reality we are experiencing. We thus end up with inauthentic and superficial living. The suffering that results is to get us to live more deeply and to become more authentic. Living authentically means, in this application, to attend to what arises within us in a welcoming way, seeing that what arises is the need we have. To attend to the need is not the means to enlightenment. Attending to the need is enlightenment. Denial, shame, escapism, manipulation in relation to what arises is anti-enlightenment. The path to enlightenment involves the complete acceptance that suffering (dukkha) in the form of being born, working, handling relationships, growing old, and so on is an essential part of what makes us human. Desiring to escape from this reality, rather than embracing it as part of our journey inhibits our learning and blocks our expansion of consciousness. There is a solution to the suffering we experience, which is to let go of desire and to practice detachment so that compassion may flow and the Divine Presence be contacted.
Although much of the above article makes sense to me, it is my opinion that letting go of desire and practicing detachment is not being true to yourself. How does letting go of desire allow compassion to flow?If our desires are realistic, how can they end up hurting us? Can't anything in life have the potential to hurt us?
Be true to yourself . . . be realistic . . . never let go of desire. Desire is part of what makes us alive!
"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."
Henry Van Dyke
In the race of life, I have experienced all the above phases,although I prefer "time is eternity." The phase of waiting made me feel as though I was going through life standing in front of a pot of cold water ponderously watching it take forever to boil.
Fearing life itself does not make time pass swiftly for me, although the time that passes is painfully agonizing as fear gripped every moment of my life.
Too much of my life has been spent grieving those I have loved and lost . . . the phase seems to never want to go away once it rears its ugly head.
The joyous times have been way too far and few between and zipped by way too fast.
My times of learning how to be grateful for little things, having faith that "tomorrow will be a better day" and the belief that fairy tale love does exist has made all the frustrating phases of life worth the bad times. My belief that love is eternal . . .
Success is not the key to happiness.
Happiness is the key to success.
If you love what you are doing,
you will be successful. Herman Cain
Learn how to be happy with what youhave
while you pursue all that you want. Jim Rohn
Happiness is a mindset tied into expectations and attitudes. There have been days when I wake up expecting a bad day . . . and that is what I get. On other days, I expect to be happy and content . . . even bad circumstances don't get me down resulting in a fabulously happy day.
The difference is expectations and attitudes.
Success is not a destination, it’s a journey. Zig Ziglar Choice, not circumstances, determines your success.
Anonymous
Isn't happiness a choice that leads to success?
Although I believe in luck, fate and all of that, I also believe we make our own success and failures.
Isn't our perception of success and failure a mindset?
In my opinion, success comes from satisfaction and there is no greater satisfaction than loving what you do. Some choose a career merely for the money, others for the job satisfaction. Those doing what they love will perceive a greater success due to the joy associated with what they are doing.
"What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward that dream. That's the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one 'dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon. Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested."
Paulo Coelho, from his best-selling book The Alchemist
By engaging in frequent periods of stillness, we connect more easily with our spiritual center and benefit from a rested mind and body. We are often taught that doing nothing is counterproductive and lazy, which can cause us to develop the habit of busyness. While living productive lives is important, we also do need periods of rest and quiet in order to recharge our batteries. When we put aside all activities and allow ourselves a few moments of stillness, we immediately begin to feel more balanced and peaceful. The quietness of our mind and body eliminates distractions and allows us to forge a deeper connection with our spiritual center, and we regain our energy and feel more productive again. By giving yourself the gift of rest and restoration today, your feelings of fatigue should dissipate and be replaced with energized optimism again.
Since trust is a vital component in the formation of relationships, putting your faith in others is necessary when connecting with people on a personal or professional level. It’s easy to justify defensiveness when we look out into the world and see only potential enemies. However, mistrust can drive a wedge between you and others before you even have a chance to bond, thus making bonding impossible. When you approach people openly, assuming that they, like you, have good intentions, intimacy and respect are nourished by your trust. You will discover that others live up to your expectations by treating the faith you have in them as the gift that it is. When you trust that others will not try to deceive you today, you will begin to relate to people in a more productive way. Source: The Daily Om
Watching the stream of our emotions helps us become less attached to their effects on us. We can become overwhelmed by our feelings when we feel despondent. If we learn to let our feelings glide by us, however, we realize that our feelings are never permanent. While they may seem important at the time, they do not define our lives. We may even begin to notice that sadness often is a signal for us to take a rest from the outside world and find peace within ourselves. Learning to see the changing nature of your feelings today will give you the means to cope with any uncomfortable situation that arises.
What if tomorrow never comes? Have you lived the courageous life you've always been inspired to live? Have you taken risks, fallen down, stood back up, tried again and again and again until you finally got it right? Did you give it your all so when you look back you have zero regrets and lots of scars? Can you honestly look at yourself in the mirror and see respect staring back at you? Have you felt fear and done it anyway? What if tomorrow never comes? Could you honestly say you lived your life to the fullest? Could you say with a hearty "YES!" that you never ran away from love? Would you be able to say that you let the most important people in your life know how much they mean to you and that they aren't taken for granted? Would you change anything in the past or are you proud of the path you've taken? What is tomorrow never comes? Have you been able to embrace life's messiness and realize it'll never be perfectly perfect? Did you have the courage to stand up for what you believe in not minding the consequences, no matter what? What if tomorrow never comes? Would you have died with your music still in you? Would that precious gift that is only yours to give to this world die with you? Or would you and your gift live on eternally in the hearts of those it touched? What's true for you and me is that one day tomorrow will never come, what if it's tomorrow?
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One of the most difficult challenges we face in our quest to be compassionate is dealing with conflict.Those we love most tend to be the ones most likely to engage us in sparring that cuts the deepest. Why do we allow ourselves to use our harshest words and most acid tone of voice with the people we love most? Precisely because we love them most. We're counting on unconditional love. We know we are likely to be forgiven. We feel close enough to let our true ugliness shine. (Maya Talisman Frost)
The above quote pretty much says it all, but it is so ironic that we all seek that unconditional love from another person, yet these are the people who hurt us the most and we hurt back in return . . . or the other way around.
The quote also begs to ponder the question about using our harshest words that we know will hurt the most. We should not want to hurt that person we love so much, yet we try so hard to inflict as much pain on them as we possibly can. Why can't rational thinking people be kinder to each other when dealing with conflict, even if we totally disagree about something. It is one of the absurd oddities of life!
"It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others."
Sydney J. Harris
"We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are."
Don Miguel Ruiz
"There is no freedom like seeing myself as I am and not losing heart."
Elizabeth J. Canham
"If we could learn to like ourselves, even a little, maybe our cruelties and angers might melt away."
Love should feel good. Relationships that leave you feeling depleted, sad and making excuses are not based in love.
Often in our lives, we fall prey to the idea of a thing rather than actually experiencing the thing itself. We see this at play in our love lives and in the love lives of our friends, our family, and even fictional characters. The conceptualizing, depiction, and pursuit of true love are multimillion-dollar industries in the modern world. However, very little of what is offered actually leads us to an authentic experience of love. Moreover, as we grasp for what we think we want and fail to find it, we may suffer and bring suffering to others. When this is the case, when we suffer more than we feel healed, we can be fairly certain that what we have found is not love but something else.
When we feel anxious, excited, nervous, and thrilled, we are probably experiencing romance, not love. Romance can be a lot of fun as long as we do not try to make too much of it. If we try to make more of it than it is, the romance then becomes painful. Romance may lead to love, but it may also fade without blossoming into anything more than a flirtation. If we cling to it and try to make it more, we might find ourselves pining for a fantasy, or worse, stuck in a relationship that was never meant to last.
Real love is identifiable by the way it makes us feel. Love should feel good. There is a peaceful quality to an authentic experience of love that penetrates to our core, touching a part of ourselves that has always been there. True love activates this inner being, filling us with warmth and light. An authentic experience of love does not ask us to look a certain way, drive a certain car, or have a certain job. It takes us as we are, no changes required. When people truly love us, their love for us awakens our love for ourselves. They remind us that what we seek outside of ourselves is a mirror image of the lover within. In this way, true love never makes us feel needy or lacking or anxious. Instead, true love empowers us with its implicit message that we are, always have been, and always will be, made of love.
Since personal evolution is most often a slow and gradual process, it can be difficult to recognize the scope of the changes taking place in our lives. Yet it is important that we regularly acknowledge our ongoing growth and reward ourselves for the many wonderful feats of self-improvement we have accomplished. When we intentionally contemplate our progress, we need never feel that we are languishing between past achievements and the realization of future goals. If we look closely at our lives, we may see that much of what brings us pleasure in the present is representative of the ambitions of our past that we worked so hard to attain. At one time, the abundance we enjoy currently likely seemed like a far-off dream. Now it is simply reality—a reality we created through our diligence, passion, and unflagging determination. Whether our progress is fast or slow, we deserve to congratulate ourselves for our successes.
To remind yourself of the insights you have gained with time, temporarily adopt an outsider’s perspective and carefully consider how your life in the present differs from the range of experiences you lived through in the past. Creating a written list, in a journal or otherwise, of those strengths, aptitudes, and inner qualities you now attribute to yourself can help you accept that you are not the same person you were one year ago, five years ago, or 10 years ago. Your attitudes, opinions, and values were likely markedly different, and these differences can be ascribed to your willingness to accept that you still have much to learn. If you have difficulty giving yourself credit for these changes, think about the goals you realized, the lives you touched, the wisdom you acquired, and the level of enlightenment you attained over the past years.
Recognizing growth is neither boastful nor immodest. Evolution is a natural fact of life and becomes a potent motivational force when celebrated. Knowing that you are brighter, stronger, and more grounded than you once were, you can look forward to the changes to come. In acknowledging your growth, you build a sturdy foundation upon which you can continue to blossom well into the future.
When you look at a tall mountain from a distance, it looms very large indeed. It can be difficult to imagine how you could ever climb over it. Yet when you go right up to the foot of the mountain, you're likely to find a trail leading up the side. It then becomes obvious that by taking one step after another, you can indeed make your way over that mountain. Any challenge can be viewed in much the same way.
When it is a distant concept, the challenge can seem insurmountable. Yet when you get to the point where you're ready to take the first step, that challenge becomes less intimidating. Once you start working your way through, step by step, you begin to know that you will indeed make it to the other side.
Is there a challenge you've been avoiding because it seems too large and intimidating? Go ahead, step right up to that challenge, and you'll quickly see that it's not really as difficult as you had imagined. Working through challenges can add significant value to your world and can greatly improve the quality of your life. Go ahead, dive right in, and you'll know without a doubt that you can do it.
We’re always moving into new experiences, new possibilities. This constant change unsettles the personality, which finds security in stability. But with life always in flux, that security is an illusion. We experience pain by trying to hold on to things that are not solid.
Life becomes joyful when we can open to the constant flow and ride freely with it. This requires us to let go of the need to control. We need to learn to trust.
"Can it then be that what we call the ‘self’ is fluid and elastic? It evolves, strikes a different balance with every new breath."
-- Wayne Muller
It doesn't matter where you are in life, changes of all kinds are continuously evolving. There are times when you have to go back to a place a time to really appreciate present life challenges and realize that things aren't as bad as they seem.
The following post written over a year ago found me at my lowest point ever, struggling in every area of my life, standing at the crossroads of life, not knowing where I was going or which path to take . . . all I knew is that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, realizing life would be wonderful again.
It has been a challenging time for me professionally even though I am working at the place that is perfect for me at this time of my life. Nothing is perfect in life all the time . . . no matter what, there will be struggles and challenges to face.
Isn't that the nature of the beast?
The thing to do is know when it is time to recharge the batteries, be grateful for life lessons, look back at other times challenges were faced and know that they were conquered by taking life one step at a time.
Today I am charging my batteries, not feeling well and decided to take the day off to heal. After reading the following post, my batteries have been recharged and I'm ready to face my present day challenges knowing that I can do anything I set my mind to do.
Life is beautiful and I am very grateful for all the gifts that God has blessed me with since my life has drastically changed since the day I wrote the following post.
This post was originally written
12/12/08
Today has found me feeling that unsettled emotion that scares me so badly.
eBay suspended me because of low seller ratings from buyers for two things that they agreed to when they bought items from me . . . high shipping and handling fees and long shipping times . . . both are no secret . . . I'm an honest seller! I clearly disclose those facts. Now my eBay account is locked up until my "seller ratings improve" . . . I can't even edit anything in my store or stop an item from relisting since I have automatic relisting until the item sells on everything.
Through the years eBay has made it increasingly difficult to make money online . . . it was once an awesome way to make money . . . good money. I hate changes and feelings of insecurity.
eBay has been my only means of steady survival . . . something I could fall back on while I am on my job search. All this means is that I'm gonna have to jump at the first job that comes my way instead of finding something that is suited for me. I hate looking for a job while I have a job . . . to me, that is not being loyal. Hopefully I will get some short term work to hold me over until I find what I really want.
Damn eBay . . . I hate them! But . . . haven't I been holding on to something that has not been solid for a while? I had no idea the economy was gonna go through so many swift changes . . . nobody did!
As the dominoes fall all around the world, I'm not the only one holding on to shaky ground. It seems like the "world society" is bracing for the wildest financial ride of our lives. Very scary . . .
I've done all I can do from my computer as far as the job search goes. Several agencies have contacted me for interviews . . . so . . . I will probably be heading out for my mom's house tomorrow since everything is on her side of town.
Now that I think she understands to stop nagging me because it makes me very depressed to have so much negative energy coming my way, we can have another pleasant visit and I can be on the right side of town where all the awesome jobs are. I don't know what's happened to my part of town lately . . . even the big stores moved out.
I'll spend the balance of the evening packing up my stuff and prepare for another adventure. The ironic part of writing about changes tonight is how I am changing. It seems as though the changes are coming faster, I'm adapting to picking up and leaving the house for days and weeks at a time. There was a time getting in the car to drive to the grocery store was a major problem and someone had to go with me when I did leave.
On some days, finding those little things to be grateful for are difficult to find. It would seem that finding those things today could possibly be impossible, but they are not.
One thing about going through rough times and feeling like you have hit bottom . . . when you pick yourself up and see how far you've come, there is not much in the world that you can be more grateful for . . . other than healthy life itself.
Tonight I am looking back at those times when JR first died . . . I had times of not getting in a vehicle and going anywhere for months . . . years at a time. There was no reason for me to leave . . . JR did all the running around and he was so happy to have me home waiting on him. When he died, I was dysfunctional in so many ways and had to overcome many battles. Tonight I am grateful for those battles.
As I face an ever-increasing financial crisis, I am a stronger person who can almost laugh in the face of fear and struggles . . . I've been at the very bottom and I know I will never be there again. It is just a matter of going through the motions, doing what I've gotta do, keep making those incremental changes in my life.
The first step is finding that job that will make me financially secure, content with my life and find that job satisfaction that totally fulfilled me in the past. OK, so I'll be happy just making enough money to get me by until I find that perfect job for me.
And I do see the light at the end of the tunnel :-)
because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility."
Sigmund Freud
In his book Nobody’s Victim, Christopher J. McCullough explains, In order to live your freedom, you must first accept reality. ‘These are the choices, and given those choices, which do I choose?’ Whether the option you select is pleasant or painful does not alter the fact that, given reality, this is your preference.
"To live your freedom, it is helpful to stop and ask yourself, ‘Why am I doing this?’ and then notice whether, given the options, you are choosing what you really want, or whether you want to choose something else.... Sometimes the exercise of freedom involves naming your poison -- all choices may lead to outcomes that are in some way painful. But the real pain is that of feeling powerless -- denying your freedom."
"Freedom is man's capacity to take a hand
in his own development. It is our capacity
to mold ourselves."
Dr. Rollo May
Source: Soul Journey
Today I'm feeling grateful for the freedom of opportunity that exists in my world.
The quote from Freud is so profound in the context of my experience in the process of making money. I've been an "employed person" and have also been an entrepreneur. Both require responsibility . . . however, entrepreneurship provides the reward of freedom. Although responsibility also means being able to support yourself financially and being realistic about it . . . meaning giving up "freedom" in order to have the security of a paycheck and employee benefits in these times of a fickle economy that seems to be spiraling out of control.
What about "quality of life" and the denial of that freedom?
"Naming your poison" relates to working in a toxic environment where management is arrogant . . . so aware of unemployment rates and an unstable economy that makes a venture into entrepreneurship a very risky endeavor.
On the other hand, an economy driven by corporations on a hiring freeze makes those willing to take a risk into the freelance market an attractive alternative if you have the stomach for survival mode until you find the right niche in this fickle market.
The psychology of life is all a mind game and illusions of believing in yourself and having a positive attitude.
This is an older post I am transferring from another blog that was written around a year ago. It was a time of finally understanding who I am as a person . . . and the release of warped thinking, replaced with a positive attitude at a time when everything in my life was falling apart at the seams after struggling a very long time with so many issues after JR died. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
A year later, all the pieces of the puzzle are starting to fit into place.
There is no sweet freedom like peace of mind . . .
Originally posted April 15, 2009
In past couple of years I've taken time to ask myself the questions about life, happiness, desires and write about it. In going back and studying what I wrote, the feelings and emotions vs. what was going on in my life . . . how I felt was directly affected by my perception of whatever the situation was.
At different times, the same situation affected me a different way making the difference between peace and torment.
Unrealistic expectations set yourself up to fail.
This message in this song and in what I have learned through my writing and pondering life in general . . . we all hold the key to our life. Attitude is half the battle . . . believing in yourself and thinking positively makes things happen. Or gives the illusion of things happening, if only in your mind, which is the trigger to usually make things happen.
There is a saying in one of the books I am reading "Something More" . . . "some women wait for something to change, nothing changes, so they change themselves" . . . in other words, don't sit around waiting for things to get better or for something to happen that you want to happen . . . MAKE IT HAPPEN . . . believe in yourself because you hold the key . . . keep the expectations realistic . . . no one else can do it for you.
"Reachin' out to meet the changes
Touchin' every shining star
The light of tomorrow is right where we are"
We create our own magic as we create our own hell. Of course we are driven by circumstance, but it is what we do with them that make the difference in our lives.
Michael McDonald is one of my favorite singers, one of the most soothing voices ever . . . I've seen him in concert several times at different stages of his career. Sweet Freedom has always been one of my favorite of his songs. As I was listening to my playlist of his music, the words of this song grabbed a hold of me . . . like someone grabbed me by the hair and sat me down for a serious talk.
It is believing in yourself, knowing that you possess what you need to do whatever you want to do as long as you believe you can.
No more running down the wrong road for me . . . the wrong road is negative thinking.
