Fate, destiny and being alone

The following post was written at a time of missing JR so bad, feeling so alone, but having the faith that I would find love again, I was ready . . . I could feel my new love and that is so very special . . . a confirmation that you know that you know and have no doubt about your feelings, holding on to all the patience, hope and faith that everything will work out since it is meant to be.  

Fate and destiny.  
With passing time comes better understanding and the knowledge that life without the other will be virtually impossible.
Even though I had to wait another two years, I knew he was out there.  
I could feel his presence in my life way before he appeared. 
Isn't love wonderful?

This post was originally posted
 September 13, 2007

Alone . . . it is how things are meant to be for me at this time and place on my path. Prayers sooth my soul. Patience is what I ask for . . . I know this is where I am supposed to be . . . it doesn't matter how I feel, how anxious I am or how much I "want" . . . what I want doesn't matter.

After much contemplation and prayer, I envision "alone" as sitting on that bench on the beach . . . not a bad thing at all. Two months ago to this date I sat on that very bench gazing into the horizon, the glistening blue water, felt the wind blowing through my hair, with a cup of coffee in my hand, total peace in my head, contentment in my heart . . . I was totally alone and completely happy.

I was one with nature, talking to God, vowing to turn my life over to him to do as he will with the time I have left on this earth. What I was left with is the sound of two lonely hearts beating . . . I know I'm not to be alone much longer.

This is a time of healing, of gathering my thoughts and everything together, like getting ready to entertain and have a party . . . the table must be set, everything must be perfect for him. Time will do that for both of us. He knows I'm here and I know he's there . . . he feels me and I feel him . . . our eyes have not yet met.

Alone . . . this is how it feels to be at a crossroads of life, impatiently frustrated one day, positively anticipating destiny the next . . . and somewhere in between is lunacy, madness . . . a state of limbo and numbness.

I'm getting my life in order and he is doing what he has to do to prepare for me in his life too. Destiny awaits . . . the beat of my lonely heart feels the beat of your heart, I can hear you breathing with a sigh of the wind my love . . . you are so near, yet still so far away . . . but I'll wait as I pray for patience. You were made for me and I'm feeling you.

"And all the wonders made for the earth

And all the hearts in all creation

Another story there to be told"


And we will have our happy song to sing . . .

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Love is a Mystery

Being the hopeless romantic that I am, the one who believes in Prince Charming and Fairy Tales, love is one of my favorite subjects to ponder.

Love is a mystery for sure!

Ponder these questions that have come

to my mind and this

phenomena of chemical attraction and lust,

a chance meeting that can change your life.

With that thought in mind, I'm reminded of the

movies Serendipity and The Bridges of 
Madison County.

It is all about a chance meeting, awesome
chemistry between two people, love,
fate and destiny.


Why do some people affect us so profoundly
while others don't phase us? 


What is this chemistry that grabs a hold of us
like a strong magnet that refuses to let go?


It is not always about chance meetings and lust.

Why is it that you can know someone for a while
and then all of a sudden you feel that magnet pull?

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Head Over Heels

Something happens and I'm head over heels

I never find out till I'm head over heels

Something happens and I'm head over heels

Ah don't take my heart

Don't break my heart

Don't throw it away

lyrics from the song

Head Over Heels|Tears for Fears

As I was enjoying a relaxing morning sitting outdoors in what I consider to be perfect Florida weather, enjoying nature and feeling so thankful for everything I have been blessed with, thoughts of fairy tale love and fantasies came to my mind.  

The thoughts came out of nowhere!  Then this song started playing in my head and I remembered that I had written a blog post many years ago about the fairy tale love most women dream of.  So I decided to include this beautiful post about this aspect of love . . . fairy tales, fantasies and the dream of a future love yet to happen. 

Or maybe I'm just a romantic fool . . .

This post was originally published 

on November 1, 2007

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without.
If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with?
Fall head over heels.
I say find someone you can love like crazy and
who'll love you the same way back.
And how do you find him?
Forget your head and listen to your heart.
I'm not hearing any heart.
Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back.
Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this.
To make the journey and not fall deeply in love -
well, you haven't lived a life at all.
You have to try.
Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived".

[William Parrish] from the movie,
Meet Joe Black (1998)



This kind of love is worth the risk of getting hurt. It is pure and innocent, something uncontrollable to even the most composed and sophisticated person. The way you deal with it may be different than another person, but one thing we have in common as humans is not being able to control love. You can't, no matter how much you try. It just is . . .

My faith in meeting someone online is still strong since I continue to find men who attract me . . . that doesn't happen often in real life. Maybe it is because the internet includes the whole world instead of just a city, no matter how large.  Another variable is the emphases on personality.  After all, it is our first encounter with someone online.   The written word expresses ourselves more than the spoken word since we usually have time to think about what we are saying. 
I can't say finding someone attractive online happens every day or very often . . . in three years I would narrow it down to a few men . . . not many when you consider that I have spent considerable time in chat rooms and must have run into thousands of men online. So I'm not as fickle as you are thinking.

Something that still amazes me is the phenomena of "butterflies in the stomach" . . . have you ever been in love that much? There have been times when I felt physically sick with love . . . can't eat, no appetite. Losing weight is a sign that I'm in love, because the butterflies in my stomach make food very unappealing.

Then there is the heart "skipping a beat" thing . . . it does for me. Does that always mean love? Not for me, I don't think . . . although one person in particular makes me feel like a school girl teenager again . . . when I see that he is online or read something he's written, my heart skips a beat. If he has left a comment on my page . . . at first glance my heart wildly skips a beat. What it means is that I really need to meet this guy because I have some special chemistry for him . . . big time. He so inspires my writing about love and romance . . . guess who my fantasy man looks like. It is he who makes my heart skip a beat. 
He is the sign that everything is going to be ok . . .  I can feel this way about someone again . . . I'm alive again.

This is the feeling that begins the type of love described in the quote.
The happily ever after fairy tale love . . . Prince Charming & the Princess.
It has gone on since I got my first invitation to be his friend a while back. I feel like God throws me these weird little happenings, like a pleasant little joy to get me through the day. Kinda like a chocolate indulgence that you enjoy for the moment. 
I can't say I "love" this guy . . . I don't know him and never will, he lives in another world far away . . . let's call it a strange fascination that has gone on for quite some time that I have tried to ignore and just walk away with a smile on my face. He scares me . . . it is that "strange magic" thing with him.

He could have been put in my path to make the rocky road easier to walk. How could a total stranger so turn my head, capture my thoughts and feed my fantasies?  Diversions . . . God's little treats when life is otherwise not going well and needs us to keep the spirit.

Head over heels in love is what I live for . . . a true romantic who is in love with love feels that way about a love so beautiful that it is uncontrollable, wild and wonderful . . . especially when the feeling is reciprocated for real . . . and living happily ever after.

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Sentimental Lady . . . my favorite post from the past

As another holiday season approaches, this will be my second "normal" holiday since I became a widow. As with last year, I'm giving thanks  and being grateful for what we have individually been blessed with . . . good and bad. I continue to be grateful and thankful for finding my path . . . and the one to love and be loved by that I was searching for.  The awful feeling of dreading the approaching holidays of the past decade or so has been replaced with child-like anticipation, like it used to be before my world was turned upside down with the death of  my first husband. While I don't have a problem with the festivities of the holiday and actually looked forward to them this year, I still can't handle decorating the house for Christmas.  I just can't do it and don't want to. I will never EVER forget those awful tortured feelings of completely dreading the holiday and have a special place in my heart for those less fortunate . . . those who are dealing with those emotions this holiday season. The following entry is from the nightmare phase of my life and it is like I have always said . . . this too shall pass . . . and it did.  Thank God! The following entry was originally posted on December 4, 2007 and remains my favorite post ever. December . . . the magical time of year is upon us . . . yet in contrast, brings us the longest and darkest nights of the year . . . perhaps delivering the mystical powers of the moon. Isn't it all an illusion anyway, how we perceive our lives? Where we are in life . . . happy time,  sad time, time of transition? The magical season is believed by many to hold miracles . . . Santa Claus and fairy tales. Miracles don't always come in pretty boxes wrapped up with beautiful bows . . . sometimes they don't come at all. What deems one person worthy of a miracle and the other not? Was it the degree of naughty or nice? I don't know and I'm trying to figure it out . . . who holds that magic wand? As I weave my tapestry of contentment for this magical season, joy comes in the form of memories of Christmas past filled with love and laughter in my heart. I miss JR so much that I STILL scream into a pillow to let the sadness out. It does help . . . but the withdrawals for a person that you loved and lost can't be compared to anything else in life. Every year as the pumpkins are decorated and set out in the night with candlelight to illuminate the darkness, the dread creeps up on me . . . the witching hour has arrived and it is time to be reminded that I should be joyous and happy. But I'm not . . . my fairy tale ended. The one who holds the magic wand is nowhere to be found . . . the only pumpkins I see light the night . . . at least it is not total darkness. I'm blessed and grateful for contentment of survival during my life's transitions . . . I have everything I need, even if not what I want. What I want lives in my memories and this season reminds me of what I lost . . . yet in this magical time I know miracles happen at their appropriate time when least expected. My real life fairy tale began on a Christmas night long ago when I thought the one holding the magic wand had forgotten about me another year. I met JR on Christmas night in a club that played country music, where a pop music princess and a rock & roll music freak would normally never be found . . . but there we were, both in an unlikely place on an unlikely night . . . the miracle of destiny awaited us and lasted a lifetime. Yes, I still believe in miracles and never lose hope that I will find that joy and happiness again when destiny calls me again. While this is a sad time of year for me, I have my family and it is getting easier as the years go by. Although I struggle with it, I am fairly well adjusted and can handle it. However, there are people in this world who have no one . . . this is the time of year suicides are on the rise . . . the joyous season is also the lonely season to many who have experienced some type of loss or hardship in their life. Reach out to someone you know who is not as fortunate as yourself this time of year . . . it could make such a difference in their life . . . I hope rather than bringing you down, I made you think about how fragile life is and to be so grateful for and appreciate those you love. Love like there is no tomorrow . . . Happy holidays my friends . . . peace, love and happiness . . . Sentimental Lady | Bob Welch Lyrics You are here and warm But I could look away and you'd be gone Cause we live in a time When meaning falls in splinters from our lives And that's why I've travelled far Cause I come so together where you are And all of the things that I said that I wanted Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you 14 joys and a will to be merry And all of the things that we say are very Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Now you are here today But easily you might just go away Cause we live in a time When paintings have no color, words don't rhyme And that's why I've travelled far Cause I come so together where you are And all of the things that I said that I wanted Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you 14 joys and a will to be merry And all of the things that we say are very Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one You are here and warm But I could look away and you'd be gone Cause we live in a time When meaning falls in splinters from our lives And that's why I've travelled far Cause I come so together where you are Yes and all of the things that I said that I wanted Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you 14 joys and a will to be merry And all of the things that we say are very Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Well sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one

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Getting the groove back

    Get serious with your life?  Really?

Seriously, I still don't have a complete grasp of what I want to do when I grow up.  The big picture is a lot more focused, however, there is so much in between getting there and here in the today.

Although I had joined the world of employment when The Captain moved in with me, then he joined that world and we eventually settled on retirement until we could figure out the rest.

A new relationship needs time to develop into a life of its own. The two people need to define, experience and constantly tweak as individuals need to change and grow.  We have been so fortunate and I am so grateful we have had this time to find ourselves individually and each other as a couple in our new reality after living and sharing another lifetime with other people.

Second chances in life are awesome!

Getting the groove back into a normal life and tweaking and perfecting the groove is a lifelong learning experience!  Don't you think?  Tweaking our lives keeps from having a boring life, which is a good thing!

One thing The Captain has taught me is serious positivity with no room for negativity.

Although I realized this many years ago, it has not been easy since I grew up in a fairly negative environment that was my normal.  It still is to a certain extent, but I am able to switch gears rather quickly to get back into that positive groove.  When I do, the whole world looks different in a good way thanks to my sweetie.

It has been a long journey, but I really think the time around the following post was my turning point.  The Captain was already in my life and I had to get  serious about getting my groove back!

This following post was originally posted

 on November 14, 2010:

After escaping to the outdoors and away from this computer, the blahs I was experiencing yesterday magically disappeared.  It is easy to forget to keep a positive balance in our lives when we are in the midst of things we get bogged down with.     

Life is somewhat of a never-ending "to do list" . . . you gotta walk away from it at times . . . escape in whatever way that works for you in order to keep the balance necessary for an awesome quality of life.

Reactions and responses need to be in the present rather than the past in order to positively respond to life circumstances . . . easier said than done . . . it is sometimes a difficult balance.

The key is understanding the reason behind the reactions, especially the negative ones. The thoughts that immediately inspire the reaction need to be positive in order to turn the tides and make unpleasant experiences tolerable and easier to cope with.

As long as I can remember, I have journaled daily about my emotions, happenings, reactions and outcomes . . . it was easy for me to go back and identify my natural impulses and reactions to problems. At times, the analysis of my emotions is a ponderous process, however necessary to leading a normal life after a life trauma.

The difficult part is changing those reactions by not identifying them with anything from a unique past experience . . . it is gone and must be released. Replace negative with positive thoughts . . . attitude adjustment.

A life of peace, love and happiness is all about maintaining a positive attitude through good times and bad experiences . . . they all eventually pass . . . better to experience the situation with a healthy state of mind.  A healthy state of mind knows when to escape and chill out a bit . . . what I call "getting your groove back".  

I'm working on it . . .

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Finding Your Joy

Some wise words from Daily Om about happiness and joy . . .

Being happy doesn’t come naturally to everybody. It is your birthright to be happy, choose happiness everyday. Our lives are rich with potential sources of happiness, but sometimes we become victims of negative thinking because we believe that focusing on all that has gone wrong will provide us with the motivation we need to face the challenges of survival.

When we choose to focus on what makes us happy, however, a shift occurs in the fabric of our existence. Finding something to be happy about every single day can help this shift take place. The vantage points from which we view the world are brought into balance, and we can see that being alive truly is a gift to be savored. There is always something we can be happy about—it is simply up to us to identify it. On one day, we may find happiness in a momentous, life-changing event such as a marriage or the birth of a child. On another day, the happiness we experience may be a product of our appreciation of a particularly well-brewed cup of a tea or the way the sun shines on a leaf. If we discover that we literally cannot call to mind a single joyful element of existence, we should examine the cause of the blockage standing between us and experiencing happiness.

Keeping a happiness journal is a wonderful way to catalog the happiness unfolding all around us so that joy has myriad opportunities to manifest itself in our lives. Writing about the emotions we experience while contemplating joy may give us insight into the factors compelling us to resist it. Happiness may not always come easily into your life. You have likely been conditioned to believe that the proper response to unmet expectations is one of sadness, anger, guilt, or fear.

To make joy a fixture in your existence, you must first accept that it is within your power to choose happiness over unhappiness every single day. Then, each time you discover some new source of happiness, the notion that the world is a happy place will find its way more deeply into your heart. On this day, find one thing to be happy about and let it fill your heart.


Source: The Daily Om

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Attitude and adjustments

Attitude is a complex mental state.

Definitely an understatement!

It can be a mix of feelings, beliefs and values
. . . a combination of infinite variables.

Sometimes attitude is a result of a simple feeling.

Attitude can make the difference between
a positive or negative result.

Attitude builds perception in someone else's
mind whether it is true or false.

"You cannot control what happens to you,

but you can control your attitude toward

what happens to you, and in that, you will

be mastering change rather than allowing

it to master you."

(Brian Tracy)

"Men are anxious to improve their circumstances,

but are unwilling to improve themselves; they

therefore remain bound."

(James Allen)

"When you can live with all your opposite qualities,

you will be living your total self."

(Deepak Chopra)

Attitude adjustments don't mean changing who you are . . .

it is changing how you choose to react to a situation.

Always be true to yourself!

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Don't settle

"Don't settle because you're afraid you won't find something better. Don't compromise because you don't want to be alone. Give your perfect life, lover and job time and space to grow into our life. 

Don't rush, don't hurry. Take your time, be easy, have patience. Allow everything to come to you with your subtle guiding and intending. Your days of constant chasing with little reward are over. Everything you've ever wanted and more coming to you, you just have to let it in with love, receptivity and non-judgment."

(Mastin Kipp, founder of The Daily Love)

"The key is to listen to your heart and let it carry you in the direction of your dreams. I've learned that it's possible to set your sights high and achieve your dreams and do it with integrity, character, and love. And each day that you're moving toward your dreams without compromising who you are, you're winning."

(Michael Dell, founder of Dell Computers)

Why do we settle for less than our ideal?

impatience

It doesn't matter what the situation is . . . settling for a relationship that is way less than perfect because you just want to have someone in your life, rushing through a project and not even attempting to do our best because we just want to get it over with, impatient with ourselves to put forward enough effort to meet a challenge . . . I could go on and on.

Settling is a personal choice and each of us as individuals control our choices.  The key is to realize this.

It is better to want what you don't have than to have what you don't want.

Make choices that coincide with your ultimate goals . . . don't sell yourself short and believe in yourself . . . we all deserve the happiness it brings.

Don't spend your life wishing for something more . . . don't settle for anything less than your dreams and aspirations.

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Facing problems

Facing Problems

Running Away Versus Moving Forward

Source: The Daily OM

There are times when change—moving to a new city or a new home, or changing careers—is the right thing at the right time. But there are also times when the urge for change is really just a desire to run away from problems that need to be faced rather than avoided. These are the kinds of problems that recur in our lives. For example, issues with coworkers that seem to arise at every job we take, or repeatedly getting into unhealthy relationships. A move might temporarily distract us, and even cure the problem for a time, simply by taking us out of the situation in which the problem fully manifested itself. 

However, the problem will eventually appear again in our new situation.


One way to make sure you aren’t running away from your problems is to notice whether you are moving towards something that is exciting in its own right, as opposed to something that is appealing only because it is not where you are now. For example, if you are leaving a city because you feel you can’t afford it, you could be reinforcing poverty consciousness, and you might find that you are unable to make ends meet in your new city as well. It would ultimately be less of an effort to stay where you are and look more deeply into your beliefs about money. You may discover that as you address these issues, you are able to make more money simply by changing your mindset. You may still decide to move, but it will be an act with a positive intention behind it and not an escape, which could make all the difference.

Any pain involved in facing our issues is well worth the effort in the end. When we face our problems instead of avoiding them, we free our energy and transform ourselves from people who run away into people who move enthusiastically forward.

It is all about fear.

Fear keeps our present situation alive, no matter how awful or how much we desire to make the change.  It is easier to sweep it under the rug and just run away from whatever it is.  Been there, done that!

Doesn't fear produce negative thinking?

Just a change in our mindset to one of a positive nature can make the changes possible.  Most of the time, it takes small steps, depending on the fear.

If you are stuck in an emotional rut, perhaps it is time to assess your situation, define your goals and break down the necessary steps to make it happen.

Write them down!  Start a journal to track your progress.  The motivation to keep going is greater when I periodically go back and see how far I have come with my fears.

One of the most important questions to ask yourself . . .

Why am I scared?

Be honest with yourself!

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Recharging my batteries

Sometimes I just have to take a break from the computer and recharge my batteries.  Actually, I have taken a break from everything but relaxing.

We took advantage of a special that our cable provider was offering on premium channels and I have really enjoyed watching movies.  Quite the contrast from my normal routine of watching too much cable news, food and home channels.  In the past it was very difficult for me to sit down, relax and watch an entire movie. Now I can!

My new doctor has completely revamped my meds and I have not felt this good in years.  I have weaned myself off of the habit forming drugs my former doctors have prescribed.  It has made all the difference in the world.  

While I was transitioning to the new meds, it was a great time to recharge my batteries and be grateful for everything I have been blessed with.

Seems like overnight, those things that have been weighing heavily on our shoulders are being solved . . . like, we are finally getting a new well drilled and I will be so grateful for running water again . . . and . . . our income has doubled since my social security situation has been resolved.  Happy times!!

The Captain and I are living one of my favorite sayings . . . "good things happen for those who wait!"

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