Fear and Emotional Honesty

It is sad to live in a world where honesty is feared.  People are nosy by nature and always want to know "why" for so many things.  The tendency to pry into the life of one who is not so easy to get close to is a sure way to make them run away and never come back.

What does that have to do with emotional honesty?

"Being honest in a relationship means you tell the truth. 

If you are lying, that puts a barrier between you and the other person. 

Maybe ask yourself the reason you are lying. 

Are you hiding who you truly are? 

Are you hiding because of your own judgments or is it really likely that the other person will reject or criticize you if they know the truth? 

If you are lying, then the relationship loses intimacy and safety.

Being honest doesn’t mean the same as passing judgement or making assumptions or giving an unsolicited opinion. Being honest is not saying something hurtful because you are hurt. Being honest means you express your emotions accurately and in a loving way. You stay on the same side. You don’t blame, name-call, or use the relationship to control what the other person does. Emotional honesty, factual honesty and respect support and nurture loving connections."

Source

The above is an excerpt from an article published by Psych Central, "Four Characteristics of Soul-Fulfilling Relationships" written by Karyn Hall, PhD.

Even a "little white lie" can chip away at trust in a relationship.  A lie is a lie is a lie . . . a betrayal, no matter how small or large.

When someone lies to me, the first question that usually comes to mind is "why did they tell the lie to begin with."  It continues from there . . . "How many times have they lied . . ."  I could go on and on.

Half truths are much like lies.  My intuition always tells me when something important is being swept under the rug.  Those things that are under that rug can start a roller coaster ride that sometimes goes out of control.  Trust flies out the window . . . and it also depends on the type of relationship you have with this person.

On the flip side . . . I started this post about fear of honesty.  It has been my experience that people in general are very insensitive and love to judge others. Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves.

Call it paranoia, but in the past I have been so judged about my varying phobias and how I deal with them that I have gotten to where I don't want any new friends and having to "explain" why I can't do this or that.  It isn't worth it anymore.

I recently arranged to meet up with a childhood friend at a restaurant close to home and my "comfort zone."  We lost contact with each other after high school.  Actually, I was feeling pretty positive about seeing her again.  Then I got the message that her husband wanted to meet half way.  That place would have taken me way past my comfort zone and I just didn't want to explain why I could not comply with the request that, under normal circumstances would be considered reasonable.  

So, I cancelled and deactivated my Facebook account so I would not be asked to explain with all the dreaded questions about "why" . . . which leads to judging and even more questions that make me so uncomfortable.  Yes, I know she now thinks I am nuts, but probably would not have understood my issues anyway.  So I ran away from it.

In this case, honesty would have taken me to an all familiar uncomfortable place from my recent past that I don't want to be at again.  I'd rather not have new friends.

Most people don't "get" phobias and I'm tired of explaining them.  Just when I think I am managing better and take steps to move on, a situation arises to make me take many steps back.

It all makes me sad . . .

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Run Baby Run

This post is about a writing from the past.  I've been going through old posts from blogs no longer published and being nostalgic about where I've been as far as my emotions go.  This one is about running away . . . The Captain is trying to teach me not to do this anymore and I see my progress, yet recognize some old traits.

She's searching through the stations,

For an unfamiliar song,

And she pictures all the places,

She knows she still belongs,

And she smiles the secret smile,

Because she knows exactly how,

To carry on


lyrics from the song
Run Baby Run by
Sheryl Crow






ORIGINALLY POSTED OCTOBER 2007


There are three words I use all the time

that really do describe who I am best


♥♥♥ Peace, love & happiness ♥♥♥


That is my balance, my ying/yang thing . . .

when they are not in balance, I run to find it.



I'm lost without it

JR knew how to keep me there

and since he's been gone,

I've been lost.



I began finding it again through my keyboard

in the little box that sits on my desk

and in the words that come from my heart,

expressing myself, finding myself

I love to write about life.

"Past the arms of the familiar,

And their talk of better days,

To the comfort of the strangers"

I'm searching for that unfamiliar song, since I've said goodbye to the old familiar faces in my life, the backstabbers and the phony people who graced my life with smiles and beauty when they have to while they carry the knife behind their back.

I ran from my real life
and I'm still running

My life is not in balance, there is no peace, there is no happiness . . . love? Honestly I don't know. I always run before finding out. First I need to know who I am and that is what I'm trying to do here.

I don't like to get hurt . . . does anyone? My emotions are still raw and wounded from losing the most important person in my world.

He's gone and I'm still lost
still trying to figure out who I am

All that to explain I'm vulnerable and I sometimes let someone get close to me, not often. I write about my life very honestly and candidly, but few get inside my heart and soul. When I do, it is because I feel absolute trust in my heart . . . like a child instinctively trusts their mommy.

When that person uses something they know about me against me . . . it knocks the wind out of me. It momentarily destroys me, blinds me to the core of my being.

I know all those years as a professional in the corporate world should have made me hard and unfeeling, calloused to cruel people. I am to a certain point. All the classes, seminars and rah rah sessions I attended through the years to learn how to deal with people should be enough, huh? It was. I'm an awesome professional. My defense is that I don't let many past the personal walls I have built around my heart and soul. There are few that I allow close enough to hurt me.

I'm fiercely competitive and I hate it when someone takes me on. I'd rather run . . . I'm emotionally tired of fighting these type of people and they know it. It gives them power over me. I want happiness with peace and hopefully lots of love.

So I run and they win
Is anything worth a fight?
Not anymore
Honestly, I think I will be happier just writing and not involving myself with the social networking thing anymore. I've made lots of awesome friendships that I will maintain and forget about having the big page with the big social network of constantly meeting new people and the constant hope of meeting my Prince Charming. I'm over it. For now, I just want to write and be creative.
God will provide me with what I need

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Love your anxiety?

The first step in using wisdom is finding ways to take a negative and turn it into a positive.  Right?

While hating my anxiety with a passion, this article is making me want to re-train my mind in the way I think and react to it.  

Quoting from the article . . . 

"We get it, too much anxiety is not good; when anxiety reaches the point where it impedes your day-to-day functioning, that's too much anxiety; and we accept the fact that anxiety has roots in evolutionary terms, enabling adaptive responses that can be life-saving."

Click on the link for some ideas on enabling adaptive responses to your anxiety.

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Give Me A Break!

Sometimes finding the answer is as easy as taking a break and stepping back from the situation.

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our thoughts that we wind up going round in round in circles, finding it difficult to concentrate on things and, because we are so distracted, not really accomplishing much.

There may be signals—mental, emotional, and physical—that tell us we need to slow down and relax. Since we are so involved in things that are external to us, however, we may easily overlook what is really going on inside of us.

It is during these times that we need to step back from the things that occupy our minds and take time out to connect with our inner self, giving our minds, bodies, and spirits the time they need to reenergize and heal. 

Giving ourselves respite from our daily concerns is like giving a gift to ourselves. By stepping away from the problems that seem to saturate our thoughts, we lessen the weight of our troubles and instead become more receptive to the wisdom and answers the universe has to offer us.

 Source:  Daily Om

Crawling out of my latest emotional darkness resulting from unexpected feelings brought out by the terrorist attack in Orlando has not been easy.  It has been a matter of shutting my thoughts down and finally getting the rest I need.

You don't know how important quality sleep is until your body tells you it is time to catch up.  So, not feeling so well this morning, I decided to watch television in bed and try to relax.  After getting constant sleep through the afternoon, I woke up to an awesome energized feeling.  Not totally energized, but getting there.

The hardest thing for me to do has been turn off the news.  I'm a news junkie!  Seems like I thrive on it. After a good start, I am back to watching the news channel again.  What can I say?  I'm a geek!

My latest endeavor is watching the news with a new perspective . . . don't fret what you can't change, things that are happening are happening and I just have to change the way I react to it.  The Captain picked up the remote control as if to change the channel when he caught me yelling at the television.  They can't hear me!! I must remember this and react accordingly.  It isn't worth getting all upset over things that stupid people do.

That is when I thought I would try to change my "rainy day in New York City" . . . so far so good.  I've even made it through this ridiculous discussion about the release of the 911 calls and how it was done.  

Everything will be fine until I hear about the non-Trump people's latest idea of dumping Trump.  Perhaps they need to catch up on some sleep and just chill out.  Give me a break and just accept who "the people" voted to be our nominee.

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Coping with death and grief amid a senseless tragedy

"Each of us is more than capable of helping the world, despite our fears and limitations and the uncertainty that holds us back. It is commonly accepted that it is impossible to make a difference without unlimited funding or free time, yet most healing, cleansing, and spreading of joy is accomplished in a matter of minutes." 

Source

Almost a week has passed since the terrorist attack on the nightclub in Orlando.  It has taken me all this time to make an attempt to write about how I am feeling aside from the politics of it all.

Being the compassionate person that I am, it has hit me to the pit of my soul with tremendous grief that I can't explain.  I don't know any of those affected by one man's anger and rage, but I can stand in their shoes in my thoughts and prayers for them.  News reports that featured the loved ones and victims brought me to tears that didn't go away after the report.  It was the same for me after 9/11.  

Senseless tragedy . . . these young people were here one moment enjoying a night out on the town, the next moment groveling on the blood filled floor next to dead bodies fighting to survive or huddled in a bathroom with countless others also fearing their impending death.  And then there are the victims who were left on the floor for days in a pool of blood.  The visions are haunting me.

One survivor's story really hit me hard for some reason.  His legs were shot and he could not walk.  When police came in to rescue those who had survived, he had to be drugged on the floor through dead bodies, glass and blood to get him outside in order to be transported to the hospital.  You could see the pain in his eyes as he told his story.  A nightmare none of them will soon forget.  I know I will not soon forget.

In addition to feeling the pain of these people, those who had to wait way too long to learn of their loved one's fate . . . days of agony . . . the survivors who feel guilty for living after witnessing hell on earth (I could go on and on) . . . I am feeling extreme helplessness and a sinking feeling for our world society.

Those of us who have experienced the sudden death of a loved one, the shock of a nightmare that will live with us forever and the acceptance of "life as it is now" can somehow relate to the pain of losing those young people whose potential in this world had not yet been found.  Their lives had just begun.  Senseless tragedy and the long road of surviving grief that has just begun.

It made me sick to my stomach as our president visited those same people going through so much pain and grief who had to endure the rants of a politician playing politics.  Not the time and place!  He should be ashamed of himself . . . but it is exactly what I thought he would do.  Adding insult to injury . . . isn't that special?

All this talk of the realization of the world we live in has made me extra apprehensive about leaving the house and the return of agonizing anxiety.  I have been fighting this problem for years and in many ways have proven that I can conquer it, only to remind me of one of the reasons I am fearful to leave my comfort zone. All I know is that in the midst of weaning myself off of anti-depressant and anxiety medication, I'm confused on how to proceed with my struggle to become normal again.

I feel better after letting my feelings out into words . . . writing has always been my best therapy.  I hope you do the same if you are experiencing the same feelings.  Let it out . . . start a private blog if don't want the world to know how you feel.  I hope by making my feelings known, it helps even one person going through the same anxiety and . . . I wonder how many people out there are feeling the same.  

Amid the hopeless feelings for this precious world and those affected by the tragedy, all I can do is pray and have faith we can all learn to cope with our ever changing world.

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Deep Well of Confidence

Today's horoscope says that I could experience a sense of satisfaction by being acknowledged and appreciated by others today.

My question is this . . . can't the same sense of satisfaction be achieved by having a well of confidence in yourself and knowing when a job is well done?

The following is a quote from DailyOM . . .

"When we learn to praise ourselves and build our self-worth, we discover a deep well of confidence and inner strength that we can consistently rely on.

Though it is natural to desire validation and praise from others, acknowledgment from others can be an uncertain prospect at best.

We can be a much more reliable and constant source of self-acknowledgement and recognition. When others do praise or admire us, their acknowledgment becomes a nice bonus that we can freely enjoy but not be dependent upon.

By choosing to take responsibility for your own self-worth today, you can also enjoy praise from others while knowing that their recognition is simply the icing on the cake."

Icing on the cake is a good thing, however, it is not always available . . . don't depend on others for an awesome sense of satisfaction.  Set attainable goals, always do your best and give yourself kudos when they are deserved!

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Grief: How We Survive

I could have written this poem . . . 

it perfectly describes how we survive grief.

Mark Rickerby wrote this poem following the death of his brother:

If we are fortunate,

we are given a warning.

If not,

there is only the sudden horror,

the wrench of being torn apart;

of being reminded

that nothing is permanent,

not even the ones we love,

the ones our lives revolve around.

Life is a fragile affair.

We are all dancing

on the edge of a precipice,

a dizzying cliff so high

we can't see the bottom.

One by one,

we lose those we love most

into the dark ravine.

So we must cherish them

without reservation.

Now.

Today.

This minute.

We will lose them

or they will lose us

someday.

This is certain.

There is no time for bickering.

And their loss

will leave a great pit in our hearts;

a pit we struggle to avoid

during the day

and fall into at night.

Some,

unable to accept this loss,

unable to determine

the worth of life without them,

jump into that black pit

spiritually or physically,

hoping to find them there.

And some survive

the shock,

the denial,

the horror,

the bargaining,

the barren, empty aching,

the unanswered prayers,

the sleepless nights

when their breath is crushed

under the weight of silence

and all that it means.

Somehow, some survive all that and,

like a flower opening after a storm,

they slowly begin to remember

the one they lost

in a different way...

The laughter,

the irrepressible spirit,

the generous heart,

the way their smile made them feel,

the encouragement they gave

even as their own dreams were dying.

And in time, they fill the pit

with other memories

the only memories that really matter.

We will still cry.

We will always cry.

But with loving reflection

more than hopeless longing.

And that is how we survive.

That is how the story should end.

That is how they would want it to be.

- Mark Rickerby (c) 1997

Published in The Grief Toolbox

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Burning the candle at both ends!

Have I bit off more than I can chew? 

That is a question I have been asking myself lately!  

The Captain and I have finally opened our Etsy shop, Crows Nest Jewels.

I've briefly written about my work obsession and my typical workaholic tendencies.

In my professional life in the corporate world, I burned myself out and could not go back and enjoy the work.  However, in the world of entrepreneurship, it is a totally different animal.

Honestly, I don't know when to stop and my days and nights are flying by and running into each other.  I rarely go into my personal Facebook accounts anymore and I'm really losing touch with the real world except for my obsession with keeping up with the news.  The Captain and I have truly ventured into the bohemian lifestyle of sleeping like cats . . . no set time, no real routine or sleep schedule.

Even with everything said, I am realizing that it has given me a lovely light indeed.  My last phase of feeling lost after retirement came to mind when I felt the need to write.  Obviously, that feeling is gone and I could not be happier about it.  That lost feeling is not good.

What I need to build into my work routine is "life balance" that includes doing real life things that don't include work.  While it is an awesome thing to enjoy your work like it is play, balance is also very important.

Writing this post is my first step back into my real world.  Tomorrow, my mom and I are going shopping, something we have not done in ages.  Next week, we will celebrate with family as my cousin's son gets married.  In the next two weeks, we have three appointments that will take us to MacDill Air Force Base.  The Captain has kept his balance, making time to go fishing, work in the yard and work on the hobbies that make him happy.  Hopefully, this first step will lead to a "normal" routine of life balance for me.

For now, I've been working on setting up the shop, selling my vintage jewelry collection and promoting/networking through social media.  I can't wait to start being creative with making my jewelry designs, something else I need to work into my routine.  Another obsession . . . 

"Burning the candle at both ends" has been one of my favorite sayings since I was a young adult entering the professional world.  Work for me has always been a measure of success, so I always tend to live the quote.

In the meantime, I will strive for life balance.

The origin of the saying goes back centuries!

from Figs and Thistles: First Fig By Edna St. Vincent Millay:

My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—

It gives a lovely light!

from Phrases.org.uk:

The saying was "first coined in the 1700s. The 'both ends' then weren't the ends of the day but were a literal reference to the two ends of a candle. Candles were useful and valuable and the notion of waste suggested by lighting both ends at once implied reckless waste. This thought may well have been accentuated by the fact that candles may only be lit at both ends when held horizontally, which would cause them to drip and burn out quickly."

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New year philosophies

Isn't it funny how everyone looks forward to this day so we can say goodbye to the old year that is soon to pass on and give way to the new hope of tomorrow?

Maybe it is just human nature to hope what is ahead is better than what was. The grass is always greener on the other side thing . . .

It got me to thinking about a good year.  Do you want the good year to never end?  Will the new year and the new hope for tomorrow jinx what has been awesome?

For me, the new year has always been symbolic of a new beginning, a change . . . we make resolutions to make ourselves a better person.  By the way, I gave up on making resolutions a long time ago.  However, for a deep thinker like me, this day has been making me more aware of positive things that will help me be a better person in different ways.

The end of this year has been awesome.  I won't beat a dead horse with the details of the year's beginning. I can only repeat what I always say, "this too shall pass" . . . and it did.

All it really is . . . the normal passage of time that spans from one year to another, one day into another, one minute to the next, one second at a time.

As I become older and wiser, my philosophy has slowly changed.  The Captain has had so much to do with these changes and I'm so grateful to have him in my life.

The new philosophy involves having faith that everything will be ok, for real and accepting whatever comes along as quickly as possible.  It is a deepening of my favorite saying, "this too shall pass."  We don't have control over what happens from day to day.  We do have control over how to react to it.

Happy New Year's Eve . . .

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Just One More Day

There are times my thoughts go to having one more day with the loved ones who have left my life.  It never gets to the point of pondering the question "what would I say" and how would I feel in the end.  

Would I go through grief of this person leaving my life again?

Would it bring up more regrets or questions?

One more hug would be awesome, but would it be enough?  

Would it make me want more and more, making the grief intensified?

I didn't get to say goodbye to JR, my nana or nano.  What would I have said? How do you say goodbye to someone who has been such a big part of your life?


Death and resulting grief has to be the most difficult thing to deal with in life. Everyone has a different way of dealing with it.  I write and let my feelings out, it helps me.  Some people hold it all inside, like in denial of any hurtful emotions.

The Grief Toolbox, the website, has really been helpful for me.  The graphic comes from there and is just an example of how they post those articles, poems and so much more that make me think about something I had not thought about before.

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The Power of Awareness

"Ask how you'd live your life differently if you knew you were going to die soon, then ask yourself who those people you admire are and why you admire them, and then ask yourself what was the most fun time in your life. 

The answers to these questions, when seen, heard, and felt, provide us with an open doorway into our mission, our destiny, our purpose."

- David Hawkins, from his book Power Vs. Force. Hawkins is an American psychiatrist, mystic, author and spiritual teacher in Sedona, Arizona.

Asking yourself questions are the stepping stones along your journey, one stepping stone at a time, providing assistance for guidance on your path.


When I tell people that I ask myself questions to learn more about myself, I can almost see them scratching their head in disbelief at what they just heard me say. My technique is to ask the question when I'm behind my computer so I can start writing and take my mind where it wants to go.


In times of high anxiety and I don't know why, I'll ask myself what am I bothered about. It usually brings out those little things that have been bothering me, then I can move toward more questions and working on the problem. The unconscious mind holds so much that we often don't think about, but it is in there . . . festering. Better to get it out in the light!


In some cases, it is like venting to another person and letting things out rather than staying inside and festering. It is much better to keep some thoughts to yourself unless you are looking for feedback from the other person. I just want it out of my thoughts, the writing is like a little box I can put it in and place at the top of the closet until I'm ready to take it down and deal with it.


Back in the day, I would write letters to people I was upset with, but didn't want to confront. I always went through with sending the letter, many times regretting it later. Sometimes just writing the letter is enough . . . it gets thoughts and bad feelings out of your system. Bad idea and a cowardly way to deal with people! I'm happy to say that I have moved past this practice by asking myself the questions and writing about it. Write the letter . . . don't send it!


I can really relate to the quote from David Hawkins and love the questions. It got me to thinking about asking more questions along his theme.


Give yourself the power of awareness, knowing and understanding your feelings and emotions as well as those close to you.

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Nature's Peace

"But much of what we truly need can only be found under the naked sky, alongside tall trees, on open plains, or in the sound of running water.

When you step out of your door each morning, pause for a minute and close your eyes long enough to let your senses absorb your surroundings. Listen and breathe deeply, until you hear the wind rustling through branches, smell rain on damp grass, and see the reflection of leaves brushing up against windowpanes.  

Taking a walk under the stars or feeling the wind on your face may be all it takes for you to reconnect with nature. Remember, you are as much a part of nature as are the leaves on a tree or water bubbling in a brook." 

Source: DailyOM

Through the years I have learned to appreciate nature's peace as time has passed.  

Job stress drove me to retire unusually early from a career that I truly loved, but the stress of office politics got the best of me in the end.

As I gained an appreciation for nature's peace, I built up an intolerance for office politics. I'm the type of person who would rather walk away over having to deal with unpleasantness.  It is something that I'd rather not deal with.  Life is way too short!

However, there were times when it was necessary to just bite my tongue, turn the other cheek and ignore what was happening around me, no matter how unpleasant it was.  It was also in those days when I still had patience with faith and hope in people.

The utilization of breaks and lunch hours outdoors kept me going in many jobs that were unpleasant since the place of employment happened to be situated in a very peaceful outdoor setting where I could escape for just a little while.  It made it tolerable.

One of my last jobs left me so burned out that it affected me emotionally.  That is when I turned to a psychologist for help.  After a while, it occurred to me that I could heal myself in my way.  

I turned to nature.  My back yard became my paradise, a sanctuary where I could escape, established my goal to make it a beautiful place of serenity and enjoy the gifts that God gave us in nature.  

Those changes made all the difference in my life.  They were the happiest years of my first marriage, which was a blessing since he passed away at such a young age.  But I had the peace of mind that I made the last years of his life so happy.

Simple things in life became priceless and for the most part, I wanted no part of those things that cost money and cluttered my house. Money took a back seat in my life as the lifestyle of Simple Abundance took over.  

And it all started with nature's peace . . . God's gift to all of us!

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Bring out the positive vibes!

My goal has been to learn how to bring out the positive vibes, changing the attitude of negative thinking I learned as a child.  

Growing up, it was assumed the day was going to be a bad one.  My dad was a miserable person and it was his goal in life to make everyone around him miserable as well.  

The mood was negative most of the time, except for my nana, who really tried to make up for my dad's awful attitude.  She gave me the spark of goodness and hope.

In my case, it has been natural for me to assume the negative possibilities before it happened.  My sweetie is slowly but surely changing my negative thinking to positive.  There are days I wake up automatically possessing the positive vibes and having a wonderful day.

When I think of The Captain's lifelong attitude of positive thinking, I am envious.  Why?  The power of positive thinking actually makes one a happier individual, making for an awesome quality of life.  

Unfortunately, I can only imagine how my quality of life would have been different and how it would have changed the course of my life. 

I wish my dad would have died having experienced at least some truly happy times. 

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What do you really need?

Powerful words from Dr. Wayne Dyer.

I've finally reached that place in life where I have realized what I need.  To love, to be loved, good health and enough money to live comfortably.

The money part can be subjective.  Some people need more than others.  I'm happy to have a roof over my head, electricity and utilities, computer and internet, good food, a reliable vehicle and going out to eat on occasion.

Since I'm retired, I don't need to be buying clothes and shoes all the time. hmmmm I don't remember the last time I bought a new outfit.  It doesn't matter.  I have enough clothes in my closet!

We stick to a strict budget and plan for special purchases, which includes those things we really don't need, but want.  I can't explain how special those "want" purchases are now . . . I appreciate them.  

In my working days everything I wanted was a need and I didn't do without. What that got me is a house full of stuff I really don't need.  I didn't appreciate the emotional value of anything.

It made a huge difference in my life.  

Do you know what you really need?

"You have succeeded in life when all you 

really want is only what you really need." 

Vernon Howard

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Never Apart

A part of you has grown in me
and so you see, it's you and me, 
together forever and never apart, 
maybe in distance but never in heart


I've been thinking back to the beginning of my relationship with The Captain.  We met unexpectedly online, started off with endless emails and moved on to having a bluetooth stuck in our ears 24/7.

We were both experiencing not so pleasant life transitions and clung to those phone conversations as if they were a lifeline.  At least for me they were.  Both of us worked at home and had all the time in the world to get to know each other.  We even spent holiday gatherings together on the phone as we celebrated with our respective families.  They thought we were crazy!

Long distance love is truly a strange phenomena.

The bond that I had with The Captain was unlike any I ever had in real life . . . it was so much stronger and it didn't seem possible since our eyes had yet not met.  Seriously!!

The bond with a very special person I had never met in person, had never touched, yet felt as if I had been touched as I had never been before seemed
like a beautiful dream that kept getting better.

It is as if we were never apart, even though we had never been together, and felt we had been together forever.

The constant fear was that I am not the person that he imagined me to be. I tried not to think along those lines, however, it was a strong reality. 

Isn't that normal with an online romance?

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