Monday, March 25, 2024
Sunday, March 24, 2024
Loud Silence
It has been a weird time. Yes, the silence is loud. Sometimes it is hard to breathe. I need to write and let this out, but I really don't know what to say. I'm enjoying being alone in my silence, but it would be great if he was here with me. Only him. God knows how much I miss him.
It was so good to finally see my family again after all these months, I missed them so much. However, words have been difficult to find and conversation is so difficult right now. The Captain and I were rarely without words. He is the only one I want to talk to, but I never will again.
Yes, it is a difficult time, but this too shall pass.
Thursday, March 21, 2024
Don't give up now
But really, do I have a choice?
I guess it was his birthday, a trigger day that started me on the roller coaster again. Just when I was starting to feel better.
I'm so tired of feeling better only to slip back into this funky phase of grief. The good thing is I have writing about it to help me get through the awful moments.
If it seems like I am ready to give up going on with my life and having a normal life again, the answer is hell no, I will never give up. I got through losing JR and I will get through losing The Captain. He taught me that life does go on . . . he made it possible for me to do so. It isn't easy, but life isn't easy.
Wednesday, March 20, 2024
Love With No Place To Go
All that talk about positivity has gone out the window. I find myself overthinking everything. My happy, carefree attitude of taking one moment at a time has disappeared. It is what grief is all about. One must be ready for it to get through it quickly. I'm trying!
The trick is to figure out how to pull yourself back to a comfortable place that is sometimes so difficult to find.
Love with no place to go is rough and heartbreaking.
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