Dance to your song

“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” Walt Disney

It is so much more fun when negative thinkers remind you that “it” is impossible and they are shown otherwise.

I’ve always danced to my own song and of course, I have had my share of failures. However, you can’t accomplish anything if you think that it is impossible . . . most people won’t even try at the risk of ridicule from others and the dreaded words “I told you so.”

Walt Disney has always been one of my “success” role models. Having gone through bankruptcy and being seen as a “failure” by his friends, can you imagine the ridicule he must have gone through when he discussed his next business endeavor that involved a cartoon mouse?

I think of Walt Disney every time I get a bizarre idea that others would deem impossible. Failure is not what I think of. What I think of is the success of the Walt Disney empire and the cute little mouse that is loved by many generations.

Another saying from a song from the movie “Cinderella” . . . “a dream is a wish your heart makes” . . . one of my favorite quotes and still one of my favorite stories of all time. Cinderella believed in herself enough to go to that ball and ended up living happily ever after with her Prince Charming.

Never stop dreaming . . .

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Walk away . . . be true to yourself

I’ve “walked away” many times in my life for the sake of being true to myself. As I contemplate choices for my future, I have been thinking of those many times I’ve thrown caution to the wind in order find true happiness and my ideal quality of life. Since my husband died, quality of life issues have become much more important to me in the scope of a lifetime that can be gone in the blink of an eye.

The last occurrence of walking away was a couple of months ago when I just walked out of a high paying position with a corporation who is still operating profitably in desperate economic times, offering unlimited overtime and all kinds of perks.

After more than a decade of leaving the corporate environment for my sanity, a poor financial state made it necessary for me to attempt another return while vowing to remain true to myself and do those things that don’t make me stressed out.

It didn’t take long before I found myself driving home in tears, feeling overwhelmed and unhappy with the knowledge that jobs are not easy to find these days and thinking about the money.

Two months later, I’m still unemployed and struggling as a once successful internet entrepreneur hanging in there waiting for the economy to bring back buyers to my internet stores. Fear is in control of buyers, including myself. So far I’ve had enough to make it.

Despite the financial obstacles . . . I’M HAPPY because I am doing what I truly love and being true to myself. Hopefully the masquerade of a “real job” is finally over and I can put down the roles that I’ve played unsuccessfully so many times . . . my final curtain call.

The decision has been made to undertake yet another entrepreneurial internet endeavor with a friend. I’m having faith that I can be financially secure and true to myself forever . . . such is the life of a free spirit in search of peace, love and happiness.

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Loving the joys in life

A simple thing like having my computer back to almost normal after being hit with a nasty virus that took months, weeks and lots of patience to get rid of has made me a deliriously happy person today. I knock on wood and say a little prayer as I say that I got rid of it . . . I thought I had been rid of it before and it came creeping back to wreak more havoc.

Since my computer is where I make a living and I have been broke, I had to be inventive and figure out ways to attack this virus as I did not have the money to go out and buy another computer or a hard drive . . . or even take it to someone to fix.

My stubborn determination paid off for me this time, although my computer system is a complete mess. I’ll figure it out and learn something new at the same time . . . I’m not a computer systems geek, just a general computer geek.

When the challenge made me angry enough to find the way, I treated it as a game . . . the computer virus had to be defeated. As I sit at my computer working and finally able to play music again, I feel the satisfaction of accomplishment . . . and the music has brought me so much more joy today than in the past when it was an ordinary thing in my life.

Sure, I have been majorly bummed out about having these computer problems compounded by the accidental death of a close friend, slow internet sales and no steady job with benefits . . . BUT I try to be aware of and grateful for the little things that bring joy to my life and know that I will be touched with many little joys that bring a smile to my face.

It is called simple abundance. Finding joy in those little things in life make the big struggles tolerable. Since adopting this lifestyle way over a decade ago, my life has changed from the career woman who drove home in tears every night after a day of work. I’ll take smiles and just getting by over lots of money and tears any day. It is a choice of a simple lifestyle and realizing that ordinary can be awesome.

The downward spiral of the economy has found many of us in a bad place in life and I am so grateful that I have learned how to cope with the obstacles by loving the joys in life which brings peace to my soul.

Tomorrow is another day and I feel awesome changes are coming in my life.

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Success and happiness

Happiness . . . it isn’t one thing in particular that is universal for everyone. What makes one person happy isn’t necessarily the thing that will make another person in the same circumstance happy. It depends on our wants and needs meeting up with joy and contentment . . . and what your definition of “success” is.

Success was determining the wants and needs that results in joy and happiness for me since I spent most of my life not knowing. Now that I know, success is living my life fulfilling my wants and needs.

In the past, success was measured by the monetary value of my paycheck, yet I wondered why I didn’t feel fulfilled. My wants and needs that have a price were taken care of, but the wants and needs that made me content were not. For someone else, the determined monetary value of their paycheck may define success for them, however, success is measured by the emotion of contentment that holds much value for me.

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Unconditional acceptance

It is the mindset that set me free and started the healing process . . . unconditional acceptance of my life circumstances. What else can you do when life abruptly changes and you have no control over it?

You can’t make yourself crazy over things you have no control over. It is a matter of picking yourself up, accessing the situation and making the best of what life has thrown at you with the hope that tomorrow will bring the solution.

Whatever the life change, from that point on, attitude and mindset is in control. You can either go back to bed and pull the covers over your head or work toward positive change that you do have control over.

It is easier said than done, however, when one stops fighting what has happened with life circumstances and the incremental changes of a positive attitude takes over, the outlook can be a much happier one. I’m living proof . . .

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An emotional commitment

I’m at a good place in life, so grateful for everything I have been blessed with. Every day brings incremental changes to my life that brings me closer to the person I’m happy to look at in the mirror and pleased with the character of that reflection who smiles back at me. She is his lover and the woman of his dreams learning how to be the best person she can be.

No matter how impatient I have been at times, if I want something that is beautiful and lasting as the long and wonderful life I had with JR, I can’t settle for just having someone by my side . . . and taking the one who happens to be passing by at the time.

Love is so much more than a piece of paper or companionship . . . it is an emotional commitment and should be what dreams are made of and even more . . . enhancing the other person’s life like nothing else in life can do . . . it is the missing piece of life’s puzzle.

Who is he? The man of my dreams . . .

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Escape from Paradise

A look back at two different times in recent past where I was transitioning from being a "hermit" to a somewhat "normal" person who was contemplating an escape from Paradise into the real world.  This post was written shortly before returning to the world of a "real job."

Originally posted on April 8, 2008
My goal for 2008 was to turn my life around and find happiness and contentment . . . a purpose. Today the thought occurred to me that while God is throwing signs at me from all directions, I only see the ones that I want to see, not the ones that he intends for me to see. The signs were all there and I even mentioned it in the following post from last year . . . I was being pushed out the door. I needed to ESCAPE FROM PARADISE.

Changes in my lifestyle had to be made since my life circumstances had changed and I had to change with them no matter how much I did not want to. Don't we all hate change? Don't we all have to do things that we don't want to do sometimes in life? I was holding on to a variation of the past that no longer was. God wanted me back out in the real world interacting with real people or else my online business would have continued to thrive as it once did. And I would still drift through time with no schedule, no sleep pattern and no purpose.

I've discovered I have a voice again. For someone functioning "normally" in this world of interacting with people, it is going to sound strange . . . but I would go through periods of total silence not speaking to anyone . . . I spoke through my keyboard, writing in my blogs since I isolated myself from people and became a hermit-like creature living in a cave, never to be seen or heard from in the real world. 
 I remember hearing the story of a man who had died watching television and was not found until a long period of time after he had passed away . . . it scared me that my life would end up like that if I continued in my hermit ways.

Just as 2008 was the year for me to turn my life around, 2007 was the year of realization and discovery for me as I made incremental changes throughout the year, preparing myself for the big change that was to come, not knowing what "it" was.

As I transfer my entries to Blogger, it is another realization to see how far I have progressed in changing my life and knowing that the direction I have taken is the right one for me at this time in my life. It is all so clear to me now, especially after reading the following entry from last year.


Originally posted on January 29, 2007

On occasion I have to do those pesky little things like go to the grocery store and actually leave my house and pry myself away from the computer. And I hate every minute of it!

As I got out in the real world of nice people who turn into demons behind the wheel of a car in traffic and little old ladies who go to the grocery store to socialize and take up the whole aisle, creating a back up for those of us who just want to go in, get what we want and leave, I realized that I actually enjoy and LOVE the solitude of my little world that I call Paradise.

After having a very long, soul searching discussion with my mom, who spent most of the day with me, it was so clear to me. Being home is what makes Gina happy, truly happy . . . making money at home and doing what I want, when I want without depending on anyone for anything. It gave me a new-found determination to make my online business work, even though I have no idea how I will pull that off since it has been dying a torturous death since eBay really started messing with seller fees and making it impossible for anyone to make a profit except for eBay. 

On the other hand, being the type of person I am that sees everything as a "sign", I have seen it as God pushing me out the door to a "real" job so I can get a social life as well as make money. 

The analysis of these signs and

my wants are having a struggle!

In the scope of my world and the things that are tormenting me at the moment, two things loom prominently . . . 1) no one to love and spoil . . . 2) finding a way to make a comfortable living online again . . . otherwise, my life is perfect. Really it is . . . and I live a very simple life where money does not rule my world, so it takes very little for me to be peaceful and content with my life.

The issue of "how am I going to survive" has been the major problem this past year as the online retail market has made drastic changes . . . not for the better. Since my husband died, I made a very comfortable living on eBay selling new and vintage costume jewelry and all of a sudden . . . crash . . . boom! 

Thank God I have many talents and probably would not have a problem finding employment, but I would not be true to myself. I go back and forth on this issue and really hate to make a commitment to a real job feeling this way. My heart has to be in it . . . just like anything in my life. I'm passionate about everything I do . . . nothing is done half way. So . . . committing to a job after being self-employed for over a decade . . . well, not sure if I can handle it to be perfectly honest.

This is another time of rambling and thinking out loud . . . my blog is also the journal my expensive shrink taught me how to keep a long time ago . . . letting everything out, analyze all angles . . . and maybe helping someone else going through the struggle of life changes in the process. It also gives my future soulmate a look into what goes on in my head and will know what he is getting yourself into with me . . . lol. I have nothing to hide! This is the real me with no pretenses or phony baloney stuff. What you see is what you get.

My real life paradise before it became a jungle (a small part of my massive back yard) . . . this is a short term goal . . . tame the jungle a bit so I can regain the sanctuary aspect of my property . . . and I can do it if I don't have to punch a time clock . . .

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