Sentimental Lady

The following entry was originally  posted on December 4, 2007.  It remains my favorite post ever. December . . . the magical time of year is  upon us . . . yet in contrast, brings us the  longest and darkest nights of the year . . . perhaps delivering the  mystical powers of the moon. Isn't it all an illusion anyway . . .  how we perceive our lives? Where we are in life . . .  happy time, sad time, time of transition? The magical season is believed by many to hold miracles . . . Santa Claus and fairy tales. Miracles don't always come in pretty boxes wrapped up with beautiful bows . . . sometimes they don't come at all. What deems one person worthy of a miracle and the other not? Was it the degree of naughty or nice? I don't know and I'm trying to figure it out . . . who holds that magic wand? As I weave my tapestry of contentment for this magical season, joy comes in the form of memories of Christmas past filled with love and laughter in my heart. I miss JR so much that I STILL scream into a pillow to let the sadness out. It does help . . . but the withdrawals for a person that you loved and lost can't be compared to anything else in life. Every year as the pumpkins are decorated and set out in the night with candlelight to illuminate the darkness, the dread creeps up on me . . . the witching hour has arrived and it is time to be reminded that I should be joyous and happy. But I'm not . . . my fairy tale ended. The one who holds the magic wand is nowhere to be found . . . the only pumpkins I see light the night . . . at least it is not total darkness. I'm blessed and grateful for contentment of survival during my life's transitions . . . I have everything I need, even if not what I want. What I want lives in my memories and this season reminds me of what I lost . . . yet in this magical time I know miracles happen at their appropriate time when least expected. My real life fairy tale began on a Christmas night long ago when I thought the one holding the magic wand had forgotten about me another year. I met JR on Christmas night in a club that played country music, where a pop music princess and a rock & roll music freak would normally never be found . . . but there we were, both in an unlikely place on an unlikely night . . . the miracle of destiny awaited us and lasted a lifetime. Yes, I still believe in miracles and never lose hope that I will find that joy and happiness again when destiny calls me again. While this is a sad time of year for me, I have my family and it is getting easier as the years go by. Although I struggle with it, I am fairly well adjusted and can handle it. However, there are people in this world who have no one . . . this is the time of year suicides are on the rise . . . the joyous season is also the lonely season to many who have experienced some type of loss or hardship in their life. Reach out to someone you know who is not as fortunate as yourself this time of year . . . it could make such a difference in their life . . . I hope rather than bringing you down, I made you think about how fragile life is and to be so grateful for and appreciate those you love. Love like there is no tomorrow . . . Happy holidays my friends . . . peace, love and happiness . . . Sentimental Lady | Bob Welch Lyrics You are here and warm But I could look away and you'd be gone Cause we live in a time When meaning falls in splinters from our lives And that's why I've travelled far Cause I come so together where you are And all of the things that I said that I wanted Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you 14 joys and a will to be merry And all of the things that we say are very Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Now you are here today But easily you might just go away Cause we live in a time When paintings have no color, words don't rhyme And that's why I've travelled far Cause I come so together where you are And all of the things that I said that I wanted Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you 14 joys and a will to be merry And all of the things that we say are very Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one You are here and warm But I could look away and you'd be gone Cause we live in a time When meaning falls in splinters from our lives And that's why I've travelled far Cause I come so together where you are Yes and all of the things that I said that I wanted Come rushing by in my head when I'm with you 14 joys and a will to be merry And all of the things that we say are very Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one Well sentimental gentle wind Blowing through my life again Sentimental Lady Gentle one

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The Perfect Love, The Perfect Home

An awesome article on love!

By Mastin Kipp Perfect Love is like the perfect home. Both are built on a strong foundation, so that even the wildest of storms could not shake it. There is lots of space with room to breathe. You can travel far and wide and know that your home is still there, waiting for you to return. The perfect home warms you when you are cold and cools you down when you're too hot. Over time, your home grows to suit your changing wants and needs by making expansions. Of course you keep your home clean, neat and tidy. You wipe away all the residue of fears and vacuum away mistakes and misunderstanding, while recycling your Love.

The perfect home, like the perfect Love has many tall crystal clear windows, so you can see inside it, but has the options for blinds in case you have some private work to do. Your home is connected to the rest of the world through a modem, and your Love is connected to the rest of the world through your understanding that we all want a place to call home.

Regardless of what the market is doing, your home remains strong. It waits for you while you go out there and make it happen, with patience for your efforts.
And if for some reason the time comes for a new home to be found (no matter how large or small), know there are even more adventures to be had and be grateful for the ones that have come so far.

And if you're really lucky, you will grow old with someone who feels like home who has perfect Love for you, too.

No matter what, home is where your Heart is, and your Heart is always in what you Love. This is perfection.

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Disappointment

"The sudden disappointment of a hope

leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment

of that hope never entirely removes.”



“The size of your success is measured by the

strength of your desire; the size of your dream;

& how you handle disappointment along the way.”

Disappointment . . . a feeling of dissatisfaction

that results when your expectations are not realized.

Once again I am in the process of restructuring my blogs . . . this is an older post that defines the struggle I've experienced since becoming a widow. Life changes can grab a hold of you and turn you upside down . . . over and over again. In my new way of perceiving life with a positive attitude, I try to think of disappointment as what is thrown at us so we can appreciate the good things and times in our lives.

Since the following post was written, I've experienced several more deaths . . . close friends and family members . . . the grieving process never stops . . . and neither does disappointment. It is all a cycle of life.

Originally posted on August 25, 2007

Disappointment is the emotion I'm dealing with this week and until today have not been able to define exactly what I have been feeling.

A long time relationship recently ended, I'm still dealing with the grief and adjusting to losing my spouse, several friends disappointed me recently in a major way that I am having a difficult time getting over, I turned another year older last week and I'm disappointed with myself for not having myself together by now . . . hmmm I don't think I need to go on with the "whys" . . .

Understanding the emotions that disappointment and grief has thrown at me is what I needed. So today's quest is to deal with my feelings of disappointment and grief as they relate to my life circumstances . . . understanding each one is a part of the process of healing.

Some important points . . . when something is lost, you will experience stages of grief, sometimes disappointment, to varying degrees. The length of time is determined by the value a person places on what was lost.

Like I'm losing the ability to hear music coming from those awesome music players that I was so happy to find . . . it is one of life's little pleasures for me to have music play on my posts. A simple thing, a minor irritation . . . those are little disappointments that irritate the hell out of me, but are out of my control and I shouldn't worry about it, but it still makes me crazy since these things hold a degree of importance in the quality of my life. Not grief, just disappointment and irritation.

However, the loss of an important relationship . . . disappointment with the circumstances and grieving the death of a long time relationship. I've been trying to sweep the grief under the rug because I need to get over it and why was I feeling that way about another man anyway . . . guilt would come in waves at loving another man. It does not work that way, you can't ignore anything that really bothers you . . . it festers inside of you and turns into more than what it really is if you don't deal with it . . . whatever it is.

Problems of any kind don't just go away . . . like all the boxes in my house that I procrastinate about won't go away . . . I have to deal with them.

When JR died, I was so strong I amazed everyone around me . . . I didn't want those close to me to worry about me, I had to be strong for his mom who was falling apart.  It has to be heartbreaking to lose a child.  My mom was ready to fall apart but was strong like I was being to be there for me (vicious cycle).

There were times I just wanted everyone to leave me and go home so I could cry without ceasing. And if I was not strong, hold everything and everybody together, everyone would have fallen apart. In many ways I did, but I hid it from everyone close to me. They had no idea how hard I took it . . . at times I fooled myself. Little did I know that resisting these emotions rather than allowing myself to go through these stages only prolonged the process of acceptance and healing.

In my studies, I've learned that the grief process may take you through the different stages of denial, anger, guilt and acceptance in an unpredictable order several times, making you feel like you're getting nowhere. But if you work through each one as it comes, you will eventually come to the stage of acceptance where there is a sense of hope and well-being and purpose.

I've been through all of them . . . and I still live with insomnia, restlessness and anxiety which are also part of the process. I have approached acceptance . . . which is the stage where you accept the reality of what happened and know that regardless of the loss, life will go on and it can be good.

Disappointments keep me from believing my life can be happy again . . . like how can one person be lucky enough to find the degree of happiness I had in my former life again, even if it is a totally different life of embracing my solitude and being happy with whatever I end up doing. I don't see it because of all the obstacles and hurdles I have had to jump and feel like I'm getting nowhere as far as happiness goes. Sometimes, like this past week, I get tired of trying and just want to settle with the motions of breathing, be grateful for life and wait to die.

The only thing that keeps me going is that I know that God is in control and He can work in my life to accomplish His purposes . . . sometimes it is difficult to keep the faith . . .

I'm not looking for pity and I'm not having a pity party . . . this is me trying to understand and deal with what I'm going through and hopefully helping someone else cope with a similar circumstance.

Disappointment is universal, we all feel it in varying degrees and we go through similar stages of dealing with it . . . or we should . . .

Be grateful for all your blessings

no matter how small they are!!

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Love and miracles

Where there is great love there are always miracles.

Willa Cather



The lyrics of a popular song proclaims love can move mountains . . . "there isn't a mountain high enough to keep me from you." In reality we know that love can't move a mountain, however, mountains are seen as obstacles . . . easily removed by love . . . sometimes not so easily, yet possible. In my opinion, the emotion of love is the most powerful force in the world . . . where there is love, anything is possible.

True love in itself is a miracle. How many people live this life and never find true love? It has surprised me in the years of writing about love and romance to find the number of people who have not experienced love in the true sense of the word.

The revelation of those staggering numbers of people who have never experienced true love made me so grateful that I found that true love, even though I am now a widow, but nevertheless, I experienced that magical emotion for over two decades. It is ironic that human nature allows us to not know what we have until we lose it . . . and when we find it again, we recognize it . . . and truly appreciate it for the miracle that true love really is.

It is amazing how one small gesture from the one we love can make a bad day almost disappear . . . a kiss can magically make hurts less painful. Taking a line from another popular song, "I've got sunshine on a cloudy day" . . . love can provide these miracles . . . or so it seems at the time.

True love is beautiful and everlasting . . . and goes beyond til death do us part.

I'm blessed that I have found it again!

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Work in Progress

December 6, 2009
Fluid Work in Progress
Leo Daily Horoscope

You may have a purposeful focus and be determined to continue along the path to your dreams today. This level of dedication can help you make great progress, but it can also cause you to become overwhelmed with frustration if events don’t go the way you planned. If you take a moment to think about the ways your goals have changed during the course of your life, you will realize that goal setting is a fluid, ever-changing process rather than a fixed destination.

With this new flexible outlook, overcoming obstacles today will become a simple matter of increasing the intensity of your efforts or shifting your direction to find a way around them. By choosing to see our goals as a fluid work in progress, we give ourselves the flexibility and stamina to stay motivated over the long-term. While a rigid approach to our goals can result in feelings of frustration in the face of challenges, a flexible approach can help us keep readjusting our efforts in order to achieve the most beneficial progress.

Just as we grow and change during the course of our lives, our goals must also shift to reflect who we are at any given moment. By choosing to see our long-term goals as fluid rather than fixed, we empower ourselves with the ability to stay motivated and excited, even when facing challenges. With a flexible focus on your goals today, you will create a greater level of stamina and develop an optimistic outlook that can help you stay the course.

I must admit that I have recently experienced those feelings of overwhelm and frustration, although I am the happiest I have been in a very long time since I am hitting many of my goals.

Sometimes I expect way too much from myself . . . like starting a new job and having the strong desire to bypass the learning process and effortlessly getting on with the daily routine.

Then there is my frustration with my relationship with The Captain . . . he's there and I'm here . . . and I still don't really understand it, although I do in many respects. It is such a contradiction, but that is what makes me crazy at times. I've found the man I love and want to spend my life with, we were together and in love . . . although it was a bit of a rocky road . . . now we are still in love, but with distance between us. Maybe we both needed it and was too soon to move in together.

Through all of these feelings regarding both my professional and personal life, I remain ever so optimistic that I am on the right track and a wonderful work in progress, no longer hopeless, lost and misguided.

Today I'm feeling so grateful for second chances in life . . . The Captain and I could have very well split up after he left, but our love has remained stubborn and continues to grow by the day. I'm grateful to have found a man who truly loves me and wants forever rather than a brief affair.

I'm overwhelmed and so grateful for being blessed with a job working at that place that gives me a purpose every day of my life, making a difference in the lives of others. I'm grateful for that feeling of satisfaction it gives me and the feeling of being so appreciative of everything that God has blessed me with that I have taken for granted for way too long. I'm grateful my eyes have opened to this reality.

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Nurturing love

When we reach out to nurture and care for others, we use the power of love to transform their lives. Most of us think of love as an emotion that we feel for another person. While this is true, love is also a powerful, transformational energy we can direct toward others. By expressing love to another person, either verbally or physically, we transmit a powerful healing energy that can transform them. If they are willing to accept this loving energy, it can help them to heal and become stronger. You can make a powerful difference in the lives of your loved ones today by generously sharing your loving, nurturing energy.

Source: Daily Om

There is nothing more fulfilling than feeling the satisfaction of helping someone in need . . . you made a difference in their life, no matter how big or small the difference is. Sometimes even a smile can go a long way . . . for another person possibly having a bad day, that moment can be the trigger of bringing on a better day for them.

My new job has brought out my compassionate side and I'm living that satisfaction daily. People in need, those less fortunate than I . . . for whatever reason . . . they touch my life as well, making me so grateful for everything wonderful I have been blessed with.

Keeping a positive attitude and existing in a pleasant mode is a form of love and caring for those who surround us . . . a good mood is contagious and spreading positive vibes can make a difference in our close relationships.

Making a difference in the lives of those we love . . . the beauty of co-existing in this world with someone we love deeply who returns that love . . . it is nurturing that can heal just about anything . . . at least that's my perspective on nurturing love.

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Regrets . . . or Stepping Stones?

"Your regrets aren't what you did, but what you didn't do. 
So I take every opportunity."

- Cameron Diaz


"You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done.
 It is what you haven't done that will torment you. 
The message, therefore, is clear. Do it! 
Develop an appreciation for the present moment. 
Seize every second of your life and savor it. 
Value your present moments. 
Using them up in any self-defeating ways
 means you've lost them forever."

- Wayne Dyer



"Never give up and good luck will find you."

- Falcor, is the Luck Dragon from the awesome movie "The NeverEnding Story" which came out in 1984.



Love Comes in Many Forms
By Meredith Banker 

(http://www.twitter.com/actressgirl218)

Love comes in many forms
Self-love is the best
It is better to want than need
But everyone needs
Find the need in yourself
And fill it with what you want
I wish; I grow
I challenge
I look for those who challenge my heart, my soul, my expansion
I am expanding and it is a beautiful thing
I always want, I always stay hungry
Never sacrifice yourself or your dreams to fulfill someone else's needs
I breathe, I am alive; I awaken the fire within me
Do not let your soul be deprived of its vision
Accept, awaken, enlighten
Challenge yourself
Do not look to others to challenge you
I see right through you

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Regrets? Of course I have them . . . everyone does one thing or another in their life they wish would have never happened. But I choose to see those things as life's stepping stones, not regrets even if the situation didn't turn out as I had planned.

In my entire life, there isn't anything I would do over again because I would not be in this place and time in my life. Everything happens for a reason . . . even failures or those things we perceive as failures. My greatest lessons came out of what I perceive as failure.

On the other hand, I don't have those type of regrets because of something I really wanted to do and didn't do since I always try to make myself happy. Those actions have not always been successful, in fact, some were the most devastating failures of my life. However, I appreciate the lessons learned from those failures and can never go back and wonder "what if" . . . I was true to myself and what my intuition and heart wanted.

Just do it . . . whatever it is that you think will make you happy . . . don't have regrets!

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