Hope

Every night we go to bed,

without any assurance of being alive the next morning

but still we set the alarms to wake up.

That's HOPE

It is also faith.  As a person who has a broken spirit, I know that without hope and faith, the possibility of becoming whole again is bleek.  I have lived it.

I have also become whole again after brokenness, never losing faith that everything was going to be OK again.

It is human nature to succumb to disappointing life changes.  You can't beat yourself up over it.  Attitude determines the degree of healing and how long it takes to get there.

At this place in time, grief has once again gotten a grip on me, but I know I will get through it.  There is no grief without love and love is worth the effort to fulfillment in life.

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Who do you think you are?

As I continue to transfer my blog posts from an older blog,
I am reminded that you must first walk through the fire
before you get to that peaceful place in life.

NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!

"The race is on to get out of the bottom,

The top is high so your roots are forgotten,

Giving is good as long as you're getting,

What's driving you it's ambition and betting,

I said who do you think you are? "

Lyrics from the song by

Spice Girls - 
Who Do You Think You Are?

Originally posted on August 24, 2007

Comments from the original entry on Yahoo 360 follow the entry

Happy Friday, another week has flown by, huh? As my life runs in its typical patterns of ups and downs, another bad time is lifting and I see the sun again. I must say that my horoscope earlier this week was right on target and I knew to brace myself for a rocky ride this week. And rocky it has been.

I'm moving really slow today . . . here it is, mid-afternoon on the east coast and my coffee is just now brewing. Last night it was a marathon phone conversation with my cousin Vince in the middle of the night. We do that . . . both night owls. Vince was that guy who was my date when I needed one for social business functions in my single days. My baby cousin was an awesome side kick. One of those gorgeous men who doesn't know he is, looks like he stepped right out of the GQ Magazine and the older he gets, the more gorgeous he gets.

Thinking of Vince, the nice guy that he is, how gorgeous he is . . . he has it all and it gives me hope . . . just like the awesome and wonderful relationship I had with JR. Good people restore your faith in other people . . . knowing all the time that the other element is out there too. Unfortunately.

You have the gorgeous guys like Vince who could think they are God's gift to women and then you have the other element of man who thinks they are, whether they deserve the title or not. Self-confidence is a strange thing and how it makes some people perceive themselves. The song I chose to play today reminds me of those guys who make you go . . . hmmmmm . . . who do you think you are? It takes all kinds in this world or it would be a very boring world, huh? By the way guys . . . I know there are those women out there who make you go . . . hmmmmm too.

This week was one of setbacks, but taking the positive spin on bad things that happen in life . . . everything that happens to us in life is a lesson. It was all in the path to my destiny . . . the journey to the rest of my life. In another post, I mentioned that Satan clipped my wings and it felt like someone swung open the doors of hell. There is some truth to that. My Christian beliefs tell me that God let Satan put his hands on me to teach me a lesson.

Let this week be a lesson to everyone going through a struggle . . . I reverted back to my negative thinking and not being grateful everyday and I was spiraling out of control. I won't delete one post . . . it is there for me to go back to and see what happens when I react to happenings in my life negatively. Everything gets out of wack.

Simple concept . . . our thought process determines our reactions and leads our emotions. Learn the lesson with me, my friends! My positive thought process is telling me that it wasn't a total waste . . . and I'm grateful for the lesson.

Comments from original entry on Yahoo 360

(10 total)

Just want to say your thoughts help me know I am not the only one going
through crap. Thanks but you don't have to have bad stuff happen to you to make feel better so stop it, LOL!

Thank you for being you and open!

Friday August 24, 2007 - 03:01pm (CDT)

Gina, I love this post! How did you do the picture?? I have no clue how one would do this...you must be computer-savvy...

*hugs*

Friday August 24, 2007 - 01:05pm (PDT)

awww Dave, I know that our lives are constantly paralleling. And the urge to delete the rant blogs . . . use them for encouragement, that is what I'm gonna try to do!

Libby . . . computer graphics is a hobby is hope to possibly turn into a profession as soon as I can get myself back to school and get certified.

Hugs and love to yall!!

Friday August 24, 2007 - 04:15pm (EDT)

i am a huge believer in yin/yang. the whole idea of BALANCE is just such a very necessary thing on our paths, IMHO. perhaps you could promise yourself that no matter what a day may bring you, you will not forget to be mindful of the things you are grateful for. life's all about choices. you can choose to not let other people's negativity get the better of you. YOU are in control of your own emotions and actions! i am glad you aren't deleting your 'rant' posts. there is so much we learn from putting things into words, so you can be grateful for those blogs, because they can help you find things to be grateful for, too. blessings to you as you continue your journey, my friend.

Friday August 24, 2007 - 06:07pm (EDT)

Deb, the major progress I have made is determining that I am the one in control of my emotions. Sometimes I forget and that balance goes crazy. At least I'm not staying there like I used to! That is another thing I discovered from the last couple of stumbles I've had . . . they don't last that long and I can bounce back. It does not throw me into a month-long pity party.

The rants . . . the I'm leaving . . . I'm staying . . . I feel raw and exposed . . . not writing anymore . . . the most positive thing about all that is that I did not stay gone for more than one day. This is growth for me to not run away, that is my usual MO. I do that well!

Friends like you are making all the difference for me!!! You are the best!!!! I'm gonna surprise you one of these days and we are gonna do some serious party down girl!! Turkey fry next August? Do you still do that?

Friday August 24, 2007 - 06:43pm (EDT)

Great post Gina, I know what you mean about deleting blogs, I have been guilty of that and now wish I hadn't.
Hang in there and tomorrow will be better, well thats what I say to myself when things are a bit down. Your cousin Vinny sounds like a great person, you are lucky to have someone like that in your life.
God Bless

Saturday August 25, 2007 - 08:46am (EST)

babes, all i can say is ... i love that bloody tune!!!!!!!!!!!!! i`m a little drunk and i love ya ! love Loo xxxxxxxxxxx

Friday August 24, 2007 - 11:57pm (BST)

girl, if you'll promise to be here, it WILL be happening!!! i will gather the rest of the gals, and we will party until the sun comes up. i celebrate your awakenings with you. *hugs*

Friday August 24, 2007 - 07:41pm (EDT)

So did you chose the phrase "god's gift" to get my attention ? LOL It's true, these past to weeks have seen my ego reinflated. but hey,when starting from zero, a few sucesses tip the scales quickly. :) Oh, and the reason i asked..... Matthew means god's gift.... so great pun !!! LOL love ya gina..... keep smiling sweety !

Friday August 24, 2007 - 10:09pm (CDT)

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Pets . . . the story of Buster

One of the joys in life . . . our pets

This is an old Yahoo 360 post that was an entry in "Picture Perfect" . . . comments follow the post 

Today I was thinking about how much I miss having a pet after having so many in my life that have run away or passed away.

This week's Picture Perfect theme is

"ANTICIPATION"

My pets are like my kids and once again, one of my babies is the subject of my Picture Perfect entry.

This is Buster, he was a terrier mutt that my dad found and brought home for me since at the time, I didn't have a pet and he thought I needed one. His nickname was Red . . . he had reddish-brown hair and had lips like a human . . . for real . . . he even knew how to use those lips correctly to pout. This dog was too funny!!

Buster was the most piggish dog I have ever owned.

When given the chance, he would skillfully

steal food in a heartbeat.

The photo is Christmas morning opening presents . . . Buster is anticipating a treat from his Christmas present of a box of doggie treats. The photo is a little blurry because he was moving and I was trying to keep him under control so we could get a decent photo of him with his Christmas present. lol Do you see him licking his lips? He always did that around food . . . and act like a crazy dog until he got his little morsel of happiness. I never saw a dog enjoy food with so much gusto.

The next photo is much clearer of him licking his lips in anticipation of stealing food this time. There was food on the coffee table and he wanted at it really bad. Check out the look in his eyes . . . what a character he was!! Food drove him nuts!! It was difficult to have a party with him around . . . we had to be very careful where the food was placed or put him outside.

He was also very funny when I was cooking . . . I didn't have to worry about dropping anything on the floor and having to clean up . . . he was my live vacuum cleaner. The only thing he would not eat was garlic. You know that if you feed dogs raw garlic they won't get fleas . . . well, he would not eat it unless I disguised it wrapped up in ham and cheese or something similar.

Buster is another one of my babies who has passed and now resides at Rainbow Bridge . . . I miss his silly little personality, gluttonous and very sweet ways. He was a charmer . . . we could take him anywhere, he was the perfect little well behaved gentleman unless food was involved.

Comments (48 total)


Gagan…
FTC, me Ginaaaaaaaaaaaa ... wow you look soooo beautiful ... nice take on theme. Nice day there and nite. Mine is not yet prepared. I am sorting my folders for that. Let's see on Friday then.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 10:36pm (CEST)


Natur…
So funny! He probably never got over having to be hungry when he was on the streets as a stray. I had a dog once that stole food. He was huge and could eat food right off the dinner table. I remember once he ate a whole lunch meat tray off the table at Christmas while I was not paying attention. (except for the swiss cheese, hehe). Great photo for the ANTICIPATION theme.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 04:42pm (EDT)


Reymu…
What cute pictures. You look so happy with your baby.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 03:50pm (CDT)


Le-La
Hi Gina, my Mum has had dogs, cats, birds since I can remember and they all had their own little quirky characteristics.
We would name them accordingly and it would be bizzare how well their names suited them. Some were mischievious, some sly and yes some gluttinous. I so understand when you related the food put somewhere high or they were outside. We had some great laughs with our pets and they still bring Mum such joy.
Love your post.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 08:10am (EST)


Mare
Hi Gina!!! I love the pictures of the poochies they are sooo cute oh yeah and you are beautiful too !!!! hehehe love ya Gina

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 07:06pm (EDT)



xxxxx…
OMG, he's sooo cute.. I bet he loved Christmas time. lol

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 05:14pm (PDT)


Cathe…
Hi Gina, Buster sounds like a real sweetie. I didn't know if you gave dogs garlic, they wouldn't get fleas. You're so pretty-look at that hair! Thanks for sharing this.:)

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 06:36pm (PDT)


Scalo…
You look great together both appear to be very happy I guess you do love your baby and your buster baby loves you too it seems. Have a great weekend.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 10:12pm (EDT)


Take …
That is too cute..Yes he is excited and the look of anticipation is priceless. :)

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 10:17pm (EDT)



…
This is cute. It reminded of my son's dog, Boomer. He used to sit under the table when we ate, just waiting for someone to drop something. We couldn't leave anything edible within his reach.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 07:45pm (PDT)




great job.......I think that i might post mine tomorrow....oh the anticipation!!!!

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 07:49pm (PDT)


shirley
Nice job! he is sooo adorable.I can see his anticipation

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:02pm (SGT)


elly s
sooooo sweet
you both look so happy n love each other...
I have cat as a pet

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:07pm (SGT)


Emmm
Those eyes are just burning holes in whatever he had his sights set on. I had a dog like that - dedicated to the pursuit of the smallest morsel. Your story has brought back some fond memories. Thank you for sharing this.
Mines up too.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:09am (EDT)


devil…
Your little guy is too adorable. I love such adorable dogs and isnt it wild how we get so attached to our pets. They really are something special. A great job on these weeks theme.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:22am (EDT)


Cherie
Yes I can see in Buster's eye the look of anticipation and michief no wonder he stole your heart.

Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 11:00pm (PDT)


Natty
Thank you for sharing, he's cute! Anticipation all around. :) Mine will be up tomorrow.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 11:28am (CEST)



::Rii::
Hei Gina

Heheh!! Lol
He sure is anticipating all right.
Good take.
HUGZ from Rii xx

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:09pm (CEST)


Luxy
Another happy baby! Feed him geez!!! lol

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 07:27am (EDT)




Man's best friend also womens i reckon they give out so much love and affection. I miss a dog in our house for cleaning up the mess our kids drop on the carpet oh well..... at least the vaccuum works lol. Nice photo of you both!, enjoy the weekend.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 06:12am (PDT)


Harma…
Doggies!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 11:39pm (JST)


ஐ♥ღDe…
OMG....too cute....dogs are soooo much fun....what a cutie he was and it sounds like his personality was awesome!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 10:56am (EDT)


*MaRi…
So sweet!!! :D

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 05:44pm (CEST)


ღ♥Lis…
Aww, great pic, I bet you do miss him!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 12:22pm (EDT)


Suzy Q
That is so cute! We know who is spoiled now~ great pic thanks for sharing

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 11:30am (PDT)


Umman C

Good memories keep us happy. You two look very nice. Have a good day.
Thursday October 4, 2007 - 02:20pm (CDT) Remove Comment



John O
LOL A whole new perspective on the phrase "Chow Hound"

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 09:02am (GMT+12)


360 o…
i have a puppy...only 45 days old...he is very bitey..OOPS

Friday October 5, 2007 - 02:40am (IST)


True …
Offline
Anticipation & Excitement!! He wants that treat - He is cute G

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 04:27pm (CDT)


Buch
it's amazing how much joy a dog can bring... i've seen that anticipation look so many times on pets, especially when it comes to food, lol... great pics!!!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 05:36pm (EDT)


GG:NF
Very cute Gina. I hve two vacuum cleaners here too so i know exactly what you mean....LOL.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 02:50pm (PDT)


'chel…
I like this one! I ALMOST did this with Rocky. He's the same way around food! I knew just what you were talking about when you mentioned that gleam in his eyes!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 05:53pm (CDT)



♥Fran…
Hey Gina Great minds think alike... love your blog and your dog is precious.. I have such a heart for animals... Mine is alot like yours.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 08:43pm (EDT)


Nick
Why is it that all pets no matter how much you feed them they always want what you have on your plate.. great post I to love all my pets..

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 10:01pm (EDT)


Sienn…
He's a sweety pie! I loved seeing the photos of you, too!!! The Rainbow Bridge poem is the best.

Your dad gave you a wonderful gift giving him to you and you gave Buster a loving home. xo

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 09:13pm (CDT) Remove Comment


Kim K
what a great present from your dad.. doggies and daddies are just gifts.. wonderful pictures too....

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 10:58pm (EDT)



Scatt…
Anaimals are too funny.... There is always anticipation around food. When I cook the dogs will not leave the kitchen no matter what game the children are offering them. The anticipation of scraps coming there way is too much......

Friday October 5, 2007 - 08:39am (GST)



A Fac…
Buster's anticipation is just sooo apparent!!! Great pics. Are dogs ever out of the state of anticipating food????? Great blog as always!!!!!!

Friday October 5, 2007 - 12:50am (EDT)




ahhhh I love Dogsss

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 11:42pm (PDT)



ღஜLov…
What a sweet post! Mine is up have a great weekend!

Friday October 5, 2007 - 12:27pm (CDT)




Love that pic of him lickin' his chops. Too funny.

Friday October 5, 2007 - 10:43am (PDT)


♥♀♂Ŵħ…
Awww Gina what awesome photo's of you and your precious pups!! You can feel the love with just a single glance... they are so lucky to have you to care for them!! I'm sure they anticipate being spoiled by mama eh?! Have a great weekend girl ~ Hugs and Love

~Bren~

Friday October 5, 2007 - 02:30pm (EDT)




Awww how sweet! I have two dogs that are my babies also! Have a great weekend!

Friday October 5, 2007 - 06:32pm (EDT)



Marie
what a mischievous look he has on his face! I'll bet Thanksgiving was his favorite day of the year :D

Friday October 5, 2007 - 10:13pm (EDT)


Linda O
Buster shows us real anticipation!
Can sure tell he is loved and sure loves you!

Saturday October 6, 2007 - 12:29am (CDT)



not h…
Just now making rounds. How precious. Love furr-baby and real baby shots so much. He looked like a very loved ad happy furr-baby. Maybe he's met a couple of my furr babies at Rainbow Bridge and they are frolicking together.

Lovely shots Gina...and such wonderful memories. thanks for sharing both

Saturday October 6, 2007 - 01:41pm (CDT)


Annette
...great photos and story.... enjoyed reading your posting... thanks so much for sharing...

Saturday October 6, 2007 - 03:57pm (CDT)

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Love is . . .

Love is an action, a choice. Love is not really an emotion.

To Love someone is to choose to show up to be devoted to The Divine through that person.

So often in life these days we think that Love is easy or that Love only feels good, but that is not the full extent of what Love is – especially relationship Love.

People think that relationship Love is something that must mask your true feelings, it must always be a euphoric high of some kind or that Love must be a trade.

But that’s not what Love is.

Love is a constant offering to serve to the Heart of the person you are in a relationship with. Love is a constant surrendering of your protective ego, so that the Heart can open even more and show you the unknown beauty of its depths.

Love transcends language, religion and belief systems. Love is the deepest gift that we could ever be given by someone and it’s the greatest gift that we could ever give ourselves.

Love is not a trade. Love is not a power trip. Love is not some grandiose expression of infatuation. Love is a humble and subtle power that guides us to grow into titans of giving.

Love asks us to see beyond the fear of our partner, to dive deeper than their ego would want us to and to not leave, even when all that is triggering us wants us to run.

Love shows up when fear is present and asks for more. Love is bigger, Love is brighter, Love is more powerful than any other force in the Universe, because at the core of every cell in the Universe is the deep yearning and desire to Love and be Loved.

Love does not march in with pomp and circumstance. Love whispers. Love silently beckons us to get over ourselves so that we can see the beauty that lay within us and every other sacred soul.

We were not sent to judge, for judgment is just a request for Love. We were sent to Love the parts of ourselves and the world that lack it. We were sent to be the Love in the seeming void of Love.

We, indeed, are the answer. No one is coming, for we have already come.

Our job is to wake up to Love and then be it.

Our job is to Love.

Source:  Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love

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Solitude and Being A Hermit

 

I choose to be what so many people describe as being a "hermit."  For now, it is what is a comfortable lifestyle for me as I contemplate the rest of my life . . . again. 

It is important for me and necessary for my healing to write honestly about these past months without going into major details.  I also hope it will help just one person out there going through something.  That is what my blog is about. 

My heart has been broken.  I am grieving the loss of another husband and I've been judged by people who can neither understand nor validate my deepest thoughts, feelings, and concerns during one of the worse times of my life.  My body and soul has been numb and lost.

Lacking compassion for my feelings, they could not be gentle enough when I finally developed trust and honestly open up about everything, breaking something in me over and over again.  

My heart is tired and craves my alone time, the solitude that is my comfort zone from those who deem themselves "normal" and feel so compelled to judge me unfairly, not even trying to understand where I am in life and where I have come from emotionally, what I have been through.  I'm left with the uncomfortable feeling of being accused of having a "victim mentality" when they have no idea of who I am.  

All this has been life changing.

Yes, I now love my solitude and being a hermit.  There are a few people I allow myself to be close with.  These months have given me the time to contemplate what The Captain went through, where I have been and where I am going for the rest of my life.   I'm slowly healing, I can talk about it now and am confronting everything head on, getting stronger every day.  One day at a time, one second at a time.

Believe it or not, the solitude is beginning to make it possible to heal without the judging opinions of insensitive people.  The toxicity is no longer a part of my life, they are not a part of my life, and that makes me happy.  

It will affect the way I perceive those I think about letting into my life in the future.  This is the world we live in.  Insensitivity is no longer a rare thing.

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It’s so much easier, to learn to love what you have instead of yearning always for what you’re missing, or what you imagine you’re missing.

ANNA QUINDLEN

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Finding joy and being grateful

 

Finding joy, gentleness and calm in simple moments and pleasures is what I am dwelling on.  It is so important as it relates to a life attitude.

Just the fact that I have a roof over my head when so many in our society are living in their cars.  

It is not what I lack, the importance is in what I do have and being conscious and grateful for it. 

A joyous mindset goes a long way in healing. 

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