How to Build a Strong Marriage

The following is an excerpt of an excellent article from a faith-based website I have recently discovered, Faith's Messenger.  Respect for another person goes a long way in any relationship, whether it is marriage or friendship.

"We all have wings, but some of us don't know why."

Lyrics from Tear Us Apart|INXS

"There are many different things that can be done within a marriage to avoid the appearance of evil. Respecting your spouse and respecting your marriage are full time jobs. The key to finding out which rules to incorporate into your marriage is communicating with one another.

Be sensitive to the needs of your spouse. We all have our insecurities when it comes to ourselves and to our relationships. Our responsibility is to love God and to love the son/daughter He gave us unconditionally. A great part of this unconditional love is making the other party feel loved, wanted, and respected.

Don’t make the necessary changes and adjustments in your marriage because you agree with them. Don’t make the adjustments because you understand why your spouse is requesting them. Make adjustments in your marriage for one reason only. Make them because you love your spouse and are willing to do what it takes to make them feel secure in your marriage.

Just the willingness on your part the make your spouse feel secure will go a long way toward showing that you respect your spouse and you respect your marriage." 

Source:  Faith's Messenger 

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Simple pleasures

A perfect depiction of what living life is all about for me . . . the simple pleasures that don't cost anything . . . simple abundance.

It is sweet freedom!

It is a beautiful sunset at the end of a beautiful day, comfortably at peace, sitting on the white sandy beach, the sun seeming to sit on the sparkly blue waters of the Gulf of Mexico . . . watching the sun as it slowly disappears as the ever changing colors of the sky unfold before you . . . nature's splash of color . . . a hug from my sweetie . . . a gift from God that didn't cost a thing.

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You think you had a bad day?

My mama always tells me, when you are having  a really bad day, just think that someone else  isn't quite as fortunate as you are . . .

OK, I feel better now . . .

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Growing Day by Day

Suffering is the sandpaper of our life.

 It does its work of shaping us.

 Suffering is part of our training
 program for becoming wise.

Ram Dass

We understand that we want to be better but have no clear definition of what better means and that is part of the process.

At some point in our lives, many of us find ourselves overcome with the desire to become better people. While we are all uniquely capable of navigating this world, we may nonetheless feel driven to grow, expand, and change. This innate need for personal expansion can lead us down many paths as we develop within the context of our individual lives. Yet the initial steps that can put us on the road to evolution are not always clear. We understand that we want to be better but have no clear definition of “better.” To ease this often frustrating uncertainty, we can take small steps, keeping our own concept of growth in mind rather than allowing others to direct the course of our journey. And we should accept that change won’t happen overnight—we may not recognize the transformations taking place within us at first.

Becoming a better person in your own eyes is a whole-life project, and thus you should focus your step-by-step efforts on multiple areas of your existence. Since you likely know innately which qualities you consider good, growing as an individual is simply a matter of making an effort to do good whenever possible. Respect should be a key element of your efforts. When you acknowledge that all people are deserving of compassion, consideration, and dignity, you are naturally more apt to treat them in the manner you yourself wish to be treated. You will intuitively become a more active listener, universally helpful, and truthful. Going the extra mile in all you do can also facilitate evolution. Approaching your everyday duties with an upbeat attitude and positive expectations can help you make the world a brighter, more cheerful place. Finally, coming to terms with your values and then abiding by them will enable you to introduce a new degree of integrity and dignity into your life.

As you endeavor to develop yourself further, you can take pride not only in your successes, but also in the fact that you are cultivating consciousness within yourself through your choices, actions, and behaviors. While you may never feel you have reached the pinnacles of awareness you hope to achieve, you can make the most of this creative process of transformation. Becoming a better person is your choice and is a natural progression in your journey of self-awareness.

Source: Daily Om

Attitude plays a huge part in the quest of becoming a "better person."

My perspective goes out of whack when I'm down, worrying about everything, in a foul mood and all positive vibes have flown out the window.  I'm learning not to even attempt to make anything better since that will just set me up to fail . . . adding insult to injury.  

I know to take a "time out to chill out" . . . that is usually when I write about whatever is bothering me . . . discuss it with The Captain to benefit from his carefree attitude (and hopefully learn to be more like him) . . . or do nothing productive at all and do something fun.  I'm grateful to have the freedom to be able to do that.

One of my areas in need of adjustment is attitude in my path to becoming a better person.  It is learning which battles are worth fighting, the things that are worthy of worrying about and knowing when to let go of those worries that we have no control over.  There has to be a good balance!

I'm finally realizing this attitude has been something I learned as a little girl growing up in a family who worries and frets about everything.  It won't take overnight for me to let go of that attitude that tends to warp my perspective.  While it is healthy to have a responsible concern about certain things, taking it over the top is counterproductive.

Cultivating consciousness has become of utmost importance in my life and I am more aware of it with every day that passes.  My greatest feelings of achievement come when I can immediately recognize that I am starting to fret a bit too much about something and move on to something else without a change in attitude.  

Definite progress that is leading to a better perspective toward life!

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Creative Thinking

“Visualize yourself standing before a gateway on a hilltop. Your entire life lies out before you and below. Before you step through, pause and review the past; the learning and the joys, the victories and the sorrows -- everything it took to bring you here.”

-- The Book of Runes

Creative thinking raises awareness of where you have been, where you are and where you want to be in your life, focusing on aspirations, life purpose and life lessons you have learned along the way.

Breaking it down into small pieces through the practice of asking yourself questions helps to focus on those small pieces.  The small pieces will bring the big picture into better focus.

An excellent idea is one I found on the website Higher Awareness, an excellent self-awareness resource.  The idea is to formulate a series of questions that are evaluated on a quarterly basis.  I love the idea of readdressing the questions on a regular basis.


Some examples you can start with and tweak as time goes on, until you find the perfect set of questions that pertain specifically to your life . . .

What was my major accomplishment

 in the past three months?

What made it meaningful?

What is my main challenge?

What are the obstacles that get

 in the way?

What can I do to overcome the obstacles?

Undesirable traits uncovered through life lessons

 that need to be addressed.

How have I improved on those undesirable traits

 in the past three months?

What can I do to achieve greater improvement?

Dreams and aspirations that need more

 attention . . . and how do I approach it?

A good way to begin is to take the featured quote and start writing down your thoughts.  Writing and asking myself questions based on what I wrote always helps to clarify those jumbled up thoughts in my head!

Although this is an awesome practice to get into no matter what time of year it is, there isn't a better time than the beginning of a new year . . . . the symbolic "new beginning" . . . start your year with some creative thinking toward a happier and fulfilled life.

Happy New Year!

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New Year Resolutions . . . if you must!

Through the years I've written many posts regarding New Year Resolutions.  In my opinion, this yearly ritual is a set up for failure.  They don't work for me, so I try to make incremental changes throughout the year as I deem them necessary.

How about you?  

Facebook is buzzing with everyone's New Year Resolutions that will probably be long forgotten in February.  

Something I find very amusing . . . the weight loss commercials on television that promptly start after Christmas.  Most of them are gone by February!

If you are one of those people who must make resolutions for the new year, I found an article on Real Simple that you may find useful.  The link to the entire article can be found at the bottom of this post.

Some tips to help you achieve your goals:

Be Specific

Vague goals won’t work. “You’ve got to develop a specific action plan for change,” says John Norcross, Ph.D., co-author of Changeology: 5 Steps to Realizing Your Goals and Resolutions ($25, amazon.com). Map out your strategy before New Year’s arrives.

Make Your Goal Public

Share your decision to change with friends and family who can offer support when you’re wavering and encouragement when you’re doing well at sticking to your resolution. “Public commitments are generally more successful than private decisions,” says Norcross.

Substitute Good Behaviors for “Bad”

Don’t rely on willpower alone to help you change, advises Norcross. That approach won’t work. Instead, build in a healthy behavior that’s incompatible with the one you want to change.

Track Your Progress

Record or chart your changed behavior. “Research indicates that such ‘self-monitoring’ increases the probability of keeping your resolution,” says Norcross.

Ready to make your plan? Here are more specific tips on:

How to save money

How to lose weight

How to reduce stress

How to drink less

How to get in better shape

How to get ahead at work

How to improve your relationships

Happy New Year to everyone and good luck with your resolutions!

To view the entire article, click here.

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Finding Hidden Gifts

"We need to make friends with what we reject, what we see as "bad" in ourselves and in other people. We must not only tolerate what we find painful, but actually approach it more deeply, more wholeheartedly rather than trying to escape from it. The only way to do this successfully is with an open heart, letting it soften you. This way you are not attacking it or seeking to eradicate it, but instead embracing it. For only then will it serve the purpose for which it exists and can reveal to you the gift hidden within it.

Identify something you reject in yourself or in another and take it into your heart. Let it speak to you and reveal its teaching, blessing or energy." 

Source: The Soul Journey 

Well, it sounds easy, doesn't it?

Letting those irritating things in ourselves and others speak to us is one thing . . . they already speak volumes to me!  The trick is allowing it to reveal its blessing in our lives when it is painful or a major irritation robbing us of peace and happiness.

It seems to me that it is all in the perspective in which it is approached.  A positive thinker will embrace the hidden gift rather quickly, while the negative thinker will see it as an impossible task.  

The negative thinker will just want to sweep it under the rug and either ignore it completely, hoping it will just go away or complain about it, declaring that life is just not fair and hoping that since they are entitled to be happy, the situation or the trait will just go away.  Guess what?  It won't!

There are many levels and aspects of this concept.  While seeking the hidden gifts in our own flaws may be an achievable task, it is quite a different story when it comes to another person.  Disagreements in a relationship usually have so many layers, they get convoluted when combined with personality traits.

Perhaps the way to first approach the situation is to envision the end result in a compassionate and positive manner . . . peace and happiness.  Ask yourself the right questions . . . "how can peace and happiness be achieved in this situation?" . . . take each identifying factor individually rather than combined with everything else.

When it comes to evaluating and analyzing the irritating thing involving someone else, make sure that all bitterness and anger of the situation is set aside before even attempting to think about it positively.

All in all, I found this concept very interesting and can prove to be an insightful way to look at life situations and those special people in our lives.  We are all special and unique individuals with our gifts (whether they be hidden or not) that others find pleasant and attractive which also comes with those things that are irritating!

Love yourself and those you love enough to find those hidden gifts!

  

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