Dealing with the death of a close friend has been a difficult endeavor this week. Grief is an emotion that is the most difficult that I have ever encountered in my life and no matter how many times I have had to cope and go through these feelings, it seems to become more difficult.
Since JR died six years ago, four people that I was close to in my life have passed away. Every time I have tried to play the mind game of the “celebration of their life”. Sure, I celebrate the life of everyone who has touched my life . . . but the ones who are gone . . . they have vanished from this earth in the blink of an eye. One of my biggest problems on this earth is coming to terms with death . . . it freaks me out when those close to me disappear from my life.
As a Christian with strong faith, death should not be a problem that I have to deal with so emotionally. It is a fact of life that we all have to face . . . and it happens every day. Death never stops, just as birth doesn’t stop . . . life evolves. My death does not scare me at all . . . the problem is the death of those close to me.
The world as we know it becomes sadder by the day . . . I am slowly getting away from listening to the news. My heart is always open and I have been blessed with way too much compassion for human suffering. Death is one thing, the end of suffering for the person who died, but suffering in its many forms . . . there is a burden in my heart for the problems unfolding before our very eyes.
Although I needed to verbalize what was going through my head tonight, I also have faith in mankind. The problems our society is experiencing is the tip of an iceberg, the suffering has just begun . . . but I believe it will make us less selfish, more giving, more compassionate as a society . . . perhaps ultimately happier individuals for making a difference in the lives of others as we help each other get through bad times.
An open heart in a sad world is not a bad thing . . . an open heart is one that feels, reacts and makes a difference. In my exploration of peace, love and happiness, compassion for your fellow man is a beautiful part of “peace” . . .
We can dream, wish, pray as much as we want, work on a project to exhaustion giving it the best we can give, but in the end we relinquish those things out of our control to faith and hope. What can you do other than your best? The answer is nothing . . .
However, much of what happens to us in our lives is within our control. The secret is to learn the delicate balance of control, maintaining and emotionally coping with those things out of our control while attending to those things we have control over to the best of our ability.
Sometimes I catch myself expending unnecessary energy worrying about something that I can’t do a thing about when I could be using that time and energy towards a meaningful project that will make a difference.
Out of control balance leads to emotional spiraling out of control . . . where nothing is accomplished, attitude becomes one in dire need of adjustment and depression starts to creep its way in.
The balance of control helps to maintain peace and harmony in the quality of life.
The news of more and more foreclosures, rising unemployment and general financial disasters has made me wonder when things would start getting really crazy as society becomes so distraught, feeling like they are pushed against the wall with nowhere to go.
It occurred to me tonight that the tragedies have begun and we need to be aware of those close to us . . . you never know what a person or a family is going through.
In recent news I read of a man who froze to death in his home . . . his electricity had been turned off. Didn’t anyone know he was in that situation? An act of kindness as simple as a ride to a local shelter so he could sleep in a warm room and the man would be alive today. It reminded me of a news story I heard a year or two ago where a man was dead in his house for months, maybe even a year . . . and no one knew . . .
Another story hit me as so tragic today . . . a man and his wife both lost their jobs . . . they were found shot to death in their home, along with their children . . . murder/suicide. The story of why was faxed to the local television station before the deaths occurred.
It is tragic desperation . . . I don’t believe in the government bailing out society when money does not grow on trees and “society” is becoming financially devastated and unemployed . . . where does it end? We, as a society, must start helping each other in little ways that will make a difference.
There is always coping with life and a way out of a situation . . . time and faith for starters. Death is not the way, although sometimes I think the ones not having to go through the type of struggles our society is embarking upon are the peaceful souls as we are entering into a time in our world that is a form of hell on earth. We will soon hear these stories with daily frequency and become more desensitized than we already are.
While I can understand the mentality of being distraught, I also know that if we take a moment at a time, think about the situation, reach out to each other, draw closer together . . . there is nothing we can’t do as a society . . . we have no choice but to help each other survive.
Unconditional love is a concept that means showing love towards someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs. It is a concept comparable to true love, a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. By contrast unconditional love is frequently used to describe love between family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed relationships. It has also been used in a religious context to describe God’s love for mankind.
When my husband died, I was left with an overwhelming feeling of unconditional love that will never fade away, it will never die and no one will ever be able to take it away from me. It is the most beautiful gift anyone has ever given me and I will cherish it and take care of those memories for as long as I live, no matter what happens or who I spend the rest of my life with. His love for me is part of who I am and one reason I am such a hopeless romantic . . . I felt it and lived it.
In the midst of a time of turmoil, stress, uncertainty all you want to do is be able to make it through . . . survive it . . . although it usually feels like the bad vibes will never go away and nothing will ever feel “normal” again.
I am still not feeling “normal” every day and it could also be that my heart keeps getting broken and disappointed on top of a heart that still grieves for JR, even after six years that he passed away.
Logic and reason has nothing to do with what the heart experiences, feels so deeply and it goes from day to day in the survival mode. Seems like looking at the past years in retrospect, my heart has been surviving one thing after another when the greatest promise for my life to finally come together presented itself last year after going through my first online heartbreak. Maybe the lesson that should be learned is to not jump from the frying pan to the fire.
Although my heart longs to be loved again with the intensity of my happy marriage to JR that was the real thing in my life that continues to give me hope . . . the real and true love that we had for each other, the respect and honesty we shared that is so necessary for a long term relationship . . . I’ve put love on the back burner. It scares me now, but not forever, just now.
Sometimes when I am feeling strong positive vibes with abounding faith, it seems like the powers that be want to test me.
One of my best friends died in an accident today . . . sudden death. At least it happened fast and he didn’t feel the trauma of death upon him, although he had an accident a couple of months ago that had him in rehabilitation for months. He was just starting to feel “normal” again.
When someone close to me dies suddenly, I go through the shock and asking God why. This guy was always the first one to help out his neighbors in a crisis. Just a week or so ago, he bought one of his friends a used car because “he needed it and didn’t have the means to buy it himself”. He was everyone’s angel who came to the rescue of anyone who needed assistance.
My husband now has one of his best friends to keep him company in heaven . . . two of the good guys while there are murderers, thieves, terrorists and bad people in general running around this earth.
Another beautiful ending in my life. While I know that God has his own plan, I am left to continue living this life with lots of faith that everything is going to be ok.
Just the other night, we discussed the state of the world and he told me we would all be ok if we stuck together. We all need angels too . . .
There is an opportunity in every challenge to find something positive rather than expend energy being irritated and annoyed. It is said that a pearl is an irritation of the oyster. There is a treasure hidden in all things, good and bad.
Emotional reactions and moods can heighten and fluctuate. Since I have an exceptionally short fuse that has been typically easy to set off, I have to be especially careful to learn how to control my temper in times of frustration and life challenges. It is much easier to take a deep breath and calm down rather than have to fix hurt feelings and situations because of emotionally reacting way too quickly.
Since inserting foot in mouth way too often, the practice of calming down and thinking before reacting has quickly become my best friend as I approach my life through peace and harmony. It isn't easy!
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