Since my leg is not cooperating with me and I can barely walk, I've had lots of time in the past two days to read through my old blogs and journals and amaze myself with how far I've come through the journey of turbulence in my life that nearly destroyed me.
The following post is actually two older posts originally written during different times in 2007 . . . negative, yet positive.
Many of these older posts are from my personal journals, but I post them to help others who may be going through a rough time in life. It does get better if that is what you truly desire. You are the only one who can help yourself.
I finally have my wings . . .
Originally written on
December 12, 2007
If you give me wings,
then I know I could fly,
If you give me truth,
then I swear I won’t tell you no lies
I’ll cruise through the blue of your sky
I will be free
lyrics from the song
I Will Be Free ~ Sandrine
It started yesterday and has intensified today . . . these bad feelings.
The holidays get me down every year since JR has been gone. I refer to the holidays as the lonely season now . . . I could be in a room full of people and feel more alone than if I am alone with my memories. It is an empty existence in a time that is supposed to be festive with no one special to share it with, even though every year I promise myself it is the year that I will change my attitude. Like everything else, it is a mindset, but most of us have been so steeped in tradition and the way "things are supposed to be" that when they are not, we feel like less of a person for some reason. At least I do. I just know that for another year, I'll feel better when that ball drops on New Years Eve when the proverbial slate is clean and the holidays are over.
In this not so happy time for me, I needed to post something positive
that will perhaps lift my spirits and give myself an attitude adjustment.
Originally posted to my personal blog
on October 17, 2007
There must be something in the air . . . so many of my friends are feeling down. Sometimes we have to play little tricks with our minds to pick ourselves back up and keep going. It is easier said than done and sometimes my booty hurts from falling so many times that I feel I should just stay down . . . why bother I ask myself so many times before picking myself up again . . . because I know better.
Why bother? Because we are all worth it. Look in the mirror and see the beautiful person staring back at you. If you don't like the reflection looking back at you, do something to change it to where you love it.
Music is one of my tricks to pick myself back up. This song has been so much of an inspiration to me. It reminds me of the talks I have with God, trying to make deals with him if he makes this or that happen. lol We all know it doesn't work that way, but we can make the request, can't we?
"If you give me truth, then I swear I won't tell you no lies" . . . such profound lyrics that I interpret as being finding yourself and being true to yourself . . . to me, that is what it is all about. Anything else is selling yourself short and it is not about being selfish. It is giving yourself the permission to care for yourself as much as you care for everyone else who pulls you in every direction until you feel you are backed into a corner that you can't get out of.
While I've had this amazing change of positive vibes that has lasted longer than usual on this roller coaster ride of my life, out of nowhere came waves of enormous sadness. I cried my eyes out, feeling so lonely, missing my love so much and wanting him to come back to me . . . so I wrote about it in my love blog, played a sad song and allowed myself to cry, I asked God to please give me peace, I wrote my grateful journal, made myself a cup of hot raspberry tea after a hot shower, gave myself a facial, painted my nails . . . and the sad time passed before I went to sleep.
I'm finding my ways to get past those moments because I can't let them linger . . . they will take over and that is when I get to that place, having fallen down and not wanting to get back up. I have to, no one is going to do it for me. The longer I stay down, the more difficult it is to get up.
I sincerely hope that something I said this morning
helps someone make it through the day a little easier.
The game of life
It is the only one we have.
Make it count with
peace, love and happiness.
Get your wings and have a beautiful day!
Lyrics
please give me patience to learn
please give me bridges to burn
don’t ask a thing in return
my courage is gone
don’t put your weight on me now
I’m trying to stand strong
but I’ve lost it somehow
the eagerness to get around
my courage is gone
Lord there must be a way
to get through this day
If you give me wings
then I know I could fly
If you give me truth
then I swear I won’t tell you no lies
I’ll cruise through the blue of your sky
I will be free
my vision has been compromised
awaring of these crying eyes
I’m praying for some peace of mind
my courage is gone
you said that there would be a way
to get through this day
If you give me wings
then I know I could fly
If you give me truth
then I swear I won’t tell you no lies
I’ll cruise through the blue of your sky
I will be free
I’ll be hiding no more
from your love like before
I’ll be bold I’ll be brave
I’ll be strong I’ll be safe
If you show me the way
If you give me wings
then I know I could fly
If you give me truth
then I swear I won’t tell you no lies (2x)
I’ll cruise to the blue of your sky
I will be free
I will finally be free
