Through the years, I've been able to shed some of the
stereotypical traits of a perfectionist, but it has been a long journey that took me through bouts of depression.
What I am about to say is going to come off sounding
awful, but it is honest. I could care
less what others think of me. My perfectionist tendencies prove something to myself, not others.
That root cause stems from my rebellious young adult
years trying to prove my dad wrong. I’ve
written about this before. He demanded
perfection and every time I’d get close to what I perceived as his “perfection,” he
would raise the bar.
In the beginning it was about my dad’s approval and
acceptance, but once I realized it just wasn’t ever
going to happen, my rebellious side just wanted to prove him wrong. It was validation to myself that I wasn’t the
piece of crap he made me out to be.
Perfectionism is a perceived state of mind. First of all, no one is perfect. Who is to say what perfection is? One person’s perfection is another’s
failure. It is dependent on who is judging
the “perfection” . . . and who makes them the judge?
Learn the difference between perfectionism and striving
to do your best.
I don’t know if this is going to make sense to anyone but
me, but being a creative and rebellious person keeps me from being a straight
up perfectionist. A perfectionist would
not attempt to create for fear that their creation would totally suck. The creative person absolutely has to create since they must see their vision in reality.
Many years ago I realized that I was still trying to gain
my dad’s approval . . . and he had passed away years before the
realization. It was the one breakthrough
that has helped me slowly make improvements to a healthier state of mind. I never was a perfectionist to begin with . .
. I just thought I was. That state of mind tormented me which lead to severe depression.
These days I strive to do my best . . . it is all I can
do. The most important thing to remember
is to put perfectionism into perspective!
