Love will change us forever . . .

Another post that I'm transferring from an old blog that reminds me that some things don't change . . . I was thinking about how love has changed my life once again . . . and how some things haven't changed.  


Love will and does change us forever . . .  over and over again . . .  good and bad.


Originally posted on  March 4, 2007

How many of us have experienced something in our lives, good or bad, that changes us forever?


The past couple of days I have focused on becoming a widow/widower.

Anyway . . . I had to stop what I was doing and write this blog post. My inner sign that it is time for life's reflections . . . "therapy" time . . . and a visit with my Bloggerville buddies. One thing I have fondly realized is the difference the love and support I have received from my online friends has changed me forever. No longer do I feel alone in my struggle to move on and deal with the abrupt changes in my life . . . angels surround me.

Fate chooses whether these changes are happiness, drama or tragedy. We are somewhat responsible as we contribute to our fate . . . we don't walk out in front of a fast moving train unless we want to die . . . but ultimately, fate's changes are like a game of russian roulette.

Being an extremely spiritual person, I am ashamed to admit that I constantly ask "why me" . . . and go through the phase of being so angry at God that it is difficult to pray and be thankful for anything. That attitude doesn't help anyone and finally I am breaking through this "pity" phase. It is emotionally unhealthy and extremely unproductive.

It does not matter "why me" . . . it is what it is . . . "this is it from now on" . . . and I have had to deal with it.

Being angry at God will not bring my husband back.

It is not a soap opera . . . it is real life, as much as it sometimes sucks.

What I ultimately decided what to do with the tragic changes in my life is be grateful for what I do have, cherish the beautiful memories of the most wonderful marriage and unconditional love anyone could ever experience . . . for 22 years . . . and use those beautiful memories and lessons learned to create another beautiful time in my life.


Nothing will ever be the same again,
but I now see it as an exciting chapter
in my life that is yet to be written . . .

Back to present day . . .

And so I walked that lonely road that led me to love again and once again love has changed me forever in a different way.  One of the ironies of life . . . there is really nothing to fear . . . it is our destiny either way.

read more

Embrace the struggle and love it

Many thanks to my Google+ friend Chad, who introduced me to the awesome wisdom of Mark Nepo.

"Fighting The Instrument" is one of his poems I discovered while checking out his website.  It is a reminder that we are strengthened by our struggles, while we fight "the lesson" all the way and curse the storm as it happens.

What is it about our human nature that finds it difficult to "embrace the change," even when we have been awakened to the fact that it usually leads to something better?  Why do we not love the struggle and open ourselves to the unknown changes to come?  

The conclusion I have reached in my journey through a lifetime of struggles is that change is scary since it is unknown.  We hold on to "what is" because we know what "it" is and have become comfortable with it, no matter how bad it is. 

The unknown is scarier than the storm itself until we can finally realize that the "calm" always comes after the storm.  The realization itself can be scary, or so it seems to me.  

It is a lesson I have yet to learn through all the storms I've experienced . . .

Fighting The Instrument

 by Mark Nepo

Often the instruments of change
are not kind or just
and the hardest openness
of all might be
to embrace the change
while not wasting your heart
fighting the instrument.

The storm is not as important
as the path it opens.
The mistreatment in one life
never as crucial as the clearing
it makes in your heart.

This is very difficult to accept.
The hammer or cruel one
is always short-lived
compared to the jewel
in the center of the stone.

read more

Deliriously Happy in the Midst of Blahs

It occurred to me today that January is the "Monday" of the year.

Once the ball drops on New Years Eve, for most of us, the festivities are over for another year.

In my case, January should be a great month since it marks the end of the "dreaded season," however, the blahs have continued to plague me.

The conclusion I've come to is that my "purpose" has been lost in the shuffle and changes of life.  Since The Captain and I got married, he made it through a long recovery after having a difficult surgery . . . we decided to "semi-retire" and enjoy life.  He quit his job and I never went back to work after my last job disappointment and I honestly don't have the desire to go back to the rat race of office politics.

My life is at a place that many would envy, so why do I have the blahs?  How do I get my "purpose" back? Do I even know what it is?  Am I still going through the guilt thing that I'm here and JR is not.  Does that keep me from enjoying life to the fullest?

I can remember a time in my life when I would hear about people who retire soon die because they lose their purpose . . . I would laugh and think "I'd love to have that problem" as I lived through the draining day-to-day challenge of everyday life in the corporate world.

Where is the "happy medium" of balance we all strive for?  Perhaps for me it is simply getting closer in touch with my spiritual side.

The irony of deliriously happy in the midst of blahs . . .

read more

Relate to yourself

Relate to yourself through your journal

 "To write spiritually is to engage in a search for authentic language. You’ll find your truth by writing your way to it." 

-- Patrice Vecchione 

Who would allow you to totally ignore, abuse, laugh with, swear at, shed tears on, get angry at and be totally honest with him/her?

 Your journal does. 

Your journal is an unconditional friend. It does not reject, manipulate, judge, laugh at or ridicule you. It’s always there for you. So be honest with your best friend and it will help you discover who you are.

"The positive thing about writing is that you connect with yourself in the deepest way, and that's heaven. You get a chance to know who you are, to know what you think. You begin to have a relationship with your mind."

-- Natalie Goldberg

Source: Soul Journey

I've gotten away from writing in my journal, which could attribute to my lost feelings through another time of transformation and changes.

My journal is the one place I can truly be honest about everything, allowing me to be my true, authentic self.

Life is ever-changing.  Transitions can be slow, but continual . . . giving the illusion of standing still.  But nothing or no one stands completely still.  Time will eventually find you at a place you don't recognize, can't relate to . . . leaving that feeling of being lost.

Keeping a journal was the best tool found by way of my therapy sessions.  Even in times of change and confusion, I knew how I was feeling about everything, with a sketchy map of the path out of that place.

As The Captain and I define the rest of our lives professionally, I keep asking myself what would truly make me happy in the quest of a successful way to making a living.  Honestly, I really don't know . . . and once again, I am grateful that I have the opportunity to find out, but it is going to take serious soul searching to come up with the thing that will make me truly happy.  

All I know at this time is that whatever I end up doing will involve using my creativity and at the same time keeping in mind that the economy really sucks.  

This post just proved that by putting thoughts in writing, I have defined two starting points in my quest . . . what can I do creatively that will prove to be worth my while monetarily in poor economic times . . . the variables being creativity and poor economic times.  I feel a little less lost already!

As you find yourself in times of confusion, life changes and transition, try writing your thoughts in a journal or start a blog (they can be private).  In the past, my grateful posts were the most insightful for me.  It is important to just get in touch with your thoughts and feelings.

Lesson learned!  

Time to relate to myself again!

read more

Riding the merry-go-round

The carousel horse is stuck, bobbing up and down in a cycle of co-dependence. You waved frantically the first time, but after recycling regret multiple times, it’s time to get off the whirligig of wasted time. Bolt like a carousel horse gaining its freedom. Break the cycle and live like the free person you are.

Photo and Quote Source:  Soulseeds

The image of the carousel horses gaining their freedom immediately took me to the John Lennon song, Watching The Wheels.

"No longer riding on the merry-go-round 

. . . I just had to let it go."

There are times in life when we feel stuck in a rut . . . I've referred to the merry-go-round and the roller coaster that never stops many times.  Don't we all go through that at one time or another?

Sometimes it means painful changes, doing what you have to do to remain true to yourself . . . good or bad, depending on how you look at it.

I've done it many times in my life.  The latest was leaving a job that I loved so much, but it was the best thing for me.

For John Lennon, it meant leaving The Beatles and embarking on a solo career. We mourned the breakup of The Beatles, for the fans, it was a bad thing. However, it was the best thing for John Lennon personally . . . for whatever reason(s).

In retrospect, after getting off the merry-go-round, he was able to live the rest of his short life the way he wanted to.

We do have choices in life . . . problems have solutions!  Be true to yourself!

Can you relate to being stuck

 on the merry-go-round?

Watching the Wheels | Lyrics Words and Music by John Lennon
People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin
When I say that I'm o.k. well they look at me kind of strange
Surely you're not happy now you no longer play the game 

People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me
When I tell them that I'm doing fine watching shadows on the wall
Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball 

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go 

Ah, people asking questions lost in confusion
Well I tell them there's no problem, only solutions
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind
I tell them there's no hurry
I'm just sitting here doing time 

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go 

read more

The Melancholy of Letting Go

Whenever the Universe asks you to move on there is a sense of sadness that accompanies letting go.

Do not deny the sadness of moving on. Instead sit in it with a whole lot of love for yourself and the situation. No matter how much you may wish that life could be different accept that this is what's true for today.

There is a jewel within the melancholy of letting go. The jewel is the beginning of a new awareness within yourself and a new life. Each relationship, business venture, job and phase of our lives serve as platforms for us to grow.

Joy comes to those who are able to sit in the in between, the space between what was and what will be. Joy comes to those who do not run from their feelings but courageously embrace them in search of the new jewel of awareness.

Remember, for a new day to begin the darkness of night must fall. Each is a natural part of the cycle of life. Embrace the dark moments and remember that just before dawn is the darkest of night.

Just be with it - the dawn will break.

By Mastin Kipp

Source: The Daily Love

TDLinks

TDL on Twitter www.Twitter.com/TheDailyLove TDL on Facebook http://bit.ly/TheDailyLoveFB TDL on YouTube http://www.YouTube.com/TheDailyLove TDL Founder Mastin Kipp on Twitter www.Twitter.com/MastinKipp TDL's Beta Site www.TheDailyLove.com

read more

Out with the old . . . in with the new

New Years Resolutions are something that I feel set me up for failure.

It's just another night . . . just another day, yet it is so symbolic.  In the past I've referred to the upcoming new year as a new chapter in a book.

Rather than set unrealistic goals and promises to myself, I like to take a look at the year about to end.  

What did I like about it?  

What did I hate about it?  

What would I change if I could?

It is also a good time to assess the daily routine and contemplate making it better.  Streamline the process . . . reminds me of the TQM business management philosophy taught by one of the best friends I have ever had, a professor I worked for many years.  I'll never forget his take on incorporating TQM (total quality management) into daily life.  It is all about continual improvement . . . that is what I always strive for.

The new years resolution posts are all over the blogs this morning with the typical lists of unrealistic goals . . . lose weight, quit smoking . . . blah blah blah.  Wonder what the scientific percentage is of those who actually stick to a new years resolution all the way to next Christmas?

Some of the topics I really liked for consideration in my life . . . some I already do, but need to change the way I approach it.

Identify the one thing that you can accomplish in 2011 which would allow you to call the year a success.

Keep a journal . . . be grateful about 5 simple pleasures every day . . . adopt the Simple Abundance lifestyle.  (I used to do this in a public blog that is now closed, but got away from it even though I am aware daily . . . but I need to get back to writing it down.  It helps to look back.)  The journal is like a conversation within yourself, discussing your feelings on topics of interest to you.  It is the ultimate ramble post . . .

Make a list of 10 simple pleasures you can incorporate into your life on a regular basis.  Examples . . . sitting out on the porch drinking flavored coffee in your favorite mug, visiting the park at least once a week to enjoy nature, give yourself spa days and pamper yourself . . . this one goes along with the journal, where you can discover what that simple pleasures are . . . if you ask yourself the right questions.

I love this one . . . Write down the names of 5 people you admire, whether you know them or not, and then write down why you admire them. Write down what you can do to acquire the traits or characteristics that you admire about these people.

My biggest challenge . . . Go through each room of your house and make a list of 10 items for each room which are currently cluttering up your home.  Get rid of them . . . or give them a new purpose!

The ongoing philosophy of my life is to focus on the quality of my life . . . and figuring out what it takes to make it the best it can be for me.  It isn't something that happens at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve . . . it all happens for me through incremental changes throughout the year . . . and throughout my life.

How about you?

Do you make New Year Resolutions?

Do you usually stick to them?

read more

Faith and the darkness of the unknown

"When you come to the edge of all the light you know

and are about to step into the darkness of the unknown.

Faith is knowing that one of two things will happen.

There will be solid ground to stand on or

you will be taught to fly."

Author unknown

Life and society as we know it has been changing and in transition . . . the economy, the political scene and unemployment that has run out of control.  Each decision we make is just a part of the cycle of cause and effect, approaching the decision-making process having the faith and knowledge that there are always possibilities and choices available empowers the process of exploring what is most beneficial for each of us as individuals.  

The optimum word is faith.

In the darkness of the unknown, there is one thing that remains constant . . . if we are not happy with present life circumstances and the choices made, we have the power to make different choices.  There are always choices . . . take the time to consider those options and ponder the possible outcomes with heightened awareness rather than make rash decisions based on emotion.

Faith is putting all your eggs in God's basket, 

then counting your blessings before they hatch.

  ~Ramona C. Carroll

Faith has never let me down . . . fears do.

read more

A time of change

Life as we know has always been changing and evolving from the beginning of time.

However, a time of serious change has descended upon the earth on many fronts in recent past. Societal changes are swiftly moving in many directions.

Change is ever present . . . you can see it in world events . . . you can see it looking out beyond the walls that shelter you in your own communities.

At the time of growing up, I don't recall people running around with guns randomly shooting people and turning the gun on themselves. That is sheer lunacy . . . however, I still respect the right to bear arms. It has become a time when not bearing arms for your own protection is lunacy.  Are we headed back to the days of the wild west?  Will gun holsters become a new fashion statement?

On the economic front, local businesses are failing, unemployment running rampant . . . once thriving malls are like ghost towns, little mom and pop businesses have been closing their doors at a rapid pace . . . they just can't make it, leaving a greater gap for employment opportunities. Society in general are just scared to let go of the money they do have, putting the dreams of small-time entrepreneurs nearly out of reach.

The times we are living in are becoming more disturbing by the day. Stay informed, educate yourself on what is going on . . . don't just listen to the sound bites on the news, dig into the facts for yourself, keep an open mind and think for yourself . . . don't let others do the thinking for you. It is especially crucial on the political front . . . know who you are voting for and what they stand for.

These are the tests of time where the strong will survive. If you fall down, get up  and start over again. Keep the hope and faith with the knowledge that there is always someone who is not as fortunate as yourself for whatever reason. It is a difficult time to be optimistic, but it has become a necessity to know that "this too will pass" . . .

Living the lifestyle of simple abundance . . . being grateful for the little things that God has blessed me with and really striving toward a life filled with peace, love and happiness . . . that is what keeps me strong and grounded.

There is a quote on the sidebar of

my blog that is my philosophy of life 

"You have succeeded in life when 

all you really want is only what you really need."

Vernon Howard

What do I really need?

Peace, love and happiness 

read more

Transition and fear

“Cause you could spend your life
Lookin’ for your own reflection
Time could blur the lines
Between what’s real
And what’s projected
Had I known what I lost?
What I gained, what it’d cost
I’d still give what remains
To be myself again”

from the song
Be Myself Again
by Donna Summer

My emotions have been all over the place with that displaced feeling of not knowing where I belong in this world and looking in the mirror and not knowing who I am. It is one of those times in life when we momentarily take the liberty of losing ourselves in the midst of a bad situation.

Emotions play a big part of who we are and I am very good at masking my emotions to the point of not recognizing myself. Haven’t we all been here at one stage or another of our lives?

I held my emotions long enough to make rational decisions about my future and it all hit me . . . the stress of past months. I’ve been there before when keeping it together through one of life's awful circumstance and have allowed myself to fall apart after it was done. Sometimes the strength we possess is amazing.

Tears are a cleansing of the soul when an emotional surge is needed to express those things held inside too long. Now my strength has been renewed by emotions that were as temporary waves, ridden out through a safe harbor within.

Times of change and transition bring out all types of emotions. My boyfriend describes how I am feeling as being "conflicted." He's right . . . as I ponder my present life circumstance today, fear compounded with anger . . . the fear of change and fear of the coming days grip me at this moment. Fear of the unknown is what would best describe what most people going through a life transition experience.

When you face your fear, most of the time you will discover that it was not really such a big threat after all. We all need some form of deeply rooted, powerful motivation . . . it empowers us to overcome obstacles so we can live our dreams. (Les Brown)

We are called to be architects of the future, not its victims. (R. Buckminster Fuller)

Experience is all we have to learn and grow through. Change is currently a major part of that experience. If there were no change there would be no growth. If there is no growth there is only stagnation. (Athene Raefiel)

Psychology Today describes fear as "a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we couldn't feel it, we couldn't protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are in no way life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell. Yet exposing ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them."

Lyrics

Be Myself Again | Donna Summer

Let me introduce myself

I'm a woman that you've never seen

You might know me from somewhere else

As someone that I've never been

I gave everything to play the game

My soul fell apart at the seams

I fell down like a house of cards

When somebody pulled the queen

'Cause you could spend your life

Lookin for your own reflection

Time could blur the lines

Between what's real and what's projected

Had I known

What I lost

What I gained

What it'd cost

I'd still give what remains

To Be Myself Again

You must believe me when I say

Don't live someone else's design

Turn it around like a photograph

The writings been there all the time

Now you can have all these

Hopes and dreams

The ones I can't use anymore

I don't know what it is you lost

But I hope you got what you came for

'Cause you could spend your life

Looking for your own reflection

Time could blur the lines

Between what's real and what's projected

Had I known

What I lost

What I gained

What it'd cost

I'd still give what remains

To Be Myself Again

Sometimes I want to leave right now

Sometimes I want to cry out loud

I want to let it all hang out

But I don't want to let you down

Sometimes I want to just lay here

Sometimes I want to disappear

I want to show you all my fear

But I don't want to let you down

'Cause you could spend your life

Looking for your own reflection

Time could blur the lines

Between what's real and what's projected

Had I known

What I lost

What I gained

What it'd cost

I'd still give what remains

To Be Myself Again

To Be Myself Again

read more

The Blame Game

All blame is a waste of time.

No matter how much fault you find with another,

and regardless of how much you blame him,

it will not change you.

The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off

you when you are looking for external reasons to

explain your unhappiness or frustration.

You may succeed in making another feel guilty

about something by blaming him, but you won't

succeed in changing whatever it is about you

that is making you unhappy.

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer -

Life circumstances are frustrating at times and it is very easy to blame anything or anyone else. Having said that, external forces could initially be the root cause, however, as individuals, we can make changes to perpetuate the outcome that will ultimately make us happy.

Wayne Dyer's philosophies of life are awesome!

Expecting another person to make us happy when we are already unhappy is totally unfair to that other person. In the case of a new relationship, it is set up for failure before it begins.

In all the years I was single after becoming a widow, when I thought I was ready for companionship and a new relationship, the best advice I got was to love and accept myself first. Before delving into the concept, I took the advice negatively as the person not thinking I was worthy of love again.

Quite the contrary! Everyone is worthy of love. However, if we are not happy with who we are to begin with, entering into a new relationship can end up in a very frustrating experience.

It took me many years to get to know myself again, to know what I wanted out of the rest of my life and more importantly, what I wanted out of a new love relationship. Emotions can play tricks on the mind . . . however, depending on that other person to perpetuate your happiness and not finding it from within is not fair to your partner.

Love should be an enhancement
of each other's quality of life!

read more