Joy

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Only Yesterday . . .

"You were the dawn breaking the night,

the promise of morning light

filling the world surroundin' me."

I've read some sad tales about loneliness, lack of love and Valentine's Day this past week in Bloggerville.  There are people in my life who are suffering from loneliness and having a difficult time dealing with it.

The holiday only seems to heighten the awareness of loneliness in one's life.

I've been there several times in my life and found the love I was searching for each time.  My life is a testimony that it doesn't have to last forever . . . just a phase in our life if you open your heart and hold on to hope and faith.

The featured song, Only Yesterday by The Carpenters, says it all for me . . .

Only Yesterday | The Carpenters Lyrics
After long enough of being alone,
everyone must face their share of loneliness.
In my own time nobody knew
the pain I was goin' through.
Waitin' was all my heart could do.
Hope was all I had until you came,
maybe you can't see how much you mean to me.
You were the dawn breaking the night,
the promise of morning light
filling the world surroundin' me.

When I hold you, baby, baby,
feels like maybe things will be all right.
Baby, baby, your love's made me free as a song
singin' for ever.
Only yesterday I was sad and I was lonely.
You showed me the way to leave the past
and all its tears behind me.
Tomorrow may be even brighter than today,
since I threw my sadness away only yesterday.

I have found my home here in your arms,
nowhere else on earth I'd really rather be.
Life waits for us, share it with me,
The best is about to be,
And so much is left for us to see.

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Long nights, slow days

It is another entry from the past making me realize that sometimes the lovesick pains we go through are necessary for growth in a relationship, especially an online relationship that has gone on for a long time through the marvels of modern technology of the internet and long telephone conversations.

With a serious long distance relationship comes an unlimited amount of fear and doubt from both sides. Patience and perseverance is mandatory and not always possible, resulting in the ups and downs that make you feel as if you are going crazy.

The Captain came to me two years ago after a long distance relationship that kept us on the phone 24/7 with a bluetooth stuck to our ears.  It is funny when I think about times like the holidays, when we were both celebrating with our respective families, yet together on the phone.  I'd go out to lunch with my mom or with a friend . . . and the bluetooth stuck to my ear talking to The Captain at the same time.  Crazy times!

There is something about starting an online relationship as an awesome friendship that grows into long distance love that makes one appreciate the other person in your life when you finally come together.  It evolves through different phases, all the while getting to know and love that person.  

I can't remember exactly when I realized that he was the one I wrote about years before, inspired by a song by Cher.  

This entry was originally written on September 10, 2007

This song is for my man . . . the one I wait for, dream about . . . I feel you and our hearts beat as one . . . I see you but your face is a blur and I can't see your eyes. Who are you? Everywhere I look I see rain, that is what the song says . . . to me you are the rain, what the flowers need to grow and everything I need cause the days are slow.

The nights are long, the days slow . .. they have no meaning without you. I love you with all my heart . . . my spirit knows you, it feels you and wants you more than anything I have ever wanted before in my life. You are my everything, please come to me, reach out for my heart, touch my soul, my spirit and let me live again . . . 

A long distance relationship worked for us although it was not easy.  

We were married six months ago and I have not had any regrets!

Rain Rain | Cher
Lyrics:


Ooh Ooh Ooh

Everywhere I look I see rain. . .

Why am I here if you're there

So far away it's not fair

To be without you - like this

I miss you more than you know

The nights are long, The days slow

Without the warmth of your kiss

Wish you were back here with me

Cause out my window, All I see is

Rain, Rain in the sky

Everywhere I look my eyes see

Rain, rain fallin' down

Crying as it hits the ground

Rain, rain in my heart

Every day that we're apart

Rain, Rain

Falling rain, rain

Only rain, rain

The sun is strong when you're near

But when you're gone it disappears

Behind an ocean of blue

The telephone's not good enough

It can't reach out, it can't touch me

The way that you do

Wish you would knock at my door

Cause only you - can stop the pouring

Maybe I'll go outside

And walk beneath the clouds

Pretend it's you that's watching over me

This isn't the only thing that comes between us now

Baby soon we'll be - together

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Love Poems

WOMAN'S LOVE POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.



MAN'S LOVE POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with

huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,

and loves to send me fishing and hunting.

This doesn't rhyme and I don't care.


Author Unknown



Seems like neither woman or

man asks for too much, huh?

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Valuing the moment

"... the only time you ever have in which to learn anything or see anything or feel anything, or express any feeling or emotion, or respond to an event, or grow, or heal, is this moment, because this is the only moment any of us ever gets. You’re only here now; you’re only alive in this moment."

-- Jon Kabat-Zinn

Many people regularly squander their time. They live under the assumption that they'll live forever. As a result, they don't value the present as a precious opportunity that will never come again.

Others continually race against time, trying to cram too many activities into each hour, and suffering stress in the process.

In our view, we are more effective and most happy when we balance being and doing. We continually ask ourselves what’s most important to get done. And we’re learning to BE -- fully present -- when we do. We also regularly give ourselves permission to relax.

Make today really matter.

It's all you'll ever have.

"Very few of us know how much we can put into life if we use it properly, wisely, and economically. Let us economize our time -- lifetimes ebb away before we wake up, and that is why we do not realize the value of the immortal time God has given us."

-- Paramahansa Yogananda

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Brand New Day

Turn the clock to zero, honey

I'll sell the stock,

We'll spend all the money

We're starting up a brand new day


lyrics from the song Brand New Day by Sting

How many of you people out there
Been hurt in some kind of love affair

And how many times do you swear

that you'll never love again?

Yeah, never say never . . . especially to saying that you'll never love again . . . then you feel the words of the song . . . "I'm the rhythm in your tune, I'm the sun and you're the moon" . . . and you think OMG love is pain, is bitter and cruel, the devil in your soul . . . but on the other hand you see that "I'm the glove, you're the hand" that fits together so perfectly and you turn the clock to zero and start a brand new day despite the fact that you vowed to never feel that way again.

You have no choice over when it will hit you . . . sometimes it hits you harder than other times. It could come out of nowhere, it could build with time . . . it is such a force that when you find yourself in it you can't decide if you have been blessed or cursed. Turn the clock to zero and start a brand new day. Why not . . . you never know if this time is the right time. Fate and destiny has a way of grabbing you when you least expect it.

The song is one of my favorites . . . a happy, optimistic song about love by Sting, Brand New Day.

The mentality of being in love with love . . . the curse of the hopeless romantic.


What is wrong with turning the clock to zero

and starting up a brand new day?


NOTHING!

Lyrics

How many of you people out there

Been hurt in some kind of love affair

And how many times do you swear that you'll never love again?

How many lonely, sleepless nights

How many lies, how many fights

And why would you want to put yourself through all that again?

"Love is pain," I hear you say

Love has a cruel and bitter way

Of paying you back for all the faith you ever had in your brain

How could it be that what you need the most

Can leave you feeling just like a ghost?

You never want to feel so sad and lost again

One day you could be looking

Through an old book in rainy weather

You see a picture of her smiling at you

When you were still together

You could be walking down the street

And who should you chance to meet

But that same old smile that you've been thinking of all day

You can turn the clock to zero, honey

I'll sell the stock, we'll spend all the money

We're starting up a brand new day

Turn the clock all the way back

I wonder if she'll take me back

I'm thinking in a brand new way

Turn the clock to zero, sister

You'll never know how much I missed her

Starting up a brand new day

Turn the clock to zero, boss

The river's wide, we'll swim across

Started up a brand new day

It could happen to you - just like it happened to me

There's simply no immunity - there's no guarantee

I say love's such a force - if you find yourself in it

And sometimes no reflection is there

Baby wait a minute, wait a minute

Wait a minute, wait a minute

Wait a minute, wait a minute

Turn the clock to zero, honey

I'll sell the stock, we'll spend all the money

We're starting up a brand new day

Turn the clock to zero, Mac

I'm begging her to take me back

I'm thinking in a brand new way

Turn the clock to zero, boss

The river's wide, we'll swim across

Started up a brand new day

Turn the clock to zero buddy

Don't wanna be no fuddy duddy

Started up a brand new day

I'm the rhythm in your tune

I'm the sun and you're the moon

I'm a bat and you're the cave

You're the beach and I'm the wave

I’m the plow and you’re the land

You're the glove and I'm the hand

I'm the train and you're the station

I'm a flagpole to your nation - yeah

Stand up all you lovers in the world

Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl

Stand up all you lovers in the world

Starting up a brand new day

I'm the present to your future

You're the wound and I’m the suture

You're the magnet to my pole

I'm the devil in your soul

You're the pupil I'm the teacher

You're the church and I'm the preacher

You're the flower I'm the rain

You're the tunnel I'm the train

Stand up all you lovers in the world

Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl

Stand up all you lovers in the world

Starting up a brand new day

You're the crop to my rotation

You're the sum of my equation

I'm the answer to your question

If you follow my suggestion

We can turn this ship around

We'll go up instead of down

You're the pan and I'm the handle

You're the flame and I'm the candle

Stand up all you lovers in the world

Stand up and be counted every boy and every girl

Stand up all you lovers in the world

We're starting up a brand new day

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Obstacles have a reason

The years that followed the death of my husband back in 2002 were mainly dark, lonely, sad, miserable and full of obstacles to happiness in all areas of my life.
My life philosophy is "everything happens for a reason" . . . even obstacles have a reason.
Sometimes in life we get stuck in present time and forget where we came from.  This morning I had a time of reflection and went back to old journal entries, those dark, lonely and mainly sad days of contemplating where my life was going.  The obstacles often overwhelmed me.
I knew that somewhere in this big world there was someone out there who was looking for me.  Somewhere a perfect man for me.
Faith is one of those things that I felt with childlike anticipation.   
Where would I be without my faith in God?  
Where would I be without the obstacles  I had to go through to feel the miracle  of faith and love?

All I know is that faith kept me going through those times of feeling the waves of overwhelm that swept over me, constantly knocking me down.  Each time I picked myself back up, I was astonishingly stronger . . . and ready for the next obstacle.
Obstacles of the past have made it easier to jump the hurdles of life's obstacles in present times.  They have a reason and a place in our life history.   
Life lessons and those obstacles . . .  they constantly prepare us for what is to come  . . . good and bad.

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Plenty of time?

He promised his son they would camp out all night, 

Get up very early before it was light, 

And go to the lake where the hungry fish bite. 

But he put off the trip for the plan wasn't right. 

After all -- he had plenty of time.

He promised his wife they would soon get away 

For a week, or a night, or just part of a day, 

To rekindle the love they had let go astray. 

But his work for the present left no time for play. 

After all -- he had plenty of time.

He promised his daughter he'd teach her to ski. 

When he bought snow equipment, she shouted with glee. 

Each year as she dreamed that the ski slopes she'd see, 

Her skis gathered dust -- on deaf ears fell her plea. 

After all -- he had plenty of time.

He vowed to his parents he'd visit them more, 

And offer his help with a much needed chore. 

They lovingly looked for his face at the door, 

And grieved when his absence went on as before. 

After all -- he had plenty of time. 

He thought that one day when his life was more slow, 

He'd find a good church where he wanted to go, 

And learn from the Bible the things he should know, 

While talent and goods on the poor he'd bestow. 

After all -- he had plenty of time.

His death came before some folks thought it was due, 

And it shocked all his family, and friends that he knew. 

So they buried him high on a hill with a view, 

To watch through the seasons as life starts anew. 

After all -- he has plenty of time.

By Betty Jo Mings

How many times do you catch yourself saying "I'll start on this or that tomorrow"?  The approach of a new year got me thinking about this since it is always a new beginning, a time of making resolutions for the future . . . a benchmark to start a new project, get healthy . . . as a society, most of us do it ritually.

The realism of lives cut short hit home again for The Captain and me in the past couple of months . . . those people in our lives whose time ran out without warning.

One, a seemingly healthy man in his early 50's got up one morning, washed his boat, came inside to take a shower, collapsed and died of a sudden heart attack.  Just like that his life was over without warning.  Most of his family members didn't even get to say goodbye . . . there wasn't enough time.  A successful man of means whose money couldn't buy him the time to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Time . . . something we all perceive we have plenty of.

Another . . . a troubled and lost 40-something confirmed bachelor who drifted through life with a free spirit attitude, possessing a lust for life that many of us would envy.  He was a blue-collar construction worker afflicted with pains from an old injury.  His doctor prescribed all the meds he needed for pain management.  After a night of partying on Thanksgiving Eve, he peacefully passed away in his sleep as his mom cooked Thanksgiving dinner in the other room.  Drug overdose . . . he stretched the limits of mixing drugs and alcohol just like so many others do every day.  His time of pushing those limits ran out.

This post is not intended to be morbid or a downer . . . take it as an inspiration to celebrate life to the fullest every single day that you are blessed with.  

The one thing in life that is an absolute . . . 

no one escapes time running out.

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The Awakening

The journey that you are making now is most wonderful. 

It is called human life. 

This life, as you have manifested a body, a career, a dwelling
place, a mate, co-workers, experiences of workshops and
places of gathering, this experience of life is most wonderful,
because you have created it. 

You are creating it moment by moment. 

Enjoy the journey. This lifetime you will never live again.
so make the most of it. Enjoy the journey of this lifetime. 

Allow yourself to come completely truly alive
in this lifetime, to be able to speak to other ones
from the heart, not fearing that you are going to fail
or have some other tragedy befall you.

(Author unknown)

Today is the beginning of a new year . . . the turning of a calendar page that is synonymous with making resolutions and reflecting on life in general.

My focus on the new year is the celebration of life itself . . . concentrating on home and family . . . making this house an awesome home for me and my new husband.

I don't like to make resolutions . . . 

I'm making incremental lifestyle changes!

Happy New Year :)

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Desperate Times

What is happening to our society?  Perhaps it is desperate economic times?  Or do we just not care about others?

I'm watching the news and hearing reports of the bizarre behavior.  Sometimes the news sounds like a spoof of the news.  A 70-year old woman was punched in the face while doing her job at Wal-Mart, merely asking a customer to produce a receipt, which is a normal practice.  She ended up in the hospital.

Mob mentality struck the Mall of America after it was rumored that some rap stars were making an appearance at the mall.  What resulted was a stampede and general mayhem.

Black Friday just begins the holiday shopping season which used to bring out kindness in society.  Now shoppers come armed with guns and pepper spray so they can get a good deal on "stuff" . . . if all fails, just knock the weaker person down and step on them.  How sweet . . . watch out who you casually say "Merry Christmas" to, they may get offended.

What about flash mobs?   Large numbers of teenagers who have choreographed criminal behavior with great success. 

Sometimes I wonder why I enjoy online stopping as opposed to going to the mall or the local Wal-Mart . . . just watching the news today reminded me why.

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Merry Christmas

From our family to yours

Merry Christmas!

Hope your day is happy, festive

and full of love :)

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Breathing in Heaven and Earth

When we choose not to focus
On what is missing from our lives
But are grateful for the abundance
that's present,
We experience heaven on earth.

Sarah Breathnach

It was a troubling chapter in my life . . . I was so lost and desperately seeking the way to crawl out of the situation, knowing that in time I would.  Sometimes I go back to my old journals and blog posts to grasp reality and see the transitions in my life since JR died.  Those days were like a roller coaster that I could not stop . . . one day good, the next day unbearable and miserable . . . back and forth.  I had to go through it to get to where I am today.

The following post was written back in 2008.  Of course I still have bad days . . . and I've come to accept the fact that I have a condition that has been diagnosed as restlessness and anxiety.  As time goes on, I've learned how to cope when those days appear.  With the help of the wonderful man I married, I learned how to move on with life itself.  It has been quite a journey back from the depths of depression as a result of grief and drastic life changes!

One of the reasons I blog about my journey is to help others going through a life situation that seems hopeless.  Nothing is ever hopeless when you have faith that "this too shall pass" . . . it will.

The feeling of  breathing in heaven and earth is awesome . . . in good AND bad times, when you learn how to be grateful.  It is the lesson I had to learn before moving on with my life.


THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY 

WRITTEN JUNE 2008 

The presence of faith, hope and limitless opportunities in my life is what I am most grateful for today. It is the absence of faith and hope in our lives which brings the mindset of depression, hopelessness and dread of life. The ability to regain faith within us, exhibiting the strength to blindly walk the path of opportunity, pulling oneself out of the pits of depression is the feeling of heaven on earth.

Sometimes we must go there . . . to enter the pits of depression and feel the fire . . . to be reminded of how much we have to be grateful for and realize what is missing in our life. Surprisingly, at this moment, I am grateful for feeling the heat of that fire.

To wake up with a smile on my face is a blessing . . . the hope and promise of a new day rather than the dread of having to wake up to face a living hell . . . that is the feeling of heaven on earth.

The pleasure of preparing a home cooked meal, enjoying and savoring every bite . . . rather than not having the appetite for anything or the emotional energy to put it together . . . another feeling I am so grateful for at this moment.

Living life rather than anticipating and waiting for death, pulling oneself out of the pits of depression, the feeling of standing on a steep cliff and seeing your life flash before your eyes . . . I'm so grateful for heaven on earth.

A thought occurs to me . . . as long as we are breathing there is hope and opportunity is always present, we just need to open our eyes and minds to see it. And from the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara . . . tomorrow is another day.

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