Riding the merry-go-round

The carousel horse is stuck, bobbing up and down in a cycle of co-dependence. You waved frantically the first time, but after recycling regret multiple times, it’s time to get off the whirligig of wasted time. Bolt like a carousel horse gaining its freedom. Break the cycle and live like the free person you are.

Photo and Quote Source:  Soulseeds

The image of the carousel horses gaining their freedom immediately took me to the John Lennon song, Watching The Wheels.

"No longer riding on the merry-go-round 

. . . I just had to let it go."

There are times in life when we feel stuck in a rut . . . I've referred to the merry-go-round and the roller coaster that never stops many times.  Don't we all go through that at one time or another?

Sometimes it means painful changes, doing what you have to do to remain true to yourself . . . good or bad, depending on how you look at it.

I've done it many times in my life.  The latest was leaving a job that I loved so much, but it was the best thing for me.

For John Lennon, it meant leaving The Beatles and embarking on a solo career. We mourned the breakup of The Beatles, for the fans, it was a bad thing. However, it was the best thing for John Lennon personally . . . for whatever reason(s).

In retrospect, after getting off the merry-go-round, he was able to live the rest of his short life the way he wanted to.

We do have choices in life . . . problems have solutions!  Be true to yourself!

Can you relate to being stuck

 on the merry-go-round?

Watching the Wheels | Lyrics Words and Music by John Lennon
People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin
When I say that I'm o.k. well they look at me kind of strange
Surely you're not happy now you no longer play the game 

People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me
When I tell them that I'm doing fine watching shadows on the wall
Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball 

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go 

Ah, people asking questions lost in confusion
Well I tell them there's no problem, only solutions
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind
I tell them there's no hurry
I'm just sitting here doing time 

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go 

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Love yourself

"We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others, but we cannot accept and love ourselves. The more self-love we have, the less we will experience self-abuse. Self-abuse comes from self-rejection, and self-rejection comes from having an image of what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal. Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves the way we are, and why we don't accept others the way they are."

 -- Don Miguel Ruiz

No one is perfect . . . 

love yourself for the person you are!

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Reevaluating the path

Since there are usually many paths to the same goal, we would benefit by engaging in periodic reviews of our plans and goals to determine whether we are still proceeding in the best way to accomplish our objectives. This review might provide an insight or idea that we wouldn’t have considered before, and help us to achieve our goals in less time. Reevaluating the path to your goals today can help direct your motivated attitude in the right direction to achieve success. 

Source:  Daily OM

My apologies for the depressing post the other day . . . but it is how I was feeling at the time and I'm committed to being true to myself.  It also means that I won't delete posts that are dark.  Life itself is the good, the bad and the ugly!

It is ironic that I received my Daily OM Newsletter that discussed reevaluating the path the same day. I've thought about it at great length since.

Like anything in life, if the present approach isn't working, try another one. The business management theory of incremental change is one that advocates continual improvement, constantly changing the process.  It is a mindset that I adopted many years ago, applying it to life circumstances.

If you don't succeed at first, try and try again.  Giving up is failure . . . getting up and starting over again if necessary, is not.

When I go into reevaluation mode, I go back to the beginning, back to my first days of becoming a widow.  I was truly lost and thought I had nowhere to go. The journey I've gone through has taken many forks in the road.  Many wrong turns were made!  However, striving toward continual improvement has made the difference.

I'm a proud survivor!

 

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Unresolved issues

My intention was to get back into full swing with blogging again, but I'm still lacking focus and concentration due to all that has gone on with The Captain's surgery, his recovery and life in general.  

Best way I can describe it . . . 

I'm feeling numb.

There are so many unresolved issues buzzing around in my thoughts that I need to sort out and I haven't been able to deal with them.  

Since I quit working, I've not been able to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life professionally.  What would make me happy?  I honestly don't know . . . however, doing nothing has left a void within me that can't be filled by merely being a housewife.  

I'm a doer who hasn't been doing

 and feeling a little lost!

It really isn't about money, except that I have a need to feel like I'm contributing to the household financially.  My dad did a good job drilling the financial contribution thing in my head when I was very young.  He would be disappointed in me . . .

Today would have been my wedding anniversary with JR . . . it is one of those grief trigger days that makes me sad.  It is so ironic to feel this way in the midst of one of my happiest times since The Captain came into my life.  

I'm really happy and other than these emotional issues, my life is as near perfect as I have ever imagined.  

So . . . what's the problem?  

I'm constantly asking myself!

There are so many people out there

 in this world with REAL problems

 and that realization makes

 me feel so guilty!

Needless to say, high anxiety has continued

 to plague me and it feels like depression

 has started to set in again.  

There is a fine line between anxiety and depression . . . sometimes it is difficult to know when one filters into the other.

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Healing Wounds

Wounds cannot be cured without searching.

Francis Bacon

The culprits that cause emotional wounds are much the same the world over. Loss, neglect, abuse and rejection leave scars on the human heart, and the earlier these traumas happen in life, the deeper they are inflicted.

Recovery is to search for the wounds and buried feelings surrounding them and bring them into the open. We will feel pain, but it is healing pain. With self-nurturing, support from others and the help of a healing power greater than ourselves, our wounds will slowly mend.

It is never too late to begin our search.

~ Niki Turner ~

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Root out fear

The quest of the week has been to confront the fear that has consumed me on a number of levels. Sometimes circumstances throw us for a loop and no amount of positive thinking will change the impact it has on us . . . at least in those situations where it is out of our control.

Things happen in life that we don't expect and can't change . . . those are the times we just have to deal with whatever was thrown at us and keep going. I've kept going, but I am consumed with fear although deep in my heart I know everything is going to be ok.

Changes, transitions and the unknown will also do that. The "unknown" is the one thing that will put the fear of God in me. It is one reason I hate to get caught up in the "why me" syndrome because things can also be a little worse than they are. "Why me" is being human, but in my path to gratefulness it makes me feel guilty and small in the large picture of recent natural disasters.

In my quest to confront the fear, I found the following article on rooting out fear by Pastor Tim Burt. Love this article and can so relate to it! I allowed too many weeds to grow in my garden . . . in more ways than one. :)

Hosea 10:12 (NLT) “I said, 'Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of my love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.”
I’m a gardener. I love to garden. My mom loved to garden when I was a boy and she would often have me split and move plants for her. I never realized at the time how much it would impact my life.

It really has impacted my life. I can see a lot of my mom’s qualities in my life. Having ten children, she had a very nurturing side to her. I’ve noticed that I have that in me. I love to watch things grow. I love to help and watch Christians grow in their faith. That is probably why I have created and head up a very large Small Group system of hundreds of groups at our church. I love to watch and help people grow in walking out their leadership abilities. That is probably why I love to teach our Leadership Development Classes and minister to the men at our monthly Manhood Breakfast. I love to watch my garden grow. That is probably why I have a very large flower garden. If you get your Fresh Manna mailed to you and you get the garden graphic at the top; that is a slice of my garden. When I am working in the garden, I am continually reminded of Bible principles that strengthen my faith.

You’ll find that in every garden, weeds that you never planted spring from the ground. Your heart and your garden are the same. Weeds – fears, worries, and evil imaginations invade your heart and mind that seem to come from nowhere. Jesus in trying to teach His disciples about how our heart and mind works used gardening and farming illustrations. Matthew 13:24-28, "The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared. "The owner's servants came to him and said, 'Sir, didn't you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?' " 'An enemy did this,' he replied.”

Satan is always trying to plant seeds of fear in our heart. It’s by design. He would rather have you have faith in his fear than faith in God’s promises. Why? Because your faith is what brings forth its crop. When you allow weed seeds of fear to grow in your mind and heart - fear, discouragement, and hopelessness is the crop you will reap. Consequently, you have to work to keep out things you do not want in there. You have to dig up what shouldn’t be there and cast it out! What does a heart with weed seeds planted in it look like? Jeremiah 17:5-6 reveals this saying, “This is what the Lord says: "Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, on the salty flats where no one lives.”

When you plant good seeds planting them in good soil (a heart that loves and trusts God and puts faith and expectation in His promises) then you will reap a good crop. Hosea 10:12 (NLT) says, “I said, 'Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of my love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.”

What does a good crop from your heart look like? Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NLT) describes it like this: ‘But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit.”

My gardening reminds me what I should meditation on – on God’s promises in the spirit of faith, and what I should not allow in my heart – the circumstances that pop up daily that are weeds of fear that try to undermine my faith. I dig them out and cast them into a pile to be burned or discarded. If I keep my heart good soil, and profess and pray God’s promises over my life and others, I will see my harvest and I will become like that tree planted by the river that stays green and is not bothered by heat or long months of drought.

God’s Word is our riverbank for our roots to go down into. Remember today that the promise He promised you is this: Deut. 28:6-7 (NLT) “You will be blessed wherever you go, both in coming and in going. The Lord will conquer your enemies when they attack you. They will attack you from one direction, but they will scatter from you in seven! How is that for sinking your roots into?


In His Love,

Pastor Tim Burt

http://readfreshmanna.blogspot.com



Published by Pastor Tim Burt

Copyright© 2008 Tim Burt, All rights reserved.

"a merry heart doeth good like a medicine" Prov 17:22

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Days with tears

Catch me if I fall
I'm losing hold
I can't just carry on this way


Lyrics from the song
Faith . . . The Cure

Today was supposed to be my day of rest since I've been going like the energizer bunny.  As it turns out, it is anything but restful, instead I've got the worst case of anxiety I've had in a long time.


There are those out there in this world who are squealing with delight, I know.  Woohoo Gina is feeling miserable today . . . enjoy it while it lasts because I have faith that can move mountains.  This too shall pass.


It seems to me that as humans, we can only tolerate a certain amount of stress . . . emotional and physical . . . then we just want to shut down.  So, I'm allowing myself to shut down today and wallow in self-pity even though I know that I have everything to be happy about and there is so much suffering in this world that I almost feel guilty for feeling this way.


But I do feel this way today and I won't apologize for it.  I just need to write about it . . . it is ok to have a bad day or a bad phase.  After all, life is full of bad days and every day there are probably more people feeling like I do than bouncing off the walls with happiness.

For many reasons, I find myself questioning so many different things.  One thing for sure, life as it has been has got to change.  I've lost my focus and concentration . . . everything seems to be in chaos . . . no schedule, no routine.  I'm feeling terribly lost.

This too shall pass . . .

A hauntingly depressing song for those having a bad day and want to wallow in it . . . go ahead . . . it is normal. 

Get on with life as usual tomorrow.





Faith | The Cure

Lyrics

Catch me if I fall
I'm losing hold
I can't just carry on this way
And every time
I turn away
Lose another blind game
The idea of perfection holds me
Suddenly I see you change
Everything at once
The same
But the mountain never moves


Rape me like a child
Christened in blood
Painted like an unknown saint
There's nothing left but hope
Your voice is dead
And old
And always empty
Trust in me through closing years
Perfect moments wait
If only we could stay
Please
Say the right words
Or cry like the stone white clown
And stand forever
Lost forever in a happy crowd


No one lifts their hands
No one lifts their eyes
Justified with empty words
The party just gets better and better


I went away alone
With nothing left
But faith

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