Friday, November 1, 2013

When Things Go Wrong In Life





Things don't go wrong and
break your heart so you
can become bitter and give up.

They happen to break you down
and build you up so you can be
all that you were intended to be.


(Charles "Tremendous" Jones)



I guess this means that I'm going through
another time of building my character!






In times of uncomfortable life challenges, I always try to remember that there are so many others in this world who wish they could trade places with me.  This week marked the anniversary of Sandy, the super storm, and the news media was taking a look back at her victims and where they are today.  Many have not finished rebuilding and others lost everything.  Imagine, a year later! 

My sweetie is teaching me about perspective and how the way one perceives a situation can change the way you feel about it and get through it with less anxiety.  There is hope for me after all . . .





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Monday, October 28, 2013

Patience




"What does patience feel like? It's a subtle unfolding with time as your ally. You feel relaxed and trust that it will all work out, even if in this very moment, there's no clear path to the end. It feels like the subtle uneasiness of allowing all you're uncomfortable with to be exactly as it is."

- Mastin Kipp, founder of TDL



TDL Links:

Twitter - 
www.Twitter.com/TheDailyLove 

Beta Site -
www.TheDailyLove.com




This latest journey into unfortunate life challenges has taken me from times of extreme patience and faith straight to being out of control in the depths of hell, walking through that fire of hopeless pessimism with more than subtle uneasiness with all I'm uncomfortable with.  Living without running water is not the easiest endeavor I've ever encountered.

Time has not been my ally.  As time goes by, patience escapes me more intensely although it comes back in fleeting moments of faith.  Of course I know the problem will eventually be solved, but my patience . . . or lack of . . . is making time seem to stand still.


The Captain is feeling better after being hit with a nasty flu, the parts have been purchased and he will start working on the problem again.  I know I haven't made life easy for him . . . shame on me, it is not his fault.


What is patience anyway?  


Wikipedia defines it as "the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way."  


Human nature and difficult circumstances takes certain personality types to the brink of teetering on the edge, losing control and the grip of perspective.  


Years ago I would have retreated to the comfort of my mom's house without even trying to endure the difficulty.  It has been an option I have considered during the moments of extreme frustration, however,  I've developed a stubborn streak of determination to endure what is difficult.  Progress?


Perhaps this is the lesson to be learned through this latest challenge . . . patience . . . and holding on to it with lots of faith.  


It is one of those delicate balances in life . . . teetering on the edge of frustration, impatience, patience and faith in the midst of difficult times, drifting from one to the other, even though I have trusted that everything will eventually work out.


Although there is still no clear path to the end of this dilemma, at least tonight I am feeling more relaxed and in control of my emotions.


Simple?  I think not!







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Thursday, October 24, 2013

Free your mind




Free your mind

and the rest will follow,

be colorblind,

don't be so shallow

(before you read me you

gotta learn how to see me)


Lyrics from the song
Free Your Mind | En Vogue



Well, we are into week #2 of our water well system being out of commission which has meant no running water all this time.  Talk about missing something that is a normal part of everyone's day.

To compound the situation, The Captain is sick!

As I was going through one of my old blogs this morning, I found this post so ironic as I am struggling to keep from going over the edge with the major inconvenience of having to deal with all these bottles of water.  The way things are done on a routine basis is all turned around.  I tried to enter this latest life challenge as a new adventure, but I am getting to the point where I can't fool my mind into thinking this is an adventure.  In reality it is a major hassle that is getting on my last nerve.


So . . . maybe I should prepare a bowl of popcorn to combat the blues!

Seriously, the following post includes some awesome methods for handling those stressful times in life.  Wish I would have run into this post before I started teetering on the edge!




Originally published on January 18, 2008

On the path to my quest for happiness, the best thing I did for myself was take the time to figure out what I was doing WRONG in my life since it seemed like I continued to spiral out of control time and time again. Yes, I have also had to deal with the death of my spouse, but I was not handling life well at all . . . and I know I will continue to stumble here and there because it is human nature. The difference is that I understand myself better and the way I handle difficulties.

I ran across an article that touches on a lot of what I have discovered in this year of self-awareness and I thought it was worth sharing with others having a difficult time with stress, depression or even a mild case of the blues . . .

Feeling good physically works on the mind too . . . exercise does help combat depression or a case of "the blues" . . . and here are some other psychological strategies that help us attain that peace within.

Feed your "brain" with low calorie foods with lots of crunch, like apples, carrots and celery . . . I eat a bowl of popcorn every day just because it is one of my addictions. Through the years, I have learned how to make a healthy version with a microwave popcorn popper . . . I never used the bagged microwave popcorn since I want to control what goes into it. It fools the brain and works as a release that helps deflect the binge of "stress-eating".

It is important to not use food to bring comfort, remember that it's mainly a source of fuel. An extra slice of cake won't solve anything . . . it will just make you feel guilty later. This is the one that I was really guilty of since I quit smoking last year and had to deal with that too . . . and the desire to eat everything in sight. Finally . . . I can say I have a handle on this too.

Avoid excessive stimulants like caffeine or guarana . . . I prefer not to practice what I preach with this one . . . although I have started substituing hot tea instead of drinking coffee every day, all day . . . and I have cut down the amount I take in each day . . . but I must have my caffeine!

Breathe right . . . Slow it down . . . allow your diaphragm to fully contract, feel the breath through your entire lungs, breathe out and exhale the air completely. When I feel stress starting to creep in, I take a time out, clear my mind and breathe . . . I close my eyes and envision the waves crashing onto the ocean and the sound it makes. When I have serious time . . . I have a CD of ocean sounds that is supposed to help with sleep, and it helps on those days I need to free my mind since I am such an intensive thinker that lets the stress creep in.

Everyone has their way of letting off steam . . . discover yours and recognize when you need to take a time out before the stress gets too out of control. My greatest stress reliever is energetic music and dancing . . . for others it is a hot steamy shower or a soak in a hot bubble bath in candlelight . . . discover the way that works for you and change the quality of your life. No sense running around stressed out if you can find a way to free your mind from it.

Do you feel yourself making the same mistakes over and over again? The most important thing I did for myself last year was invest time in myself . . . self-knowledge . . . recognizing patterns and understanding why. To break the mold, step out of the story to review it from an outsider's perspective . . . I've done that by blogging about the journey into my new life. Give yourself a reality-check to find the root of the problem and re-evaluating the situation. Although I know it didn't seem like it, I have really listened to the feedback and comments I received from my friends and have slowly made incremental changes.

Whatever you do, be true to yourself . . . take the HONEST approach with an open mind, finding negative characteristics about yourself is just part of the journey to finding your authentic self and making those changes that are necessary to stop the vicious cycle. Listen to what others have to say with an open mind . . . someone may say the one thing that clicks for you and makes a huge difference in your perspective.


Free your mind . . . and the rest will follow!



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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The changing ocean tides




Oh, mirror in the sky

What is love

Can the child within my heart rise above

Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides

Can I handle the seasons of my life

lyrics from
Landslide (Barkan Ottaviano Remix) - Fleetwood Mac




Lately I've been on a quest to consolidate all of my personal journals and blogs into this one blog.  It is interesting (to say the least) to go back and see how the mirror in the sky has reflected the changes in my life since I became a widow.  From that day up to present day, happily married to The Captain, life has taken me on quite a journey.

In the past day or so, I've been pouring over my journals at the five year mark of widowhood . . . late 2007/early 2008.  The frustration with myself was intense and changed frequently.  I perceive this phase as my time of awakening.  The anxiety of it all was confusing to the point of feeling like I was about to lose my mind.  The irony is it may have been one of the sanest times of my life.

2008 was the year I finally got a real job after being a retailer for over a decade.  My online stores went from being extremely prosperous to costing me money almost overnight when the economy tanked.  

For the first time since I moved away from my parents' home, I had to worry about money and survival.  Getting a real job meant failure to me since I had finally escaped it after working in the corporate world for so long.  I was no longer my own boss . . . I had lost the freedom that was so precious to me.

The two posts that follow span a few months and opposite perceptions of life, accentuating the confusing times I went through in this phase, knowing I had to make drastic changes that were freaking me out.

I do not consider myself "normal" yet, but I have moved on with my life into a new phase, no longer confused.  I've already been there and done that.  The changes yet to be made includes a partner to help me through the changing tides that guide us into yet another phase of life.



Originally posted on January 5, 2008

The strange thing about life changes is our attitude and perception of them which in turn affects how we handle them and what our reactions are during different phases of life changes.

The following entry was written a few months ago, but my way of thinking has changed in just that short time. Now I see my future as an adventure and don't hate my life as it is. What is so exciting about what I see now is that my possibilities are endless, rather than hopeless.

The sky is the limit . . . my life can be whatever I want it to be.
What an exciting thought to begin the new year with.
 



Originally posted on September 28, 2007

The beautiful voice of Stevie Nicks . . . one of my favorite female singers . . . a timeless beauty and an inspiration that we can age gracefully.  Landslide has  been one of my favorite songs. For some reason, I've wanted to hear it over and over again this morning

Maybe it is the featured lyrics that haunt me and have got me to thinking. Changes are a part of life . . . I've never liked changes. I'm the type of person who likes to put my roots down and incrementally perfect my reality, but not drastically change it.

Having said that, I have gone through so many changes in my life and made it through all of them. In retrospect, it seems to me like all the changes in my life have been good ones. I've learned from all of them and I've handled the seasons of my life quite nicely . . . and yes, times have made me bolder and stronger. But JR was by my side when I made those changes, I wasn't alone. It doesn't feel that way at the time though, I'm alone and all of a sudden making changes is scary. Even the little ones.

The recent changes have been many . . . five years has seemed like a lifetime that stood still, but they haven't. When I see my reflection, I don't like what I see and I need to make drastic changes. For the first time in my life, I have so much confusion. I don't like the reflection of an indecisive woman, I'm a decisive person by nature. Is it depression or whatever label "it" is given . . . that strange feeling?

I'm normally one of those people who knows what they want . . . and I'm very detail oriented . . . my dreams have always been in details. But JR's death was such a shock to my system, it knocked me down so hard and even though I've gotten up and fallen down several times already, I'm still feeling strong, but so confused. I still don't know what I want out of life. My life was set, everything was determined in details . . . it included my partner. I was so happy, I never wanted anything to change, our lives were as perfect as life can get.

I keep climbing that mountain and turn around . . . I took my love, took it down . . . God forgive me, but I'm hating my life this morning. I feel so out of control while feeling strong and bold . . . honestly I don't know what I want and it is hard to move forward in this state. The constant theme of my writings have been that I am one of life's contradictions . . . all things at once and they are all having a battle to win.

Will the landslide bring me down before I can
 sail through the changing ocean tides? 

Time will tell . . .



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Back To You




Like a star that guides a ship across the ocean
that's how your love
will take me home back to you
And if I wish upon that star
someday I'll be where you are
I know that day is coming soon
I'm coming back to you.



lyrics from the song
Back to You/Bryan Adams




Originally posted on Yahoo 360
September 29, 2007
comments included at the end of this post


What if we could go back and look into the eyes of someone you love who has passed and tell them how much you love and miss them, spend time with them or just give them a big hug . . . fix those mistakes we made in life, go back and rewind immediately after we know we said the wrong thing and have the ability to say it again . . . the manipulation of life's outcomes. Rewind immediately after the lottery numbers are called and be the first one to get them right . . . we'd all be millionaires wouldn't we?

How about the love that got away? What if you could go back and do it all over again?

History would constantly evolve into whoever's concept of fixing what was wrong was achieved. What a crazy thought . . . the world would be far more out of control than it is now if outcomes could be changed and manipulated.

In my life, I've dealt with death starting at a very young age and I still don't deal with it well. Many of my friends were killed in automobile accidents and coming from a very large italian family with my grandparents each having at least ten brothers and sisters, I think I experienced more than the normal person. Then my grandmother who raised me and was actually more like my mom than my mom died at a very young age . . . well, my childlike thoughts wished that I could go to the place where I could visit those who had passed on who I loved so much. At the time, I didn't have much religion with just a vague concept of heaven, so death freaked me out.

I've since become a Christian as an adult and death does not freak me out as it did in my younger days . . . but when my husband passed away, the notion of time travel and visiting heaven has come to my mind quite often. I guess that happens when someone so close to you passes on suddenly without warning. You spend your life with this person and don't even get to say goodbye . . . what if you could? What if we had the ability to visit heaven, not a time travel thing where history would be constantly evolving and changing . . . just a visit to another time or another dimension like heaven.

Of course I would love to be the merchant in charge of all travel arrangements . . . would be a popular item on eBay . . . talk about difficulty in pricing an item or a service for something so priceless and worth more than all the money in the world . . . at least it would be to me. For now, I visit them in my dreams.

What do you think? For once, I would love to use it to win the lottery, not have to worry about survival and be able to help people with the money I win. What would you do with the powers of going back?

lol I know most of you probably think that I have really gone over the edge with this one . . .





Comments

(40 total)


If I could go back in time...I would have never left my Dad and my home state in search of adventure. Never have been able to connect closely with him again nor return to old friends or old places for more than a day or so.
Saturday September 29, 2007 - 11:11pm (EDT)



very thought provoking..... there are a few things that i would love to go back in time and re-do or at least re-think.....
the 2 most important one would be~
going back to october 31, 1987.. when nick was born 9 weeks premature...
to go back to sept of 2002 and stay by mum's bed when she was dying instead of leaving...
and going back to 1993 when we had that wicked fight that i just can't forgive her for............
excellent post gina....
Saturday September 29, 2007 - 11:18pm (EDT)



btw.. that was 3 not 2!! ok... now you have my mind reeling.... so i'm adding one more...
1984... i would'nt have gone to the bar after the boyfriend brokeup with me... that decision alone would have changed the whole course of my life.........
Saturday September 29, 2007 - 11:24pm (EDT)
If I could travel back in time and visit someone. It would be my grandmother (mom's mother) I miss her so much. She died of a brain tumor when I was 12. She told my Mom before she died Take care of Sherri she is my Heart. I wish my Son could have meat her. She didn't get to meat any of her great grandchildren. My Grandpa (Mom's Dad) Did though but not my child. She was the women that took the most time with me and she lived close about 10 minutes away. My Dad's parents lived in VA and we live in AL. I have made some mistakes in my life and even though I don't regret my son some of those mistakes probably wouldn't have been made if she had been alive! Hope you are having a great weekend!
Saturday September 29, 2007 - 10:29pm (CDT)


You going over the edge was the farthest thing from my mind Gina, excellent post, some many places and times I would like to be able to go back to.
Take good care,
Blessings.
Saturday September 29, 2007 - 08:40pm (PDT)

Great blog and great thoughts!!! It would be great to go back and see my father once again before he passed away. I was not by his bedside when he passed on and I have always regretted that day. Still hurts me to this day knowing that I was not a part of the last people he saw..

You have not gone over the edge on this one.. What you said really makes you think
Saturday September 29, 2007 - 09:28pm (PDT)
My mom alwasy told me that hind sight is 20/20. Actually--I know lots of people have said that LOL but it is true. I guess knowing we only have one chance to let people know that we care--all we really have is today---we just need to learn to make the most of each moment. But time travel would be fun! Hugs!!
Saturday September 29, 2007 - 11:29pm (CDT)



awwwwwww Jan . . . that is what the events of 9-11 did for my husband and I . . . we lived for each and every moment learning through the tragedy that life is so fragile, not knowing he only had a little over a year to live after that . . . although I didn't have a chance to say goodbye, thank God I have no regrets. Sometimes I think I was spared . . . what would I have said? Would can you say anyway? I'm in a pondering mood tonight ya'll!!

I only hope I am bringing back good memories . . . these are good memories for me when I think along these lines.

Great discussion!!
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 12:43am (EDT)
I never got to say goodbye to my dad who died on a heartback while away on vacation. If I could turn back time I´d insist he´d stay home and check into a hospital...if only...!
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 07:17am (CEST)





I would go visit my grandpa Abie in heaven and tell him how much I loved him and appreciated all the little things he did for me and how, 10 years later, I miss him and think about him everyday...
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 03:05am (EDT)





You're not over the edge yet. I think we all have been there, thought about that, too many times. I know I have.
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 08:26am (EDT)
So many small things that would make so much difference...I have a couple things I would do I guess. Thanks for making me think about the what ifs....
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 08:29am (EDT)
We should learn how to deal with death - our whole attitude towards it should be different. But it is not easy. You cannot accept not seeing again a person you love and care about. It is tough. But that's life and that's how it goes. Some people use religion to find strength, others use their logic...but everybody needs to move on.

As to the trips to heaven, I had a dream some years ago - I was in heaven, saw Virgin Mary and asked her to take me see all the relatives that were dead. And so she did. The dream was so real that I woke up and was wondering if I was dead or alive. But if you had a travel agency arranging trips to heaven I wouldn't be a client Gina. It would be really hard for me to say goodbye to someone for the second time. I'll have to wait till the day that I'll go there to stay.

Travels back and forth into time would be a mess girlfriend! ;)
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 02:32pm (CEST)





Hmmm. Time travel. If I could go back just the once, I would take my parents aside and tel them how important I was as a child. No matter what was happening to them. Of course, this would be no guarantie of change.
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 10:12am (CDT)



I dont know about this one!!! if I could travel back I dont know if I would have gotten married so young and maybe traveled and went to college right then.But see if I would change time then I wouldnt have my kids or I wouldnt have met Tim and those are the bright spots in my life. Certain things I would!!! too bad we couldnt do that!!! have a good day dear Gina!! going to rest now.
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 11:20am (EDT)



I would rather travel forward in time, to see whats to come rather than go back. I've seen the past, yeah I miss ppl that have died but if we really could travel in time I rather go where I havent been than to where I have.
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 11:31am (EDT)



This isn't a crazy idea at all Gina. Although I wouldn't want to be able to change the past, (how messed up would the world be then. Not a good thought..... ) But to be able to travel back abd visit people and events, like watching it as a movie maybe, would be so comforting and special. What a thought provoking post you've done. It brought back some good memories, thanks. :)
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 11:56am (EDT)



sometimes Humanity looses too much of today, because they are so busy feeling guilty about yesterday or worrying about tomorrow. yesterday is gone. tomorrow is but a dream. there is only today. and absolutely everything happens the way it needs to and for a reason. mistakes and all, i would not change a single thing. i have no regrets. ; D
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 12:01pm (EDT)



p.s.....i do not think you've gone over the edge at all. the whole concept of time travel is really awesome, but how to do it without altering things that should not be altered? aye, there's the rub!
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 12:29pm (EDT)



If I could go back in time, there are many things I would change. Too many to list! LOL
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 02:00pm (EDT)
Very thought provoking. I would like to say I would go back and not repeat the same mistakes I made, but I would just make others so what would really change? It's almost impossible to select a time to go back to. There are many times and people I would like to visit in order to learn about my heritage. I have done some genealogy and discovered some interesting facts. I guess the person I would most like to see again would be my maternal grandmother. She was a peach.
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 11:00am (PDT)
My favorite movie is Somewhere In Time. It's such a beautiful story and it takes place on one of the most beautiful places here in Michigan.

I had an extremely large family on my father's side and went to a lot of funerals when I was young. I guess I never really thought about that till just now. My son, at 15, just went to his first funeral when my MIL passed away. By 15 I had already been to at least 20 funerals.

I am trying to think about where I would like to visit again and the only things I can really come up with is the birth of my children and to see my great-grandma again.

Great subject!
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 04:09pm (EDT)
I like the idea of knowing what the lottery numbers would be, not really for myself, but to set up my children and make their lives a little bit easier. I don't think I need time travel to visit heaven, I think we carry our lost loved ones around in our hearts, I tell them there, things I should have said before they left and one day I will be there to hug them again.

This is a very nice blog Gina, and very thought provoking.
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 04:28pm (CDT)



I think it would break my heart even more having to say goodbye again..I hope that they know..and can see, it is always so hard on those left behind..this life is a twinkling of the eye..and soon enough we will all be together again. :)
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 06:36pm (EDT)



I think about going back in time alot. But usually it's to witness historical events. But if I could go back now, I'd go back about six months and talk to a certain person a lot more than I did. God bless.
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 04:08pm (PDT)
I would go back 24 1/2 years and tell the earlier me to run from that blonde as fast as you can. Is that selfish?
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 07:23pm (EDT)



So you want specifics? Two things come to mind, To follow Jesus during His ministry, and to tag along with the Corps of Discovery with Lewis and Clark and see the Indian culture in it's prime and relatively untouched.
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 04:55pm (PDT)



To go back to a historic time . . . I'd love to go back to the times of Cleopatra in Egypt or go back to the wild west days of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid . . .
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 07:59pm (EDT)



i am not so sure i'd want to go back, even to relive the good times... although there aren't all that many, and they are just moments, not periods... interesting thought... a few decisions different, and i might not be single and clueless about women, but this is what i have, lol...
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 09:29pm (EDT)



I love Bryan Adams. Oh Gina...I feel for you. I would love to go back in time knowing what I know now. Live my life over and not make the same mistakes I have made in the past. If only!!!
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 07:18pm (PDT)



I'd like to go back to sneak up & smack myself in the back of the head just as I'm about to do something particularly stupid or hurtful.

After that selfish indulgence, I'd have to think about preventing murders and acts of terror. Then there's a spate of musicians one could protect from themselves or air accidents. Oh, my.

Unconditional Love!
Sunday September 30, 2007 - 08:51pm (MDT)
I don't think you have gone over the edge at all, I sometimes wonder the same thing, I'd love to go back and hug my Dad and get to know my Grandmother better, ask her so much about her childhood, when she lived in Scotland and why she came over to Canada all by herself as a young girl. I understand you and your reasons for wanting to go there ((Hugs))
Monday October 1, 2007 - 12:09am (ADT)
my past is riddled with mistakes and bad judgements and missed opportunities. as a young'un i seemed to stumble from one crisis to the next. the problem is, though, that if went back in time i would still be the same young person i used to be with the same personality flaws and bad judgement and insecurity.i am sure that i would make the same mistakes, and have to live through all that again. shudder! no thanks!
as for going back in time to a part of history? nuh. lower life expectancy and less rights for women. no way.
could i go back and make the world a better place by stepping in at a crucial time and preventing a disastrous action from taking place (like thwarting an assasination)? the trouble is - i am a bit of a cynic. while i was doing one good thing in one part of the world you can rely on human nature to step in and provide an equally bad thing to replace the bad thing that i had thwarted. make sense? no? thought not...
Monday October 1, 2007 - 06:17pm (EST)
i do have some things i wish i'd done differently, but then i look at where i am today and have to wonder if i changed any aspect of my past if my present also would change.. so.. nothing.. i'd not change a thing.. excellent question for blogging.. it's always interesting to see the different responses to this kind of question
HUGS
Monday October 1, 2007 - 07:12am (PDT)



Actually, what you say makes complete sense. Paradox is one of the reasons I'd think about it. It might seem like a good thing to give a shooter a shove, or more, but one never knows.

Still trying to decide what I'd hit my earlier self with.

Unconditional Love!
Monday October 1, 2007 - 08:13am (MDT)
Well technically time travel is possible, but it can only be counted in nano seconds, not much cop for mending a broken heart really.

To be honest I'd risk blowing the whole space/time continuum apart for the chance to take away some of the damage I've done in the past. That sounds selfish, but it's not my heart I want to mend.
Monday October 1, 2007 - 06:08pm (BST)

If I could time travel it would be back to 1984..ahhh love love
Monday October 1, 2007 - 07:15pm (PDT)



Finally I am able to post here.... I have been trying for the last 2 days to get to my friends blogs!

I too have experienced loss from a very young age. Far sooner than I should have been dealing with that and I have played with this question myself many times. I think I would struggle to turn the clock back if I couldn't keep the person with me, it would break my heart to let them go again but there are things I wish I could say to them about what was left unsaid and should have been said! I like to think they know. I have sat down and talked with that person and explained.... I know it is not the same as having them here looking them in the eye. Some days I want to rewind the clock, other days I am not sure I can deal with what that means!

Yes with all that rewinding I wonder how it will change the future and what I would miss out on because I had turned the clock back. Would I have met my husband...., would I have had children, would I still be alive.... The questions go on to infinity and beyond. The reality is very frightening either way really!
Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 08:29am (GST)
The expression of loss... is an expression of love. The physics of time is a constant.. the mind can excape constraints... the beautiful place of emotions.. feelings...saying goodbye may have no meaning.. saying hello is like life anew.... the philosophical thoughts expressed here are all entwined a few strands or all.. for this moment... with goodnights and goodmornings..... love the colours Gina.. hello all from Ralph G.
Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 03:12am (PDT)
my mother died when she was 39 and I was 21, I was out of town when she passed so I did not get to see her and tell her how much I loved adored and respected and needed her. that is my one main regret in life. I didn't get to say good bye to my mother. I love you mom.
Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 04:33am (PDT)




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1960's 1970's 9-11 abuse abusive behavior acceptance accomplishment accomplishments acquaintances addiction adoration adversity affair affection afraid agoraphobia alive ambitions anger anticipation anxiety appreciation approval aspirations attitude attraction authenticity awareness bad behavior bad days bad times balance balance of life beginning behavior being alone beliefs believe in yourself Betsy bitterness blahs blame blessing blessings bliss boredom buddy burnout Buster calm challenges challenging times chances change changes cheating cheech and chong chemistry choices christmas cigarettes comfort zone commitment commitments communication companion compassion competitive drive confidence conflict confrontation confusion consequences consideration contemplation contentment control controversy coping coping with grief Corinthians13 courage creativity crossroads cujo cupid curse dad dating dealing with grief death deceit deception decision making defense mode denial depression desire desires destiny determination diet difficulties direction disagreements disappointment disappointments discipline dissappointment dogs doubt drama queen dream dreams eBay economy ego emotional abuse emotional baggage emotional boundaries emotional commitment emotional state emotional support emotions employment empowerment encouragement endurance escape expectations facing problems failure failures faith falling down family fantasy fate Fear fears feelings Florida flower children focus forbidden love forgiveness freaky feelings free love free will freedom friends friendship frustration frying pan moments fulfillment fun future gardening glass half full/half empty goals God good times grateful gratitude gried grief grief phases growth guidance guilt habits happiness happy hard headed harmony hate heal healing health helpless hermit hippie culture hippies holidays home homeless honesty hope hopeless hopes hugs humiliation hurricane hurt identity imagination impatience improvement inner strength inner struggle innovation insecurity insensitivity inspiration intense love intentions intimacy intuition irritation isolation job job satisfaction John Lennon joy jr judgment Kiki kindness laughter lessons letting go lies life life balance life challenges life change life changes life circumstances life experiences life lessons life partner life retrospect life situations life struggles lifestyle living alone loneliness lonely long distance relationship loss loss of a pet loss of control lost love lovers luck lust magic managing anxiety Mark Nepo marriage medication Memorial Day memories mental health Mimi miracles mistakes moderation moments money motivation moving on natural disasters needs negative thoughts negativity new year Nolan normal nurturing obstacles office politics online dating online love online romance opinions opportunity optimism options overwhelm pace pain pandemic paranoia passion passionate past path patience peace peace of mind perception perfection perserverance persistence personal growth personal power perspective pet grief Petey pets physical abuse pity party planning plans plants pleasure politics positive attitude positive energy positive thinking positivity possibilities prayer pride priorities problems procrastination progress prosperity purpose quality of life quit smoking reaction reactions reality reasons regrets rejection relationship relationships relax relaxation resentment resolutions respect responsibility rest restlessness retirement retreat revenge risk risks Robin Williams romance romantic love routine run away running away sacrifice sadness safe sanctuary satisfaction scared searching self-acceptance self-awareness self-confidence self-control self-defeating behavior self-esteem self-help self-improvement self-loathing self-love self-pity self-sabotage self-talk self-worth senior treatment separation serendipity serenity setting goals settle sex sexual revolution simple abundance smoking social media society solitude sorrow soul soulmates stability standards state of mind strength stress strict rules strong struggle struggles stubborn subconscious feelings success suffering suicide support suppressed emotions survival surviving grief tears temper terrorism tests thankful Thanksgiving The Wedding Singer thinking thoughts time time travel tolerance toxic love toxic people toxic relationship tragedy transitions trigger day trigger days triggers trouble true calling trust truth unbalanced uncertainty unconditional love understanding unemployment unhappiness unresolved feelings valentines day value values valuing moments veterans day victim mentality victims vision vulnerability wants war Wayne Dyer weakness weather wedding anniversary what if widow Willie wisdom wishes withdrawal work work achievements work standards workaholic worries worry