Unresolved issues

Finding a healthy outlet for unsettling emotions allows us to resolve them in productive ways and regain a rested state of mind. We might not realize how deeply our feelings are affecting our lives until we begin to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Instead of trying to ignore our feelings or push them away, we can channel them into productive activities and make an effort to work through our emotions in healthy ways. Doing this empowers us, even if we can’t always resolve the situations that caused us to feel upset. By working through our emotions, we are better able to handle any situation and regain a serene state of mind. By devoting time to honoring and calming your emotions today, you can work through any unresolved issues and feel peaceful again. 

 Source:  Daily OM

Today is a beautiful, gentle rainy day and I have spent a lot of time outdoors in our carport jungle enjoying nature and letting my mind wander where it wants to go.  It is in these times of quiet relaxation that I realize how wound up I really am. Too many little things that keep hanging on end up being one huge mess.

I must admit that when overwhelm and frustration start to affect me, rather than channeling them into productive activities, I make the attempt to sweep them under the rug.

Although I know ignoring the situation will not alleviate the frustration, it is a practice that I continue to do over and over again.

Sometimes working through the emotions causes more frustration when the emotions causes warped focus and concentration.  For me, it is best to leave it alone until I am ready to handle it, one step at a time, AFTER calming myself down by doing things that bring me pleasure, like listening to music or watching something mindless on the television.  Sometimes simply enjoying nature can calm me down.  It all depends on the situation.

Of course, if the overwhelm stems from not taking care of projects because they seem too overwhelming, that is when taking very small, but productive activities toward the goal helps to work through the frustration.

I know I need to let it all go and just give it all the pressures to God . . . faith and trust is so difficult for me.

read more

Ownership of Challenges

We retake control of our personal power by becoming courageous enough to articulate, out loud and concisely, the essence of our emotions. Our assuming ownership of the challenges before us in this way empowers us to shift from one emotional state to another.

Source:  Daily Om

What about when you don't understand what you are feeling?  One can be in complete control of assuming ownership of the challenges and feel numb to the whole situation.  It is a one step, one moment at a time kind of thing.

It is not a time to make important decisions, as they may or may not be rational with this state of mind.  You can have control of your personal power and still not understand how to proceed effectively.

What if one emotional state runs into another, making it difficult to take complete control.  Maybe there is just too much going on, as the saying would have it "too much on my plate" making concentration and focus on one thing at a time extremely difficult.

This post has taken me a few days to write since I really wanted to think about this and try to put it into a perspective that makes sense to me.  Seems to me it is a compilation of all the things I've written about in this blog concerning emotions . . . fears, procrastination, feelings of unworthiness, times of weakness, and losing control.

read more

I am who I am!

I am who I am, and that is all I need to be.

I've actually liked myself in certain times of my life.  

The rest of my life I have hated myself.  In my realization of self-hate after JR died, I had to first admit to myself that the self-hate existed and then forgive myself, which I did.  

However, it has been quite a journey back to liking myself.  But you know, that is not good enough!  It must be love myself.

I've written about why I have hated myself at times.  It goes back to my childhood and one of the learned experiences from my father of not being good enough.  I was never good enough in his eyes and I hated myself for it.  I longed for the acceptance I never received.

The phases of loving myself were during the successful times of my life.  I knew I was good enough.  You know I'm my biggest critic . . . it is what I learned as a child!  I've had many successes in my life and very proud of those times, which makes the not so successful times of my life more pronounced.

Fast forward to present times.  Life experience has taught me that I am who I am and that is all I need to be.  Self-acceptance is what it is and not so easy for me.  The opinions of others are just their opinions and I am caring less each day what anyone thinks about me.

Self-acceptance is especially difficult when I'm not accomplishing anything and simply living my life.  My parents pounded "accomplishment" into my head like that is all that life was about.  That thinking is so wrong.  Accomplishment is important, but not all that should consume one's life.

I always ask myself the question "What is normal anyway" . . . and I still don't have the answer.  Never will I apologize for who I am with all my flaws and whatever "normal" is, I am not.

There are times when I backslide and start to hate myself again, but I am recognizing those times and learning how to turn it around.

I am who I am . . . a complicated contradiction of myself.

read more

Everything Happens For A Reason

When all the pieces of our life don’t quite make sense, we can remember that there may be some hidden gem of a reason that we are where we are having the experiences we are having. 

Source:  Daily Om



There have been awful times in my life that I can look back and see some of the hidden treasures that were buried in the pain.  

Just as some people see a half empty glass while another sees a half full glass, some people can always find the good in a bad situation, while some can't.

The perspective that everything happens for a reason can make bad times a bit better as one occupies the mind trying to find that hidden gem which may or may not reveal itself.

While some will seek the hidden gem, others will take that same perspective and ask why . . . just wanting a reason without expecting a hidden gem and holding on to anger with the circumstances they find themselves in.

No matter how we perceive a life challenge, it will continue along the way to it's destiny for whatever reason. Maybe it is not meant for us to know.  A lesson is not a lesson without a test.  There are no absolutes in life.

Life itself is a series of circumstances, situations and events that continue over and over again without ceasing.  Some are good, some are bad for whatever reason.

Life perspectives is what divides the happy people from the sad even if both realize that everything happens for a reason.  Human nature I guess . . .

The whole concept takes me back to some lyrics from an old song that always comes to mind when "everything happens for a reason" is thought of . . . "que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see, que sera sera."

How do you see this concept?

read more

Moving through the darkness

"We can take our inspiration from any fairy tale that finds its central character lost in a dark wood, frightened and alone. We know that the journey through the wood provides its own kind of beauty and richness. On the other side, we will emerge transformed, lighter and brighter, braver and more confident for having moved through that darkness.

This is just life’s way of taking us to a place we need to go for reasons that go deeper than our own ability to reason. These hard knocks and trials are designed to shed light on our unconscious workings and deepen our experience of reality."

Source:  Daily Om 

We are apparently living in lala land and these "hard knocks" are designed to deepen our experience of reality?  That was my thought after reading today's quotes from the Daily Om.

Actually, it all feels like the movie "Groundhog Day."  Seriously.

The theme of our year has been "readdressing old issues over and over again" . . . and it seems as if we are moving through the darkness, going in circles which lead to nowhere.

Very frustrating!

In the past week, we have had to deal with health problems, car problems, home repair problems persist and nothing has changed.  Oh please, I will spare you the details of these things that don't want to go away!

I'm having faith that all of these irritating life situations are building my character into a stronger, better person and I'll ultimately become fearless and worry-free . . . a contradiction of my own life.  It could be the lesson that the good Lord is blessing me with.  

We all run into all types of contradictions through the course of life's lessons.

read more

Dare to be powerful

When I dare to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

Audre Lorde

This quote says so much to me, who is a naturally fearful person and an intense worrier.

For one thing . . . what difference does it make how fearful we are or how worried we are about a particular situation?  It won't change the outcome, it just robs us of joy and happiness.  

What will be will be anyway!

I'm finally learning that strength is within us and never leaves us.  We just need to dare to reach in and grab it . . . use it!

read more

Picking Up The Pieces . . . Putting Them Away

Taking stock of our past can help us decide the next direction of our life’s journey. 

Contemplating how our decisions have created our present circumstances can bring clarity and self-understanding. We can then envision where the path we’re on today may lead us tomorrow.

A little self-reflection can give us the knowledge and confidence to follow a new direction or stay the current course. 

We can also fully absorb the blessings that have come to us and give thanks for what we’ve created.

Reflect on your life’s journey thus far and decide where you’d like to go next, and you can plan for a year filled with manifestations, personal growth, and happiness.

Source:  Daily OM

After much contemplation and self-reflection, I've taken a long journey through my mind of those days of picking up the pieces and putting them away after becoming a widow.

I knew I was already "Home" . . . I just had to rearrange my life and create an entirely new one for myself.

The path that led me to that place did not prepare me for those changes.  It felt like I was walking the fires of hell, not even thinking there was a path I needed to follow, just taking one moment at a time.  Sitting in a dark room as day turned into night was my indication of time passing, otherwise I would not have noticed.

I can relate to the lyrics of the, Home By The Sea by Genesis . . . so many lines are familiar! However, "picking up the pieces, putting them away" most comes to mind.  It is what happens when drastic life changes pop up when least expected.

The Captain and I have been through a lousy year or two . . . seems like we can't catch a break, but I know this too shall pass.  It just gets me down and discouraged at times.  Self-reflection takes me back to that place of real despair in my life, not knowing where that path is going to lead.  No longer do I walk that path alone.

Today I am feeling so blessed and grateful although I still have diminishing blahs . . . at least they are passing. I can feel it.  All is not hopeless, we have just experienced one bump in the life's road after another, primarily health issues, car and home repairs.  Things that make up a life!  We don't have to like them and some of us don't deal as well as others.  That is human nature!

Pictures of my life that roam around my thoughts have made me feel so blessed and grateful for all that I have today.

Home By The Sea | Genesis

Creeping up the blind side, shinning up the wall

Stealing through the dark of night

Climbing through a window, stepping to the floor

Checking to the left and the right

Picking up the pieces, putting them away

Something doesn't feel quite right

Help me someone, let me out of here

Then out of the dark was suddenly heard

Welcome to the Home by the Sea

Coming out the woodwork, through the open door

Pushing from above and below

Shadows without substance, in the shape of men

Round and down and sideways they go

Adrift without direction, eyes that hold despair

Then as one they sign and they moan

Help us someone, let us out of here

Living here so long undisturbed

Dreaming of the time we were free

So many years ago

Before the time when we first heard

Welcome to the Home by the Sea

Sit down, sit down

As we relive our lives in what we tell you

Images of sorrow, pictures of delight

Things that go to make up a life

Endless days of summer longer nights of gloom

Waiting for the morning light

Scenes of unimportance like photos in a frame

Things that go to make up a life

Help us someone, let us out of here

Living here so long undisturbed

Dreaming of the time we were free

So many years ago

Before the time when we first heard

Welcome to the Home by the Sea

Sit down, sit down

As we relive our lives in what we tell you

Let us relive our lives in what we tell you

Sit down sit down

Cause you won't get away

So with us you will stay

For the rest of your days. so sit down

As we relive our lives in what we tell you

Let us relive our lives in what we tell you

Songwriters: RUTHERFORD, MICHAEL/COLLINS, PHIL/BANKS, TONY

Home By The Sea lyrics © EMI Music Publishing

read more