Bad experiences . . . grateful?

There was a time I had found love and had finally trusted another person enough to let him into my life in a meaningful way.  Probably like many other long distance relationships, it was a rocky road and it was a very confusing time, yet happy at the same time.  Talk about a roller coaster ride!

The Captain and I had already met in person.  He had visited several times and all I knew is that I was madly in love with him.  But there were other considerations to ponder.  They were life changing times!

At the same time, I had decided it was time to get a real job, so I was knee deep in the search for employment and all the frustrations associated with that.


It was a time that my faith carried me to everything I wanted.  The Captain eventually moved to Florida and I found that fulfilling job I was searching for.

This post was originally published
on October 31, 2009

Nothing is a waste of time
if you use your experience wisely.

Auguste Rodin, 1840-1917

Even bad experiences are life lessons that prepare you

to cope with whatever fate has in store for you.

I'm grateful for all the bad experiences in my

past . . . they have made me the person I am today

and the stronger person I will be tomorrow.

read more

Life

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it."

Mother Teresa



"Even in the worst of times, 

I give my best to you."

lyrics from the song Lifetimes
by Sheryl Crow

It is the best you can do!
Above all, be grateful.

read more

Peace and contentment . . . the basics

Do you sense the peace and contentment

that can come from an appreciation of one's

place in the cosmos?

How do we get there with the complexities

and pressures of our current lifestyles?

Perhaps it's a matter of becoming aware of what we truly have
as opposed to what our egos believe we need. If we look closely,
we may find that our ego "needs" are just desires.

When you find yourself longing for something, stop and ask . . .

What is missing from my life?

Is it a need?

What are the essential qualities of what I seek?

How can I experience that now?

Source

As I look back at my life, I always thought I knew what I wanted.

It wasn't until the death of my partner and re-evaluating my life over and over again, locking myself away from society and giving myself more than a couple of years to "find myself" that I truly know what I want and need, along with the essential qualities that always found me wondering what was missing in my life.

Finally . . . I'm there.

Allow my life lesson to show that achieving
peace and contentment are simple in nature
by asking yourself the right questions and
moving toward your goals at your own pace.

Be true to yourself!

read more

Rocky Relationships and Negativity

Although it is not a particularly funny subject, we can look back at the emotional battles of any type of relationship and see a certain amount of absurdity and drama that exists when tensions run high and have a good laugh after everyone has cooled off.  

Even the strongest of marriages and/or friendships teeter on the edge of a love/hate relationship at times.  The interaction of people are, in general, very complicated . . . it is human nature.  It is rare for two people to totally agree on everything without disagreements.  The secret is to learn how to deal with each other effectively before the disagreements become real hate and resentment to the point of splitting up.

According to Cherilynn Veland in an article for Psych Central, here are some of the most common reasons for compounded negativity in relationships:

One partner thinks that the way they feel and there way of doing things is the right way. This means they are not open to listening and behaving differently. In this situation, compromise is not a value of one of the members.

Disconnection from the other’s feelings; chaos, manipulation and egocentricity; and sometimes cruelty.

Festering emotional wounds that never get talked about; or when they are, the other person tries to argue away the other person’s emotions.

Unequal partnerships. One person feels like he or she is doing it all. In couples with children, this can understandably lead to MAJOR resentment and anger.

Stress. Big-time breaker of even really good couples. If you don’t manage stress, it will cause difficulties in functioning and difficulties in the relationship.

Big differences on big life issues like: parenting, finances, in-laws.

Debilitating and dysfunctional family of origin issues that emerge and reemerge unaddressed . Issues from one’s original family and attachment relationships can get projected onto the spouse or onto other family relationships, like the kids. This will cause conflict.

Having little respect or not showing respect for your partner.

Being with someone who is narcissistic and has little self-insight.

Now this list is not exhaustive and doesn’t include abusive behavior (including verbal abuse) either.

Believe it or not, she also states that feelings of "hate" are normal in some situations.  However, even the rockiest of relationships can grow as you develop better communication, gradually change behaviors through compromise and learn how to forgive. 

It helps if both parties have lots of love for each other and a strong desire to make it work.

read more

Shedding Light On Ourselves

When we choose that which is not best for us, there can be a deep seated part of us that does not want to heal.

In almost every case, we know what is best for us in our lives, from the relationships we create to the food we eat. Still, somewhat mysteriously, it is often difficult to make the right choices for ourselves. We find ourselves hanging out with someone who leaves us feeling drained or choosing to eat fast food over a salad. We go through phases where we stop doing yoga or taking vitamins, even though we feel so much better when we do. Often we have no idea why we continue to make the less enlightened choice, but it is important that we inquire into ourselves to find out.

When we choose that which is not best for us, the truth can be that there is a deep seated part of us that does not want to heal. We may say it’s because we don’t have the time or the energy or the resources, but the real truth is that when we don’t take care of ourselves we are falling prey to self-sabotage. Self-sabotage happens unconsciously, which is why it’s so difficult to see that we are doing it. The important thing to realize is that this very part of us that resists our healing is the part that most needs our attention and love. Even as it appears to be working against us, if we can simply bring it into the light of our consciousness, it can become our greatest ally. It carries the information we need to move to the next level in our healing process.

When we recognize that we are not making healthy choices, we might even say out loud, “I am not taking care of myself.” Sometimes this is the jolt we need to wake up to what is actually happening. Next we can sit ourselves down in meditation, with a journal, or with a trusted friend to explore the matter more thoroughly. Just shining the light of our awareness on the source of our resistance is sometimes enough to dispel its power. At other times, further effort is required. Either way, we need not fear these parts that do not want to heal. We only need to take them under our wing and bring them with us into the light.

Source:  Daily Om

From my experience, the best or healthiest choices are not always the most tasty or fun.  I'd much rather eat a delicious piece of chocolate cake instead of a carrot for a snack.

I see the better choices as a mindset.

My passion is food, so it is not always easy for me to eat and cook healthy meals.  Of course I know that I can learn how to cook healthy meals that are delicious, but I don't until I change my train of thought and make a conscious effort to be more healthy in general.

In the healing process, I have learned how to do things in small bites . . . incremental changes.  Before I quit smoking after JR died, I made a conscious effort to adopt a healthier lifestyle since I had a considerable amount of weight to lose.  JR died of a heart attack and that put the fear of death in me.

Rather than go on a "diet" I set out to change my lifestyle.  Within a year, I had lost 100 pounds, even enjoying holiday meals at Thanksgiving and Christmas. The difference was that I enjoyed those things I knew were not the healthiest thing for me to eat in moderation.  A bite of this and a bite of that.  Just a bite to get a taste of it.

Little by little I made small changes that made a huge impact.  Being addicted to Pepsi, I could not step down to Diet Pepsi and I knew it.  I would fail and go back to drinking Pepsi.  So I started drinking water and learned to love it.

Think of any change that needs to be changed as a lifestyle change.  It is all part of the self-talk that is important in changing our mindset and leading ourselves into a different direction that is not comfortable or easy.

Now I need to put my words into action.  Ultimately I quit smoking for two years and put on some weight.  Then I met The Captain who was a smoker and I started smoking again.

It is never to late to start over again!

read more

Little steps

Those who would climb to a lofty height

 must go by steps, not leaps.

St. Gregory the Great

from a letter to Augustine of Canterbury




Baby steps is what is needed when a change in life circumstances reverts back to what is considered "normal" . . . normal being the perception of what it should be by the person making the changes.

The date of the following post was in October of 2007 and I still don't consider my life as "normal" even though I have moved on and have remarried.  Having said that, many of my goals have been met and I have moved closer to what I have considered normal even though I'm not there yet.

It has taken little changes . . . I call them incremental changes.  Changes so small that you barely feel them happening.  Sometimes that is all we can handle.  As stated in the quote, change cannot happen with leaps.  Leaps lead to overwhelm, feeling like a failure and giving up.

As I look back to the time the post was written, so many changes have taken place, however, the changes were so little at a time that it almost seems impossible that so much progress has been made on my journey to a "normal" life.  

I did try doing the leaps, but they led to me falling down and failing, making the progress move a step backward.

To recap some changes . . . I'm no longer agoraphobic (not able to leave the house),  I'M NOT A HERMIT ANYMORE!, I can drive again, I entered the workplace, I trusted another person to love again . . . enough to marry him.  I can be in a vehicle again as a passenger and not have panic attacks as I did in the beginning, although I still have a problem with it (and still working on it).

This post originally published on 10-5-07

It is turning out to be one of those days that aren't quite so positive.  Memories of when my life was happy and I had someone to share happy times with are haunting me. Now I'm alone in miserable times. Sometimes I wonder why bad things happen to good people. I'm fighting a pity party this morning and I can't go there, so I thought I would write about how I'm feeling.

What is bothering me can't be fixed over night . . . I want what I had before. I miss my husband, I want my life as it was before he died. Why did he have to die? Having to deal with this was the last thing on my list of worries, which is always a very long list since I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and worry about everything.

It isn't the loneliness since I keep myself busy. It is being alone . . . this is the first time in my life that I am alone and I hate it with a passion. Sometimes like this morning, it just gets to me. My mom is on her way over and we are gonna go shopping to keep my mind occupied. It helps momentarily.

I'm not always positive about life, sometimes life just sucks, but I try to deal with it optimistically.

read more

Life is a collaborative effort

"It is important to choose our partnerships consciously. Sometimes forged quickly during times of need, we may find ourselves rushing into unions with perhaps not the clearest intentions. Partnerships created from those starting point might serve our immediate needs, but the repercussions of a union so quickly fostered without much thought can be difficult to recover from.

Granted, there is something to learn from every relationship, but looking to another to fix or complete us can turn a partnership into a dependent bond. If we can stay clear about what we want and what we need in a partnership, while staying grounded and remembering that we are our own source of happiness and fulfillment, we can create partnerships that support and enhance the best of who we are. 

Everyone in our lives is a mirror reflecting back the parts we love and dislike about ourselves. If we have the courage to recognize our reflections in each other, we can grow through our partnerships. A partnership that offers both acceptance of who we are and an opportunity for personal transformation can be fertile ground for growing a healthy, lasting union. When we find this kind of partnership, we are more likely to want to keep it, invest in it, and nurture it.

Life is a collaborative effort. Much of what we do can be enhanced through partnership. Together we are stronger because our personal power is multiplied by two. Through partnership we experience the joys of working, living, and loving together."

Source:  Daily Om

Who we choose in our relationships says so much about us.

Choosing a life partner whose life mingles with ours harmoniously is so healthy for a happy life. 

Choose your relationships wisely, whether it be a life partner or a best friend. They can make the difference between happiness or misery.  It is your choice.

My grandmother had the best advice ever . . . it is better to be alone than to be in bad company.

read more