Give Me A Break!

Sometimes finding the answer is as easy as taking a break and stepping back from the situation.

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our thoughts that we wind up going round in round in circles, finding it difficult to concentrate on things and, because we are so distracted, not really accomplishing much.

There may be signals—mental, emotional, and physical—that tell us we need to slow down and relax. Since we are so involved in things that are external to us, however, we may easily overlook what is really going on inside of us.

It is during these times that we need to step back from the things that occupy our minds and take time out to connect with our inner self, giving our minds, bodies, and spirits the time they need to reenergize and heal. 

Giving ourselves respite from our daily concerns is like giving a gift to ourselves. By stepping away from the problems that seem to saturate our thoughts, we lessen the weight of our troubles and instead become more receptive to the wisdom and answers the universe has to offer us.

 Source:  Daily Om

Crawling out of my latest emotional darkness resulting from unexpected feelings brought out by the terrorist attack in Orlando has not been easy.  It has been a matter of shutting my thoughts down and finally getting the rest I need.

You don't know how important quality sleep is until your body tells you it is time to catch up.  So, not feeling so well this morning, I decided to watch television in bed and try to relax.  After getting constant sleep through the afternoon, I woke up to an awesome energized feeling.  Not totally energized, but getting there.

The hardest thing for me to do has been turn off the news.  I'm a news junkie!  Seems like I thrive on it. After a good start, I am back to watching the news channel again.  What can I say?  I'm a geek!

My latest endeavor is watching the news with a new perspective . . . don't fret what you can't change, things that are happening are happening and I just have to change the way I react to it.  The Captain picked up the remote control as if to change the channel when he caught me yelling at the television.  They can't hear me!! I must remember this and react accordingly.  It isn't worth getting all upset over things that stupid people do.

That is when I thought I would try to change my "rainy day in New York City" . . . so far so good.  I've even made it through this ridiculous discussion about the release of the 911 calls and how it was done.  

Everything will be fine until I hear about the non-Trump people's latest idea of dumping Trump.  Perhaps they need to catch up on some sleep and just chill out.  Give me a break and just accept who "the people" voted to be our nominee.

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Coping with death and grief amid a senseless tragedy

"Each of us is more than capable of helping the world, despite our fears and limitations and the uncertainty that holds us back. It is commonly accepted that it is impossible to make a difference without unlimited funding or free time, yet most healing, cleansing, and spreading of joy is accomplished in a matter of minutes." 

Source

Almost a week has passed since the terrorist attack on the nightclub in Orlando.  It has taken me all this time to make an attempt to write about how I am feeling aside from the politics of it all.

Being the compassionate person that I am, it has hit me to the pit of my soul with tremendous grief that I can't explain.  I don't know any of those affected by one man's anger and rage, but I can stand in their shoes in my thoughts and prayers for them.  News reports that featured the loved ones and victims brought me to tears that didn't go away after the report.  It was the same for me after 9/11.  

Senseless tragedy . . . these young people were here one moment enjoying a night out on the town, the next moment groveling on the blood filled floor next to dead bodies fighting to survive or huddled in a bathroom with countless others also fearing their impending death.  And then there are the victims who were left on the floor for days in a pool of blood.  The visions are haunting me.

One survivor's story really hit me hard for some reason.  His legs were shot and he could not walk.  When police came in to rescue those who had survived, he had to be drugged on the floor through dead bodies, glass and blood to get him outside in order to be transported to the hospital.  You could see the pain in his eyes as he told his story.  A nightmare none of them will soon forget.  I know I will not soon forget.

In addition to feeling the pain of these people, those who had to wait way too long to learn of their loved one's fate . . . days of agony . . . the survivors who feel guilty for living after witnessing hell on earth (I could go on and on) . . . I am feeling extreme helplessness and a sinking feeling for our world society.

Those of us who have experienced the sudden death of a loved one, the shock of a nightmare that will live with us forever and the acceptance of "life as it is now" can somehow relate to the pain of losing those young people whose potential in this world had not yet been found.  Their lives had just begun.  Senseless tragedy and the long road of surviving grief that has just begun.

It made me sick to my stomach as our president visited those same people going through so much pain and grief who had to endure the rants of a politician playing politics.  Not the time and place!  He should be ashamed of himself . . . but it is exactly what I thought he would do.  Adding insult to injury . . . isn't that special?

All this talk of the realization of the world we live in has made me extra apprehensive about leaving the house and the return of agonizing anxiety.  I have been fighting this problem for years and in many ways have proven that I can conquer it, only to remind me of one of the reasons I am fearful to leave my comfort zone. All I know is that in the midst of weaning myself off of anti-depressant and anxiety medication, I'm confused on how to proceed with my struggle to become normal again.

I feel better after letting my feelings out into words . . . writing has always been my best therapy.  I hope you do the same if you are experiencing the same feelings.  Let it out . . . start a private blog if don't want the world to know how you feel.  I hope by making my feelings known, it helps even one person going through the same anxiety and . . . I wonder how many people out there are feeling the same.  

Amid the hopeless feelings for this precious world and those affected by the tragedy, all I can do is pray and have faith we can all learn to cope with our ever changing world.

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Deep Well of Confidence

Today's horoscope says that I could experience a sense of satisfaction by being acknowledged and appreciated by others today.

My question is this . . . can't the same sense of satisfaction be achieved by having a well of confidence in yourself and knowing when a job is well done?

The following is a quote from DailyOM . . .

"When we learn to praise ourselves and build our self-worth, we discover a deep well of confidence and inner strength that we can consistently rely on.

Though it is natural to desire validation and praise from others, acknowledgment from others can be an uncertain prospect at best.

We can be a much more reliable and constant source of self-acknowledgement and recognition. When others do praise or admire us, their acknowledgment becomes a nice bonus that we can freely enjoy but not be dependent upon.

By choosing to take responsibility for your own self-worth today, you can also enjoy praise from others while knowing that their recognition is simply the icing on the cake."

Icing on the cake is a good thing, however, it is not always available . . . don't depend on others for an awesome sense of satisfaction.  Set attainable goals, always do your best and give yourself kudos when they are deserved!

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Grief: How We Survive

I could have written this poem . . . 

it perfectly describes how we survive grief.

Mark Rickerby wrote this poem following the death of his brother:

If we are fortunate,

we are given a warning.

If not,

there is only the sudden horror,

the wrench of being torn apart;

of being reminded

that nothing is permanent,

not even the ones we love,

the ones our lives revolve around.

Life is a fragile affair.

We are all dancing

on the edge of a precipice,

a dizzying cliff so high

we can't see the bottom.

One by one,

we lose those we love most

into the dark ravine.

So we must cherish them

without reservation.

Now.

Today.

This minute.

We will lose them

or they will lose us

someday.

This is certain.

There is no time for bickering.

And their loss

will leave a great pit in our hearts;

a pit we struggle to avoid

during the day

and fall into at night.

Some,

unable to accept this loss,

unable to determine

the worth of life without them,

jump into that black pit

spiritually or physically,

hoping to find them there.

And some survive

the shock,

the denial,

the horror,

the bargaining,

the barren, empty aching,

the unanswered prayers,

the sleepless nights

when their breath is crushed

under the weight of silence

and all that it means.

Somehow, some survive all that and,

like a flower opening after a storm,

they slowly begin to remember

the one they lost

in a different way...

The laughter,

the irrepressible spirit,

the generous heart,

the way their smile made them feel,

the encouragement they gave

even as their own dreams were dying.

And in time, they fill the pit

with other memories

the only memories that really matter.

We will still cry.

We will always cry.

But with loving reflection

more than hopeless longing.

And that is how we survive.

That is how the story should end.

That is how they would want it to be.

- Mark Rickerby (c) 1997

Published in The Grief Toolbox

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Burning the candle at both ends!

Have I bit off more than I can chew? 

That is a question I have been asking myself lately!  

The Captain and I have finally opened our Etsy shop, Crows Nest Jewels.

I've briefly written about my work obsession and my typical workaholic tendencies.

In my professional life in the corporate world, I burned myself out and could not go back and enjoy the work.  However, in the world of entrepreneurship, it is a totally different animal.

Honestly, I don't know when to stop and my days and nights are flying by and running into each other.  I rarely go into my personal Facebook accounts anymore and I'm really losing touch with the real world except for my obsession with keeping up with the news.  The Captain and I have truly ventured into the bohemian lifestyle of sleeping like cats . . . no set time, no real routine or sleep schedule.

Even with everything said, I am realizing that it has given me a lovely light indeed.  My last phase of feeling lost after retirement came to mind when I felt the need to write.  Obviously, that feeling is gone and I could not be happier about it.  That lost feeling is not good.

What I need to build into my work routine is "life balance" that includes doing real life things that don't include work.  While it is an awesome thing to enjoy your work like it is play, balance is also very important.

Writing this post is my first step back into my real world.  Tomorrow, my mom and I are going shopping, something we have not done in ages.  Next week, we will celebrate with family as my cousin's son gets married.  In the next two weeks, we have three appointments that will take us to MacDill Air Force Base.  The Captain has kept his balance, making time to go fishing, work in the yard and work on the hobbies that make him happy.  Hopefully, this first step will lead to a "normal" routine of life balance for me.

For now, I've been working on setting up the shop, selling my vintage jewelry collection and promoting/networking through social media.  I can't wait to start being creative with making my jewelry designs, something else I need to work into my routine.  Another obsession . . . 

"Burning the candle at both ends" has been one of my favorite sayings since I was a young adult entering the professional world.  Work for me has always been a measure of success, so I always tend to live the quote.

In the meantime, I will strive for life balance.

The origin of the saying goes back centuries!

from Figs and Thistles: First Fig By Edna St. Vincent Millay:

My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night;

But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—

It gives a lovely light!

from Phrases.org.uk:

The saying was "first coined in the 1700s. The 'both ends' then weren't the ends of the day but were a literal reference to the two ends of a candle. Candles were useful and valuable and the notion of waste suggested by lighting both ends at once implied reckless waste. This thought may well have been accentuated by the fact that candles may only be lit at both ends when held horizontally, which would cause them to drip and burn out quickly."

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New year philosophies

Isn't it funny how everyone looks forward to this day so we can say goodbye to the old year that is soon to pass on and give way to the new hope of tomorrow?

Maybe it is just human nature to hope what is ahead is better than what was. The grass is always greener on the other side thing . . .

It got me to thinking about a good year.  Do you want the good year to never end?  Will the new year and the new hope for tomorrow jinx what has been awesome?

For me, the new year has always been symbolic of a new beginning, a change . . . we make resolutions to make ourselves a better person.  By the way, I gave up on making resolutions a long time ago.  However, for a deep thinker like me, this day has been making me more aware of positive things that will help me be a better person in different ways.

The end of this year has been awesome.  I won't beat a dead horse with the details of the year's beginning. I can only repeat what I always say, "this too shall pass" . . . and it did.

All it really is . . . the normal passage of time that spans from one year to another, one day into another, one minute to the next, one second at a time.

As I become older and wiser, my philosophy has slowly changed.  The Captain has had so much to do with these changes and I'm so grateful to have him in my life.

The new philosophy involves having faith that everything will be ok, for real and accepting whatever comes along as quickly as possible.  It is a deepening of my favorite saying, "this too shall pass."  We don't have control over what happens from day to day.  We do have control over how to react to it.

Happy New Year's Eve . . .

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Just One More Day

There are times my thoughts go to having one more day with the loved ones who have left my life.  It never gets to the point of pondering the question "what would I say" and how would I feel in the end.  

Would I go through grief of this person leaving my life again?

Would it bring up more regrets or questions?

One more hug would be awesome, but would it be enough?  

Would it make me want more and more, making the grief intensified?

I didn't get to say goodbye to JR, my nana or nano.  What would I have said? How do you say goodbye to someone who has been such a big part of your life?


Death and resulting grief has to be the most difficult thing to deal with in life. Everyone has a different way of dealing with it.  I write and let my feelings out, it helps me.  Some people hold it all inside, like in denial of any hurtful emotions.

The Grief Toolbox, the website, has really been helpful for me.  The graphic comes from there and is just an example of how they post those articles, poems and so much more that make me think about something I had not thought about before.

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