Saturday, June 10, 2017

The Grief Experience

Every Day Is A Winding Road | Sheryl Crowe

 "It is our journey, and it will travel with us like a shadow that has taken us by the hand and is not following, but leading us everywhere we go. It is our new staycation that we alone can experience."

An excerpt from "Why Dealing with Grief  is Different For Everyoneby Yvonne Broady, from the blog Sixty and Me.

As I approach another trigger day, what would have been the 37th wedding anniversary for JR and I, my thoughts go back to our wedding day and the promise of happily ever after.

The phases of grief as the years go by drastically change from one trigger day to another.  There are days of feeling extreme loneliness the loss of my best friend left me with.  I have often written about being lonely in a room full of people.  That feeling takes on different meaning from one day to another.  

As described in the article "feeling frozen in place," the shock of losing a very close person never goes away.  The freezing numbness changes from time to time, but it never goes away. For me, the loss has intensified as the years go by.

I feel very fortunate and grateful that The Captain allows me to talk about JR and we discuss places in time that are special to me.  Those discussions take me back in time as I replay them when the places in time collide with my present life.  It really does feel like an unbearable bad dream at times.

Another excerpt from the article in particular hits me like a ton of bricks . . . "To grieve the loss of a spouse or anyone we love so dear is to face the fact that we will never see them again on earthThere are no more last words, no more direct contact, no more activities to be shared ever. When that reality sinks in, the emotional distress that ensues can be more than one can handle.

Since JR passed away, I have experienced the loss of close friends and family which compounds the grief emotions that haunt me at times.  Relief is found with life itself as present day happiness finds me.

One thing remains . . . for me the saying "this too shall pass" contributes to surviving grief moments.

Yvonne Broady lost her husband to pancreatic cancer in 2009. She faced the task of rebuilding her life as she dealt with the pain and grief of loss. Brave in a New World was written as a guide for those who are navigating a grief journey. The book explains the variety and complexity of feelings one has when they are mourning. She shares her journey through the grieving process and how she gradually rebuilt her life. Please visit Yvonne’s blog and follow her on Twitter.

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Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Dealing with a toxic relationship?

Toxic | Britney Spears

"If you grew up with a toxic parent, a toxic sibling or other close family member, you are likely more vulnerable to toxic relationships as an adult."

According to an article in Psychology Today, there are ways of dealing with a toxic person.

First of all, how do you know you are in a toxic relationship?  

Here are some signs:

  • When you see the person, you come away feeling down on yourself
  • You are plagued by guilt in the relationship
  • The other person is focused mostly on getting his/her own needs met
  • You often feel manipulated or controlled, one-down, or shamed
  • The other person repeatedly hurts you, and then expects you to act as if nothing happened
Recipients of the toxicity often don't see themselves as being in a toxic relationship.  As they take the behavior of the toxic person, all they want to do is make it better.  Some may think they deserve it and blame themselves for what is wrong in the relationship.  Perhaps too much compassion for the other person?  That just results in making excuses for what is wrong.  

You can do something about it . . .

Read the article to get the detailed explanations of strategies that may help you:

  1. Never let them pull you down to their level. Fighting back at their level will not work and you will end up feeling guilty.
  2. Stop caring so much. Protect yourself!
  3. Become more self-focused. It’s very likely that caring too little about yourself made you vulnerable to your person in the first place.  Begin to think more about how you feel and what you need.  
  4. Stop falling for games and manipulations and stop participating. Take your power back.
  5. Be cordial. Being cordial gives you the upper hand in a healthy, non-toxic way.
  6. Hold him/her responsible for their actions. Be sure to do this in your own mind, at least.
  7. Distancing and set your boundaries.  Emotionally or physically, or preferably both.
  8. Live well.  If the toxic person is someone who will always be in your life, then your goal is to thrive in spite of the toxins. Make good choices and protect yourself!
Don't ever forget that you deserve to be treated fairly, respectfully and honestly at all times, by all people . . . anything less is unacceptable!

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Monday, March 6, 2017

Keep your goals on track

"You can keep your goals on track by concentrating on the facts of the here and now rather than your reactions to the past or your anxieties regarding the future. By focusing on what you need to do in the present to attain your goals, you can avoid being distracted by the unknown." 

Source:  The Daily Om

The quote is an excerpt of my horoscope for today and it can't be closer to the truth.   Self-defeating behavior distracts from focusing positively on plans for goals and ambitions.   

While it sounds like an excuse, behaviors that have become routine are subconscious and automatic . . . at least that is how I see it.

Change the behavior to remain aware, focused and positive.

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Thursday, February 16, 2017

Destiny and options

"When you remember that you have many options, 
you will remember that you are in charge of your life."

Knowing that YOU have control of the choices you make in your life helps to focus on solving those challenges we face.  The lack of that understanding contributes to feeling anxiety as it relates to your future.

Letting go of those worries with optimistic thoughts will use your energy to move forward rather than standing still and not meeting the challenge.

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Thursday, January 19, 2017

Rocky Road

The holidays were rough for a number of reasons, mainly The Captain spent a big chunk of them in the hospital.

Depression has knocked me down again and I'm honestly not enthusiastic about writing at all.  Hopefully I will pick myself up soon and get back to my blogs!

Hope your holidays were awesome :)

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Saturday, December 10, 2016

Pet Grief

When I lost my sweet Betsy, the grief was as overwhelming as losing a member of the family.  To make matters worse, it was during the Christmas season.

That was back in 1999, the end of a decade and the end of one of the most treasured relationships in my life. The loss of a pet can be devastating and most people don't understand the pain involved.  I still think of her often, especially when I look into the loving eyes of my sweet Kiki, whose little personality reminds me so much of Betsy.

Click here for an article about pet grief . . . hope it helps someone who is hurting about the loss of a beloved pet.

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Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Encourage Yourself

Dress You Up (12 Inch Formal Mix) | Madonna

Treating yourself with the same gentleness
and respect you afford others can give
you the strength to accomplish what 
you want in life.

Feelings of unworthiness could negatively affect your self-confidence and cause you to judge yourself harshly. 

Giving yourself the same kind of encouragement you would give others can make you feel more confident and give you the strength to keep striving for success. When you treat yourself with respect and encouragement, you will find that all you desire becomes easier to reach.

Source:  Daily Om

The above was part of my horoscope for today.

It has been a rough week and I have beat myself up pretty badly.  My thoughts have been self-defeating and negative.  The taunting of my dad telling me how unworthy I am keeps creeping into my thoughts and won't go away.  I needed this message today!

Encouragement is my word of the day and I am so glad this message popped up for me today.  It is time to respect myself and give myself credit for everything positive and do those things that bring me joy because I deserve it.

Time to lose the negativity!

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1960's 1970's abuse abusive behavior acceptance accomplishment accomplishments acquaintances addiction adoration adversity affair affection afraid agoraphobia ambitions anger anticipation anxiety appreciation aspirations attitude attraction authenticity awareness bad behavior bad days bad times balance balance of life beginning behavior being alone Betsy blahs blessings bliss boredom buddy burnout Buster challenges chances change changes cheating cheech and chong chemistry choices christmas cigarettes comfort zone communication compassion confidence conflict confrontation confusion consequences consideration contemplation contentment control controversy coping Corinthians13 courage creativity crossroads cupid dating death deceit deception decision making defense mode denial depression desire desires destiny determination diet difficulties direction disagreements disappointment discipline dogs doubt drama queen dreams eBay economy ego emotional abuse emotional baggage emotional commitment emotional state emotions employment empowerment encouragement endurance escape expectations facing problems failure failures faith family fantasy fate Fear fears feelings flower children focus forbidden love forgiveness free love free will freedom friends friendship frustration fulfillment future glass half full/half empty goals God good times grateful gratitude grief growth guidance guilt habits happiness happy hard headed harmony hate healing health helpless hippie culture hippies holidays home honesty hope hopeless hopes hugs humiliation hurt identity imagination impatience improvement inner strength inner struggle innovation insecurity inspiration intimacy intuition irritation job job satisfaction John Lennon joy jr Kiki kindness laughter lessons lies life life balance life challenges life change life changes life circumstances life experiences life lessons life partner life retrospect life situations life struggles lifestyle loneliness long distance relationship loss of a pet loss of control lost love lovers lust managing anxiety Mark Nepo marriage medication mental health Mimi miracles mistakes moderation moments money motivation moving on natural disasters needs negative thoughts negativity new year Nolan normal nurturing obstacles office politics online dating online love online romance opinions opportunity optimism options overwhelm pace pain paranoia passion past path patience peace peace of mind perception perfection persistence personal growth personal power perspective Petey pets physical abuse pity party planning plans pleasure positive attitude positive thinking positivity possibilities prayer pride priorities problems procrastination progress prosperity purpose quality of life quit smoking reaction reactions reality reasons regrets rejection relationship relationships relax relaxation resentment resolutions respect responsibility rest restlessness retirement retreat revenge risk risks romance romantic love routine run away running away sacrifice sadness sanctuary satisfaction scared searching self-acceptance self-awareness self-confidence self-control self-defeating behavior self-esteem self-help self-improvement self-loathing self-love self-pity self-talk self-worth serendipity serenity setting goals settle sex sexual revolution simple abundance smoking society solitude sorrow soul soulmates state of mind strength stress strong struggle struggles stubborn subconscious feelings success suffering suicide support suppressed emotions survival surviving grief temper terrorism The Wedding Singer thinking thoughts time time travel tolerance toxic love toxic people toxic relationship tragedy transitions trigger day trouble true calling trust truth uncertainty unconditional love understanding unemployment unhappiness unresolved feelings valentines day value victims vision vulnerability wants war weakness wedding anniversary widow wisdom wishes work work achievements workaholic worries worry