Thursday, July 22, 2010

It's Always Something

It's always something

Roseanne Roseannadanna

(Gilda Radner's SNL character)

The following post is from one of my
older blogs that I'm still transferring to this one.

As I was going through some old posts to transfer over, it occurred to me that my life has come full circle . . . and it is a fabulous feeling of accomplishment.

At the time of originally writing this blog post, I was just starting to find myself again after locking myself in the house, never wanting to come out . . . just waiting to die. Little by little the desire to really live again started coming back.

I'm so grateful for the years of journaling and blogging that give me so much insight into myself, understanding where I've been and guide me to the path of my future.

By the way . . . "it's always something" never changes no matter where you are in your life. There is always some little irritation of life to make us grateful for that which is awesome . . . at least that is how I try to perceive "those little somethings" now. 

Originally posted October 8, 2007

Just another day in paradise . . . at least I'm feeling better than I did last night, but not well enough for a job interview . . . I should have known better than to even think about doing that today. My bills are covered and I just need to try to keep myself from drowning and feeling like a part of the human race. So that is my quest for today . . . to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

For some reason this morning I was thinking about Gilda Radner's saying as the character on Saturday Night Live, Roseanne Roseannadanna, "It's Always Something."   Isn't it the truth? It is just how we handle that "something" that makes the difference. 

I've seen the changes in me from one year to the next in how I have handled this day . . . to me this is the biggest grief trigger day . . . the "death anniversary". Many of you who are walking in my shoes have mentioned the trigger days . . . and there are many. This is the big one for me.

In some ways I am still in a state of shock over the death of my husband, although I have addressed and readdressed the phase of "acceptance" . . . it is not just losing the most important person in your life . . . it is also the loss of a lifestyle . . . the loss of status quo . . . from that moment on, everything in my life was different . . . everything. 

Through time, little things would come up, almost on a daily basis for a while and it seemed like the constant thing on my mind was "it's always something . . . when will the nightmare end?"

Phases . . . I've been through more than a few. Although the nightmare has not ended for me, I can handle things so much better now. I've walked through that fire and have lived to tell the tale. It is not a manic tale anymore . . . it is life and crap we have to go through that we don't like. We all have our crosses to bear at one time or another. Not one of us will go through this life without a hardship or heartbreak of one kind or another. When I start to feeling bad about my life, I look around and see struggles around me that are much more intense than mine . . . and I'm grateful for what I have been blessed with.


Visit our Etsy shop

Some of my web spaces

click to go to my personal website

My food blog MY NEW BLOG!!


1960's 1970's abuse abusive behavior acceptance accomplishment accomplishments acquaintances addiction adoration adversity affair affection afraid agoraphobia ambitions anger anticipation anxiety appreciation aspirations attitude attraction authenticity awareness bad behavior bad days bad times balance balance of life beginning behavior being alone Betsy blahs blessings bliss boredom buddy burnout Buster challenges chances change changes cheating cheech and chong chemistry choices christmas cigarettes comfort zone communication compassion confidence conflict confrontation confusion consequences consideration contemplation contentment control controversy coping Corinthians13 courage creativity crossroads cupid dating death deceit deception decision making defense mode denial depression desire desires destiny determination diet difficulties direction disagreements disappointment discipline dogs doubt drama queen dreams eBay economy ego emotional abuse emotional baggage emotional commitment emotional state emotions employment empowerment encouragement endurance escape expectations facing problems failure failures faith family fantasy fate Fear fears feelings flower children focus forbidden love forgiveness free love free will freedom friends friendship frustration fulfillment future glass half full/half empty goals God good times grateful gratitude grief growth guidance guilt habits happiness happy hard headed harmony hate healing health helpless hippie culture hippies holidays home honesty hope hopeless hopes hugs humiliation hurt identity imagination impatience improvement inner strength inner struggle innovation insecurity inspiration intimacy intuition irritation job job satisfaction John Lennon joy jr Kiki kindness laughter lessons lies life life balance life challenges life change life changes life circumstances life experiences life lessons life partner life retrospect life situations life struggles lifestyle loneliness long distance relationship loss of a pet loss of control lost love lovers lust managing anxiety Mark Nepo marriage medication mental health Mimi miracles mistakes moderation moments money motivation moving on natural disasters needs negative thoughts negativity new year Nolan normal nurturing obstacles office politics online dating online love online romance opinions opportunity optimism options overwhelm pace pain paranoia passion past path patience peace peace of mind perception perfection persistence personal growth personal power perspective Petey pets physical abuse pity party planning plans pleasure positive attitude positive thinking positivity possibilities prayer pride priorities problems procrastination progress prosperity purpose quality of life quit smoking reaction reactions reality reasons regrets rejection relationship relationships relax relaxation resentment resolutions respect responsibility rest restlessness retirement retreat revenge risk risks romance romantic love routine run away running away sacrifice sadness sanctuary satisfaction scared searching self-acceptance self-awareness self-confidence self-control self-defeating behavior self-esteem self-help self-improvement self-loathing self-love self-pity self-talk self-worth serendipity serenity setting goals settle sex sexual revolution simple abundance smoking society solitude sorrow soul soulmates state of mind strength stress strong struggle struggles stubborn subconscious feelings success suffering suicide support suppressed emotions survival surviving grief temper terrorism The Wedding Singer thinking thoughts time time travel tolerance toxic love toxic people toxic relationship tragedy transitions trigger day trouble true calling trust truth uncertainty unconditional love understanding unemployment unhappiness unresolved feelings valentines day value victims vision vulnerability wants war weakness wedding anniversary widow wisdom wishes work work achievements workaholic worries worry