Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

It's about love





"The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along."

Rumi, was a great Sufi mystic, lover and poet



It is how I was feeling before I met The Captain,
 I knew he was there . . . I could feel his presence in my life.
Soulmates are like that!


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Monday, April 28, 2014

There is nothing love cannot face




There is nothing love cannot face; 
there is no limit to its faith, 
its hope, and its endurance.

St. Paul
I Corinthians 13:7



Those are some of the most beautiful words ever written
 from my favorite part of the bible. I don't read it often enough!


Have you ever lived these words?

Think about it . . . you know you have!


Have you ever loved another person so much that your love's endurance outlived the problems that persisted with lots of faith and hope to keep you going?


I often wonder why people stay in relationships that did not make them happy.  Perhaps living without that person they loved so much would be impossible.  Many move on to get past the little irritations that make them unhappy and end up with the greatest relationship they could ever dream of.


How about the single mom with the impossible child as she struggles with survival in this crazy world, all by herself?  That would take lots of hope and faith!


There are so many instances I could go on and on about that this quote from the greatest book ever written can be applied to.  Such simple words with so much meaning!


It all starts and ends with love.






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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Love will change us forever . . .





Another post that I'm transferring from an old blog that reminds me that some things don't change . . . I was thinking about how love has changed my life once again . . . and how some things haven't changed.  



Love will and does change us forever . . . 
over and over again . . . 
good and bad.


Originally posted on 
March 4, 2007


How many of us have experienced something in our lives, good or bad, that changes us forever?


The past couple of days I have focused on becoming a widow/widower.

Anyway . . . I had to stop what I was doing and write this blog post. My inner sign that it is time for life's reflections . . . "therapy" time . . . and a visit with my Bloggerville buddies. One thing I have fondly realized is the difference the love and support I have received from my online friends has changed me forever. No longer do I feel alone in my struggle to move on and deal with the abrupt changes in my life . . . angels surround me.

Fate chooses whether these changes are happiness, drama or tragedy. We are somewhat responsible as we contribute to our fate . . . we don't walk out in front of a fast moving train unless we want to die . . . but ultimately, fate's changes are like a game of russian roulette.

Being an extremely spiritual person, I am ashamed to admit that I constantly ask "why me" . . . and go through the phase of being so angry at God that it is difficult to pray and be thankful for anything. That attitude doesn't help anyone and finally I am breaking through this "pity" phase. It is emotionally unhealthy and extremely unproductive.

It does not matter "why me" . . . it is what it is . . . "this is it from now on" . . . and I have had to deal with it.

Being angry at God will not bring my husband back.

It is not a soap opera . . . it is real life, as much as it sometimes sucks.

What I ultimately decided what to do with the tragic changes in my life is be grateful for what I do have, cherish the beautiful memories of the most wonderful marriage and unconditional love anyone could ever experience . . . for 22 years . . . and use those beautiful memories and lessons learned to create another beautiful time in my life.


Nothing will ever be the same again,
but I now see it as an exciting chapter
in my life that is yet to be written . . .


Back to present day . . .

And so I walked that lonely road that led me to love again and once again love has changed me forever in a different way.  One of the ironies of life . . . there is really nothing to fear . . . it is our destiny either way.





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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger?



Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape. --Charles Dickens



WOW, that quote speaks volumes to me and reminds me of another quote . . . "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Yes, I am stronger than before I had to deal with the death of my spouse . . . I'm still standing after taking one fall after another.  One learns how to get back up, however, I'm not sure if I have been bent and broken into a better shape.  

Sometimes I wonder about being "stronger" since I am haunted with worry that it will happen all over again while fiercely trying to fight those feelings and adopt the philosophy of living for today and don't worry about the future. 

When I fell in love with The Captain, I thought my heart would be what it used to be, but it had experienced the devastating pain of losing a spouse.  He's gone through several surgeries since we have been together and the feelings come flooding back with a vengeance.  I've wondered if other widows go through the same feelings after finding love again and this is just a "normal" phase of the grief process.  



The fear of another loss . . . I've perfected the act of suffering and live with the hope that I will learn the lesson that life goes on no matter what or how much we worry about whatever the worry is about.

Sometimes I wonder if what doesn't kill you makes you weaker?









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Thursday, February 27, 2014

Readdressing an old struggle






Today The Captain and I attended a "Quit Smoking" workshop and I am officially a non-smoker again.  He is on Day #19 since he was ready to stop before I was.  We are on our way to one of my biggest dreams, to be a non-smoker again.

Last time I quit was for two years and I felt wonderful and so proud of myself for the major accomplishment and best thing I ever did for myself.  The following blog posts from back in the day shows the pride I felt. 

Sadly, my addiction to love was stronger . . . and I fell in love with The Captain, who was a smoker.  As things work out, nothing is ever perfect and I could not fight being around someone smoking and not enjoying a cigarette myself.  "Just one" turned into becoming a smoker again.  I found that awesome love I was searching for, but it came at a price.

It is something I haven't written about . . . feeling the failure of falling down and starting to smoke again after working so hard to quit.  Having to face my family, one person at a time, having to admit I had failed and was once again smoking broke my heart.  The looks of disappointment were difficult to deal with.

So much has changed since those days.  My personal life has totally changed, married The Captain and we are now retired (at least for now).  

What is ironic is while some things change so drastically, some things never change . . . dealing with some type of a struggle.  The old blog posts show that. I was struggling with the need for someone to love and knowing that he was out there.  I love going back to those old posts!

I really hate those struggles that must be readdressed, but this one is so very important and would make me so happy.  Once addicted to whatever the addiction is, we are always addicted and should never fool ourselves into thinking we are infallible.  We definitely are.

Since successfully going through the quit smoking thing, even though it was not forever, I feel as though it is not hopeless as I once thought.  I know cigarettes are not a thing that I can't give up.  And I know I will.  

But I will always be addicted.

Today I am patting myself on the back for Day #1 and the decision to just do it again.





Originally posted on April 3, 2008

The following entry represents a time in my life that makes me appreciate my present life circumstances so much. It was a time of disappointment and changes . . . a time of realization of the new world I had been thrown into when I became a widow.

The love and companionship of a husband, lover, soul mate and best friend that I cherished was gone and the realization that I may never feel those awesome feelings again with someone else. After all, how could I think that I would be so lucky to find it twice in my life when most people don't ever experience that kind of love in their life.

It was also a time of change and amazing strength going through the withdrawals of quitting smoking. There were times that I thought I was truly going crazy. Addictions do that to you and I was kicking the habit of two of them . . . cigarettes and love.

I've always been addicted to love and guess I always will be although I have finally accepted the fact that if God intends for me to have love in my life again it will happen whether I want it to or not. I don't worry about it anymore. In fact I'm quite content now that I've found an awesome job that I enjoy and constantly challenges me.

In times of change and difficulties, don't we all tend to be way too hard on ourselves? Seems like I have spent a lot of time beating myself up . . . I still do, but I've made tremendous progress although I expect way too much of myself, but I don't see that as a totally bad thing.

As for my smoking addiction, I still have not picked up a single cigarette since quitting and today is Day #505 since I kicked the habit. Major accomplishment for a three-pack a day smoker!

My primary New Year's Resolution for 2008 was to find peace, happiness and contentment with a positive attitude to keep the balance on bad days. For the most part, it is working for me. Sure, I have my bad days, but they are few and far between . . . I call that progress and I have so much to be grateful for, especially after reading my blog entries like the one that follows.

Some of my daydreams have already been fulfilled . . .




Originally posted on January 21, 2007

Still thinking about Prince Charming . . . can't get him off of my mind. I have mentioned that I don't see his face, but he is familiar and I do know what he looks like. I have a definite "type" . . . and I know exactly what I want. The good thing about that is you know it when you see it.

This is a crazy good kind of thing tonight, the glass is half full kind of thing . . . I am talking out loud, just rambling and much like daydreaming. I asked for peace prayers last night from my friends and tonight I am feeling so much more optimistic about my life in general.

I've tried to get some work done, but I can't. My bills are covered, so why don't I just give myself a break from something and lighten up the load a bit . . . stop overloading the brain. Without a doubt, I know that I think too much. Sometimes it is good to be irresponsible.


God knows who my Prince Charming is, he made him for me and me for him, and at some point in our lives, we will appear to each other at the appropriate time and know for ourselves. He is the person in the song lyrics that follow in the song "Hear Me" by Kelly Clarkson.


There is something I was thinking about tonight . . . I went through this craving for true love before I met my husband when I was constantly disappointed for one reason or another . . . and it happened exactly as it was written . . . "good things come to those who wait . . ." It really is a craving, one that does not ever go away, yet sometimes they are stronger than others. This one feels different, almost like it has been taken out of my control. He is near . . . I feel him . . . I see him . . . he is familiar.

Then again, I could be getting these cravings because I want a cigarette so bad . . . just kidding, I know the difference, but both are difficult to struggle through in their own ways. By the way, you are considered a non-smoker after six months, so I am 1/3 of the way there. WOW I feel awesome about that . . .

Thank you to all my friends who prayed for me last night. You helped me through a bad moment in time and I so appreciate all of you. I'm here for you too! Have an awesome Sunday!




"Hear Me" recorded by Kelly Clarkson

Hear me
Hear me

You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me

Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me

I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me

I'm restless and wild
I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby I've fought
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me

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Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The beautiful part of love





During troubling times, someone to wipe away the tears.

Someone to chase away the restless fears.

The song Why Worry? is one of the most romantic
 and beautiful songs I have ever heard.

These lyrics in particular really touched me today . . .
It is what partners in love should be all about,
especially during difficult times . . .

"Baby, when I get down I turn to you,
And you make sense of what I do
And, no, it isn't hard to say.
But, baby, just when this world
Seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold
And all the rest is by the way."

If you have found this kind of love, never let it go!




Why Worry? | Art Garfunkel
Baby, I see this world has made you sad,
Some people can be bad
The things they do, the things they say.
But, baby, I'll wipe away those bitter tears.
I'll chase away those restless fears
That turn your blue skies into gray.
Why Worry?
There should be laughter after pain,
There should be sunshine after rain,
These things have always been the same,
So why Worry, now?
Why worry, now?
Baby, when I get down I turn to you,
And you make sense of what I do
And, no, it isn't hard to say.
But, baby, just when this world
Seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold
And all the rest is by the way.
Why worry?
There should be laughter after pain,
There should be sunshine after rain,
These things have always been the same,
So why Worry, now?
Why worry, now?
Why worry?
There should be laughter after pain,
There should be sunshine after rain,
These things have always been the same,
So why worry, now?
There should be laughter after pain,
There should be sunshine after rain,
These things have always been the same,
So why Worry, now?
Why worry, now?
Why worry? Why worry, now?



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Friday, February 14, 2014

Declaration of Love




If you love someone,
let them know.



It’s easy to take our feelings for granted and to assume that the people we care about know how we feel about them. But while those we love are often quite cognizant of our feelings, saying “I love you” is a gift we should give to our loved ones whenever we can. Letting people know you love them is an important part of nurturing any kind of loving relationship. Few people tire of being told they are loved, and saying “I love you” can make a world of difference in someone’s life, take a relationship to a new level, or reaffirm and strengthen a steady bond. Everyone needs to hear the words “I love you.” Three simple words – I - Love - You. When you declare your love for someone you admit to them that you care for them in the most significant way.

It can be difficult to express your love using words, particularly if you grew up around people that never expressed their affection verbally. But you should never be afraid to say “I love you” or worry that doing so will thrust you into a position of excessive vulnerability. It is important to share your feelings with those that matter to you. Part of the fulfillment that comes with loving someone is telling them that you love them. Besides, love exists to be expressed, not withheld.

If you love someone, let them know. Don’t be afraid of the strength of your emotions or worry that your loved one won’t feel the same way. Besides, the words “I love you” are often best said to another without expectation of a return investment. As each one of us is filled with an abundance of love, there is never any worry that you’ll run out of love if your expression of love isn’t said back to you. Saying “I love you” is a gift of the heart sent directly via words to the heart of a recipient. Even though it may not always look that way, love from the heart is an offering that is always unconditional and given without strings attached. That is the true essence of the gift of “I love you.”


Source:  Daily Om


Happy Valentine's Day!

It is that one day that the special gift of love, the declaration of love does come with strings attached.  The declaration of love on Valentine's Day is expected to be reciprocated.  Isn't it?

Withheld love is a hopeless romantic's most horrific nightmare, just a thought that crossed my mind as I read the above quote from Daily Om.

Everyone deserves to be cared for in a significant way, declared not only in words, but in actions.  Not only on Valentine's Day, but every day.



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Monday, January 27, 2014

The Encouragement of Love



Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
Louisa May Alcott
There are times that a strong faith in God or the guidance and encouragement from those we love and look up to make all the difference in the world. Some are lucky enough to have both.

God's love and guidance is available to everyone.  Hopefully we all have those who love and encourage us when we need it.

Do you sometimes have the vision but lack the motivation to reach your highest aspirations?  Do you reach out to those you love in these times?  Do you trust enough to follow where they may lead you?

It all starts with the first rung of the ladder and progresses toward the top at its own pace.  There are times when trying to reach the top in the first step will lead you nowhere . . . it is impossible, or so it seems.  Isn't it the purpose of a ladder, to take one step at a time?

It is faith and trust that leads us to that first step.


The following is an excerpt from a Daily Om article that speaks of trusting in those we love to help us make that first step, or the second, or third.

"The love of important people in our lives can serve as a secure foundation for our outer-world endeavors because knowing that we are cared for grants us a higher degree of self-confidence than we might otherwise have known. 
We can courageously take risks and embark upon endeavors that take us outside of our comfort zones because we know that we can retreat into the affectionate embrace of the important people in our lives if anything should go wrong. Likewise, simply knowing that these individuals believe that we are capable of achieving great feats of emotional and intellectual fortitude provides us with much of the strength we need to prevail over adversity.


You will feel the weighty comfort of the tenderness of those who love you today, and the security this comfort affords you will help you grow as an individual."

Source: Daily Om

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Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Jewel in the Rough








Everyone is a jewel in the rough since no one is perfect and never will be.

A recent comment made by a reader got me pondering life along the following line of thinking.  He said he would feel that peace, love and happiness that I write about when he finds love.  It made me think of the days that I thought love was that magic thing that would change everything.

My new life as a married woman is totally different than the life I was leading at that time.  Back in those days, shortly before writing that post, I had the fairy tale thinking that finding love again was the key to finding peace, love and happiness.  I was so wrong!

Of course finding love again is a huge part of it . . . I am definitely happily married . . . much happier than I was alone. However, the biggest lesson I have learned is that a bigger part of finding the elusive peace, love and happiness is accepting yourself as you are and loving yourself anyway.

Since writing the following post, I have learned so much about myself.  In fact, since meeting The Captain I have learned much more about myself.  

The phases of our lives continue peeling back the layers of who we are and reveal themselves to us at the time we need it most.  At least that is the way it has worked for me.  We continually evolve with time even though we are the same person born the way we are.  However, perspective of who we are changes the way we perceive ourselves . . . life circumstances can do that for us if we allow to analyze ourselves with a completely honest open mind.

Before finding love again, I truly believe I had to be comfortable within my skin, embrace my solitude and live for bliss . . . even if it meant that I would live my life alone.  It was a long and difficult journey to that place.

It was at that point in my life that when I least expected it, The Captain just appeared in my life and everything fell into place.  Did he make my life perfect, complete with the elusive peace, love and happiness I so craved in my life?  I would not be honest if I said yes.

The new life journey is striving toward the harmony of peace, love and happiness as a couple just as I struggled with learning to embrace my solitude when I was alone.

We are always a jewel in the rough!




This post was originally published on August 17, 2008:

I found the following post by Carrie Hart very inspirational and motivating this morning. It is so indicative of my life since I made my new year's resolutions as I prepared for my "new life" while watching the ball drop on New Year's Eve . . . that was my symbolic start to "normal".

Although I am firmly convinced that the past few years of my life have been a total refinement that has found me "walking the fires of hell", the reward will be the best person that I ever imagined being with an awesome life with lots of peace, love and happiness. The most important lesson is being more grateful for every little blessing that I've been given . . . it wasn't always that way. Walking through the fires will do that to you . . . appreciate the good things in life so much more.

As I look back at the trials and tribulations, I see the good in every one of them and the reason why I had to go through those things. It is all a personal growth process and the refinement of the spirit . . . the peeling of the layers, one by one.

One of the most important things to get from the struggles I've been through is to never lose faith and hope, no matter how bad the situation appears to be. Expect God to move in your life incrementally, working on one layer at a time, sometimes more . . . expect the emotional struggle of personal growth. It is necessary to make us the best person we can be.

The most important piece of my life puzzle was not presented to me until recently, although it was waiting for me before the start of the new year. The time was not right for the missing piece to present itself . . . I needed help to remove the rest of the layers . . . the time is now :)

My path was revealed at the appropriate time and I know exactly where I'm going . . . still going through the refinement and removing more layers to get there . . . just like a jewel in the rough, I'm almost ready to shine.



Here is the post by Carrie Hart . . .

You are like a precious jewel under layers of stone, your glow covered by fear, social conditioning and doubt. And here and there, there has been a deep chip in that stone and a little bit of light shines out from the jewel, showing the light and love that you are.

And often there was pain and loss in the creation of that little opening, as you felt life cut deeply through your protective coating to expose some of your true heart. And yet, that place is where you shine brightly and show your true self.

There are those who spend their entire lives decorating the stone covering. They paint on bright and colorful layers of success and achievement; they do intricate carvings on their stone shield.

But you desire more than this. You know that the answer lies in having the courage to remove these layers, these layers of fear, doubt, and yes, even the highly decorated achievements and successes. You know that praise, approval and recognition are not the true shine.

You are the jewel underneath, the gem of beauty and glory. You are all of that beauty and wonder, right now. And all you need to do is have the courage to chip away at the baser stone that covers you. Just chip and chip, removing layer after layer.

Yes, this does take courage. For as you do this, you are removing the intricate decoration that you have been using to disguise the stone, and there are moments, between the time you chip away the colorful paint and the time you reach the jewel, that you feel bare and vulnerable as you show to yourself and the world only your unadorned fears and doubts.

But continue. Continue to chip away until you reach the jewel underneath. Clear away more and more of the stone, exposing your true colors, your true light. And as you expose and express who you truly are, you can even cut beautiful facets in the stone, so that you shine ever more brightly as you begin to catch the light and love that flows toward you.

And one day, you will have cleared away enough stone that the star in your center can be seen, the unique and glowing self that is you, shining out endlessly, creating light and love, not only as a reflection but as a part of the creative force that drives all that is.

All of this is within you now, right now. You have the love, the light, the beauty and the power. You are deeply creative and shine with a light that is at once completely unique and yet one with all. You have all of this glory within you, right now.

Reach down and feel the star glowing within you. Reach down to that star and you will find there all of the courage you need to let yourself shine.









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Saturday, October 12, 2013

Compassionate Conduct




You may be highly attentive to the needs of others today and thoughtful in your personal and professional relations. Strong feelings of compassion can lead you to be more considerate of the feelings of everyone you encounter. This empathetic awareness can manifest itself in your attitude and the tone of your voice, causing you to speak more gently and act more kindly. You may find that you have more patience than usual and are comfortable helping people who are in need in the various spheres of your life. As you make decisions pertaining to your future today, you will likely feel compelled to consider how your choices will affect your not only your family and friends but also your colleagues and the individuals you encounter on a day-to-day basis.

The compassion you feel can inspire you to become a kinder and more considerate individual. A harsh manner is often the result of simple thoughtlessness—we may carelessly pursue our own ends when we have not thought about those who will be affected by our decisions. When you are mindful of how the people in your life feel and conscious of how your actions contribute to their well-being, your demeanor will become more gentle. You’ll be more apt to express yourself calmly and considerately and to lend aid to all in need of your assistance. Your willingness to treat others’ concerns with the same seriousness you treat your own will demonstrate your thoughtfulness. When you allow your compassion free expression today, you will be mindful of how your words and deeds help or hinder others.


Source: The Daily OM

The above excerpt is an old horoscope

from Daily Om that can be for anyone

on any day.


Patience (or impatience) and compassion work hand in hand in the way we come across to someone else.  The choice of words used can either cut like a knife, especially if thrown around with harsh thoughtlessness or demonstrate loving concern if presented with compassion and patience.  Sometimes the same words used with a different tone or inflection make the difference between night and day as far as how we are perceived.

They are only words, as portrayed in the song, Words | The Bee Gees, but how we present them can bring everlasting smiles that will steal someone's heart or words you can't take back which leave an impression that makes another want to run away and never come back.

Love is caring about the feelings of the other person.


Choosing the behavior of compassionate
 conduct is always the best practice!




Lyrics
Words | The Bee Gees

Smile an everlasting smile
A smile could bring you near to me
Don't ever let me find you gone
'Cause that would bring a tear to me
This world has lost it's glory
Let's start a brand new story
Now my love right now there'll be
No other time and I can show you
How my love
Talk in everlasting words
And dedicate them all to me
And I will give you all my life
I'm here if you should call to me
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away
You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away
It's only words, and words are all
I have to take your heart away


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Friday, September 20, 2013

Stop Me




An old love from the past had come back into my life.  It was an unresolved issue that haunted me most of my adult life.  He had joined the military and never came back . . . well, not until many years after I became a widow.  We had a second chance for a future together when he came back into my life through Classmates.com after all those years.  

To make a long story short . . . 
I walked away after determining that we were never meant to be.  

Although I was heartbroken, my wise decision brought the closure and resolution to one of the biggest heartaches of my youth.  At the time, I didn't see my decision as one of the greatest blessings of my life.

The irony of life and holding on to hope and faith . . .

One door closes and another opens! 

The Captain came into my life shortly after my decision to just walk away from what I determined was not my destiny and I wrote the following post.  There were no expectations, The Captain and I developed an awesome friendship that eventually turned into love and forever.

I'm grateful that no one tried to STOP ME!


This post was originally
 published on 2/24/09


I have always held firmly to the thought
that each one of us can do a little to
bring some portion of misery to an end.

(Albert Schweitzer)


Isn't that the truth?
Don't we sometimes perpetuate our own misery?

I've caught myself midstream into a pity party and have finally been able to pick myself up in the midst of getting to that miserable place. It is an example of what we can learn to do in order to stop that vicious cycle of misery and finally bring it to an end.


Slaying the dragon . . .
it has been one of my biggest demons


In light of recent developments in my life that seems to be another vicious cycle . . . circumstances that make me deliriously happy and feeling as though I'm walking on clouds only to make my ascent from the heavenly clouds abrupt and painful. The disappointments keep happening.

Do I turn off that part of me that thoroughly enjoys expectations of happiness after such a long period of grief and misery? Every time I'm disappointed I go back and readdress expectations in my life. Next time I am going on about how happy I am . . . STOP ME . . . it is like the kiss of death.

Must I turn off that part of me that feels joy because romantic history continues to repeat itself and I always end up more unhappy than before the joy happened? Next time I am going on about feeling joy . . . STOP ME . . . it is like the kiss of death.


I'm learning to forget about great expectations . . . and to me, that is so very sad . . . it is part of the beauty and allure of the quest for love and romance . . . and so much a part of who I am.




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1960's 1970's 9-11 abuse abusive behavior acceptance accomplishment accomplishments acquaintances addiction adoration adversity affair affection afraid agoraphobia alive ambitions anger anticipation anxiety appreciation approval aspirations attitude attraction authenticity awareness bad behavior bad days bad times balance balance of life beginning behavior being alone beliefs believe in yourself Betsy bitterness blahs blame blessing blessings bliss boredom buddy burnout Buster calm challenges challenging times chances change changes cheating cheech and chong chemistry choices christmas cigarettes comfort zone commitment commitments communication companion compassion competitive drive confidence conflict confrontation confusion consequences consideration contemplation contentment control controversy coping coping with grief Corinthians13 courage creativity crossroads cujo cupid curse dad dating dealing with grief death deceit deception decision making defense mode denial depression desire desires destiny determination diet difficulties direction disagreements disappointment discipline dissappointment dogs doubt drama queen dream dreams eBay economy ego emotional abuse emotional baggage emotional boundaries emotional commitment emotional state emotional support emotions employment empowerment encouragement endurance escape expectations facing problems failure failures faith falling down family fantasy fate Fear fears feelings Florida flower children focus forbidden love forgiveness freaky feelings free love free will freedom friends friendship frustration frying pan moments fulfillment fun future gardening glass half full/half empty goals God good times grateful gratitude gried grief grief phases growth guidance guilt habits happiness happy hard headed harmony hate heal healing health helpless hermit hippie culture hippies holidays home homeless honesty hope hopeless hopes hugs humiliation hurt identity imagination impatience improvement inner strength inner struggle innovation insecurity insensitivity inspiration intense love intentions intimacy intuition irritation isolation job job satisfaction John Lennon joy jr judgment Kiki kindness laughter lessons letting go lies life life balance life challenges life change life changes life circumstances life experiences life lessons life partner life retrospect life situations life struggles lifestyle living alone loneliness lonely long distance relationship loss loss of a pet loss of control lost love lovers luck lust magic managing anxiety Mark Nepo marriage medication Memorial Day memories mental health Mimi miracles mistakes moderation moments money motivation moving on natural disasters needs negative thoughts negativity new year Nolan normal nurturing obstacles office politics online dating online love online romance opinions opportunity optimism options overwhelm pace pain pandemic paranoia passion passionate past path patience peace peace of mind perception perfection perserverance persistence personal growth personal power perspective Petey pets physical abuse pity party planning plans plants pleasure politics positive attitude positive energy positive thinking positivity possibilities prayer pride priorities problems procrastination progress prosperity purpose quality of life quit smoking reaction reactions reality reasons regrets rejection relationship relationships relax relaxation resentment resolutions respect responsibility rest restlessness retirement retreat revenge risk risks Robin Williams romance romantic love routine run away running away sacrifice sadness safe sanctuary satisfaction scared searching self-acceptance self-awareness self-confidence self-control self-defeating behavior self-esteem self-help self-improvement self-loathing self-love self-pity self-sabotage self-talk self-worth separation serendipity serenity setting goals settle sex sexual revolution simple abundance smoking social media society solitude sorrow soul soulmates stability standards state of mind strength stress strict rules strong struggle struggles stubborn subconscious feelings success suffering suicide support suppressed emotions survival surviving grief temper terrorism tests thankful Thanksgiving The Wedding Singer thinking thoughts time time travel tolerance toxic love toxic people toxic relationship tragedy transitions trigger day trigger days triggers trouble true calling trust truth unbalanced uncertainty unconditional love understanding unemployment unhappiness unresolved feelings valentines day value values valuing moments veterans day victim mentality victims vision vulnerability wants war Wayne Dyer weakness weather wedding anniversary what if widow Willie wisdom wishes withdrawal work work achievements work standards workaholic worries worry