Love will change us forever . . .

Another post that I'm transferring from an old blog that reminds me that some things don't change . . . I was thinking about how love has changed my life once again . . . and how some things haven't changed.  


Love will and does change us forever . . .  over and over again . . .  good and bad.


Originally posted on  March 4, 2007

How many of us have experienced something in our lives, good or bad, that changes us forever?


The past couple of days I have focused on becoming a widow/widower.

Anyway . . . I had to stop what I was doing and write this blog post. My inner sign that it is time for life's reflections . . . "therapy" time . . . and a visit with my Bloggerville buddies. One thing I have fondly realized is the difference the love and support I have received from my online friends has changed me forever. No longer do I feel alone in my struggle to move on and deal with the abrupt changes in my life . . . angels surround me.

Fate chooses whether these changes are happiness, drama or tragedy. We are somewhat responsible as we contribute to our fate . . . we don't walk out in front of a fast moving train unless we want to die . . . but ultimately, fate's changes are like a game of russian roulette.

Being an extremely spiritual person, I am ashamed to admit that I constantly ask "why me" . . . and go through the phase of being so angry at God that it is difficult to pray and be thankful for anything. That attitude doesn't help anyone and finally I am breaking through this "pity" phase. It is emotionally unhealthy and extremely unproductive.

It does not matter "why me" . . . it is what it is . . . "this is it from now on" . . . and I have had to deal with it.

Being angry at God will not bring my husband back.

It is not a soap opera . . . it is real life, as much as it sometimes sucks.

What I ultimately decided what to do with the tragic changes in my life is be grateful for what I do have, cherish the beautiful memories of the most wonderful marriage and unconditional love anyone could ever experience . . . for 22 years . . . and use those beautiful memories and lessons learned to create another beautiful time in my life.


Nothing will ever be the same again,
but I now see it as an exciting chapter
in my life that is yet to be written . . .

Back to present day . . .

And so I walked that lonely road that led me to love again and once again love has changed me forever in a different way.  One of the ironies of life . . . there is really nothing to fear . . . it is our destiny either way.

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Front Row Seat Relationships

"Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. 

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. 

Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you? 

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life."

Author Unknown

My life has been blessed and cursed with various friendships and acquaintances through the years.

Some can't even be categorized as a relationship . . . they were acquaintances that were evil and vicious, harsh lessons in life that are unfortunately necessary.  One in particular was a family member.

Many of you will wonder why I feel those relationships were necessary.  For one thing, I think these relationships make us stronger and help us recognize what is good vs evil in our relationships, even at an early age.

Those who were evil and vicious to me confused me in my younger days, wondering what I did to make them act toward me in that manner.  There were times I blamed myself for doing "something" I didn't understand.  As a result, it is my belief I became a better person for it . . . a kinder person who didn't want to make someone else feel that awful feeling I experienced.

My nature was way too trusting, even as I grew into early adulthood, when I was handed the most vicious acts of evil from those I grew to trust the most.  I was crushed.  The result was trust issues in future relationships.

That is how we form the way we react to people in general, by life experience.  Unfortunately for me, it left me with a strong distrust for my fellow human beings, no matter what my intuition told me.  For various reasons, to this day, I still don't trust my intuition completely.

My close and trusted friendships are few, but strong and very special.  I'm sorry to say that most of my truest and trusted friends have passed away recently.

I've learned to leave new friendships at arm's length and slowly work my way into strengthening the relationship.  I quickly recognize the ones that will be a draining experience, negative or downright incompatible.  As harsh as it may sound, they are discarded from my life like the morning trash.

I no longer work in my former profession that I loved and cherished so much  because of office politics . . . I just can't handle it, although some of my best friends were once co-workers.

The ones that grow into close and trusted friendships are cherished like the jewels they are.  They are my front row seat relationships, of which I include many family members, but not all.  

Those who have been discarded don't even sit in the balcony . . . my theater does not have a balcony.  There is only room in my theater for MY drama.

Life experience has taught me who is worthy and who is not.

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Emotional Boundaries

"Creating emotional boundaries increases our sense of safety and allows us to interact with others from a place of inner strength and calm. Our defensiveness usually results from feelings of powerlessness, fear, or intense vulnerability. 

Rather than striking out at perceived threats in an effort to defend ourselves, we can understand that our sense of safety and protection comes from within. As we learn to build up our confidence and inner strength, we develop the ability to detach from negativity and we no longer feel so vulnerable. We then benefit from a sense of safety and inner balance and the ability to handle any situation with a cool, calm, and contained attitude. 

By setting strong emotional boundaries today, you are affirming your ability to take care of yourself in any situation."

Source:  Daily OM

This concept of emotional boundaries peaked my curiosity.

While the concept makes sense, where are the boundaries formed?  It doesn't mention a vacation to get away from it all, or take a day to just stay in bed and not think about anything distressful.

Where is that place of inner strength and calm when we need that emotional boundaries?  The two words denote anything other than strength and calm.  I know these times take me to feelings of powerlessness and fear and the threat of vulnerability surrounds me.  

To say that it resides in the mind is totally unrealistic to me, although I know we can do anything we choose to do.  However, in those emotional times we are referring to, strength is the last thing I can grasp.

I can say from personal experience that being alone in a comfort zone can provide that safe environment. My retreat can be the sanctity of my back yard, which was soothing and beautiful, filled with the sounds of nature.  The squirrels playfully running up and down the trees, the birds singing their beautiful songs, the winds in the trees creating nature's wind chimes to soothe the soul.  The beach can be the perfect comfort zone as long as you can be alone, as a fishing pier can be that perfect place for a man.

The comfort zone can eventually take my mind to that place of solace where the boundary can exist, but I can assure you that, at least for me, it can not just appear in my mind.  I'm not that strong in those times and I have a feeling it is the same for most of us.

The unhealthy thing is to depend on alcohol or a magic pill to create the boundary for us.  My pill doctors would for sure have quite the opposite answer.  But in order to develop the inner strength that is depicted in the post, it must come naturally from within.

I'm sure that it is safe for me to say that everyone has these times.  I don't believe that anyone is perfectly emotionally balanced.  We all have our ways of coping and I believe it is through these "time outs" in our comfort zones that helps us reach that place where the emotional boundary can exist.

What do you think?

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An analysis of "the little white lie"

There may be times when our interests conflict with the interests of the individuals in our environment.

We may not at first recognize these instances, but our tendency to give others due consideration will help us identify potentially hurtful choices. 

We need only give a moment's thought to the consequences of our chosen path before proceeding with our plans to know whether we are on the right track. 

Should we discover that the choices we are primed to make are likely to impact others badly, we can take our efforts in a less damaging direction. 

Your thoughtfulness will ensure you do not hurt the people around you today as you will negate conflict before it escalates.

Source: Daily OM

Where does intuition and history fall into the mix?

What if the fork in the road was the wrong one as of the result of a little white lie?

What if the facts in the matter are not what you believed them to be?

What if it was mystification to propagate beliefs that are not true, or not the whole truth as in half-truths or omission.  

Sometimes the "little white lies" are not intended to be deceitful or malicious and in fact, the intentions are actually the best of intentions.

A tiny "white lie" may not be of much significance to one person, while to the other person, it is everything.  It all depends on each of the individual's perspective.

Just some wandering thoughts of a pondering mind . . .

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Serenity

Serenity often comes and goes in my life
depending on the effort I put into
welcoming it or pushing it away.
I can't will serenity, but I can 
create an environment where 
it's more likely to blossom

When I found the above excerpt in a post from an old blog, I felt as though they were the exact words that I needed at this exact point in time. 

It has been a very trying time living without running water all these months. Sometimes it gets to me very badly.  Instead of readdressing the nightmare that has been my past week, I'm attempting to put it behind me . . . it is in the past. There is no serenity in going back to something that can't be changed and is so distressful. It is over even though the problem remains, my attitude about it has to be put aside for the sake of serenity.

For me today serenity was going back to bed many times before finally getting up to meet the day. I simply wasn't ready and did not have to get up, so I didn't.  Indulgence in the little things while I can is where it is for me.  Both The Captain and I are battling a stomach virus that has been most uncomfortable.

I'm ready to face a day with peace in my soul again and a purpose to continue searching for my place in this world . . . or at least searching for what will bring me that serenity and joy I need so much in my life.

I'm just a restless spirit wanting to land in a peaceful place.

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Too Bad

My friend Marie on Facebook posted the above graphic that was taken different ways by different people. We all have our perspective on abuse. The topic continued to be on my mind since I have lived it in the past and have so much to say about it.

One thing for sure is that females are not the only victims, although that is usually the general perspective. There are some vicious and sick females out there who feel the need to hurt others in different ways.

Abuse is not confined to physical abuse . . . it goes much deeper than that!

It is human nature for some personality types who have the need to hurt others to make themselves feel better.  

In the case of an abusive lover, it is the wearing down of another's emotions to the point of the abused person just wanting to run and never go back.  That is, if they are lucky and come to their senses.  Too bad for the bully since they will more likely than not say that they will change . . . they never do.

Many don't get out of the situation with tragic consequences.  Others go on to take the abuse from the bully out of love or perhaps fear, because the hope that the person will change is always there and they more than likely proceed to a life of unhappiness, depression and crying instead of enjoying a happy life with lots of laughter that we all deserve.

Emotional abuse hurts as bad as being struck physically, over and over again. My dad was an abusive dad. He never hit me, but his emotional abuse left me with the scars that are still with me today.  A child knows what it learns from the people they trust the most because they don't know any better.  

Some of us are caught in the crossfire of falling in love with one of these types or having been born into a family with no escape from that type of person. You just learn how to adapt and eventually come out of it feeling this behavior is normal.

Since it was my unfortunate perception this was normal behavior, my first serious relationship was extremely abusive and I am so grateful and blessed to have gotten out of that relationship.  I hate to even think about that time in my life.

The abuser is the lowest form of a human, in my opinion.

To this day, if someone raises their voice to me, I will cry.  It is instinctive. Although in my personal relationships, it sometimes proves to be a problem, and it is very difficult to get past the moment.  The psychological problems, although apparent, are difficult to deal with.

While some people who go through this type of abuse will come out of it rough and tough, ready to fight anyone who is perceived to hurt them, others retreat and just want to turn the other cheek and forget about it.

It affected me a different way.  After being humiliated, degraded, cursed and made to feel like an idiot who could not ever do anything right, I strived to become the best at anything I ever attempted to do, having to excel at everything.  I was fiercely competitive growing up.  Succeeding in school and in the workplace gave me my self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence that could have been stripped from me had my spirit been completely broken.

Relationships are different.  Any similarity to my dad's behavior freaks me out, making it very difficult for me to develop trust in a relationship.

Know the signs as you enter a new relationship . . . run like a bat out of hell if you see the signs of a bully that will suck the life out of you.

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Balance of life

Of any stopping place in life, it is good to ask whether it will be a good place from which to go on as well as a good place to remain.

Mary Catherine Bateson

There are times in life when we need to stop and evaluate where we are headed and where we want to go.

Priorities play into the scenario more prominently than anything else.

The balance of life tips the scales back and forth between want and need.  It seems like they never coincide.

Do you ever feel like you are just going through the motions of life never really thinking about what you are doing or why you are doing it or if you are even happy doing it?

What if it is an emotion that you need that has escaped you?  It is not a place you can go or a task to finish or embark on.  It just is . . . it lives in the depths of your soul . . . you crave it.  You know what it is, you just don't know how to get there.

Is it a want or a need?  What if it is both?  

Can you set it aside and live without it?

Such is the balance of life.

Do you ever think about it?

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When Leaving Troubles Behind Is Impossible

Has this world been so kind to you

that you should leave with regret? 

There are better things ahead than

any we leave behind. 

C. S. Lewis 

One must believe with all their heart that better things lie ahead!

Sometimes coping with life and it's many challenges takes over the power to crush your spirit.  Rather than thinking of the challenge as a minor detail on the path leading toward fulfillment, it can become larger than life overwhelm laced with hopelessness, anxiety and restlessness.

Several challenges at one time can knock you down, more than crushing your spirit . . . especially if you have experienced falling down and getting up again numerous times and ending up in the same place.

When depression takes over, it whispers those negative thoughts and feelings deep within your heart and soul . . . why bother getting up again when you are going to end up here again anyway?

Even if you haven't hit rock bottom, but feels like it, you may as well be there.  The feeling is so difficult to explain, so difficult for those around you to understand and they ultimately become tired of supporting you and trying to lift your spirits.  The little voice is in their head too . . . why bother?

The vicious circle continues and mimics a rolling stone gathering moss as it goes along it's way.  It teeters on the edge of sanity.  The depressed person feels so alone, further compounding the feelings.

It is our choice to make the most of the blessings and opportunities presented to us.  Sometimes depression blinds to the point of not having the ability to see them until the current wave of depression hopefully subsides and disappears.

This post is more for the benefit of those who love someone who suffers from depression, anxiety or restlessness.  Genuine understanding, love and the simplicity of support can make all the difference in the world.  It serves no purpose for them to feel like a freak of nature.  Been there, done that!

You can't tell a paralyzed person they are able to walk, and no matter how much you tell them to get up and walk, they are not physically able to walk. It is the same with someone going through a depressive stage.  It is a form of paralysis, not an excuse.

Love, understanding and support is the answer.

Hug someone today for no reason at all.

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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger?

Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape. --Charles Dickens

WOW, that quote speaks volumes to me and reminds me of another quote . . . "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Yes, I am stronger than before I had to deal with the death of my spouse . . . I'm still standing after taking one fall after another.  One learns how to get back up, however, I'm not sure if I have been bent and broken into a better shape.  

Sometimes I wonder about being "stronger" since I am haunted with worry that it will happen all over again while fiercely trying to fight those feelings and adopt the philosophy of living for today and don't worry about the future. 

When I fell in love with The Captain, I thought my heart would be what it used to be, but it had experienced the devastating pain of losing a spouse.  He's gone through several surgeries since we have been together and the feelings come flooding back with a vengeance.  I've wondered if other widows go through the same feelings after finding love again and this is just a "normal" phase of the grief process.  

The fear of another loss . . . I've perfected the act of suffering and live with the hope that I will learn the lesson that life goes on no matter what or how much we worry about whatever the worry is about.

Sometimes I wonder if what doesn't kill you makes you weaker?

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Readdressing an old struggle

Today The Captain and I attended a "Quit Smoking" workshop and I am officially a non-smoker again.  He is on Day #19 since he was ready to stop before I was.  We are on our way to one of my biggest dreams, to be a non-smoker again.

Last time I quit was for two years and I felt wonderful and so proud of myself for the major accomplishment and best thing I ever did for myself.  The following blog posts from back in the day shows the pride I felt. 

Sadly, my addiction to love was stronger . . . and I fell in love with The Captain, who was a smoker.  As things work out, nothing is ever perfect and I could not fight being around someone smoking and not enjoying a cigarette myself.  "Just one" turned into becoming a smoker again.  I found that awesome love I was searching for, but it came at a price.

It is something I haven't written about . . . feeling the failure of falling down and starting to smoke again after working so hard to quit.  Having to face my family, one person at a time, having to admit I had failed and was once again smoking broke my heart.  The looks of disappointment were difficult to deal with.

So much has changed since those days.  My personal life has totally changed, married The Captain and we are now retired (at least for now).  

What is ironic is while some things change so drastically, some things never change . . . dealing with some type of a struggle.  The old blog posts show that. I was struggling with the need for someone to love and knowing that he was out there.  I love going back to those old posts!

I really hate those struggles that must be readdressed, but this one is so very important and would make me so happy.  Once addicted to whatever the addiction is, we are always addicted and should never fool ourselves into thinking we are infallible.  We definitely are.

Since successfully going through the quit smoking thing, even though it was not forever, I feel as though it is not hopeless as I once thought.  I know cigarettes are not a thing that I can't give up.  And I know I will.  

But I will always be addicted.

Today I am patting myself on the back for Day #1 and the decision to just do it again.

Originally posted on April 3, 2008

The following entry represents a time in my life that makes me appreciate my present life circumstances so much. It was a time of disappointment and changes . . . a time of realization of the new world I had been thrown into when I became a widow.

The love and companionship of a husband, lover, soul mate and best friend that I cherished was gone and the realization that I may never feel those awesome feelings again with someone else. After all, how could I think that I would be so lucky to find it twice in my life when most people don't ever experience that kind of love in their life.

It was also a time of change and amazing strength going through the withdrawals of quitting smoking. There were times that I thought I was truly going crazy. Addictions do that to you and I was kicking the habit of two of them . . . cigarettes and love.

I've always been addicted to love and guess I always will be although I have finally accepted the fact that if God intends for me to have love in my life again it will happen whether I want it to or not. I don't worry about it anymore. In fact I'm quite content now that I've found an awesome job that I enjoy and constantly challenges me.

In times of change and difficulties, don't we all tend to be way too hard on ourselves? Seems like I have spent a lot of time beating myself up . . . I still do, but I've made tremendous progress although I expect way too much of myself, but I don't see that as a totally bad thing.

As for my smoking addiction, I still have not picked up a single cigarette since quitting and today is Day #505 since I kicked the habit. Major accomplishment for a three-pack a day smoker!

My primary New Year's Resolution for 2008 was to find peace, happiness and contentment with a positive attitude to keep the balance on bad days. For the most part, it is working for me. Sure, I have my bad days, but they are few and far between . . . I call that progress and I have so much to be grateful for, especially after reading my blog entries like the one that follows.

Some of my daydreams have already been fulfilled . . .



Originally posted on January 21, 2007

Still thinking about Prince Charming . . . can't get him off of my mind. I have mentioned that I don't see his face, but he is familiar and I do know what he looks like. I have a definite "type" . . . and I know exactly what I want. The good thing about that is you know it when you see it.

This is a crazy good kind of thing tonight, the glass is half full kind of thing . . . I am talking out loud, just rambling and much like daydreaming. I asked for peace prayers last night from my friends and tonight I am feeling so much more optimistic about my life in general.

I've tried to get some work done, but I can't. My bills are covered, so why don't I just give myself a break from something and lighten up the load a bit . . . stop overloading the brain. Without a doubt, I know that I think too much. Sometimes it is good to be irresponsible.

God knows who my Prince Charming is, he made him for me and me for him, and at some point in our lives, we will appear to each other at the appropriate time and know for ourselves. He is the person in the song lyrics that follow in the song "Hear Me" by Kelly Clarkson.

There is something I was thinking about tonight . . . I went through this craving for true love before I met my husband when I was constantly disappointed for one reason or another . . . and it happened exactly as it was written . . . "good things come to those who wait . . ." It really is a craving, one that does not ever go away, yet sometimes they are stronger than others. This one feels different, almost like it has been taken out of my control. He is near . . . I feel him . . . I see him . . . he is familiar.

Then again, I could be getting these cravings because I want a cigarette so bad . . . just kidding, I know the difference, but both are difficult to struggle through in their own ways. By the way, you are considered a non-smoker after six months, so I am 1/3 of the way there. WOW I feel awesome about that . . .

Thank you to all my friends who prayed for me last night. You helped me through a bad moment in time and I so appreciate all of you. I'm here for you too! Have an awesome Sunday!

"Hear Me" recorded by Kelly Clarkson

Hear me
Hear me

You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me

Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me

I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me

I'm restless and wild
I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby I've fought
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me

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The beautiful part of love

During troubling times, someone to wipe away the tears.

Someone to chase away the restless fears.

The song Why Worry? is one of the most romantic

 and beautiful songs I have ever heard.

These lyrics in particular really touched me today . . .

It is what partners in love should be all about,

especially during difficult times . . .

"Baby, when I get down I turn to you,

And you make sense of what I do
And, no, it isn't hard to say.

But, baby, just when this world
Seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold

And all the rest is by the way."

If you have found this kind of love, never let it go!

Why Worry? | Art Garfunkel

Baby, I see this world has made you sad,
Some people can be bad
The things they do, the things they say.
But, baby, I'll wipe away those bitter tears.
I'll chase away those restless fears
That turn your blue skies into gray.

Why Worry?
There should be laughter after pain,
There should be sunshine after rain,
These things have always been the same,
So why Worry, now?
Why worry, now?

Baby, when I get down I turn to you,
And you make sense of what I do
And, no, it isn't hard to say.

But, baby, just when this world
Seems mean and cold
Our love comes shining red and gold
And all the rest is by the way.

Why worry?
There should be laughter after pain,
There should be sunshine after rain,
These things have always been the same,
So why Worry, now?
Why worry, now?

Why worry?
There should be laughter after pain,
There should be sunshine after rain,
These things have always been the same,
So why worry, now?

There should be laughter after pain,
There should be sunshine after rain,
These things have always been the same,
So why Worry, now?
Why worry, now?
Why worry? Why worry, now?

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Embrace the struggle and love it

Many thanks to my Google+ friend Chad, who introduced me to the awesome wisdom of Mark Nepo.

"Fighting The Instrument" is one of his poems I discovered while checking out his website.  It is a reminder that we are strengthened by our struggles, while we fight "the lesson" all the way and curse the storm as it happens.

What is it about our human nature that finds it difficult to "embrace the change," even when we have been awakened to the fact that it usually leads to something better?  Why do we not love the struggle and open ourselves to the unknown changes to come?  

The conclusion I have reached in my journey through a lifetime of struggles is that change is scary since it is unknown.  We hold on to "what is" because we know what "it" is and have become comfortable with it, no matter how bad it is. 

The unknown is scarier than the storm itself until we can finally realize that the "calm" always comes after the storm.  The realization itself can be scary, or so it seems to me.  

It is a lesson I have yet to learn through all the storms I've experienced . . .

Fighting The Instrument

 by Mark Nepo

Often the instruments of change
are not kind or just
and the hardest openness
of all might be
to embrace the change
while not wasting your heart
fighting the instrument.

The storm is not as important
as the path it opens.
The mistreatment in one life
never as crucial as the clearing
it makes in your heart.

This is very difficult to accept.
The hammer or cruel one
is always short-lived
compared to the jewel
in the center of the stone.

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Communication techniques for a healthy relationship

While there are disagreements that fall under the category of "agree to disagree," it is always the better practice to develop good communication techniques to resolve disagreements in a relationship.  

Leaving issues unresolved can lead to resentment that can turn into a big ugly monster.

Slay the big ugly monster before he even shows that ugly face by developing some great communication techniques.

The following is what my research found on good communication . . .

1. It is important to give your full attention with no distractions like the television or sitting behind the computer to really listen to what the other person is saying.

2. You should repeat back to them what you heard them say . . . "what I hear you saying is . . ."  Sometimes what we think we hear is not exactly what was said, so be sure to really know and understand what they are telling you.

3. Speak up and express your feelings. No one is a mind reader! They won't know what you are feeling unless you tell them.

4. Speak in a non-threatening manner in a calm tone. When threatened, the response is usually a defensive one that is counter-productive to good communication.

5. Take a break from the conversation and give each other space if the conversation becomes heated to prevent further escalation which leads to saying hurtful things to each other. Do you really hear what the other person is saying while yelling? Calm down and step away before it gets to that point.

6. Eye contact and giving the other person your full attention is very important since great communication can also be non-verbal.  Back to #1 . . . turn off the television and computer . . . no distractions.

7. Allow enough time to have your conversation without the feeling of either person being rushed which helps put all of the other communication techniques into practice.

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