Happiness is . . .

"Someone once asked me what I regarded as the three most important requirements for happiness. My answer was: "A feeling that you have been honest with yourself and those around you; a feeling that you have done the best you could both in your personal life and in your work; and the ability to love others."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

What a beautiful quote!

Of course there are many other aspects to happiness, but I agree they are the most important . . . except I would change the ability to love others to the ability to love and be loved.  It is #1 for me.

My #2 . . . Honesty with myself and others . . . in my opinion equates to total freedom.  Not being honest with yourself is not being true to yourself.  The harmony of knowing what it takes to make you happy by being honest with yourself is so important.

As far as NOT being honest with others . . . that is straight up being a fake person trying to be someone they are not.  In my opinion, it is way too much trouble to keep up with untruths.  A lie is a lie . . . 

My #3 . . . do the best you can do in all your endeavors and you will feel awesome about yourself.  Your best should be enough for you and those you love.  

If your best is not good enough for yourself, you need to evaluate your reality perspective.  In the case of relationships . . . who made them judge and jury of your best as not good enough?  Don't allow someone else to rob your happiness with unrealistic expectations!

What are your most important

 requirements for happiness?

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Simple Contentment

Since taking my mental health days a week or so ago and making the decision to stop procrastinating and get those things done that need to be done, I've been making small changes that are starting to make a difference.

One of the things I've done really good with is doing small tasks at a time and then doing something that I really enjoy . . . constantly alternating.  The result is I'm getting things done and also taking it easy in small increments so I feel the same affects of mental health days in small doses.  It works for me . . . the secret is SMALL INCREMENTS . . . maybe 15 minutes at a time.  Next on the agenda is to buy a kitchen timer so I don't get carried away.

It is still difficult for me to see what I've accomplished versus what hasn't been done, but I am making a conscious effort.  The positive mindset is difficult for me in this area!

The mindset that has really worked for me is that of being grateful for simple things which has provided me with a very content life.  It has to do with finding simple joy in sitting outdoors listening to the wonderful sounds of nature and having Willie the Wonder Cat pass by, brushing against my leg as he goes by, wanting attention and love.  Nothing spectacular, I know, but these are the little things and moments in time that put a smile on my face.  Finding pleasure and awareness of the simple moments in time has been one of the most important revelations of my life.

The need to slow down mindset has also worked for me.  There are times when I try to do more projects than I can possibly do at one time.  I set myself up for failure!  Setting priorities is a much better way to handle those times.  I can be aware of those projects, but also know their priority in the scheme of everything else.  This mindset has also brought me to the point of reality . . . the result was to weed out those low priority things that wasted too much of my time.

Another mindset that changed my life a long time ago is simply embracing where I am in life.  What I mean by that is this . . . I don't care about what anyone else has that I don't have . . . I am happy with what I have been blessed with.  There is such a stigma in today's society to want what someone else has . . . the bigger house, the newer car, blah blah blah.  That mindset is such a waste of emotions!

In my life I have had times of depression, happiness, contentment, successful career, failures, near poverty and an abundance of money and stuff . . . so many life experiences.  All in all, my happiest times have been when I am content with who I am and what I have in life.  Ironically, they came during poor financial times.  

After spending way too much time chasing and achieving wealth and success, I realized those things are superficial and don't bring happiness.  I'd rather be poor with enough to contently survive and achieving happiness . . . with peace of mind and an awesome quality of life.

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Our greatest glory

Life and death situations have always been the most difficult circumstance for me to deal with, although I have had to deal with those situations way too many times in my life.

The following post was written a short time after my mom had a heart attack.  Other than the time I found myself in the emergency room with my husband  before he died,  it was the scariest time of my life.

Even those of us who are plagued with depression, anxiety or phobias can find extraordinary faith, strength and courage in times of scary uncertainty.  It is a choice . . . at least that has been my experience.  The survival instinct kicks in for me . . . it is either that or completely fall apart.


I love this quote . . .


“A woman is like a tea bag:
 you cannot tell how strong she is
 until you put her in hot water.”  


Nancy Reagan

THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON JULY 15, 2008 ON AN OLDER BLOG THAT IS NO LONGER PUBLIC

This is going to sound very strange, but today I am so grateful for the blue funky depression week that I just experienced. Not that feeling funky is considered failure, but I consider it falling down and having to pick myself back up.

The gratefulness comes from the fact that I can get back up. The reasons for being very depressed are so normal . . . life changing events do that to us, finding a loved one teetering on the edge of life and death is a scary thing.

The strength that I possessed in the midst of my mom's health crisis is something else I am so grateful for. One moment we were talking on the phone making plans to spend the day together and discussing what we were gonna do and the next thing I know. . . she's being whisked away to the ER and quickly rushed to surgery. She had a heart attack and I didn't have time to panic, although I spoke to God the whole time I was rushing to get a bag packed and make myself look presentable. I didn't panic . . . it was a definite test that I passed with flying colors. And I drove through a thunder and lightning rainstorm across town to get there.

Although I've had a week of pondering the rest of my life and accessed everything that happened last week other than the obvious life and death situation and generally came undone . . . I never lost my faith, even though I felt I was in the pit of hell. Knowing that I would come out of it . . . knowing that I had to in order to survive. Faith is a beautiful thing . . . I know even more today after walking through another fire that everything is gonna be just fine . . . maybe better than ever. There is always hope that tomorrow will bring the day that makes me deliriously happy again as long as I am blessed with another day of life.

It was finally time to get out in the fresh air today and I got caught in a rain storm which was just what I needed. The feeling of running around in the rain as a child came rushing back to me and I found myself smiling as I walked to my van. Once again I did not panic . . . usually I do . . . deathly afraid of Florida lightning that kills people routinely in my part of the world, but it was just rain, but I didn't know it. I just headed out because I had to. Confronting my fears is definite progress . . . I didn't run away.

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The little things in life

It was one of those bad life phases where I found myself in and out of depression . . . a streak of bad luck made it difficult to be optimistic about anything, but I always had the faith that if I took one day at a time, being grateful for finding joy in little things that mean a lot, everything would be fine.
Today I'm looking back and realizing that those simple joys in life kept me going from one day to the next . . . and they were big things to me.
A big thing for me is happy music, especially when I'm down.
There are times in life when something to smile about is a big deal.

This post was originally published

July 2008 on one of my older

 blogs that is no longer online

Today I am feeling overwhelming gratefulness for little things in the form of stuff you buy at the grocery store. I know . . . I'm gonna have to explain this one :)

I finally got out yesterday to do my grocery shopping. It had gotten to the point of bare pantry shelves and refrigerator.  When I got down to my last two eggs, I knew it was time to get out of this house out of necessity.

When the waves of depression hit me last week, the usual comfort of food wasn't there . . . I didn't even want to eat. The only thing I really missed was Pepsi . . . I'm totally addicted to Pepsi. It was one of those times where I was hungry for something, but I had no idea what it was and didn't have the energy or desire to try to figure it out. Therefore, no incentive to get out of this house.

Don't laugh, but I did satisfy my craving for Pepsi over the weekend . . . I ordered Pizza Hut delivery just to have a Pepsi delivered to me . . . hmmmmm $20.00 for a pizza I really didn't want and my beloved Pepsi :) In retrospect, I should have ordered the chocolate dunkers instead of the pizza!

When I woke up this morning, the first thing I thought of was Pepsi. I could not get to the kitchen fast enough to get my first fix of the day . . . and for some reason, it tasted better than a Pepsi has ever tasted for me.

As I enjoyed my first drink of the day, it brought a smile to my face to realize that I am so grateful that I went to the store yesterday for one of those little things in life . . . or maybe a not so little thing depending on how you look at it . . . enjoying a Pepsi is one of those big things in my life.

So was the apple turnover I had this morning and the chocolate caramel pecan ice cream I had last night . . . my appetite is back and all the goodies I brought home from the grocery store are calling me this morning.  Thank God I'm no longer depressed . . . something else to be most grateful for :)

Get off your diet and eat or drink something that you are not supposed to . . . it will put a smile on your face . . . have a beautiful day enjoying all the little things that you love :)  Sometimes you just need to indulge yourself!

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The Optimistic Creed

To be so strong that nothing can

 disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness and

 prosperity to everyone you meet.

To make all your friends feel there

 is something special in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything

 and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for

 the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the

success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press

 on the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times

 and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement

 of yourself that you have no time to criticise others.

To be too large for worry,

Too noble for anger,

Too strong for fear,

And too happy to permit

 the presence of trouble.

~Author unknown~

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Happy 4th of July

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Putting perfectionism into perspective

Through the years, I've been able to shed some of the stereotypical traits of a perfectionist, but it has been a long journey that took me through bouts of depression.

What I am about to say is going to come off sounding awful, but it is honest.  I could care less what others think of me.  My perfectionist tendencies prove something to myself, not others.

That root cause stems from my rebellious young adult years trying to prove my dad wrong.  I’ve written about this before.  He demanded perfection and every time I’d get close to what I perceived as his “perfection,” he would raise the bar.

In the beginning it was about my dad’s approval and acceptance, but once I realized it just wasn’t ever going to happen, my rebellious side just wanted to prove him wrong.  It was validation to myself that I wasn’t the piece of crap he made me out to be.

Perfectionism is a perceived state of mind.  First of all, no one is perfect.  Who is to say what perfection is?  One person’s perfection is another’s failure.  It is dependent on who is judging the “perfection” . . . and who makes them the judge?

Learn the difference between perfectionism and striving to do your best. 

I don’t know if this is going to make sense to anyone but me, but being a creative and rebellious person keeps me from being a straight up perfectionist.  A perfectionist would not attempt to create for fear that their creation would totally suck.  The creative person absolutely has to create since they must see their vision in reality.

Many years ago I realized that I was still trying to gain my dad’s approval . . . and he had passed away years before the realization.  It was the one breakthrough that has helped me slowly make improvements to a healthier state of mind.  I never was a perfectionist to begin with . . . I just thought I was.  That state of mind tormented me which lead to severe depression.

These days I strive to do my best . . . it is all I can do.  The most important thing to remember is to put perfectionism into perspective!

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