Intentions without energy

"Activity is not achievement. 

It is not enough to rush about beginning a lot of things and keeping busy. 

A well-spent life is one that rounds out what it has begun."

-- Eknath Easwaran

"Genius begins great works; labor alone finishes them."

-- Joseph Joubert

"Good to begin well, better to end well."

-- English proverb

Energy is set in motion when we say we are going to do something.  Intention is meaningless when we fail to act.  Better to choose our words wisely . . . say what we mean and mean what we say.

My recurring theme has been overwhelm and procrastination for way too long.  Although my intentions are good, I don't always do what I say I'm going to do . . . for whatever reason.

This is in my thoughts again since I have been fighting a flu or maybe it is just plain nerves getting ready for our wedding.  Whatever it is has had me ill . . . 

During my down times I feel guilty about all those things I didn't do when I was feeling better.  It is a vicious cycle that I really need to control more effectively.  Although I have consciously done better than in the past, it still isn't good enough.  Maybe I should just be more patient with myself and acknowledge the process, quit beating myself up over it and keep trying to get it right.  

Sometimes it is better to go with the flow, prioritize what needs to be done and don't set unrealistic goals expectations . . . and don't verbalize it, just do it.  

Anything else is a setup for failure when it comes to a mind that tends to accentuate the negative and the struggle with depression.

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The proposal of marriage

“To love and be loved is to

 feel the sun from both sides.” 

~ David Viscott ~

The Captain made it official and asked me to marry him . . . and of course I said yes!

Wikipedia describes marriage as "a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship."  For me, it is a deeply spiritual commitment that binds two people in the most meaningful way with mutual respect and love for each other til death do you part.

Although I was previously married, it feels like the first time . . . needless to say, I'm deliriously happy to share my life with the most perfect person in this world for me who I am madly in love with . . . and he's my best friend.

I'm feeling the sun from both sides :)

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I will . . .

 Sometimes it seems like I have waited a lonely lifetime to find my love.  I was prompted to write this post as I listened to the song "I Will" by Paul McCartney the other day.  It has been one of my favorite songs forever and has held so much meaning in my life.  I didn't realize how much until I listened to the song the last time . . . and it all came rushing to me.  The song was almost like a promise that through the worst time of my life, love would find me again.

Finding the person that was born to be your life partner is one of the most important things we do in our lifetime.  Looking back in time, it seems as though it happened so easily, yet on the other hand it feels as though the impatience inside of me was waiting to explode like a volcano.

Some people live a lifetime and never find true love.  I feel so fortunate that I have been blessed with finding "the one" twice in my life.  

I've written similar posts, but my message is so important and deserves repeating to give hope to those ready to give up on life in general.  

I have to be honest and say that I felt so cheated when I became a widow at a young age.  My life drastically changed from one day to the next.  A bitterness and anger regarding life in general came over me.  My fight for sanity continued day after day, leaving me to wonder at times whether life itself was worth it.  Deep down I knew it did . . . so I fought the demons of bad thoughts and feelings one moment at a time, clinging to my faith in God to save me from the hell that had become my life.  It went on way too many years . . . it felt normal.

Through it all, as I struggled to embrace my solitude, I knew there was someone out there who was meant for me.  The lyrics of the song "I Will" kept playing in my head, knowing that one day love would find me again.  I could feel him . . . I know it sounds crazy, but I did. I remember writing about it numerous times.

We eventually found each other . . . when neither of us was paying attention . . . so naturally.  There were so many signs that I could not possibly ignore.

And I was reminded of the song lyrics . . .

"And when at last I find you

Your song will fill the air

Sing it loud so I can hear you

Make it easy to be near you

For the things you do endear you to me

Oh, you know I will

I will"

Today I am so grateful for my faith in God to fight those demons and find reasons to continue living when I didn't want to . . . and for putting a song of love in my heart to keep me going.  Most of all, I am grateful for the wonderful man who crossed my path singing a familiar song very loudly.

I Will . . . Lyrics

Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to, I will

For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Oh, you know I will
I will

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The Hard Edges

The hard edges of overwhelm have consumed me lately.  My apologies for the lack of posts on this blog, but I really detest writing for the sake of writing.

I'm learning the lesson of listening to my body and knowing when to rest in the midst of life swirling around me.  Relaxing is another issue altogether . . . something I have a real problem with.  The immediate goal is to find the harmony of rest with relaxation.

As I was cleaning out my email accounts, I ran across the following article from The Daily Om, which is an extremely important source of inspiration for me.  Sounds like good advice!

Have a wonderful day . . .

When our minds are cluttered with too many thoughts and information, our bodies respond by trying to take action.

Our minds and bodies are interconnected, and the condition of one affects the condition of the other. This is why meditation is such a powerful tool for healing the body, as powerful as physical therapies. When our minds are cluttered with thoughts, information, and plans, our bodies respond by trying to take action. When the body has a clear directive from the mind, it knows what to do, but a cluttered, unfocused mind creates a confused, tense body. Our muscles tighten up, our breath shortens, and we find ourselves feeling constricted without necessarily knowing why.

When we sit down to meditate, we let our bodies know that it is okay to be still and rest. This is a clear directive from the mind, and the body knows exactly how to respond. Thus, at the very beginning, we have created a sense of clarity for the body and the mind. As we move deeper into meditation, the state of our mind reveals itself, and we have the opportunity to consciously decide to settle it. A meditation teacher pointed out that if you put a cow in a small pen, she acts up and pushes against the boundaries, whereas if you provide her with a large, open space, she will peacefully graze in one spot. In the same way, our thoughts settle down peacefully if we provide them with enough space, and our bodies follow suit.

When we settle down to examine and experience our consciousness, we discover that there are no hard, definable edges. It is a vast, open space in which our thoughts can come and go without making waves, as long as we let them by neither attaching to them nor repressing them. As we see our thoughts come and go, we begin to breathe deeper and more easily, finding that our body is more open to the breath as it relaxes along with the mind. In this way, the space we recognize through meditation creates space in our bodies, allowing for a feeling of lightness and rightness with the world.

Source: The Daily Om

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The blahs are back

I've been on a roll of blah days and I don't know why.  It just happens . . . everything is fine and you wake up one morning and it hits you in the face . . . the blahs.  Well, maybe I do know what got it going this time, but it has continued for way too many days.  


I'm struggling with an arm that was used like a pin cushion by the nurse at my doctor's office.  The result is black and blue knots on my arm that freak me out.  My hand still gets those stinging sensations from them trying to take blood out from my hand . . . unsuccessfully after several attempts.  It took two nurses to finally get one vial of blood out of me.  Torture is what it is.  


My guess is that the blahs crept in the night before my doctor's appointment with the anticipation of the struggle that always ensues when they need to take my blood.  It is a yearly ritual that I dread more than anything.  When I feel the blah feeling starting to take over, I really do try to be grateful that I am healthy and think of those people who are not as fortunate.


My schedule has changed and so far I've been unsuccessful at controlling my sleep routine . . . I am exhausted from not getting good sleep.  You don't realize how important getting good sleep is until you don't get it.


Watching the news doesn't help . . . and I'm a news junkie who can't stay away from watching too much of the cable news channels with nothing but depressing news.  I'm so sick of hearing about Casey Anthony . . . enough already!  I did manage to watch some old I Love Lucy episodes when I couldn't sleep that lifted my spirits a bit.


Today I received an email from my aunt who always seems to know when I need a specific message . . . it contained the following prayer.  I'll leave you with this . . . it is a keeper for those blah days!

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Wise words

The good of the whole must begin

 with the good of the individual.

You help the world when you help yourself.

Remember, we are all one, 

all waves in the same ocean, 

and one man's consciousness of abundance

 and well-being with its outer manifestation

 releases more light into the race 

consciousness for the benefit of all.

So start with yourself. 

(Jason Andrews)

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Honor the awesomeness

"I’d gone through life believing in the strength and competence of others; never in my own. Now, dazzled, I discovered that my capacities were real. It was like finding a fortune in the lining of an old coat."

-- Joan Mills

"People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success."

-- Norman Vincent Peale

"We cannot rise higher than our thought of ourselves."

-- Orison Swett Marden

Imagine that you are awesome just as you are . . . believe it . . . you are!  Free yourself from those chains that bind you . . . enjoy the freedom to become an even more awesome person.

Many of us have been or are guilty of beating ourselves up for not being good enough, not doing enough . . . blah blah blah.  Rather than focusing on what you are not doing right, switch the emphasis to all that you do that is a blessing to others . . . what you are doing right.

Norman Vincent Peale said it best in one of the featured quotes . . . believing in yourself is the first secret of success.  Have enough faith in yourself to know that you can do anything that you want to do!

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