Moving through the darkness

"We can take our inspiration from any fairy tale that finds its central character lost in a dark wood, frightened and alone. We know that the journey through the wood provides its own kind of beauty and richness. On the other side, we will emerge transformed, lighter and brighter, braver and more confident for having moved through that darkness.

This is just life’s way of taking us to a place we need to go for reasons that go deeper than our own ability to reason. These hard knocks and trials are designed to shed light on our unconscious workings and deepen our experience of reality."

Source:  Daily Om 

We are apparently living in lala land and these "hard knocks" are designed to deepen our experience of reality?  That was my thought after reading today's quotes from the Daily Om.

Actually, it all feels like the movie "Groundhog Day."  Seriously.

The theme of our year has been "readdressing old issues over and over again" . . . and it seems as if we are moving through the darkness, going in circles which lead to nowhere.

Very frustrating!

In the past week, we have had to deal with health problems, car problems, home repair problems persist and nothing has changed.  Oh please, I will spare you the details of these things that don't want to go away!

I'm having faith that all of these irritating life situations are building my character into a stronger, better person and I'll ultimately become fearless and worry-free . . . a contradiction of my own life.  It could be the lesson that the good Lord is blessing me with.  

We all run into all types of contradictions through the course of life's lessons.

read more

Dare to be powerful

When I dare to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

Audre Lorde

This quote says so much to me, who is a naturally fearful person and an intense worrier.

For one thing . . . what difference does it make how fearful we are or how worried we are about a particular situation?  It won't change the outcome, it just robs us of joy and happiness.  

What will be will be anyway!

I'm finally learning that strength is within us and never leaves us.  We just need to dare to reach in and grab it . . . use it!

read more

Picking Up The Pieces . . . Putting Them Away

Taking stock of our past can help us decide the next direction of our life’s journey. 

Contemplating how our decisions have created our present circumstances can bring clarity and self-understanding. We can then envision where the path we’re on today may lead us tomorrow.

A little self-reflection can give us the knowledge and confidence to follow a new direction or stay the current course. 

We can also fully absorb the blessings that have come to us and give thanks for what we’ve created.

Reflect on your life’s journey thus far and decide where you’d like to go next, and you can plan for a year filled with manifestations, personal growth, and happiness.

Source:  Daily OM

After much contemplation and self-reflection, I've taken a long journey through my mind of those days of picking up the pieces and putting them away after becoming a widow.

I knew I was already "Home" . . . I just had to rearrange my life and create an entirely new one for myself.

The path that led me to that place did not prepare me for those changes.  It felt like I was walking the fires of hell, not even thinking there was a path I needed to follow, just taking one moment at a time.  Sitting in a dark room as day turned into night was my indication of time passing, otherwise I would not have noticed.

I can relate to the lyrics of the, Home By The Sea by Genesis . . . so many lines are familiar! However, "picking up the pieces, putting them away" most comes to mind.  It is what happens when drastic life changes pop up when least expected.

The Captain and I have been through a lousy year or two . . . seems like we can't catch a break, but I know this too shall pass.  It just gets me down and discouraged at times.  Self-reflection takes me back to that place of real despair in my life, not knowing where that path is going to lead.  No longer do I walk that path alone.

Today I am feeling so blessed and grateful although I still have diminishing blahs . . . at least they are passing. I can feel it.  All is not hopeless, we have just experienced one bump in the life's road after another, primarily health issues, car and home repairs.  Things that make up a life!  We don't have to like them and some of us don't deal as well as others.  That is human nature!

Pictures of my life that roam around my thoughts have made me feel so blessed and grateful for all that I have today.

Home By The Sea | Genesis

Creeping up the blind side, shinning up the wall

Stealing through the dark of night

Climbing through a window, stepping to the floor

Checking to the left and the right

Picking up the pieces, putting them away

Something doesn't feel quite right

Help me someone, let me out of here

Then out of the dark was suddenly heard

Welcome to the Home by the Sea

Coming out the woodwork, through the open door

Pushing from above and below

Shadows without substance, in the shape of men

Round and down and sideways they go

Adrift without direction, eyes that hold despair

Then as one they sign and they moan

Help us someone, let us out of here

Living here so long undisturbed

Dreaming of the time we were free

So many years ago

Before the time when we first heard

Welcome to the Home by the Sea

Sit down, sit down

As we relive our lives in what we tell you

Images of sorrow, pictures of delight

Things that go to make up a life

Endless days of summer longer nights of gloom

Waiting for the morning light

Scenes of unimportance like photos in a frame

Things that go to make up a life

Help us someone, let us out of here

Living here so long undisturbed

Dreaming of the time we were free

So many years ago

Before the time when we first heard

Welcome to the Home by the Sea

Sit down, sit down

As we relive our lives in what we tell you

Let us relive our lives in what we tell you

Sit down sit down

Cause you won't get away

So with us you will stay

For the rest of your days. so sit down

As we relive our lives in what we tell you

Let us relive our lives in what we tell you

Songwriters: RUTHERFORD, MICHAEL/COLLINS, PHIL/BANKS, TONY

Home By The Sea lyrics © EMI Music Publishing

read more

All About Soul

"We live in a world that needs more soul, more meaning. We, as conscious beings, have, as our primary responsibility, at this time in human history, the task of bringing soul into the world, or releasing soul into the world. We do this, first of all, in ourselves and in our own personal world; then we do it in our groups - including family; then we do it in our society through our work, relationships and presence there."

 Andrew Schneider

"Joy that comes out of sorrow" . . . a line from Billy Joel's song All About Soul struck me as very odd and I'm trying to figure it out.

When I found the above quote, it made me think of that song.

As I read the quote again and again as I listen to the song, I realized that I'm a million miles away from everything.  I've momentarily lost my soul.

I'm just getting over some kind of vicious virus that did not want to go away and my tooth decided to give me a hard time again, so now I'm dealing with a swollen face and sinus problems.  Guess that all plays into the mix.  I'm tired of not feeling good for a long stretch of time.

It is irritating me that at a time when I should be continuing to search for the new meaning I've been looking for in my life, I have to deal with some kind of physical pain.  I'm usually stronger than this.  I want my "soul" back!  It feels dark and cold and out of control.

Joy that comes out of sorrow . . . maybe that is the lesson.

God has put me in this place and time . . . my hope and faith needs to carry me through the conclusion of this lesson as I continue my journey to attain the harmony  that comes from peace,love and happiness.

Aren't we all on that journey in one way or another?

read more

There is nothing love cannot face

There is nothing love cannot face; 

there is no limit to its faith, 

its hope, and its endurance.

St. Paul

I Corinthians 13:7

Those are some of the most beautiful words ever written
 from my favorite part of the bible. I don't read it often enough!

Have you ever lived these words?

Think about it . . . you know you have!

Have you ever loved another person so much that your love's endurance outlived the problems that persisted with lots of faith and hope to keep you going?

I often wonder why people stay in relationships that did not make them happy.  Perhaps living without that person they loved so much would be impossible.  Many move on to get past the little irritations that make them unhappy and end up with the greatest relationship they could ever dream of.

How about the single mom with the impossible child as she struggles with survival in this crazy world, all by herself?  That would take lots of hope and faith!

There are so many instances I could go on and on about that this quote from the greatest book ever written can be applied to.  Such simple words with so much meaning!

It all starts and ends with love.

read more

Why Not Now?

We can procrastinate for an endless list of excuses, but why not empower ourselves to change our lives for the better now.  It doesn't matter what it is! I've written about procrastination before . . . it is like a ball and chain to hold you back from doing anything and putting it off until "tomorrow" . . .

The Captain and I spoke of goals yesterday and how they are small steps, one at a time toward the goal that in itself can be overwhelming.

"If we ask ourselves what we are really waiting for, however, we discover that there is no truly compelling reason why we should put off the pursuit of the dreams that sustain us."

So . . . why not now?

The perceived notion of there being plenty of time for "whatever" can be deceiving since we are not promised tomorrow.

We decided that by simply moving stuff around in one room will add so much dimension to the activities we have been limited to.  Bringing functionality back to my craft desk that overlooks the garden will allow me to get back into designing jewelry that my hands have been itching to do and give myself a place of serenity where my creativity can go where it wants to go.  

That in itself is mentally healthy. Suppressing creativity and merely writing about it has not worked for me.  I want to write about projects that I am working on, not necessarily what someone else is working on, although I have been using it as motivation and inspiration to get it going again.

So . . . having said all that, I will attempt to demagnify my rear end away from the chair that sits in front of the computer . . . right now!


Quotes from Daily Om . . . this post inspired by an article entitled "Waiting for Someday" 

read more

Love will change us forever . . .

Another post that I'm transferring from an old blog that reminds me that some things don't change . . . I was thinking about how love has changed my life once again . . . and how some things haven't changed.  


Love will and does change us forever . . .  over and over again . . .  good and bad.


Originally posted on  March 4, 2007

How many of us have experienced something in our lives, good or bad, that changes us forever?


The past couple of days I have focused on becoming a widow/widower.

Anyway . . . I had to stop what I was doing and write this blog post. My inner sign that it is time for life's reflections . . . "therapy" time . . . and a visit with my Bloggerville buddies. One thing I have fondly realized is the difference the love and support I have received from my online friends has changed me forever. No longer do I feel alone in my struggle to move on and deal with the abrupt changes in my life . . . angels surround me.

Fate chooses whether these changes are happiness, drama or tragedy. We are somewhat responsible as we contribute to our fate . . . we don't walk out in front of a fast moving train unless we want to die . . . but ultimately, fate's changes are like a game of russian roulette.

Being an extremely spiritual person, I am ashamed to admit that I constantly ask "why me" . . . and go through the phase of being so angry at God that it is difficult to pray and be thankful for anything. That attitude doesn't help anyone and finally I am breaking through this "pity" phase. It is emotionally unhealthy and extremely unproductive.

It does not matter "why me" . . . it is what it is . . . "this is it from now on" . . . and I have had to deal with it.

Being angry at God will not bring my husband back.

It is not a soap opera . . . it is real life, as much as it sometimes sucks.

What I ultimately decided what to do with the tragic changes in my life is be grateful for what I do have, cherish the beautiful memories of the most wonderful marriage and unconditional love anyone could ever experience . . . for 22 years . . . and use those beautiful memories and lessons learned to create another beautiful time in my life.


Nothing will ever be the same again,
but I now see it as an exciting chapter
in my life that is yet to be written . . .

Back to present day . . .

And so I walked that lonely road that led me to love again and once again love has changed me forever in a different way.  One of the ironies of life . . . there is really nothing to fear . . . it is our destiny either way.

read more