When joy is gone

Joy is gone from our hearts; 
our dancing has turned to mourning.

Lamentations 5:15

I will banish from them the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, the sound of millstones and the light of the lamp.

Jeremiah 25:10

"When you've seen beyond yourself, then you may find, 

peace of mind is waiting there."

  

George Harrison

Joy lies dormant deep within me . . . it is there, I know it is.  A mysterious stranger did not creep in and steal it.  Life is delicate and confusing at times. 

When did the joy leave me?  Was there a moment in time that was particularly bothersome?  I don't know . . .

The stress of life itself can sometimes sap the joy of life out of us.  It can pile up so high that it buries you, making it seem impossible to get out and suffocates you to the point of giving up.  It is not always depression.  Sometimes it is just life!

Do you just ignore it and hope it will go away?   

NO!!!!!

Everyone has a method of finding joy in their lives . . . if you don't, you should. I start with surrounding myself with those things that make me happy . . . or have the potential of bringing a smile to my face.  The sparkle in my dog Kiki's eyes, her wagging tale and her sweet little smile can make a horrendous day tolerable and momentarily puts a smile on my face.  A favorite song can work miracles!

There are some days I just want to run away and hide from the world.  In many ways, I do.  The last thing I want to do is talk to someone on the phone or answer a knock on the door.  Being social is the very last thing on my mind.  For me, there is a great deal of peace in becoming a hermit until I crawl my way out of it.

I haven't written much in a while.  In a sense I have become a blogging hermit! What I forget is that blogging about these feelings and emotions are key to the solution and hopefully a blessing for someone else going through the same thing.  My journey is a quest for peace, love and happiness, however, the journey is never a smooth one.  

God gives us free will to choose the wrong fork in the road, but he also provides the strength and courage to get ourselves back into the world of peace, love and happiness.

The stress of life has bombarded me and my sensitive nature makes it difficult to deal with it effectively, although I keep trying!

This too shall pass and tomorrow may find me laughing out loud again . . . something I love to do.  I've heard that laughter provides a longer life.

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Opportunity

Sometimes opportunity doesn't knock,
it just taps lightly — listen.

An opportunity is defined as a situation in which it is possible for you to do something that you want to do.

Opportunity doesn't always knock, it all depends on luck, fate, and destiny.

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Shifting Roles in a Relationship

Many of us will go through this in

 the course of our relationships 

. . . it isn't always easy!

Throughout the course of a successful marriage or long-term commitment, the two people in the relationship may shift in and out of various roles. For example, one person in the couple may support the other person going back to school. In order to do this, he or she steps into a supporting role, setting aside certain goals or aspirations in order to provide a stable base from which his or her partner can launch in a new direction. There are many gifts of learning inherent in this role—from having the opportunity to embody a nurturing stance to feeling the pleasure of seeing a loved one thrive. When our partner expands his or her horizons, ours expand, too, and we gain access to a world that would otherwise remain closed to us. 

However, there is also much to be said for having a turn to be the one stepping outside the box, perhaps taking time to attend to our personal healing, spiritual pursuits, or other interests. In order to maintain balance within our relationships, it’s important that we address these issues each time one person steps into a supporting role so the other can try something new. When we are conscious about acknowledging that one person is bearing a bit more of a burden so that the other can grow, we stand a better chance of making sure the ebb and flow in the relationship remains fair and equal. 

The most important part of this process is open communication in which each person has a chance to express how they feel and come to an understanding about the roles they have agreed to play and when they expect them to shift. Each time a dynamic shift occurs, a ceremony of acknowledgment can lend an air of distinction to the moment. This can be a simple dinner date or an elaborate ritual, depending upon what works best for us at the time. Perhaps the most important thing is expressing gratitude to the person in the supporting role and encouragement to the person moving in a new direction. When the flow of feeling and communication is open, a healthy closeness develops that allows each person in the relationship to have a turn at each of these important roles. 

Source: The Daily Om

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Love Talk

A humorous way to look at 'love' . . .

"People use the word 'love' a lot of different ways. Take me, for instance. I am often heard saying that I love my mom and dad. I am also often heard saying that I love pizza. 

What am I saying when I say I love my mom and dad? 

I'm saying that I care about them. I'm saying that I love spending time with them and that I talk to them every chance I get. I'm saying that if they needed me, I would do every humanly possible to help them. I'm saying that I always want what's best for them. 

What am I saying when I say I love pizza? Am I saying that I care deeply about pizza? Am I saying that I have a relationship with pizza? Am I saying that if pizza had a problem, I would be there for the pizza?  Of course not. 

When I say I love pizza, I'm just saying that I enjoy eating pizza until I don't want any more pizza. Once I'm tired of the pizza, I don't care what happens to the rest of it. I'll throw it away. I'll feed it to the dog. I'll stick it in the back of the refrigerator. It doesn't matter to me anymore. 

These are two very different definitions of the word 'love'. It gets confusing when people start talking about love, and especially about loving you. 

Which way do these people love you? Do they want what is best for you, or do they just want you around because it is good for them, and they don't really care what happens to you? 

Next time someone looks deeply into your eyes and says 'I love you', look very deeply right back and say, 'Would that be pizza love, or the real thing?"

~ Mary Beth Bonacci ~

Source:  The Daily Love

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Sending cupid's love

What would Valentine’s Day be without that cute little character, Cupid, the winged boy armed with his bow and arrow?

Cupid with his bow and arrow signifies desires and emotions of love . . . when Cupid’s arrow hits those he aims for, they fall deeply in love.

Who is this boy anyway? Did you ever wonder where he came from?

Cupid, known as the Roman god of love and the counterpart of the Greek god Eros was the youngest of the gods, the offspring of Venus, the goddess of love, and Mars, the god of war. He was born with the attributes of his parents, love and war.

Cupid just happens to be a part of one of the great love stories from Classical Mythology . . . his own.

There once was a beautiful princess who was adored by everyone . . . her name was Psyche. The beautiful princess was so captivating that the people began to forget about Venus. The goddess of love grew very jealous of Psyche and plotted revenge against her . . . but what could she do?

She decided to send her son Cupid on a mission of deceipt, armed with his magical arrow . . . he was to make Psyche fall in love with the ugliest man ever.

However, Cupid was equally captivated and obsessed with her beauty! He was so overcome by his obsession that he dropped his magical arrow on his foot.

It was love at first sight for Cupid and the couple became lovers . . . but there was one condition . . . Psyche was forbidden to look at Cupid. Psyche’s human frailties consumed her and one night, as Cupid slept, she took a peek . . . and he quickly awoke and caught her looking at him. As quickly as he was taken by love, he was now consumed with the fear of his mother’s wrath and ran away.

After years of searching the world, Psyche, heartbroken and determined to find her lover was finally granted immortality by Jupiter.

They lived happily ever after . . . shouldn’t all lovers?

Happy Valentine’s Day

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Waiting for Someday

If today is the day you will take your destiny into your hands, you will soon discover that you hold the keys of fate.

The time we are blessed with is limited and tends to be used up all too quickly. How we utilize that time is consequently one of the most important decisions we make. Yet it is far too easy to put off until tomorrow what we are dreaming of today. The hectic pace of modern existence affords us an easy out; we shelve our aspirations so we can cope more effectively with the challenges of the present, ostensibly to have more time and leisure to realize our purpose in the future. Or we tell ourselves that we will chase our dreams someday once we have accomplished other lesser goals. In truth, it is our fear that keeps us from seeking fulfillment in the here and now—because we view failure as a possibility, our reasons for delaying our inevitable success seem sound and rational. If we ask ourselves what we are really waiting for, however, we discover that there is no truly compelling reason why we should put off the pursuit of the dreams that sustain us.

When regarded as a question, "Why not now?" drains us of our power to realize our ambitions. We are so concerned with the notion that we are somehow undeserving of happiness that we cannot see that there is much we can do in the present to begin courting it. Yet when we look decisively at our existence and state, "Why not now, indeed!" we are empowered to begin changing our lives this very moment. We procrastinate for many reasons, from a perceived lack of time to a legitimate lack of self-belief, but the truth of the matter is that there is no time like the present and no time but the present. Whatever we aim to accomplish, we will achieve it more quickly and with a greater degree of efficiency when we seize the day and make the most of the resources we have at our disposal presently.

All the joy, passion, and contentment you can envision can be yours right now, rather than in some far-flung point in time. You need only remind yourself that there is nothing standing between you and fulfillment. If you decide that today is the day you will take your destiny into your hands, you will soon discover that you hold the keys of fate. 

Source:  Daily Om

Procrastination is a subject I've written about often since it is what I consider one of my really bad traits.

After more time than I care to mention, I have finally reached "someday" and I can't explain how wonderful the feeling of accomplishment has been.

The best way I can describe how I approached the problem is to say that when I started thinking realistically about what I have been putting off until "someday" it made me feel so weak in character.  I hate weakness and had never seen my procrastination in this light.

As a result, I started approaching it in small bites, knowing when to stop before burning out.  The best thing for me is to know when to stop, take a break and check out the progress while relaxing, and allowing myself to feel the satisfaction of accomplishment.  My changed perspective has made a huge difference!

Is has been a month and I am still making incremental improvements every day.  Some days I work on it more than others.

I'm happy to say that I have not felt this "normal" in a very long time!

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About Needing Love

You will never know how much having love in your life means to you until you have lost it.  Losing it suddenly puts you in a "strange box" of shock and disbelief that is difficult to get out of, leaving you broken in a million pieces.  It left me feeling like such a freak of nature. At least that is how it was for me.  It didn't get better as time moved on, it just changed.

This morning I was thinking about what my world was like without love compared to now that I have found love.  Those thoughts took me back to a post I wrote many years ago that goes back to a transitional place in time between needing solitude and needing companionship and love.

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 2007

My quest to find love came two years after JR died. I needed love at the two year mark . . . like that broken window, I could see my blindness and it was like the light of my life was turned on again.

Although I was surrounded by friends anytime I wanted to be, I had locked myself into a dark room refusing to come out and live life. I will never cry that much in my life again . . . it was a living hell. I had turned cold, like a robot, not wanting to feel, not wanting to talk, not wanting to see the light . . . the darkness of my bedroom sitting in my comfy recliner with music playing was all I needed.

Sure, I went through the motions of being social and hanging out with friends . . . but sometimes it is worse to be lonely in a room full of people than being alone with your thoughts and the ability to cry when you want to if that is what you need to do. That is when I retreated back to my dark room, it is how I could cope and adjust to everything I was dealing with at the time. I lost many friends who gave up on me for being anti-social and judging me for not "getting over it" . . . were they really friends?

There is one thing that I have learned in life . . . people who have not walked in your shoes will never understand that dealing with a problem, it doesn't matter what it is . . . takes a different approach for different people and varying amounts of time. Who is the "be all to end all" that decided what those time limits are? For me . . . the answer is God . . . everything happens in God's time for his reasons.

First thing I did was put in a personals profile on an online dating service. I met and dated a professional guy who was very nice, financially secure, looking for a wife . . . wanted to settle down NOW. My life would have been set with this man . . . I was perfect for him. A professional guy needs a partner who loves to entertain, knows how to throw a party, mingle with people and cook for an army. After a month, he was making plans on selling my house so I could move in with him. WOW . . . he was moving fast. I was still building trust and friendship . . . and trying to find just a little spark of chemistry. In the end, I frustrated the hell out of that poor man, but it showed me that I was not ready for that type of relationship although I still needed love.

Then I became emotionally attached to someone on the other side of the world through the magic of Yahoo Messenger, web cams and telephones. The mistakes I have made with an online relationship was allowing myself to have feelings for someone who is so far away that they may as well live on the other side of midnight. The way it will work for me is to not have expectations since meeting someone online and getting to know them gradually is perfect for me. I'm still not ready for the traditional way of dating. I have "dated" three guys the traditional way and it does not work for me at this time.

What does love mean to me? 

One of my friends has a saying that I love so much . . . two hearts collide and melt into each other's soul . . . that is what love means to me. Being a part of another person, facing life together as partners, experiencing good times and bad supporting each other. Love means the end of loneliness, the end of fear of being alone, security, the sense of belonging and the awesome feeling of the caring and nurturing of another person.

JR's death taught me of importance of maintaining one's individuality at the time . . . I didn't do that with him . . . I was part of a couple . . . not Gina the individual who was JR's life partner.

Right now, I will admit that I am in a self-imposed sentimental prison . . . it is where I need to be to get past some other problems that need to be addressed. I'm not going out looking for someone to love, I'm not even going out casually to make new friends. It is not the right time for me.

These lyrics . . . "driving into town tired and depressed, like a flare the streetlight bursts an s.o.s., peace comes to my rescue and i don't know what it means . . . i need love" . . .

What is the peace that will come to my rescue? That is the answer to one of the biggest questions in my life . . . and I'll know what it is when I find it . . . when God delivers it to me in whatever form he wants.

Lyrics:I Need LoveSixpence None The Richer

i left my conscience like a crying child
locked the door behind me put the pain on file
broken like a window i see my blindness now

i need love
not some sentimental prison
i need god
not the political church
i need fire
to melt this frozen sea inside me
i need love

driving into town tired and depressed
like a flare the streetlight bursts an s.o.s.
peace comes to my rescue and i don't know what it means
i need love

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