Time in a Bottle

"Our emotions color our lives with varying palettes. Sometimes we feel a strong emotion in reaction to something that has happened, but emotions also visit us seemingly out of the blue, flooding us unexpectedly with joy or grief or melancholy. Like the weather, they come and go, influencing our mental state with their particular vibration. Sometimes a difficult emotion hangs around longer than we would like, and we begin to wonder when it will release its hold on us. This is often true of grief stemming from loss, for example, or lingering anger over a past event." 

Excerpt from How Long? by Madisyn Taylor of DailyOM.com

Grief has never released its hold on me and I don't think it ever will.  

The emotions started when my Nana died, who was more like a mother to me.  It has been decades and I am still haunted by the grief like it was yesterday.  JR's death devastated me.  I've since lost several best friends and close family members.  Each death deepens the emotional hold of grief on me.

It feels like my heart is holding time in a bottle.

The Christmas holidays somehow releases streams of emotion that I can't control.  On the other hand, the memories are so very treasured.  I fully allow myself to feel the emotion.

The emotional healing has yet to reach me.  

The featured article "How Long" discusses these feelings and emotional healing.  Check it out if you can relate.

read more

Today's failures, tomorrow's success

"Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find joy in overcoming obstacles."

(Helen Keller)

It is so easy for us to get caught up in obstacles that get in the way.  At least it is for me.  Forward motion turns into procrastination.  

One of the most difficult things for me is turning it back around, which sometimes turns into variations of depression.

The secret to overcoming obstacles . . . learn perseverance.  That is what I take from the awesome quote.

The thought process must be "just do it!"

Easier said than done . . .

read more

Allowing ourselves to be authentic

According to Wikipedia "authenticity is the degree to which an individual's actions are congruent with their beliefs and desires, despite external pressures."

There are times being true to ourselves can be like a juggling act in the balance of life.  Life doesn't always hand us the situations that coincide with our desires.  Solutions sometimes mean external pressures that throw the balance out of wack.

Dealing with the imbalance requires leading with your heart.  It often means making someone else happy, but it could be that another's happiness is part of the dream.

Compromise can be a tool to remaining authentic to ourselves.  I believe that we reap what we sow.

read more

Let me fall

"Let me fall if I must. 

The one I will become will catch me."

Baal Shem Tov

I love that quote!
Falling down has been a recurring theme on my blog since I have been through it so many times since JR passed away.  In my case, the one I will become is the part of me that picks myself back up after I have fallen down.  It is a rare occasion that I can catch myself before falling down.
I've reached the place where I embrace falling down since there is always a lesson in the experience. 
The experience itself is part of becoming the one I will become because of the lesson.
If I don't allow myself to fall down when life becomes difficult, the opportunity to analyze the situation and reassess my direction would not happen.  Healing would probably never happen.
Let me fall, but learn to analyze and pick myself back up quickly.

read more

Change a situation or change ourselves?

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, 

we are challenged to change ourselves."

Viktor Frankl

Don't you sometimes wish you had a magic wand to change the situation you find yourself in?  If only . . . it would be a great selling item on eBay for sure!

We moved back home after being away due to Hurricane Irma dropping a tree on our house and drastically changing our lives.  I couldn't believe my eyes when I first walked in to find mud that has been drying for a year everywhere.  Part of the ceiling is missing in the kitchen.  No matter how much trash we pick up, the piles don't seem to get smaller.

The situation is not going to change.  We are going to change the situation by taking one step at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time.  No matter how long it takes, we must carry on and persist in making our house a home again.  First we had to accept what happened and come up with a plan.

Yes, it is so depressing!  But when I feel myself starting to fall down and want to give up, I pray for strength and perseverance . . . and if I really need it, I rest in stillness to get myself together again.  Then I can pick myself up and carry on.

Things happen in life, but we can't allow those things to destroy us.

read more

Loss of a Pet

A house is certainly not a home without a dog.  I know this from a very painful experience.

After my sweet Betsy passed away, it took me years to adopt another dog.  It was the biggest mistake I ever made, but I only realized it when we adopted Kiki after the Captain and I got married.   

He recognized my love for dogs and convinced me to just visit the Humane Society in our area and at least get the feel for another dog.  It was love at first sight when I spotted Kiki in her cage being all sassy and spunky.  We adopted her immediately and it was one of the best things I have done for myself ever.

Although I will never forget my sweet Betsy and hold her in my heart forever, I feel so blessed to have found this sweet little bundle of joy I now have in my life.  Losing Betsy makes me cherish every minute I have with Kiki even more than I would have before.

I found this awesome poem and it brought on all these thoughts about losing a pet and it touched me so much.  Maybe it will be a comfort to anyone else who has lost a precious pet and feels that big hole in their heart.

Loss of a Pet

IF IT SHOULD BE

If it should be that I grow weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand,
Don't let your grief then stay your hand,
For this day, more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years,
What is to come can hold no fears,
You'd  not want me to suffer so,
The time has come - please let me go.

Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me till the end,
Hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see,
The kindness that you did for me.

Although my tail its last has waved,
from pain and suffering I've been saved,
Please do not grieve - it must be you,
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years;
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

-- Anonymous--

read more

Emotionally unsettled

My horoscope today from Daily Om . . . as usual, on target . . .


"You may feel emotionally unsettled today, which could cause you to struggle with feelings of frustration and instability. You may find it helpful to spend some time alone, working through your feelings and adopting a more balanced state of mind. Simply find a quiet place to be alone and get into a relaxed state. Release all worries and doubts, and focus on the calm serenity of your spiritual center. Once you feel calmer, you can begin to explore your emotions and determine what caused you to feel unbalanced today. You can then choose to embrace positive thoughts and keep the feelings of peace strong in your heart, which will result in more balance and stability with your emotions. 

We can lend a greater sense of balance and harmony to our lives by choosing to keep our thoughts positive and our emotions calm. Our emotions have the ability to affect our state of mind, which has an effect on every aspect of our lives. By choosing to consciously embrace more positive thoughts, we will feel empowered about working through any emotional upsets that may plague us. This helps us create a more balanced mind-set and an optimistic outlook, which will lend positive energy to our emotional state and create more harmony in every situation. We can then face any obstacles or upsets with a serene, stable focus and reduce the likelihood of becoming unbalanced again. By working through your emotions and embracing a harmonious state of mind today, you will automatically create more peace and stability in your life."

As I sat outside this morning, trying to find that quiet place and relaxed state of mind, it occurred to me that I have simply lost my patience.  

It has been almost a year since we were displaced from our home by Hurricane Irma and sometimes it is difficult to find even a glimmer of optimistic feelings.  One obstacle after another can wear the most positive person down.

I'm seriously homesick, just want to go home and put this awful phase of my life behind me.

The idea of patience being wisdom in waiting has totally escaped me and I need it back.  The advise of this morning's horoscope is awesome, but it really feels like a harmonious state of mind is an impossible dream at the moment.

My goal for today is to make an honest attempt to follow the advise and come up with the plan to do it.  I just had to put my feelings in writing today.

This too shall pass . . . I know it will.

read more