Solitude and Being A Hermit

 

I choose to be what so many people describe as being a "hermit."  For now, it is what is a comfortable lifestyle for me as I contemplate the rest of my life . . . again. 

It is important for me and necessary for my healing to write honestly about these past months without going into major details.  I also hope it will help just one person out there going through something.  That is what my blog is about. 

My heart has been broken.  I am grieving the loss of another husband and I've been judged by people who can neither understand nor validate my deepest thoughts, feelings, and concerns during one of the worse times of my life.  My body and soul has been numb and lost.

Lacking compassion for my feelings, they could not be gentle enough when I finally developed trust and honestly open up about everything, breaking something in me over and over again.  

My heart is tired and craves my alone time, the solitude that is my comfort zone from those who deem themselves "normal" and feel so compelled to judge me unfairly, not even trying to understand where I am in life and where I have come from emotionally, what I have been through.  I'm left with the uncomfortable feeling of being accused of having a "victim mentality" when they have no idea of who I am.  

All this has been life changing.

Yes, I now love my solitude and being a hermit.  There are a few people I allow myself to be close with.  These months have given me the time to contemplate what The Captain went through, where I have been and where I am going for the rest of my life.   I'm slowly healing, I can talk about it now and am confronting everything head on, getting stronger every day.  One day at a time, one second at a time.

Believe it or not, the solitude is beginning to make it possible to heal without the judging opinions of insensitive people.  The toxicity is no longer a part of my life, they are not a part of my life, and that makes me happy.  

It will affect the way I perceive those I think about letting into my life in the future.  This is the world we live in.  Insensitivity is no longer a rare thing.

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It’s so much easier, to learn to love what you have instead of yearning always for what you’re missing, or what you imagine you’re missing.

ANNA QUINDLEN

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Finding joy and being grateful

 

Finding joy, gentleness and calm in simple moments and pleasures is what I am dwelling on.  It is so important as it relates to a life attitude.

Just the fact that I have a roof over my head when so many in our society are living in their cars.  

It is not what I lack, the importance is in what I do have and being conscious and grateful for it. 

A joyous mindset goes a long way in healing. 

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Waves of Intense Emotions

 

They come and go when I least expect it.  But I let myself go through it, feel it and know I'm going to be ok.  It is normal.  The Lord is guiding me through this.

The triggers happen and I can't stop them nor do I want to stop them since I know I need to feel these emotions.

I just needed to verbalize it . . .

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All Talk, No Action

Words carry a lot of weight, but it is actions that bring things into being.

The time comes when we must admit to ourselves that what we say and what we do are not in alignment.  Constantly sweeping it under the rug doesn't get it done.

Depression and anxiety seems to steal desire and ultimately destroys motivation.

Does self-sabotage take dreams and ambitions and turn our words of desire around in our head to the point of action paralysis?

It is a vicious cycle that is difficult to manage and turn around.

Perhaps we use our words of desire entirely wrong and end up overwhelming ourselves.  It could be that we should change our words to align with reality.

Is it better to lose motivation and just give up?  NO!

Look at the situation differently?  YES!

Face the truth about the dream.  Maybe it should be broken down in smaller bites that can be easily attained instead of looking at it as a whole and ultimately become closer to bringing those words into reality.

It is all a mind game!

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The Agony of Frustration

 

Don't we all come up against bumps in the road that make our journey difficult?

Have you ever felt like screaming with frustration?

Being upset or annoyed because of the perceived inability to change or progress a situation or achieve something is really a waste of time.

Failure may look likely, but perhaps you have not yet actually been defeated.  A frustrated mind goes hand in hand with negativity. 

You may have faced a challenge in meeting goals you’ve set for yourself, accenting weak points you perceive yourself to have.  What changes do you have to make to reduce those frustrations?

Realize it is a natural human emotion that we’ll all feel at one time or another, although not a pleasant one.

If you feel yourself getting frustrated with a situation, don’t react immediately.  It is best to make a rational decision about how to move forward in a chilled mindset that is based on reality.  

Give yourself the time to calm down since a frazzled mind will most likely lead to undesired consequences and more frustration.

A frustrated person might appear upset, annoyed, or angry, raging against what might seem like an unfair or impossible situation.

Put your frustrations into well thought out words that will help you really  understand what’s going on inside your head.  Putting how you feel into words could possibly make it easier to make a rational decision.  Write about it.  

Ask yourself why the situation has caused these feelings of frustration and possibly trace it back to its roots.  Honest understanding is a key to a rational decision.  

Perhaps the way you’ve approached the frustration has not really been the best way to put a positive spin on the situation. 

Realize that there are things in life beyond our control . . .

Serenity Prayer 

God, grant me the Serenity

To accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can 

And wisdom to know the difference

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The Dark Path

 

Always keep the faith, no matter what . . .

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