In this phase of grief, the recollection of awesome times are helping me honor The Captain's place in my life. There are moments in time and then there are events that brought us so much fun and happiness. I will write about them and relive them all over again with a smile on my face. We had many good times!
We loved Busch Gardens and visited often since we had annual passes. They provided fabulous entertainment and among our favorites was Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits.
Peter was still doing the concert circuit after all these years. The Captain and I had the pleasure of attending one of his concerts and had a blast singing along to all those hits whose lyrics were still fresh in our minds. We weren't the only ones. Baby boomers surrounded us and we were all singing.
His voice is awesome as ever, with the same witty personality as Herman the teenage boy with the sweet face we knew back in the day. It was an excellent concert we never forgot . . . what a treat, we spoke of it often. Peter is a timeless entertainer who is very entertaining!
Just like any other grief phase, it is not a good idea to try to ignore the trigger day or the affects of it. One must go through and feel the grief stages in order to get through the healing process. The difficulty is not knowing where the next grief hit is going to come from . . . a song, a place, a passing thought, a smell, food . . . anything really. One thing is for sure, there are times that everything is a reminder and know that it may throw you into survival mode, even if it is an old loss as well as a fresh one.
There is one thing I do to cope with trigger days . . . write your loved one a letter. Just as with journaling, the spontaneity of the writing will conjure up thoughts and feelings you never addressed. Those thoughts and feelings get me through trigger days, as well as good memories that I make an attempt to dwell on instead of how awful I am feeling at the moment. The great memories on trigger days for me are treasured gifts and I look at it as a pleasant way to honor the loved one. That is so important.
It is not easy, but I have learned coping mechanisms through over 20 years of grief phases from losing my first husband. It never goes away, but as time goes on it becomes easier to manage and tolerate the emotions.
Today I am experiencing The Captain's birthday, the first since he passed away. This trigger day is fresh and so very painful, but I'm making the attempt to use the coping mechanisms I have learned to get through this awful day.
The clock continues to tick and the trigger days hit with regularity, bringing with them the emotional minefield. What is important is to know that you control how you react to the thoughts associated with the day.
The trigger days and grief itself became my new normal when my first husband died. Now my new normal is double the trigger days, grief associated with it and learning to emotionally deal with more positivity as time goes on. I'm learning how to celebrate the loved one's life and be grateful they were in my life at all.
In the past couple of days, I have been drawn to songs that remind me of the beginning of my relationship with The Captain. They brought up so many awesome memories that took me back to the time like it was yesterday. That is what I love so much about music, it takes you there.
In this phase of grief, I can say that I have found the joyful melody of life with The Captain, remembering the great times with a smile on my face. And just as fast as the smile appeared, so do the tears of a time in my life that is gone forever.
The next grief phase will hopefully focus on the great times and the memories with only smiles and less sorrow. I will listen to your song forever in my heart and the song will play softly, soothing my soul.
Cherish the music!
