Happiness is . . .

"Someone once asked me what I regarded as the three most important requirements for happiness. My answer was: "A feeling that you have been honest with yourself and those around you; a feeling that you have done the best you could both in your personal life and in your work; and the ability to love others."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

What a beautiful quote!

Of course there are many other aspects to happiness, but I agree they are the most important . . . except I would change the ability to love others to the ability to love and be loved.  It is #1 for me.

My #2 . . . Honesty with myself and others . . . in my opinion equates to total freedom.  Not being honest with yourself is not being true to yourself.  The harmony of knowing what it takes to make you happy by being honest with yourself is so important.

As far as NOT being honest with others . . . that is straight up being a fake person trying to be someone they are not.  In my opinion, it is way too much trouble to keep up with untruths.  A lie is a lie . . . 

My #3 . . . do the best you can do in all your endeavors and you will feel awesome about yourself.  Your best should be enough for you and those you love.  

If your best is not good enough for yourself, you need to evaluate your reality perspective.  In the case of relationships . . . who made them judge and jury of your best as not good enough?  Don't allow someone else to rob your happiness with unrealistic expectations!

What are your most important

 requirements for happiness?

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Our greatest glory

Life and death situations have always been the most difficult circumstance for me to deal with, although I have had to deal with those situations way too many times in my life.

The following post was written a short time after my mom had a heart attack.  Other than the time I found myself in the emergency room with my husband  before he died,  it was the scariest time of my life.

Even those of us who are plagued with depression, anxiety or phobias can find extraordinary faith, strength and courage in times of scary uncertainty.  It is a choice . . . at least that has been my experience.  The survival instinct kicks in for me . . . it is either that or completely fall apart.


I love this quote . . .


“A woman is like a tea bag:
 you cannot tell how strong she is
 until you put her in hot water.”  


Nancy Reagan

THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON JULY 15, 2008 ON AN OLDER BLOG THAT IS NO LONGER PUBLIC

This is going to sound very strange, but today I am so grateful for the blue funky depression week that I just experienced. Not that feeling funky is considered failure, but I consider it falling down and having to pick myself back up.

The gratefulness comes from the fact that I can get back up. The reasons for being very depressed are so normal . . . life changing events do that to us, finding a loved one teetering on the edge of life and death is a scary thing.

The strength that I possessed in the midst of my mom's health crisis is something else I am so grateful for. One moment we were talking on the phone making plans to spend the day together and discussing what we were gonna do and the next thing I know. . . she's being whisked away to the ER and quickly rushed to surgery. She had a heart attack and I didn't have time to panic, although I spoke to God the whole time I was rushing to get a bag packed and make myself look presentable. I didn't panic . . . it was a definite test that I passed with flying colors. And I drove through a thunder and lightning rainstorm across town to get there.

Although I've had a week of pondering the rest of my life and accessed everything that happened last week other than the obvious life and death situation and generally came undone . . . I never lost my faith, even though I felt I was in the pit of hell. Knowing that I would come out of it . . . knowing that I had to in order to survive. Faith is a beautiful thing . . . I know even more today after walking through another fire that everything is gonna be just fine . . . maybe better than ever. There is always hope that tomorrow will bring the day that makes me deliriously happy again as long as I am blessed with another day of life.

It was finally time to get out in the fresh air today and I got caught in a rain storm which was just what I needed. The feeling of running around in the rain as a child came rushing back to me and I found myself smiling as I walked to my van. Once again I did not panic . . . usually I do . . . deathly afraid of Florida lightning that kills people routinely in my part of the world, but it was just rain, but I didn't know it. I just headed out because I had to. Confronting my fears is definite progress . . . I didn't run away.

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Living in harmony

"Peace comes not from the absence of conflict,
but from the ability to cope with it."

Unknown Source

"Peace is not won by those who fiercely guard their
 differences, but by those who with open minds
 and hearts seek out connections."
Katherine Paterson 

 "Harmony makes small things grow,
 lack of it makes great things decay."

Sallust

Our human nature tends to gravitate towards controlling, 

managing and changing others.  

We are usually met with negative results since it is also

 human nature for people not to change unless they want to

 . . . some personality types will rebel against the change

even if they want to.

The reality is that a person cannot

 change anyone but themselves.  

Be the change . . . 
and the world around you will also change.

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Emotional Responses

Our emotions can lead to discovery of issues within ourselves that we may not be willing to face.  However, sweeping bad feelings "under the rug" and ignoring them will not make it better.  Quite the contrary, since they can grow and fester with disastrous consequences.

Bad situations can be opportunities to improve our relationships and learn how to handle our emotions more effectively.

By developing the process of exploring our reactions and emotions when we are upset by the words or actions of others, it becomes possible to develop a greater sense of security.  Understanding emotions makes it easier to deal with fears, bothersome issues and circumstances we encounter.

The result is healthier relationships with greater harmony.  

Being in touch with our emotions can also 

avoid a downward spiral into depression.

Live your life with greater harmony . . . 

explore your emotional responses honestly.

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Positive influences

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed." 

Carl Gustav Jong

In our everyday life we are surrounded by a variety of people. Some of the people we deal with on a daily basis are a joy to be with, and their loving presence nurtures and encourages us. Others may have the opposite effect, draining us of our energy, making us feel tired and exhausted. Our well-being can be easily influenced by those around us, and if we can keep this in mind, we will have greater insights into the quality of our social interactions and their energetic effect on us.

Once we think more deeply about the people we interact with, it becomes easier for us to work toward filling our lives with people who help us cultivate healthy and positive relationships. Even though it might not always seem like we have much control over who we are with, we do. The power to step back from toxicity lies within us. All we have to do is take a few moments to reflect on how another person makes you feel. Assessing the people we spend the most time with allows us to see if they add something constructive to, or subtract from, our lives. Should a friend sap our strength, for example, we can simply set the intention to tell them how we feel or simply spend less time with them.

We will find that the moment we are honest with ourselves about our own feelings, the more candid we can be with others about how they make us feel. While this may involve some drastic changes to our social life it can bring about a personal transformation that will truly empower us, since ! the decision to live our truth will infuse our lives with greater happiness.

When we surround ourselves with positive people, we clear away the negativity that exists around us and create more room to welcome nurturing energy. Doing this not only enriches our lives but also envelopes us in a supportive and healing space that fosters greater growth, understanding, and love of ourselves as well as those we care about. 

Daily Om

Tommy Rosen's philosophy . . . "If you want to develop as a person, it is helpful to be around other people who carry the consciousness you want to move toward.  When you identify these people, hang around them and catch the goodness they are putting out so that you can be uplifted and in turn pass it on." 

Our surroundings can influence us either positively or negatively.  I know that when I watch too much of my favorite cable television news channel, it can bring on a terrible feeling of hopelessness, resulting in uncontrollable restlessness that brings me down further as time goes on.  Changing the channel or turning off the television completely and enjoying the outdoors can immediately change the feeling.  It is knowing when to turn it off that works for me and prevents that sinking feeling from further intensifying.

Waking up to a messy kitchen in the morning immediately brings me down . . . the solution is making sure the kitchen is picked up before going to bed.  Sometimes it can be the smallest of things that can influence us positively or negatively.

The good news is that we can
 choose our surroundings ~ 

choose those with positive influences!

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Balance bad behavior

People who irritate us the most sometimes exhibit the same qualities we possess ourselves.  Perhaps it is the perfect opportunity for self-exploration and understanding ourselves on a deeper level in order to explore options of behavior modification and change those irritating traits.

However, we must be willing to change and become brutally honest with ourselves as it relates to bad behavior.

On the other hand, enhancing those positive behaviors we possess can influence another person to imitate the behavior . . . and it works the other way around.  Allow others in your life to influence you to be the best person you can be.

Checks and balances allow ourselves and those closest to us to continually improve ourselves and positively enhance our behavior modification awareness, ultimately improving those relationships through a willingness to change.

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Frying Pan Moments

Doesn't the image and
 the phrase itself conjure up
 all kinds of thoughts in your head?

We've all had those times when we have had the

 urge to literally whack someone with a frying pan.

One of my new favorite blogs, Friko's World goes into an aspect of "frying pan moments," telling the story of an occasional house guest that does a certain thing that irritates her.

It wasn't really her treasured frying pan that she pampers carefully, never using detergent on it . . . and one of her guests carelessly uses it . . . "isn't it just a frying pan?" is what probably goes through his head.  She found herself fretting over future visits . . . no doubt thinking, "oh the poor frying pan will be defiled!!!"

Her therapist now asks the question, 

"any frying pan moments?" 

during their sessions.

Before I go any further with this post, I want to urge you to treat yourself to Friko's blog . . . she is an AWESOME writer!  Check out her story!

Her "frying pan moment" deals with resentment.

Don't we all have varying types of these moments?

In my comment to her post, I mentioned my "frying pan moments" that have nothing to do with resentment, anger, violence . . . nothing like that . . . it is entirely different.  It inspired me to write this post to delve into the concept of "frying pan moments" . . .

My moments deal with a strange

type of fear . . . and maybe grief?

Regular readers of my blog know that I am a widow who has moved on with another love after many years of being suddenly single.

Those years were spent in my house like a hermit with my stuff.  Much of that stuff never got moved . . . it was to stay as it was when my husband was still here on this earth with me.  It is how I wanted it . . . couldn't even think of getting rid of his clothes . . . taking them out of the drawers and closets into boxes felt like such a betrayal to him.

Even insignificant items that I didn't care about before took on new meaning.  ALMOST EVERYTHING that surrounded me was special stuff, representing my former life that was gone, never to return.  Maybe subconsciously I thought if it wasn't moved, he would miraculously return.  

Who knows what goes through our thoughts or the rationale of it when dealing with sudden death and grief . . . faced with aloneness without your life partner.

Fast forward a few years later . . . an awesome online relationship that started on Twitter turned into something more.  It wasn't until we discussed meeting that I started to worry about all of JR's stuff and my attachment to "the way things were" . . . could I seriously move on with someone else?

It was an issue that I seriously struggled with.

My frying pan moments with The Captain teeter on the edge of hilarious.  Thank God this man has an awesome sense of humor and compassion for the loyalty I hold for my former husband and the "stuff" associated with my former life.

For Friko, it was resentment . . . for me, it was a fear of change, it was a cringing of anything being broken, misplaced . . . you get the idea.  I often wonder about the other perspective of being on the other side of a frying pan moment.

My biggest frying pan moments come with organizing and redecorating the house to reflect our new life together.  

It is sometimes like touching raw nerves . . . the feelings are not angry, resentful or anything like that.  Very strange and abnormal is what they are . . . I must say that I realize it!  It gets easier by the day, although the improvements have taken very small incremental changes.  The Captain is an awesome guy!

On the subject of another type of these moments . . . in my former life when I was an executive assistant, I worked for a married man who was a notorious ladies man.  His wife had what I would call the perfect example of a frying pan moment . . . she would stand away from the front door and whack him over the head when the drunk so-and-so walked in the door after being out cavorting all night long.  

Yes, he was worthy of that treatment, although harsh . . . I often wondered how she managed to not actually kill or seriously hurt him.  You would think he would have learned, but he didn't and continued to get whacked when he misbehaved.  They eventually divorced years later!  Surprise, surprise . . .

How about your "frying pan moments"?

Care to share?

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How do you show you care?

“Love is not only something you feel.
It is something you do.”

David Wilkerson

Every time there is a horrific tragedy that captures the national

 or worldwide stage, reported on 24/7, I can't help but think about
the following post I wrote back in 2007.

There are families whose loved one was lost forever and those
teetering on the edge of life.  Life is short.  Sometimes shorter
than we expect it to be.  We tend to think that we will be on
this earth forever.  We aren't.

Tragedies happen to someone else . . . 

isn't that what we think?

None of us is immune from tragedy . . . and death.

Now that I have found my "significant other" . . . again . . .
I catch myself worrying about this kind of stuff since
tragedy hit my life and it scares me to even think
about going through it again.

Rather than worry about something that hasn't happened,

I choose to be aware of how fragile life is . . . and how
beautiful and precious love shared with another is

and cherish that love for what it is . . . a gift from God.

In her book, ‘No Less Than Greatness,’ Mary Manin Morrissey speaks of a research study that explored how family members communicate with each other. Apparently, the most frequently spoken words between husbands, wives, sisters and brothers were “What’s on?” and “Move.”

She goes on to say, “We all desire great relationships but often settle for just getting by. Many of us have stopped questioning the fact that we may know fictitious TV families more intimately than we do our own.”


The most powerful force in our lives is our ability to love.

Indeed, it’s the most basic essence of who we are.

The whole idea of compassion is based on a
keen awareness of the other.
The whole purpose of life is to live by love.

Thomas Merton

Source: Higher Awareness

One of the most important messages I want to get across in my writing is to not wait until it is too late to realize how important someone you love is to you.

While telling them you love them is so important and the words “I love you” should be expressed sincerely and often, actions speak louder than words.

To my new readers . . . I am a widow who was happily married 22 years, never expecting to be single again . . . never wanting to be single again since my husband and I had a charmed life. We worked hard, partied hard and were so happy . . . although it was not perfect.  Nothing is perfect.

The tragic events of September 11 changed our lives. It horrified both of us and made us realize how fragile life is. We made a pact on 9/11/01 to never go to bed angry, always treat each “goodbye” as the last time we were to see each other and to find little ways of expressing love for each other.

It was the happiest year of our married life.

He died suddenly on 10/8/02.

Do you know how important of a gift that year was to me? 

 We had a great marriage, but the last year was awesome . . . the way it should be every day.

Remember my story the next time you say “goodbye” to someone you love.

How do you experience and express

your love for the people in your life?

P.S. I Love You My Captain

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The spirit of love

How important is it to be "right"?


When ego takes over in our relationships over something said or done by another person that we don't agree with, the focus turns from the spirit of love to the angry need to be right.


Of course it depends on the situation, but isn't it better to just let it go without debating the issue to the point that could lead to consequences that are far worse than just being right?


Human nature can confine us to a world of rigid rules as criteria for someone else without looking into our own actions or belief system first. There is also the choice of accepting the fact that they are "wrong" and simply choose to love them anyway . . . agree to disagree and live by the "Spirit of Love."


Love is more important than being right . . . at least that is my opinion.

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Faith and challenging times

Coping with bad times, whether it be challenges in the workplace, a personal relationship or financial difficulties requires faith to get through it. Faith in God, faith in yourself, faith in other people . . . it is so important to keep your head straight in order to make rational decisions.
Some decisions take greater leaps of faith than others.
We only have one life . . . live it with faith and optimism that what will be, will be . . . que sera sera. No matter what your spiritual belief is, there is a higher power in control. My belief is that everything in life happens for a reason.
The following poem, Footprints in the Sand, is one of my favorite sagas when reaching deep within myself for the strength and faith needed in times of uncertainty.

One night I dreamed I was walking along
the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that
during the low periods of my life, when I was
suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during the most
trying periods of my life there have only been
one set of footprints in the sand.

"Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

Love this one . . . it is for the one who
has put footprints on my heart!

"Be the kind of person you would like to be with.
Some people come into our lives,
make footprints on our hearts and we are never the same.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."

- Joseph F. Newton

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Life is best shared

The time we pass in the company of our loved ones is valuable because it affords us an opportunity to explore the range of closeness we share with the important people in our lives. As we move through life’s trials and triumphs together, we form the emotionally intense memories that act as the foundation for the bonds of friendship and love. Since we remain in contact and are able to reconnect regularly, we can realistically view our relationships as dynamic and able to evolve. We are thus more apt to make strong commitments and trust that the people we care about will be steadfastly loyal in their dealings with us. The camaraderie you feel today can open your mind to new worlds of closeness that are deeper and more profound than what you have experienced in the past.

Source: The Daily Om





Nothing is more beautiful!

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