The Blame Game

All blame is a waste of time.

No matter how much fault you find with another,

and regardless of how much you blame him,

it will not change you.

The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off

you when you are looking for external reasons to

explain your unhappiness or frustration.

You may succeed in making another feel guilty

about something by blaming him, but you won't

succeed in changing whatever it is about you

that is making you unhappy.

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer -

Life circumstances are frustrating at times and it is very easy to blame anything or anyone else. Having said that, external forces could initially be the root cause, however, as individuals, we can make changes to perpetuate the outcome that will ultimately make us happy.

Wayne Dyer's philosophies of life are awesome!

Expecting another person to make us happy when we are already unhappy is totally unfair to that other person. In the case of a new relationship, it is set up for failure before it begins.

In all the years I was single after becoming a widow, when I thought I was ready for companionship and a new relationship, the best advice I got was to love and accept myself first. Before delving into the concept, I took the advice negatively as the person not thinking I was worthy of love again.

Quite the contrary! Everyone is worthy of love. However, if we are not happy with who we are to begin with, entering into a new relationship can end up in a very frustrating experience.

It took me many years to get to know myself again, to know what I wanted out of the rest of my life and more importantly, what I wanted out of a new love relationship. Emotions can play tricks on the mind . . . however, depending on that other person to perpetuate your happiness and not finding it from within is not fair to your partner.

Love should be an enhancement
of each other's quality of life!

read more

A New Approach

Taking a Break from What You Are Doing

Sometimes we need to step back from what occupies our
minds and take a break much like touching the reset button.

We can get so wrapped up in our thoughts that we wind up going round in round in circles, finding it difficult to concentrate on things and, because we are so distracted, not really accomplishing much. There may be signals—mental, emotional, and physical—that tell us we need to slow down and relax. Since we are so involved in things that are external to us, however, we may easily overlook what is really going on inside of us. It is during these times that we need to step back from the things that occupy our minds and take time out to connect with our inner self, giving our minds, bodies, and spirits the time they need to reenergize and heal.

At first it may seem that by taking a break we may not be as productive as we would initially like. In reality, a healthy period of rest is something that gives us a real sense of the unlimited nature of our true potential. Spending a couple of minutes walking outside, doing a few yoga poses, meditating, or simply becoming attuned to the rising and falling of our breath enables us to let go of our worries. This act brings our focus back to the things that are truly essential for us, such as our sense of oneness with the universe and our inner peace and well-being. As we begin to get in touch with this part of ourselves, we will find that our usual everyday troubles and worries become less critical and that we not only have much more room in our lives to really reflect on the issues that mean the most to us, but we are also able bring to all the situations we encounter a much more positive and healthy outlook.

Giving ourselves respite from our daily concerns is like giving a gift to ourselves. By stepping away from the problems that seem to saturate our thoughts, we lessen the weight of our troubles and instead become more receptive to the wisdom and answers the universe has to offer us.

Source: Daily Om

One of the most difficult things for me is getting rid of emotional baggage. Sometimes I think my mind has played tricks on me and convinced me that this baggage is some kind of award to hold on to with great pride.

This article took me back to an episode of Seinfeld, which finds George disgusted at his life choices and he decides to take a different approach and do the opposite of what his intuition tells him to do.

Clearing the mind of worries and anxieties works for me at times since meditating on them just compounds the stress, making it impossible to think rationally from all the thoughts and "what if" scenarios. Ponderous thinking has to be shut down before it becomes a big ugly monster.

Music and nature hold healing properties for me in the context of chasing away the monster, but there is nothing like serious prayer and trusting God to get me back on track.

read more

My eyes have seen . . . contentment

Wikipedia defines it . . .

"Contentment is the experience of satisfaction
and being at ease in one's situation."

Since I started my grateful journal writing back in 1993 (when I was so very very grateful for being able to retire from a "real job" at a very young age), I have been through so many emotional ups and downs.

Even now, back in the "real job" world and not always loving it, I am content and comfortable in my new life. In the past I would have already run away. The difference is seeing the world & everything in it with "different eyes", and a new attitude of dealing with life circumstances head on.

It is all about living in the moment, finding joy and contentment in little things and when confronted with problems, look around . . . there are people out there whose life circumstances are extremely troubled.

The following post is from another blog that is now closed . . . I love to go back and see progress as it was happening.

Life as I see it now is a work in progress with incremental improvements, making sure to find peace, love, happiness, joy and contentment all along the way.

Simple pleasures are awesome!

To be blind is bad, but worse
is to have eyes and not see

Helen Keller

This post was originally
written March 23, 2009

Winter is definitely gone and the weather has been gorgeous. There is something about having the windows open that puts me in an awesome mood. After a rainy morning, the air is crisp and clean smelling . . . even being out in the rain was pleasant.

Diamond Lil and I spent the morning out running errands, stopping for coffee and lunch, and just enjoying spending time together. As we sat in the restaurant having lunch, I felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude that my mom and I can also be such good friends. We are both at a good place in life . . . maybe not financially, but in other ways that matter more than money and things.

On our way to the restaurant, we passed a laundromat . . . it was raining and there was a lady struggling with several baskets of clothes to wash, trying to hurry and get into the laundromat. Seeing her struggle took me back to the days when I lived in an apartment and had to tote baskets of clothes up and down the stairs and walk down the street to the laundromat . . . or load the car up and head out to the bigger laundromat on the main street . . . and spend all that time just waiting for the clothes to finish. Seeing that lady with the baskets of clothes made me so grateful for my washer and dryer that have their own place in my very own laundry room . . . something I take for granted since it has been so long since I dealt with the laundromat.

I'm grateful that everything is back to normal in my life and the feeling of contentment is with me again. I was just thinking that I don't take these good feelings for granted anymore . . . they are fully enjoyed and appreciated.

Today I had one of my favorite treats :) guava turnover with cheese . . . me bad, but it was worth it.

All days should be filled with so much contentment and simple pleasures.

read more

Who sets the standards you live by?

“If I get to pick what I want to do, then it's play...

if someone else tells me that I have to do it, then it's work.”

-- Patricia Nourot

Are you continually struggling to accomplish what is expected of you?

If so, stop to think for a moment: who holds those expectations?

Perhaps you’re trying to meet the expectations of a parent or a teacher or other authority figures who may be long gone from your life. But many of us toil under the critical eyes of a vague ‘somebody’ who always judges that we’ve never done enough or done things well enough.

Who is this phantom judge?

And do we need to care about what they think any longer?

We find both our own power and happiness

when we begin to set our own standards around

what has heart and meaning for us.

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see.

Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere.

But if you listen to the sound of your own voice,

you can rise above doubt and judgment.

And you can see forever.”

-- Nancy Lopez

As a child, that judge was my dad who ruled with an iron fist . . . strict and emotionally abusive. He set all the standards which constantly changed, making it impossible to attain the "ideal standard" . . . after constantly feeling the failure of attempting to conform to those standards, I became resentful and increasingly rebellious as I approached the age of becoming a young adult.

In the workplace, I set the standards . . . and often exceeded those standards. I set standards that were high, yet attainable . . . of course I would raise the bar as goals were met, but at least I let myself reach those goals before expecting more from myself. My dad taught me that lesson without realizing it.

My rebellious, resentful nature bought me the ticket of freedom . . . my dad kicked me out . . . his standards were still not being met and I didn't care since I was meeting my personal goals and had become successful enough in the workplace to live on my own.
I've always tried to be true to myself since then . . . and set my own standards, whether they are right or wrong . . . they are my mistakes to make.

read more

Peace . . . and revenge

Wanting to seek revenge against somebody hurts us as our energy is lowered to a lower form with these thoughts.

There can be times when we get so angry with someone that we find ourselves imagining ways to seek revenge for the hurt they’ve caused us. Remember, however, that the thoughts you’ve just had are energetic creations. In order to keep yourself from having to take part in the rebalancing of energy, it is important to release the person and the thoughts into the care of the universe with forgiveness.

Before we allow ourselves to invest our energy into negative thought or action, we can remind ourselves that everything has a purpose. We can then consider that perhaps the actions of the other person or people may have had nothing to do with us. If we don’t take their actions personally, it may be easier to release them.

Remembering that every interaction is an opportunity to make a better choice, we can take a deep breath before responding, allowing us just enough time to connect to center and make the choice to respond from our higher self. We can never know all the circumstances that may have led anyone to do anything.

By not passing judgment on anyone, and instead sending hope for their healing, we may create something positive out of a difficult situation. We can then release it, since dwelling on it can cause an energetic drain in our system, causing us to really only hurt ourselves. When we can release our hold on negative events and interactions, we leave it in the hands of a wise universe to work out the best solution for all involved.

In every moment we have a chance to make a choice to bring light into the world. When we bless others with the gift of our positive energy, instead of letting circumstances affect us negatively, we bring a little peace to the world every day.

Source: Daily Om

read more

Irreplaceable hours

Often we allow ourselves to be upset by
small things we should despise and forget.

We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding
 over grievances that, in a year's time, will
be  forgotten by us and by everybody.

No, let us devote our life to worthwhile
 actions and feelings, to great thoughts,
 real affections and enduring undertakings.

(Andre Maurois)

Yes, I have racked up my share of irreplaceable hours worrying about stupid stuff that is completely out of my hands even though I often ask for God's assistance . . .

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr--

For those of us who are spiritual and believe in God . . .
shouldn't we trust God and put our worries and fears in his capable hands? Human nature takes us to that wasteland of unnecessary emotions that never produces positive results . . . at least that is the way it works for me.

Why should I really care about the lady at work who does not like me for whatever reason? Isn't it her problem, not mine? Of course it is her problem! When I stop worrying about why she doesn't like me and focus on being happy despite her nastiness, I end up having an awesome day at the office. At the same time, I pray to God to give this miserable woman peace in her soul.

One of my biggest pet peeves is careless drivers and the fear of traffic . . . way out of my hands . . . but almost torturous at times. I'm often asked why I don't trust God and just enjoy the ride. Little by little, one day at a time . . . the way I think about the experience is changing and becoming more of a pleasant experience rather than a necessary evil.

All those "little stupid things" . . . I could go on and on, but that just wastes irreplaceable time. Instead of dwelling on those things, I am striving to "devote my life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings."

read more

A time for every purpose

To everything there is a season,

a time for every purpose under the sun,

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to lose and a time to seek,

a time to rend and a time to sew,

a time to keep silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

ecclesiastes 3:1-8

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

(Author Unknown)

read more

Moving through Darkness

I'm living proof of
moving through darkness
described in this article!

Often it takes something major to wake us up,
to shake us loose from our ego’s grip as it
struggles to maintain an illusion of control.

In life, most of us want things to go to the places we have envisioned ourselves going. We have plans and visions, some of them divinely inspired, that we want to see through to completion. We want to be happy, successful, and healthy, all of which are perfectly natural and perfectly human. So when life takes us to places we didn’t consciously want to go, we often feel as if something has gone wrong, or we must have made a mistake somewhere along the line, or any number of other disheartening possibilities. This is just life’s way of taking us to a place we need to go for reasons that go deeper than our own ability to reason. These hard knocks and trials are designed to shed light on our unconscious workings and deepen our experience of reality.

Often it takes something major to wake us up, to shake us loose from our ego’s grip as it struggles to maintain an illusion of control. It is loss of control more than anything else that humbles us and enables us to see the big picture. It reminds us that the key to the universe lies in what we do not know, and what we do know is a small fraction of the great mystery in which we live. This awareness softens and lightens us, as we release our resistance to what is. Another gift gleaned from going to these seemingly undesirable places is that, in our response to difficulty, we can see all the patterns and unresolved emotional baggage that stand in the way of our unconditional joyfulness. Joy exists within us independently of whether things go our way or not. And when we don’t feel it, we can trust that we will find it if we are willing to surrender to the situation, moving through it as we move through our difficult feelings.

We can take our inspiration from any fairy tale that finds its central character lost in a dark wood, frightened and alone. We know that the journey through the wood provides its own kind of beauty and richness. On the other side, we will emerge transformed, lighter and brighter, braver and more confident for having moved through that darkness.

Source: Daily Om

read more

Choices

"Life is as we have it.
With will power, we can change its course.
Life is a series of choices.
The thoughts that we have any time are own choices.
No one can enter into our mind and
make us think in a particular way.
Similarly, our feelings are our own choice.
Whether a person is depressed or happy is his choice.
After all, life is nothing but our own
thoughts, feelings and actions."


Be true to yourself in your life choices!

read more

Relationship glue

Demonstrations of affection are the glue that keeps the bonds between individuals who care for one another strong. 

Many people feel uncomfortable giving voice to their feelings or engaging in displays of warmth because they are afraid to risk appearing vulnerable or silly. 

Yet when we aren’t forthright about expressing our emotions, the people we love most may not understand the depth of our adoration and thus distance themselves from us. 

Clearly articulating your feelings for others links you, heart-to-heart, in a very intimate way. You’ll naturally occupy a place in each others’ thoughts when apart and be drawn together when opportunities to meet present themselves. 

When you give your affection freely today, your relationships will flourish.

Source: The Daily Om

read more

Life's reflection

Our life is often a reflection of what lies within.

When we feel stressed by something outside of us, our reactions
are usually a mirror of what is happening in our minds.

It is no different with our relationships—
whatever we do, say, or even think is a reaction
based on our own inner dialogue.

Integrating our worlds through meditation, however,
allows us to connect these seemingly disparate realities,
which will calm our minds and make it easier to see just
how our meditations can influence our actions.

Using the peace of mind you find during your contemplations
to help you with your interactions today will make
every aspect of your life more serene.

Source: Daily OM

Since I had one of the most awesome weekends ever and really dreaded going back to work this morning, I thought I would put this theory into action. My morning started as many other Monday mornings do . . . instant bad mood at the sound of the annoying alarm clock and knowing I had to get up and face yet another manic Monday to begin a new week.

The Captain mentioned not having the wonderful feeling of the weekend end, but rather take it into the week . . . and I remembered the above article and decided to put the "Magnificent Monday Mentality" into action.

Today was no different than any other Monday . . . but my attitude adjustment made all the difference between a good day and an annoying, stressful day.

I ended up having an awesome day, lifting up the rest of the usual "Manic Monday" crowd at work. Perhaps at first they were thinking that I should be perceived as a client rather than an employee, but in the end, my mantra of "today is a magnificent Monday" made them smile and resulted in a very pleasant day at the looney bin.

Meditations do influence our actions and

the way we perceive the world around us.

Tonight I am enjoying a very peaceful and serene Monday night, free of the usual dread of the work week ahead of me, and the stress carried over from the "Manic Monday".

Peace, love and happiness
can be found on a Monday :)

read more

If I Had Wings

Since my leg is not cooperating with me and I can barely walk, I've had lots of time in the past two days to read through my old blogs and journals and amaze myself with how far I've come through the journey of turbulence in my life that nearly destroyed me.

The following post is actually two older posts originally written during different times in 2007 . . . negative, yet positive.

Many of these older posts are from my personal journals, but I post them to help others who may be going through a rough time in life. It does get better if that is what you truly desire. You are the only one who can help yourself.

I finally have my wings . . .



Originally written on
December 12, 2007

If you give me wings,

then I know I could fly,

If you give me truth,

then I swear I won’t tell you no lies

I’ll cruise through the blue of your sky

I will be free


lyrics from the song
I Will Be Free ~ Sandrine

It started yesterday and has intensified today . . . these bad feelings.

The holidays get me down every year since JR has been gone. I refer to the holidays as the lonely season now . . . I could be in a room full of people and feel more alone than if I am alone with my memories. It is an empty existence in a time that is supposed to be festive with no one special to share it with, even though every year I promise myself it is the year that I will change my attitude. Like everything else, it is a mindset, but most of us have been so steeped in tradition and the way "things are supposed to be" that when they are not, we feel like less of a person for some reason. At least I do. I just know that for another year, I'll feel better when that ball drops on New Years Eve when the proverbial slate is clean and the holidays are over.

In this not so happy time for me, I needed to post something positive
that will perhaps lift my spirits and give myself an attitude adjustment.

Originally posted to my personal blog
on October 17, 2007

There must be something in the air . . . so many of my friends are feeling down. Sometimes we have to play little tricks with our minds to pick ourselves back up and keep going. It is easier said than done and sometimes my booty hurts from falling so many times that I feel I should just stay down . . . why bother I ask myself so many times before picking myself up again . . . because I know better.

Why bother? Because we are all worth it. Look in the mirror and see the beautiful person staring back at you. If you don't like the reflection looking back at you, do something to change it to where you love it.

Music is one of my tricks to pick myself back up. This song has been so much of an inspiration to me. It reminds me of the talks I have with God, trying to make deals with him if he makes this or that happen. lol We all know it doesn't work that way, but we can make the request, can't we?

"If you give me truth, then I swear I won't tell you no lies" . . . such profound lyrics that I interpret as being finding yourself and being true to yourself . . . to me, that is what it is all about. Anything else is selling yourself short and it is not about being selfish. It is giving yourself the permission to care for yourself as much as you care for everyone else who pulls you in every direction until you feel you are backed into a corner that you can't get out of.

While I've had this amazing change of positive vibes that has lasted longer than usual on this roller coaster ride of my life, out of nowhere came waves of enormous sadness. I cried my eyes out, feeling so lonely, missing my love so much and wanting him to come back to me . . . so I wrote about it in my love blog, played a sad song and allowed myself to cry, I asked God to please give me peace, I wrote my grateful journal, made myself a cup of hot raspberry tea after a hot shower, gave myself a facial, painted my nails . . . and the sad time passed before I went to sleep.

I'm finding my ways to get past those moments because I can't let them linger . . . they will take over and that is when I get to that place, having fallen down and not wanting to get back up. I have to, no one is going to do it for me. The longer I stay down, the more difficult it is to get up.

I sincerely hope that something I said this morning
helps someone make it through the day a little easier.


The game of life

It is the only one we have.

Make it count with

peace, love and happiness.


Get your wings and have a beautiful day!

Lyrics


please give me patience to learn

please give me bridges to burn

don’t ask a thing in return

my courage is gone



don’t put your weight on me now

I’m trying to stand strong

but I’ve lost it somehow

the eagerness to get around

my courage is gone



Lord there must be a way

to get through this day



If you give me wings

then I know I could fly

If you give me truth

then I swear I won’t tell you no lies

I’ll cruise through the blue of your sky

I will be free



my vision has been compromised

awaring of these crying eyes

I’m praying for some peace of mind

my courage is gone

you said that there would be a way

to get through this day



If you give me wings

then I know I could fly

If you give me truth

then I swear I won’t tell you no lies

I’ll cruise through the blue of your sky

I will be free



I’ll be hiding no more

from your love like before

I’ll be bold I’ll be brave

I’ll be strong I’ll be safe

If you show me the way



If you give me wings

then I know I could fly

If you give me truth

then I swear I won’t tell you no lies (2x)

I’ll cruise to the blue of your sky

I will be free



I will finally be free

read more

It's Always Something

It's always something

Roseanne Roseannadanna

(Gilda Radner's SNL character)

The following post is from one of my
older blogs that I'm still transferring to this one.

As I was going through some old posts to transfer over, it occurred to me that my life has come full circle . . . and it is a fabulous feeling of accomplishment.

At the time of originally writing this blog post, I was just starting to find myself again after locking myself in the house, never wanting to come out . . . just waiting to die. Little by little the desire to really live again started coming back.

I'm so grateful for the years of journaling and blogging that give me so much insight into myself, understanding where I've been and guide me to the path of my future.

By the way . . . "it's always something" never changes no matter where you are in your life. There is always some little irritation of life to make us grateful for that which is awesome . . . at least that is how I try to perceive "those little somethings" now. 

Originally posted October 8, 2007

Just another day in paradise . . . at least I'm feeling better than I did last night, but not well enough for a job interview . . . I should have known better than to even think about doing that today. My bills are covered and I just need to try to keep myself from drowning and feeling like a part of the human race. So that is my quest for today . . . to pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

For some reason this morning I was thinking about Gilda Radner's saying as the character on Saturday Night Live, Roseanne Roseannadanna, "It's Always Something."   Isn't it the truth? It is just how we handle that "something" that makes the difference. 

I've seen the changes in me from one year to the next in how I have handled this day . . . to me this is the biggest grief trigger day . . . the "death anniversary". Many of you who are walking in my shoes have mentioned the trigger days . . . and there are many. This is the big one for me.

In some ways I am still in a state of shock over the death of my husband, although I have addressed and readdressed the phase of "acceptance" . . . it is not just losing the most important person in your life . . . it is also the loss of a lifestyle . . . the loss of status quo . . . from that moment on, everything in my life was different . . . everything. 

Through time, little things would come up, almost on a daily basis for a while and it seemed like the constant thing on my mind was "it's always something . . . when will the nightmare end?"

Phases . . . I've been through more than a few. Although the nightmare has not ended for me, I can handle things so much better now. I've walked through that fire and have lived to tell the tale. It is not a manic tale anymore . . . it is life and crap we have to go through that we don't like. We all have our crosses to bear at one time or another. Not one of us will go through this life without a hardship or heartbreak of one kind or another. When I start to feeling bad about my life, I look around and see struggles around me that are much more intense than mine . . . and I'm grateful for what I have been blessed with.

read more