Meaning in life

Meaning doesn’t lie in things; meaning lies in us. 

When we attach a value to things that aren’t love and cannot love— the money, the car, the house—we’re loving things that can’t love us back.

We’re searching for meaning in the meaningless, and this will always cause pain.

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The Gift of Anger

You know the feeling. It's that rage you get when someone cuts you off on the highway; the one where you just want to floor it and flip the bird. Anger is a corrosive emotion that can run off with your mental and physical health. So do you hold it in? Or do you let it all hang out? Yet, anger doesn't dissipate just because you unleash it.

Here are a few articles and blog posts that can help you manage this raw emotion.

I Am Angry

A curious solution to pandemic anger: Justin Bieber and beginner’s mind


What Kind of Partner Do You Want to Be?
Did you promise your partner to love, honor, and resent?


Anger Is the Key
Anger, not love, makes the world go 'round.


The Primacy of Anger Problems
Anger is a primary emotion.


Aggressive Athletes: Out of Control and Unapologetic
Why do athletes lash out? And are they really sorry?


Anger Problems: What They Say about You
Do you see anger or resentment in the mirror?


What Your Anger May Be Hiding
Reflections on the most seductive—and addictive—of human emotions.




Managing Anger


When Negative Thoughts Invade
Repeat the mantra: Not helpful.


Why Getting Revenge Isn't Worth It
The best revenge is none at all.


Controlling Anger
How to keep anger from eroding your life.


Compassion--Can It Transcend Forgiveness?
Is compassion, finally, more crucial than forgiveness?


Anger Management Failures
Don't date someone you meet in anger management class.


The Lion Tamer
Steven Stosny defuses rage by teaching people how to connect.


Top 10 Tools to Avoid Ugly Arguments
Constructive arguments can be a pathway to growth.


Disarming Your Buttons: How Not to Get Provoked (Part 1 of 4)
Why your hot buttons essentially belong to your child self.



Are You Angry?


Anger and Catharsis: Myth, Metaphor or Reality?
Concluding that catharsis of anger can't be therapeutic is incorrect.


Attributional Biases and Violent Soccer Play
In defense of Lambert’s character.


Living with an Angry Partner
Don't become resentful or angry yourself.


You Can't Punch Your Way Out of Anger
You can’t let off steam with violence.


McEnroe: Serena's Outburst Was Fine
McEnroe approves of Serena Williams abusing official.


Friends Don't Pick Up On Anger
We often fail to detect concealed anger in close pals.


The Origin of Fighting
The adaptive use of aggression

Source: Psychology Today

The Gift of Anger
By Mastin Kipp

Oh this hot coal of anger
How it can burn to the core
Of anyone who touches it's surface
But this fire, this rage of fear
Is a friend in hiding
The light of anger, the blessing of it's heat
Is that it melts away all the frozen shadows
Of our past
And sets them free to fly into the
Light of our awareness
Anger is a compass pointing towards
The blocks that keep Love from us
When anger becomes your friend
Love is sure to follow
Meet all your blocks with understanding
And this hot coal will cease to burn you
And begin to warm the frozen parts of your soul
Here is the gift of anger's heat
To express a grief and find a blessing in disguise
To break your heart
And find out that this is the only way for it to be
Open

Source: Mastin Kipp and TDL on Twitter

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Tending the Emotions

In the midst of a breakdown,
it is important that we allow it to happen,
rather than fight it or try to shut down.

Most of us have had the experience of holding back our emotions for such a long period of time that when they finally come out, we have something resembling a breakdown. For a certain period of time, the overwhelming flood of feelings coursing through our bodies consumes us, and we stop functioning. Often, these outbursts take us by surprise, welling up within us as we drive to or from work, watch a movie, or engage in some otherwise mundane task. We may feel like we do not know what triggered us, or if we do know, it does not make sense of our overpowering emotional response. This is because we are releasing feelings that have accumulated over a long period of time, and whatever inspired the release was just a catalyst for a much larger, much needed catharsis.

When we find ourselves in the midst of such an experience, it is important that we allow it to happen, rather than fight it or try to shut down. Wherever we are, we can try to find a private, safe place in which to let our feelings out. If we can not access such a place immediately, we can promise to set aside some time for ourselves at our earliest possible convenience, perhaps taking a day off work. The important thing is that we need to give our emotional system some much-needed attention. It is essential that we allow ourselves to release the pent-up emotions inside ourselves so that they do not create imbalances in our bodies and minds.

When you are feeling better, make a plan to find a way to process your emotions more regularly. You can do this by employing a therapist or making a regular date to talk to a trusted friend. Journaling can also be a great way to acknowledge and release your emotions, as can certain forms of meditation. Making room in your life for tending your emotions on a regular basis will keep you healthy, balanced, and ready for life.

Source: Daily Om

My emotions are finally getting the attention
they have much needed for a very long time.

Life circumstances sometimes bring on that emotional breakdown that brings you to the point of no return and it happens . . . the volcano erupts.

All I can say is that I am most grateful for being blessed with the most awesome boyfriend ever . . . I don't know what would have happened had it not been for him standing by my side. After years of praying about it, I found that one person who will fiercely defend and support me.

Although it has made me very sad at the circumstances,
good will come out of it and in the end, many people will benefit.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I am standing up for myself and what I believe in. Readers of my blogs know that quality of life and being true to myself is one of the most important things in life for me. Helping others is also of utmost importance.

Please include me in your prayers!

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Patience, wisdom and perspective

"Patience child, patience. Remember, life is a journey. If you got everything you wanted all at once there'd be no point to living. Enjoy the ride, and in the end you'll see these "set backs" as giant leaps forward, only you couldn't see the bigger picture in the moment. Remain calm, all is within reach; all you have to do is show up everyday, stay true to your path and you will surely find the treasure you seek."

- Mastin Kipp

Perspective plays a large part
 of patience, or lack thereof.

Our internet provider has proven to be very frustrating.  Lately, internet service has been intermittent through the day and night.  My computer and the internet are very important to me . . . I pay for a service and expect to receive  the service without problems.  When it goes out, I become very impatient and start venting like a fool . . . my temper starts to go places it doesn't belong.

My perspective is off . . . rather than waste time being upset about something I can't control, I should just focus my attention to one of many other projects I have going on.  Wisdom comes in for me in knowing that my perspective is becoming unbalanced, out of whack . . . time to switch gears and do something else.

In relation to the quote . . . obviously I can't "enjoy the ride" of waiting for my internet service to work again, but I can take the opportunity to realize that there are other things I can do rather than becoming like a volcano ready to erupt which would be a much more enjoyable alternative.  

Without the overwhelming feeling of annoyance at the situation, the transition to just moving on to something else can be a good thing.

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Just wanna be happy

"So what if it hurts me? So what if I break down? So what if this world just throws me off the edge My feet run out of ground I gotta find my place I wanna hear my sound Don't care about all the pain in front of me Cause I'm just trying to be happy, yeah Just wanna be happy, yeah"
Lyrics from the song "Happy" by Leona Lewis

As I was writing a post on my music blog about the song "Happy" by Leona Lewis, the lyrics of the song inspired me to write this post.  
The song reminds me of the scary time in my life as I contemplated moving on with life and starting a meaningful relationship with the awesome guy I met online . . . The Captain.
In particular, the "what if" questions drove me crazy, especially what if he hurts me . . . what if it doesn't work out . . . blah blah blah . . .
The song makes an important point about taking chances in life . . . 

"I can't stand by the side And watch this life pass me by So unhappy But safe as could be"
Unhappy and safe . . . was that truly living life to the fullest?
It wasn't for me . . .
Long distance love worked for The Captain and I . . . it took a huge leap of faith and tons of patience for both of us.  In the posts of this blog, my life after the death of my husband depicts the raw emotions of life, the horrors of grief and the emptiness of a life without love.  I'm so happy and grateful I took a chance . . . it changed my life to all I ever wanted it to be . . . happy.
What if I had not taken the chance . . .

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Conscious direction into this moment

"Today, be aware of the power of your mind. Give it your focus and consciously direct it. It will run away on its own, of course, but your goal is simply to redirect it back to the ways you wish to think and be… Today, your goal is to pull yourself back into now, over and over, whenever you find your mind drifting to thoughts of the past or worries or daydreams of the future; come back into now, this very moment, and once here, focus on the most important things that you need to accomplish, do and be right now… Every moment of every day, bring yourself back into now, erase any feelings of victimization, fear or doubt, and come into a peaceful center, a place where you can fully shine and be. And in this place, consciously choose how to act." (Quado through Carrie Hart)

Maybe it is the heat of the humid Florida weather or it could be the calm after the storm of life circumstances that have come at me like a fast moving freight train.  I have run out of energy, my concentration levels and focus is all but gone and I just crave rest and relaxation.  Throw in a little anxiety and depression I'm attributing to guilt for all those things needing to be done that I have not been doing.  I'm straight up tired and absolutely cannot motivate myself to do anything!

We all have those times, don't we?

As I was cleaning out my email box today, I came across my featured quote for the day.  It got me thinking about what I need to accomplish at this very moment.  The conclusion I came to as I let my mind drift . . . I need to chill out . . . just flat out DO NOTHING, relax and let my mind continue to drift to those peaceful places it wants to go.

Honestly, our minds and bodies tell us what we need when we need it . . . we just have to listen.  Sometimes it is necessary to DO NOTHING, chill out and just be.  In my working days, they were called "mental health days" when I would call in sick and stay in bed all day.  It is like giving yourself a little vacation from everything that is bothering you.  

All of life's pesky little things will still be there waiting for you when you get back.  The difference is that you can deal with those things more effectively with a rested mind and body.

Go ahead . . . do nothing!

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Does procrastination hinder your life?

Life is Always Movement
By Sarah Ban Breathnach

Life doesn't ever calm down long enough for us to wait until tomorrow to start living the lives we deserve.

Life is always movement, always change, always unforeseen circumstances. There will always be something to grab your attention.

Let's just acknowledge that as far as real life is concerned, we are only one step away from dealing with dysfunction....Procrastination has robbed us of too many opportunities.

The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.

Whatever we are waiting for - peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance - it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.

About the Author: Sarah Ban Breathnach's work celebrates quiet joys, simple pleasures and everyday epiphanies. She is author of the New York Times bestsellers, Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy and Something More.

Visit her website at:www.simpleabundance.com

 "Telling someone who procrastinates to buy a weekly planner

 is like telling someone with chronic depression to just cheer up."

Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Psychology at De Paul University in Chicago 

Does procrastination hinder your life?  

It does mine . . . I am a classic procrastinator.  I've come to the conclusion that the root of my problem is simple rebellion that developed in my pre-teen years.  While I understand it, have come to terms with it, I still have not learned how to effectively deal with it.

Along with rebellion are unattainable perfection expectations for myself . . . having unreachable standards discourages me from even starting a task.  The task is put off until the "perfect plan" is in place.

With a little research, I came up with a overcoming procrastination scenario for myself that I hope will help . . . maybe it will help you too.

Just jump in and do it . . . 

Stop spending time planning and

 do the task you dread the most first 

Give yourself a short time limit and

 alternate the task with something you enjoy

Realize that perfection can never

 be attained . . . do your best

Focus on progress

Reward yourself along the

 way of progress

Turn on energetic music to keep

 you moving and motivated

Don't push yourself too far . . . 

realize this leads to boredom or

 frustration resulting in no progress

Are you also a procrastinator?

If you are . . .

How do you motivate yourself?

If you aren't . . .

What is your secret?

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Happy Memorial Day!

It is one of those days when I am extra 

grateful  for our military and their families.

Although it is also a day we get together with our families, 

fire up the BBQ grills and enjoy a day off of work, take some

time to remember what the holiday is all about.

It is not about honoring war, it is honoring those who

made the ultimate sacrifice in service to our country.  

Remember those who died in those conflicts and wars

 and the families they left behind.

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The light at the end of the tunnel

There is nothing in your life that cannot be overcome;

whatever the situation or problem, there is always a solution.

The Daily Om


Every day we receive news of natural disasters and tragedies.

Cities and towns in the United States are facing their darkest hours in the aftermath of tornadoes and floods that devastated their neighborhoods, leaving grateful survivors homeless with their personal possessions scattered for miles, mingled with the possessions of their neighbors . . . just piles of debris.  Some are left with the feeling of being lost as they search for missing loved ones, others left to deal with the grim news of the death of a loved one and the resulting grief.  Others may have witnessed a loved one lose their struggle for life in the midst of the tragedy.

The tragedies and resulting devastation unfold before our eyes on the 24/7 news channels.  They parade victims in front of the cameras to describe their dilemma.  While the news of the tragedy is important for the news channels to cover, so is the solution.  I don't remember seeing any reports of those victims overcoming the obstacles, rebuilding their lives.  The only reports I have ever seen of this kind have been about the victims of Hurricane Katrina and the rebuilding of the New Orleans area.  Stories of life-changing tragedies that have been overcome show us that there is always a solution . . . these people do rebuild their lives.  I'd love to hear the stories.

Human beings in general have a survival instinct to overcome obstacles and tragedies with time, persistence, faith . . . and with a little help from friends and family.  In these times, the belief that nothing is impossible is the most important thing to remember.

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

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Positive influences

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed." 

Carl Gustav Jong

In our everyday life we are surrounded by a variety of people. Some of the people we deal with on a daily basis are a joy to be with, and their loving presence nurtures and encourages us. Others may have the opposite effect, draining us of our energy, making us feel tired and exhausted. Our well-being can be easily influenced by those around us, and if we can keep this in mind, we will have greater insights into the quality of our social interactions and their energetic effect on us.

Once we think more deeply about the people we interact with, it becomes easier for us to work toward filling our lives with people who help us cultivate healthy and positive relationships. Even though it might not always seem like we have much control over who we are with, we do. The power to step back from toxicity lies within us. All we have to do is take a few moments to reflect on how another person makes you feel. Assessing the people we spend the most time with allows us to see if they add something constructive to, or subtract from, our lives. Should a friend sap our strength, for example, we can simply set the intention to tell them how we feel or simply spend less time with them.

We will find that the moment we are honest with ourselves about our own feelings, the more candid we can be with others about how they make us feel. While this may involve some drastic changes to our social life it can bring about a personal transformation that will truly empower us, since ! the decision to live our truth will infuse our lives with greater happiness.

When we surround ourselves with positive people, we clear away the negativity that exists around us and create more room to welcome nurturing energy. Doing this not only enriches our lives but also envelopes us in a supportive and healing space that fosters greater growth, understanding, and love of ourselves as well as those we care about. 

Daily Om

Tommy Rosen's philosophy . . . "If you want to develop as a person, it is helpful to be around other people who carry the consciousness you want to move toward.  When you identify these people, hang around them and catch the goodness they are putting out so that you can be uplifted and in turn pass it on." 

Our surroundings can influence us either positively or negatively.  I know that when I watch too much of my favorite cable television news channel, it can bring on a terrible feeling of hopelessness, resulting in uncontrollable restlessness that brings me down further as time goes on.  Changing the channel or turning off the television completely and enjoying the outdoors can immediately change the feeling.  It is knowing when to turn it off that works for me and prevents that sinking feeling from further intensifying.

Waking up to a messy kitchen in the morning immediately brings me down . . . the solution is making sure the kitchen is picked up before going to bed.  Sometimes it can be the smallest of things that can influence us positively or negatively.

The good news is that we can
 choose our surroundings ~ 

choose those with positive influences!

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Get out of your own way!

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

There have been way too many times in my life I've been my own worst enemy.

Negative thinking shadows me even though I make a conscious effort to think more positively.  Maybe it is in my genes or a learned thing from childhood.

Why do I expect to be disappointed all the time?  

So I won't be disappointed?

That doesn't make sense!!

Past experience contributes to the expectation of disappointment.

Unrealistic expectations are also a culprit, resulting in disappointment.

A childhood learned thing?

My dad never allowed me to feel achievement.  It happened all the time . . . before I'd reach a goal that he'd set, the bar would be raised.  It made me a perfectionist of sorts, expecting way too much from myself and others.

Seems like I've spent way too much of my life getting out of the shadows and into the sunshine.  Realizing it all is making it easier.  

Get to know yourself to realize why you react to life the way you do . . . it is the first step to getting out of your own way.

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Opportunity in the middle of difficulty

In the course of life, we are often taken through difficult life circumstances.  Sometimes it seems to be a roller coaster that never stops.

‎"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."

 Albert Einstein

The other day, I posted this quote on my Facebook page.  Some commented that finding opportunity in the midst of difficulty is hard.  My response was "I've seen so much difficulty in my life that I learned valuable lessons from . . . as a result I look for opportunity when confronted with difficulty."

There is another saying that I think about often . . . "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade."  Opportunity exists everywhere, you just have to keep an open mind and seek out the good from the difficulty.

When it comes to health issues . . . a serious issue can be a wake up call to change the way you conduct you life.  It could be the prelude to something even more serious.

There are warning signs everywhere . . . pay attention to them, they can be future life difficulties.  Use those signs as an opportunity to make the necessary changes in your life.

Have a beautiful day filled with peace, love and happiness :)

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