Sunday, March 31, 2024

Holiday Blues

Another trigger day, actually a double trigger day, JR's birthday.  This is the end of trigger days for a while thank God and I am already feeling better.  It is all a mindset.In the past, I loved holidays, they were so special.  Now they are memories of special days.  In my...
read more

Friday, March 29, 2024

Lacking Peace

 My latest grief stage has brought me far away from perfect peace.  It is getting better, but faith and trust have been difficult to attain.  The birthdays of two husbands who have passed away have been awful trigger days with Easter around the corner.This definition of peace is what...
read more

Monday, March 25, 2024

Love Stays

&nb...
read more

Sunday, March 24, 2024

Loud Silence

 It has been a weird time.  Yes, the silence is loud.  Sometimes it is hard to breathe.  I need to write and let this out, but I really don't know what to say.  I'm enjoying being alone in my silence, but it would be great if he was here with me.  Only him.  God knows...
read more

Friday, March 22, 2024

Worth It

 I HAVE NOTHING TO ...
read more

Thursday, March 21, 2024

Don't give up now

 But really, do I have a choice?I guess it was his birthday, a trigger day that started me on the roller coaster again.  Just when I was starting to feel better.I'm so tired of feeling better only to slip back into this funky phase of grief.  The good thing is I have writing about it...
read more

Wednesday, March 20, 2024

Love With No Place To Go

All that talk about positivity has gone out the window.  I find myself overthinking everything.  My happy, carefree attitude of taking one moment at a time has disappeared.  It is what grief is all about.  One must be ready for it to get through it quickly.  I'm trying!The trick...
read more

Saturday, March 16, 2024

Grief Angel

 This past week has been all over the place.As much as I try to stay positive, there are times that I just lose control.  It is simple, I miss him terribly.  This must be the "miss you" phase.My family to coming to town just in time.  I have been missing them too and it complicates...
read more

Just help

 What keeps me going . ....
read more

Friday, March 15, 2024

Heart Silently Screams

 My heart is silently screaming tod...
read more

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Remembering Good Times

 In this phase of grief, the recollection of awesome times are helping me honor The Captain's place in my life.  There are moments in time and then there are events that brought us so much fun and happiness.  I will write about them and relive them all over again with a smile on my face. ...
read more

Monday, March 11, 2024

Trigger Days

 Trigger days . . . holidays, birthdays, anniversaries of all kinds, etc. always add an extra sense of grief.  You never know how they are going to affect you until it does . . . they are sneaky like that.  They can also change from year to year.  Just like any other grief phase,...
read more

Sunday, March 10, 2024

Joyful Melody of Life

 I've started listening to music regularly as I did in "normal times."  Music has been a part of life since I was a little girl enjoying the radio being on day and night by my family.  Songs have meaning to me as far as lyrics and bringing back memories.  It is strange how a song...
read more

Riding the Roller Coaster

 I've been accepting the negative emotions today, facing them head on.  I'm not trying to ignore the bad feelings, I acknowledge them and ask myself why.  My responses go on a list so I can deal with them later.It has been one of the best two weeks since The Captain went into the hospital...
read more

Saturday, March 9, 2024

Back Some Day

  The Captain used to send me this song in his emails to me when we were in the long distance phase of our relationship. He would travel from North Carolina to Florida so we could spend time with each other to see for sure if what we had developed online worked in real life. Every time he visited,...
read more

Thursday, March 7, 2024

Living Alone and Being Lonely . . . Or Not?

There have been several times in my life that I've lived alone.  Twice more than 10 years each time.On the subject of living alone or being lonely, living alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely.  Of course there will be times when loneliness will get to anyone, but most of us have...
read more

Wednesday, March 6, 2024

Adversity

 "All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."Walt DisneyFor as long as I can remember, Walt Disney has been so inspirational to me. He went...
read more

Tuesday, March 5, 2024

Future Without Fear?

Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs. Life is wonderful if you know how to live it. SourceThere is a line in that quote . . . "Life is wonderful...
read more

Grief is schizophrenic

 When grief gets a grip on you, it will take on a life of its own that no matter how hard you try, is so difficult to get through.  One of the problems is that it is ever changing and when you think you have it figured out and under control . . . BOOM . . . it will grab your attention and...
read more

Monday, March 4, 2024

I was never ready for you to leave

 My normal grief feels like all of the above at the same time.It happened so fast.On that morning, I woke up and was startled to see the far away look in his eyes.  It seemed to me so strange that he was normal the night before, although I felt something was off for a few days.  One of...
read more

Sunday, March 3, 2024

Where magic lives

Wishes are shining deep down inside of you. Cause that, my friends, is where the magic lives. Jiminy CricketIt is that "anything is possible" mentality.It is positive thinking.It is having the determination to do whatever isnecessary to make your dreams come true.After going through...
read more

Labels

1960's 1970's 9-11 abuse abusive behavior acceptance accomplishment accomplishments acquaintances addiction adoration adversity affair affection afraid agoraphobia alive ambitions anger anticipation anxiety appreciation approval aspirations attitude attraction authenticity awareness bad behavior bad days bad times balance balance of life beginning behavior being alone beliefs believe in yourself Betsy bitterness blahs blame blessing blessings bliss boredom buddy burnout Buster calm challenges challenging times chances change changes cheating cheech and chong chemistry choices christmas cigarettes comfort zone commitment commitments communication companion compassion competitive drive confidence conflict confrontation confusion consequences consideration contemplation contentment control controversy coping coping with grief Corinthians13 courage creativity crossroads cujo cupid curse dad dating dealing with grief death deceit deception decision making defense mode denial depression desire desires destiny determination diet difficulties direction disagreements disappointment disappointments discipline dissappointment dogs doubt drama queen dream dreams eBay economy ego emotional abuse emotional baggage emotional boundaries emotional commitment emotional state emotional support emotions employment empowerment encouragement endurance escape expectations facing problems failure failures faith falling down family fantasy fate Fear fears feelings Florida flower children focus forbidden love forgiveness freaky feelings free love free will freedom friends friendship frustration frying pan moments fulfillment fun future gardening glass half full/half empty goals God good times grateful gratitude gried grief grief phases growth guidance guilt habits happiness happiness grief happy hard headed harmony hate heal healing health helpless hermit hippie culture hippies holidays home homeless honesty hope hopeless hopes hugs humiliation hurricane hurt identity imagination impatience improvement inner strength inner struggle innovation insecurity insensitivity inspiration intense love intentions intimacy intuition irritation isolation job job satisfaction John Lennon joy jr judgment Kiki kindness laughter lessons letting go lies life life balance life challenges life change life changes life circumstances life experiences life lessons life partner life retrospect life situations life struggles lifestyle living alone loneliness lonely long distance relationship loss loss of a pet loss of control lost love lovers luck lust magic managing anxiety Mark Nepo marriage medication Memorial Day memories mental health Mimi miracles mistakes moderation moments money motivation moving on natural disasters needs negative thoughts negativity new year Nolan normal nurturing obstacles office politics online dating online love online romance opinions opportunity optimism options overwhelm pace pain pandemic paranoia passion passionate past path patience peace peace of mind perception perfection perserverance persistence personal growth personal power perspective pet grief Petey pets physical abuse pity party planning plans plants pleasure politics positive attitude positive energy positive thinking positivity possibilities prayer pride priorities problems procrastination progress prosperity purpose quality of life quit smoking reaction reactions reality reasons regrets rejection relationship relationships relax relaxation resentment resolutions respect responsibility rest restlessness retirement retreat revenge risk risks Robin Williams romance romantic love routine run away running away sacrifice sadness safe sanctuary satisfaction scared searching self-acceptance self-awareness self-confidence self-control self-defeating behavior self-esteem self-help self-improvement self-loathing self-love self-pity self-sabotage self-talk self-worth senior treatment separation serendipity serenity setting goals settle sex sexual revolution simple abundance smoking social media society solitude sorrow soul soulmates stability standards state of mind strength stress strict rules strong struggle struggles stubborn subconscious feelings success suffering suicide support suppressed emotions survival surviving grief tears temper terrorism tests thankful Thanksgiving The Wedding Singer thinking thoughts time time travel tolerance toxic love toxic people toxic relationship tragedy transitions trigger day trigger days triggers trouble true calling trust truth unbalanced uncertainty unconditional love understanding unemployment unhappiness unresolved feelings valentines day value values valuing moments veterans day victim mentality victims vision vulnerability wants war Wayne Dyer weakness weather wedding anniversary what if widow Willie wisdom wishes withdrawal work work achievements work standards workaholic worries worry