Holiday Blues

Another trigger day, actually a double trigger day, JR's birthday.  This is the end of trigger days for a while thank God and I am already feeling better.  It is all a mindset.In the past, I loved holidays, they were so special.  Now they are memories of special days.  In my...

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Lacking Peace

 My latest grief stage has brought me far away from perfect peace.  It is getting better, but faith and trust have been difficult to attain.  The birthdays of two husbands who have passed away have been awful trigger days with Easter around the corner.This definition of peace is what...

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Love Stays

&nb...

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Loud Silence

 It has been a weird time.  Yes, the silence is loud.  Sometimes it is hard to breathe.  I need to write and let this out, but I really don't know what to say.  I'm enjoying being alone in my silence, but it would be great if he was here with me.  Only him.  God knows...

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Worth It

 I HAVE NOTHING TO ...

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Don't give up now

 But really, do I have a choice?I guess it was his birthday, a trigger day that started me on the roller coaster again.  Just when I was starting to feel better.I'm so tired of feeling better only to slip back into this funky phase of grief.  The good thing is I have writing about it...

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Love With No Place To Go

All that talk about positivity has gone out the window.  I find myself overthinking everything.  My happy, carefree attitude of taking one moment at a time has disappeared.  It is what grief is all about.  One must be ready for it to get through it quickly.  I'm trying!The trick...

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Grief Angel

 This past week has been all over the place.As much as I try to stay positive, there are times that I just lose control.  It is simple, I miss him terribly.  This must be the "miss you" phase.My family to coming to town just in time.  I have been missing them too and it complicates...

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Just help

 What keeps me going . ....

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Heart Silently Screams

 My heart is silently screaming tod...

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Remembering Good Times

 In this phase of grief, the recollection of awesome times are helping me honor The Captain's place in my life.  There are moments in time and then there are events that brought us so much fun and happiness.  I will write about them and relive them all over again with a smile on my face. ...

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Trigger Days

 Trigger days . . . holidays, birthdays, anniversaries of all kinds, etc. always add an extra sense of grief.  You never know how they are going to affect you until it does . . . they are sneaky like that.  They can also change from year to year.  Just like any other grief phase,...

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Joyful Melody of Life

 I've started listening to music regularly as I did in "normal times."  Music has been a part of life since I was a little girl enjoying the radio being on day and night by my family.  Songs have meaning to me as far as lyrics and bringing back memories.  It is strange how a song...

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Riding the Roller Coaster

 I've been accepting the negative emotions today, facing them head on.  I'm not trying to ignore the bad feelings, I acknowledge them and ask myself why.  My responses go on a list so I can deal with them later.It has been one of the best two weeks since The Captain went into the hospital...

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Back Some Day

  The Captain used to send me this song in his emails to me when we were in the long distance phase of our relationship. He would travel from North Carolina to Florida so we could spend time with each other to see for sure if what we had developed online worked in real life. Every time he visited,...

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Living Alone and Being Lonely . . . Or Not?

There have been several times in my life that I've lived alone.  Twice more than 10 years each time.On the subject of living alone or being lonely, living alone doesn't necessarily mean being lonely.  Of course there will be times when loneliness will get to anyone, but most of us have...

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Adversity

 "All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."Walt DisneyFor as long as I can remember, Walt Disney has been so inspirational to me. He went...

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Future Without Fear?

Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs. Life is wonderful if you know how to live it. SourceThere is a line in that quote . . . "Life is wonderful...

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Grief is schizophrenic

 When grief gets a grip on you, it will take on a life of its own that no matter how hard you try, is so difficult to get through.  One of the problems is that it is ever changing and when you think you have it figured out and under control . . . BOOM . . . it will grab your attention and...

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I was never ready for you to leave

 My normal grief feels like all of the above at the same time.It happened so fast.On that morning, I woke up and was startled to see the far away look in his eyes.  It seemed to me so strange that he was normal the night before, although I felt something was off for a few days.  One of...

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Where magic lives

Wishes are shining deep down inside of you. Cause that, my friends, is where the magic lives. Jiminy CricketIt is that "anything is possible" mentality.It is positive thinking.It is having the determination to do whatever isnecessary to make your dreams come true.After going through...

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