My normal grief feels like all of the above at the same time.
It happened so fast.
On that morning, I woke up and was startled to see the far away look in his eyes. It seemed to me so strange that he was normal the night before, although I felt something was off for a few days. One of my first thoughts was "I'm not ready for him to leave me." He was already gone, but it was months before he passed away.
Since that day, unbearable sadness has consumed me to the point of paralysis, not being able to do a thing at times. Being alone is what I have craved and I can sometimes only make it from one minute to the next without breaking out in uncontrollable tears. I thought I would never get through the phase of acceptance since I was not ready to lose him to begin with. Even though he was not healthy, I never thought he would die so young.
I had already experienced the tremendous grief from losing my first husband and I knew what agony I was about to face again.
Are we ever ready to lose someone we love?
My grief has thankfully entered a new phase and I am happy to say that I am actually experiencing "normal" days. It has taken me almost a year to accept that he had to leave, God was calling him. But I now find myself moving past acceptance and through all the other phases that change from one day to the next. But at least some days are good. I know as time moves on the good days will appear with regularity. It just takes time and lots of prayer.
